Someone came down the stairs. I recognized Hugo’s quick and heavy steps.
Brushing a stray tear away, I swallowed and focused solely on the TV.
Maybe he decided he needed an escape of his own. Probably not the bookstore. Probably another friend’s house.
When I didn’t hear the usual sound of the front door slamming closed, I turned toward the stairs. He stood there, his mouth in a thin line like he was debating what he should say next.
I opened my mouth to say something, ask if he was okay.
He exhaled. “What are you doing, Rey?”
I closed my mouth, brow furrowed in confusion. Glancing at the TV, I said, “Watching a—”
“No, I mean, what are you doing?” he said, louder this time.
I continued staring at him, around the living room, back at him. Was I missing something?
“What do you mean?” I asked meekly.
Had I done something else to mess up our relationship?
Hugo took a step closer. “I mean…if you like Wes that much…and he likes you too, then…just go after him.”
My mouth fell open. I shook my head. He couldn’t be saying—
“Seriously,” he said, interrupting swirling thoughts in my head. He came toward me. “Obviously you two are into each other. I kept thinking maybe it was a one-time thing, a girly crush you’ve always had on him. That it didn’t really mean anything. But the more I see you two, the way he looks at you, the way you look at him.” He shrugged and met my eyes. “I was wrong. I don’t want you two being miserable because of me.”
He paused, and I had no idea what to say.
Was I even hearing him right??
Hugo blew out a breath. “I’m not gonna lie. It’s still kind of weird, but I don’t want to be the reason two of my favorite people aren’t happy,” he finished quietly.
I could see how hard this was for him to say.
And I was pretty sure the tears were back full-force. For a completely different reason this time.
All I could do was stand up, run over to him, and give him the biggest hug I could. That’s exactly what I did.
He chuckled. “Okay, okay. Apparently, that needed to be said.”
I stood back and looked at him. “Are you sure? I mean, I don’t care. I don’t want to mess things up between you two anymore.” My lip trembled just thinking about it.
He gave me a smile. “You didn’t mess things up. I acted like a big baby over it. I forget sometimes that I’m supposed to be the big brother and act like an adult now. I guess it was just a shock, you know?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry, Hugo. I should have told you the truth. I guess I just…was scared.”
He put his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t be. I’m your brother. You should be able to tell me anything.”
My heart swelled about three sizes. “Really?” I managed.
“Wow, that sounded so cheesy,” he said with a laugh. I laughed too. “You know what, I was thinking about it. And I think this could actually be a good thing. At first, I was worried. Like just the thought of you two actually going out and then breaking up… Man, that would suck so bad. But you know, it makes sense that you two would end up together. The more I think about it, the more I realize you two are perfect for each other. Plus I can keep tabs on him,” he said with a mischievous grin.
I punched him lightly on the arm. “Hugo!”
“Just kidding, I know he’d never hurt you. That’s definitely a big pro about this. Just promise me no PDA and all that.”
I scoffed. “Of course not. That would be gross.”
Then I gave him another hug.
“Alright, alright. That’s enough for today,” he said. But then he squeezed me back. “I blame Dad for this. He turned us into a family of huggers.”
My mom’s voice had us pulling apart. “Aww, look at you two! This is so SWEET.” She whipped her iPhone out in a flash, pointing the camera right at us.
Hugo and I quit hugging just as fast and covered our faces. “Mom!” I yelled.
Hugo dove behind the couch. “Don’t post this on Facebook & Instagram like last time with the twins! You tagged me, and I still get flak for it!”
That had me giggling. My mom ran around the couch, still trying to get a picture. I made a run for it up the stairs. But not without one more look toward Hugo, who winked at me before making a run for it out the door.
How had I ever doubted Hugo?
Twenty-Eight
Harper wrapped her arms around me at lunch. “See, I knew Hugo would come around.”
Ella gave me a huge grin. “We are seriously so happy for you, Rey.”
Tori took a sip of her drink and said, “So what happens now?”
Lena nodded several times. “Yeah, what happens now? Are you gonna go after him or what?” She stared off into space in a typical Lena fashion. “I’m imagining a dramatic scene, where you go and find Wes wherever he’s run off to in an attempt to forget about you.” She raised her hands making the shape of the square like a movie director imagining how a camera will pan over a scene. “I see a road trip in the near future—and lots of snacks.” We all giggled and I rolled my eyes. “You’re going to find out his location, get there, and you will declare your love for him. Then you’ll kiss, of course. Happily ever after, yada yada yada. You guys get the gist.” She went back to her nachos.
The rest of us laughed, and I shook my head. “Definitely not!”
“Why?” Lena asked. Then she snorted. “May as well make it memorable.”
“No way,” I said. “I still don’t know exactly what I’m going to do.”
Tori turned to Lena. “Girl, you’ve been watching too many rom-coms again.” She turned to me next. “And what are you going to do? I mean, if your brother gave you the green light…” She glanced around at everyone, who nodded in agreement. “You should tell Wes how you feel, tell him you want this to happen.”
“Again,” Lena said with a wink.
Ella smiled. “You should totally go for it, Rey. You deserve to be happy.”
“I don’t know,” I said, biting my lip. “I’ve been thinking, and what if Wes doesn’t feel the same way. I mean, it was a pretty big fight he and my brother had.”
Harper looked at me. “Are they talking again?”
I shrugged. “I think. But Wes isn’t back from his mom’s. Not sure when he’ll be. I mean, maybe he just wants to lay low and keep things like they were now that my brother and him are on good terms again. At least, that’s what I would do.”
My stomach turned a little just remembering how upset I’d made Hugo. How devastated Wes had been.
Tori leaned toward me. “You can’t do what’s safe, though. Do what feels right. Take the risk.”
Lena nodded. “The worst that can happen is that Wes will say thanks, but no thanks, and then things will turn awkward…”
Lovely.
Ella smiled for a second. “I bet it will work out better than you expect.”
I sighed. “And if it doesn’t?”
Tori put her hand on top of mine. “Then things will go back to before. You guys can stay friends.”
“Yeah,” Lena said. “Really nerdy friends who are both obsessed with Harry Potter.”
Harper smiled. “If you ask me, that’s way better than what you guys had before.”
I considered that. She was right, but still…
“Just think about it,” she finished.
I thought about everything my friends had said.
I really did want to go after Wes, whatever that meant. I wasn’t sure face-to-face was my style, but I had ideas.
Going on with this unresolved tension between us was not my favorite thing, even if he wasn’t even here.
Hugo and Wes were back to being friends, although my brother had confessed that Wes wasn’t sure when he’d be back.
Meanwhile, I felt like I had to do something.
Now was the time to let him know where I stood in all this.
Hugo had done the same. He hadn’t told him that I was obviously still heartbroken over him, but he’d told him the same thing he’d told me. That it was okay for us to date if that’s what it came to. And that Wes was forgiven.
Apparently, though, it was something Wes didn’t really want to talk about, and it crushed me.
It had been bad enough that my own brother had been super upset with me, but now Wes? Was there any chance he still felt something for me or were we over for good?
I had to know. And the advantage of him not being home was that I could tell him how I felt and then he’d have time to really think about it.
Consider it.
If all he said that he was flattered and just wanted us to stay friends, great. I’d take that happily. But part of me had to know, had to tell him the truth and find out his truth.
My fingers ached to write him out a message during study hall. I was supposed to be studying for finals, which started tomorrow, but I couldn’t focus. Not yet.
Ella glanced at me from across our table, which was hardly visible underneath her piles of notes.
“Sorry,” I said, setting my phone down. She’d agreed to be my study buddy, and I wasn’t doing any studying at all. “I just keep thinking about Wes, and how I want to say something before it’s too late.”
She shrugged. “So say it. Then we can get back to studying.” She winked and pushed up her glasses. Her messy bun had wisps of hair falling over her face, but it only made her cheekbones stand out more.
The sound of someone coming in had both of us turning to the glass door leading to the hallway.
It was Jesse.
Ella immediately lit up, and Jesse gave her a wide grin. He had a basketball in his hand, his letterman jacket framing his tall figure. Jesse stood on the other side of the door, giving us a wave.
We waved back, and Ella blew him a kiss. I started giggling, which made the media center lady look up from wiping down books. She threw us a mean glare, and we pretended to study. I cleared my throat, glancing back up at Jesse.
He was still there, but he had taken a step back. He gave us one more wave then left.
I whispered to Ella. “I bet you’re excited, huh? Going off to your dream school with your dream guy.”
This weird dreamy look took over her face. “I’m looking forward to it for sure.”
I sighed. “I wish that was me.”
I didn’t realize I’d said it out loud until Ella responded. “You’ll figure things out, Rey. With Wes and college. I know you said you made your choice regarding school, but you know, that decision isn’t written in stone. You’re allowed to change your mind.” She locked her eyes on mine. “As many times as you want, until you find whatever makes you happy.” She went on. “And same with Wes. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. And if not, well, there’s a whole ocean of guys out there for you to meet next year.”
Yeah, but my heart was set on Wes. Graduation was in a week, and I didn’t want to leave without clearing the air between us.
I sighed. “You’re right.”
I picked up my phone, opened up my messages to Wes, and began typing. But right away, I realized that two thumbs and a tiny touch keyboard were not nearly enough for everything I needed to say.
Instead, I grabbed my backpack. I didn’t usually carry my laptop around with me, but I’d needed it to work on a paper earlier.
“What are you doing?” Ella asked, going back to her studying.
I looked at her, opening up my computer and then a blank document. “I’ll tell you when it’s done.”
Ella shuffled papers. “What about our study session?”
But I was already typing. “Um, I’ll study after this is done.”
Studying for finals was important. And I’d get to it. But I just had to pour these words out to Wes first.
Ten minutes later, I had read over all two hundred and thirty-five words twice and hit publish without letting myself think too much about it.
To the boy who’s had my heart since the day he moved in next door and ended up becoming my brother’s best friend…
I have no idea if you’ve read anything else on here, but this one’s for you.
Maybe you’ll decide you’re not interested in reading this post.
Maybe you’ll decide we’re better off as friends.
Maybe there will be a happy ending for us.
I don’t know. But that’s not as scary as never telling you how I feel about you.
No matter what happens next, I need you to know that:
- you’re the reason I believe in love at first sight
- kissing you in that bookstore? It felt like flying.
- do I still feel the same way about you? Without a doubt.
- I can’t decide which is my favorite: the feel of your lips on mine or how we read Sorceror’s Stone together and I got to see you turn into a legit Potterhead <3
- so yes, I want there to be an us.
- but no matter what happens, my #1 hope is that we can continue to be Potterheads together; I don’t care if it’s as friends. Being your friend is more than I could ask for.
- and more than anything, I want you to know that you make my breath hitch and my heart falter; being with you feels right, and being myself around you feels even better.
Sincerely, R
Before I could start self-doubting about the fact that I had just put everything out there ON THE INTERNET regarding my feelings to Wes, I hit the blue publish button and sent him the link on my phone.
Without waiting to see if the message turned to read, I closed the app and exhaled.
There, it was done.
Like my sporty friends liked to say, the ball was now in his court.
Twenty-Nine
A couple days later, the thoughts of self-doubt in my head were endless.
Had I shared too much?
Yes, yes I had.
Way too much.
I made my way down the hall, trying not to keel over in mortification at what Wes had to be going through.
No wonder he hadn’t come back. I had made things impossibly awkward between us.
Surely, he’d decided to move in with his mom instead, no matter how hard it would be. It would be ten times better than coming back and facing me.
Ugh, why hadn’t I just said, “Hey, can we just start over and be friends? Let’s just leave all that talk about feelings and kissing behind.”
That would have been so much easier than this.
What had I been thinking??
According to the #BFFs, I had done the right thing. Harper had practically fainted over my bed when she’d read my blog post to Wes. And everybody else had gushed about how romantic it all was, and they couldn’t wait for him to leave a comment or call me or text me or just show up out of nowhere or something.
I was pretty sure Lena had acted the whole scene out, with her as the fainting Rey and Tori/Wes catching me in her arms.
The only fainting I was going to do now was from embarrassment if I ever saw Wes again.
Talk about humiliating.
I mean, obviously he didn’t feel the same way.
I brought my journal to my forehead as the school cafeteria came into view, wishing I could take those words back.
But did I? Did I really?
I had no idea. I just hated this feeling like I had messed up again. Otherwise, why hadn’t he said anything? Just a simple let’s stay friends text from him would do.
A familiar sounding scream stopped me in my tracks.
I lowered my journal and spotted Lena with Tori, Harper, and Ella not far behind. She was waving her phone and yelling at me. “Rey! Rey! Look at your blog post! Look at it right now!”
I paused, her words not sinking in right away. “What?”
They came right over to me. Lena shoved her phone in my face. “So I signed up for comment notifications, just in case Wes had said anything, I’d be the first one to know.”
Tori rolled her ey
es, her hands on her hips, but smiled.
I’d been checking that blog post every day, but of course, Lena had been getting notifications about every single comment. Smart, actually.
She showed me the blog post on her phone, pointed to a single comment at the very bottom. A comment that had been posted less than five minutes ago.
It was a comment made by someone named @WaitingForBook2.
All he’d posted was a link.
I glanced up at my friends, at Lena. “Do you know what that is? Where does that link go?”
She exhaled. “It goes to a certain blog post. I didn’t really read it because, you know, it’s clearly written for you, but…it’s him,” she confirmed.
Oh my gosh.
I began pacing, bringing my free hand up to my hair. Was this really happening?
Ella came over. “Aren’t you dying to read it?”
I looked at her. “Yeah…but what if it’s like a rejection letter or something?”
Maybe that very public blog post hadn’t been a very good idea.
What had I been thinking?
The #BFFs eyed Lena, who shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t want to spoil anything, but if I were you, I’d just read it. I mean, hey, better to know than never find out, right?”
Harper nodded. “This is why you sent him that blog post in the first place. So you could find out what he thought about everything.”
Tori put her arm around me. “We’re right here with you, whatever that says.” She whispered in my ear, “But between you and me, my money’s on Wes saying he likes you…as more than a friend.”
Ella smiled. “Only one way to find out, though.”
Lena held up her phone. “Ready?”
The blog post by @WaitingForBook2 already had well over a hundred comments by the time I read it.
Apparently, Lena hadn’t been the only one stalking my blog in hopes of something new popping up.
I couldn’t go into the cafeteria and read the thing. Instead, I told Lena to send me the link and that I’d meet her and the rest of them in the cafeteria in a few minutes. She nodded, my phone dinging with her message a minute later. Then I found a bench outside.
#BreakingTheRules Page 14
