They fell into a companionable silence as Casey drove out to the gravel road and turned onto it.
“You seem like an old hand at this,” Ember said. “The car seats, the soothers...”
“Oh, that took forty-five minutes,” Casey said with a low laugh. “But I had no faith in my ability to do this quickly, so I started early.”
Ember chuckled. “You seem to just...roll with these things, though. It’s admirable.”
“Then I fake it well.” He shot her a rueful smile. “I’m pretty overwhelmed here. In fact, I considered not taking the babies to church at all today, but I don’t want to start that. I doubt it’ll get easier as they get bigger, so it’s probably better to just jump in.”
Ember smiled. He didn’t seem to realize that his attitude was rare. Not a lot of men would just launch themselves into childcare the way he had.
“What about you?” Casey pulled down the visor as he turned onto the highway and the morning sun glistened into their eyes.
“What about me?” she asked, adjusting her visor, too.
“Do you want kids one day?”
Ember sucked in a breath. She was asked this from time to time, and the answer was never easy.
“No,” she admitted. “I don’t.”
“Okay.” He nodded, then leaned back in his seat. “I get it. Not everybody wants kids. I always thought I’d be a dad, but after I was married. Not before! This took me by surprise.”
“I think babies are wonderful,” Ember said. “Don’t get me wrong there! I had a tough time after my mom died, and I had to grow up really fast. When I made that promise to God that if He helped me to get my education, I’d put all of myself into helping others with my career, I took that vow really seriously. I know that I could do that and have a family, but...” How could she explain this without saying too much?
“God doesn’t call us all to the same life,” Casey concluded.
“Yes, and maybe we aren’t all suited to the same things. I do feel called to help others through therapy. I know I can make a difference there.”
“I get it.”
“Most people tell me I’ll change my mind. But you know when you’ve stepped into stride with God’s will. You can feel it.”
“It isn’t anyone’s place to change your mind, Ember,” he said. “From what I know of you, you’re a woman who’s thought things through.”
“I have. I’ve been through a lot, but those experiences help me to understand what others are going through in their rough patches. My clients don’t need to feel as alone as I did.”
God was the God of second chances. But Ember didn’t see motherhood as something in the past—it was very much in the present. She would always be a mother, even if she couldn’t raise her son. But having more children felt like a betrayal to the son she gave away. What made them worthier of her time than he was? No, she’d had a child and she was a mother. But that was enough. The rest of her life would be spent in the service of other families—helping them stay together. With great mistakes came great penance.
The church was a half-hour drive from the ranch, and it sat on the crest of a hill in a pool of golden morning sunlight. The church property was squeezed between two fields, young green wheat rippling in the breeze on either side. It was beautiful, and from their vantage point, she could see the pickup trucks turning into the church property and parallel parking along the fence.
“I have to say,” Casey observed. “You have a gift for reassuring people. One conversation with you, and I felt a whole lot better.”
“That’s about as close as I’m going to get to you telling me you approve of my profession, isn’t it?” she asked with a low laugh.
“Yup.” But he shot her a grin. “You’re a good woman, Ember. I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you a bit...properly.”
They turned into the parking area in front of the church. Casey parallel parked next to another truck and turned off the engine. He sucked in a deep breath, then glanced over his shoulder at the babies.
“Am I crazy to think I can do this, Ember?” Casey asked softly.
“No, you’re daring,” she replied. “And there’s a difference.”
Casey smiled, then nodded. “All right, then. Here’s the plan. We each carry a baby, I’ll take the diaper bag and we see how we all fare through church.”
The next few minutes were spent getting the babies out of the truck and wrapped in blankets against the chilly morning air. People stopped to say hi and peek into the blankets to get a better look at the babies, so their progress to the church was relatively slow. When they finally got inside and got seated, Ember adjusted Will in her arms, then glanced over at Casey.
“I think you’ll be okay,” she said. “There are several women who would be more than happy to hold babies for you.”
“Yeah... I hadn’t thought of that, exactly,” he said.
“Mr. Vern said you’ve got a village,” she noted. “I’m inclined to agree.”
“It might take a village,” Casey said, and for a moment his gaze warmed and enveloped her. “But we three guys here need more than a village. We need a mom in the family.”
Her heart clenched in her chest, and for just a moment, she had an image in her mind of what it might be like to be that mom. A handsome husband, two adorable boys, living out in the Montana wilds... But she pushed it back. No, that wasn’t for her—he hadn’t even hinted at that! He needed a wife and a mom for these boys, and he’d find a woman worthy of them all.
To save her from answering, a lady at the front began to play the first chords of a hymn, and everyone started to settle and put their attention into the service that was about to begin. A family... That thought tugged at a part of her that she’d thought was dormant. She didn’t want to be the mother to other children. She didn’t deserve it...so why was she feeling that yearning when she looked over at Casey and the babies?
Lord, provide Casey with the wife he wants so badly, she prayed silently. And don’t let me want what isn’t for me...
It couldn’t be her, but that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve someone really wonderful. So did Will and Wyatt. They all deserved a woman far less broken than she was.
The service went smoothly enough. The babies slept through most of it, waking up for bottles once. Sitting in that pew next to Ember was an oddly endearing experience. She was petite next to him. Her personality made her seem bigger than she was, and looking down at her, watching her smooth one ivory hand over Will’s downy head, he’d felt his heart swell. She was beautiful and gentle, and while she seemed to try to hold herself back somehow with the babies, there were moments like that one in church when he could see the tenderness in her gentle touch. But she’d made it clear that she didn’t want to be a mom.
What should that little detail even matter? She was a Reed come to buy the ranch out from under him, but in a little country church with babies in their arms, those facts felt cloudy and distant. He’d convinced himself that his trip to church would be more of his promised tour of the area, not a quiet moment as the sermon washed over them, her shoulder pressed warmly up against his as the babies slumbered in their arms.
The pastor spoke about new beginnings. He and his wife were moving on to a new church shortly, and there would be a proper farewell service midweek. Today, however, they’d have a big potluck in the church basement, and everyone would have a chance to say how much they appreciated this pastoral family.
Except when the service ended and Casey turned his phone back on, there was a text waiting for him from Bert. There was a new calf to be bottle-fed that had been rejected by its mother. Casey would have to go over to make the final call on whether or not the calf would need a vet. A ranch didn’t stop running on Sundays, and Casey couldn’t leave all the work to the remaining workers. Bert said his wife had a respite worker with her elderly mother at the moment, a
nd she could watch the babies for a few minutes if Casey would just say the word, so Casey answered the text in the affirmative, grateful for the offer.
“Ember, I’ve got to head back. There’s a calf that needs tending. Bert’s wife can stay with the babies for a few minutes. Did you...want to come with me and see the barn? Or stay longer here at church? Should be a good potluck...”
“I’ll come,” she said, and he felt a funny wave of comfort at those words. He shouldn’t be getting attached—she was certainly not a permanent fixture in his life. If anything, she’d be the one to push him out of this little church he loved so well and into another county with another ranch to be managed.
And yet having her at his side was strangely comforting. He’d need to get his head on straight with that.
The sky was overcast as they stepped outside. Two hours had made all the difference, and now the day looked gray and chilly. The cloud cover hung low, and Casey was confident they’d have rain before the day was through. Good. The land needed it. There were vast fields of crops and pasture depending on spring showers, and he’d never been one to be depressed by rain. Rain meant farming success, and the promise of a downpour always cheered him right up.
They got the babies back into their car seats and within a few minutes they were heading down the highway again, back toward the ranch.
“Does Mr. Vern normally attend that church?” Ember asked.
“Yeah, normally,” he said. “He must be wanting some time to himself, what with all the hard stuff with Linda lately.”
“He came back late last night. It was past midnight.” She looked out the window, and her face was shielded from his view. “I was already in bed, but I wasn’t sleeping. I think he wanted to be alone anyway. He made it pretty clear before that he didn’t want to talk about it.”
“It’s a tough time for him,” Casey said.
“I know.” She glanced back and cast him a small smile. “And not every man likes to talk. That’s okay. I can slide into work mode pretty easily, and I don’t take it personally. It’s the therapist in me that wants to help. That’s all.”
Work mode. Yesterday, that talk they’d had that had made him feel so much better about raising two boys on his own had felt more personal. She had her own pain, too, and she’d been opening up to him little by little. It didn’t feel like a professional divide between them. But maybe that was just him not used to therapists and the like. This mess of feelings—that was all part of the job for her.
“So how do you separate that out?” he asked. “The work mode versus, I don’t know, like, real human connections.”
“When I’m working, people come to me for my unbiased perspective,” she replied.
“Like I did,” he clarified.
“I suppose.”
“And when it’s more personal?” He glanced over at her, and he realized he cared about this answer a whole lot.
“They want my bias,” she said with a small smile, and he couldn’t help but smile back.
“Okay.” Casey turned onto the road leading up to the barn. Professional—that was what this was, and he had to remember that. Even if having this woman so close the last couple of days was starting to make those lines feel blurred. It was the childcare—that was the great equalizer, it seemed. Add to that, she was beautiful in the most disarming way...
Casey stopped at his house, where Bert’s wife, Fiona, was already waiting. She happily took over with the boys and waved Casey back out of the house.
“The sooner you sort things out, the sooner you’ll be back,” she said with a good-natured smile. “Don’t worry about me. I’m happy to snuggle some babies.”
Casey got back into the truck where Ember was waiting, and the gravel crunched under his tires as he turned again out onto the road that led down toward the cow barn.
“I haven’t given you a tour of the cow barn yet,” Casey said as he steered around a pothole and stepped on the gas.
“That’s true...” She glanced over at him. “Not that it will matter much for my purposes.”
Casey was silent for a moment, but something had occurred to him...something he could choose to conceal. That would be more convenient for his own goals. Still, he’d promised honesty. “There might be some better-preserved records in Cascade County,” he said. “I knew a guy who was researching his ancestry, and he found some information that way. No promise that they’ll have what you’re looking for, but it’s something.”
She brightened. “Thanks, Casey. I’ll try that tomorrow morning. I can send some emails and make a few calls. Sunday should be rest...technically.”
“Yeah, not for a cowboy.” He shot her a smile.
“What happened with the calf?” she asked after a beat of silence.
“I’m not sure. We’ve got an orphaned calf is all I know.”
She was more relaxed out here in the truck, away from everyone else. She seemed different alone with him, and he wondered if she shared his affinity for quiet and for the fresh afternoon air coming in through the partially opened window. Was it petty of him to hope that her search in Cascade would end up in his favor? He was supposed to be on the side of truth, not just on his own side.
They drove in silence the rest of the way, and Casey pulled to a stop outside the barn then put the truck into Park. They both got out, and Casey glanced up at the sky. A chilly wind was blowing, and the clouds were moving at a pretty good rate overhead. Maybe that rain would come faster than he’d thought.
“So this barn was built about twelve years ago,” Casey said as he came around the truck and met her on the other side. “The original barn that was in this location was storm damaged from a particularly nasty winter, and Mr. Vern took the opportunity to completely replace it that summer. It was pretty costly, but it was going to be worth it in the long run.”
Ember looked at the barn, then around herself at the surrounding land. There was more he could tell her, but he decided against it. She wasn’t interested in cow barns, and he knew it. She wanted to find her connection to her own family history, and a barn wasn’t part of that. Besides, they were here for a calf.
“Let’s head in,” he said.
He matched his pace to Ember’s, slowing down a bit as they headed toward the barn. She was little compared to him, and that floral scent from the truck still whispered close by. He pulled open the barn door and she stepped in ahead of him.
The long, low barn was the place where sick cattle came to be treated or separated from the herd for whatever reason. This was also the makeshift nursery for motherless calves. Casey led the way past an aisle of supplies neatly stacked on shelves, and down to a section of stalls that were set aside for the calves. The ranch hand Greg Stein was crouched in the nearest stall next to a tiny calf covered in a blanket.
“Hey, Mr. Courtright,” Greg said, rising to his feet. “I found it in the south field—the mother had twins and abandoned this one. We tried to reintroduce them, but she wouldn’t take it back. Bert said to wait for you.”
“How bad is it?” Casey asked, moving into the stall next to the cowboy and squatting down to take a closer look.
“Hard to tell. I was just cleaning it off and was going to try to warm it up,” Greg replied. He seemed to take notice of Ember just then, because he added, “Ma’am.”
“This is Ember Reed,” Casey said, unwilling to give more explanation than that. “Ember, this is Greg Stein, one of our ranch hands who’s been here for about four years now.”
“Pleasure, ma’am.” Greg leaned over and shook her hand. “We’re working half-crew, so if you don’t mind, I’ll get back out to my duties, sir.”
“Absolutely. I’ll take it from here,” Casey said, and he watched as the young man headed back out. Casey angled his head, inviting Ember into the stall.
“Poor thing,” Ember said, sinking down to her haunches next
to the calf.
“I’m going to go grab a new blanket and get some calf formula to get this little guy started,” Casey said, standing back up.
“Can I help?” She looked up, clear gaze meeting his. He hadn’t expected that. He’d figured she’d want to stand back and watch.
“Uh—” He shrugged, then smiled tentatively. “Yeah, if you want to. Why don’t you use that blanket and wipe the calf down. The mother didn’t clean him off properly, and he’s cold.”
Without another word, Ember turned to do as he’d asked, rubbing the blanket over the calf’s head and shoulders, murmuring reassuringly as she worked. Her movements were confident and gentle, and if Casey didn’t know differently, he’d have thought she’d worked with cattle all her life.
“Thanks,” he murmured, more to himself than to her. He watched her for a moment longer before he pulled his mind back to the task at hand and headed down the aisle of supplies to fetch a clean bottle and some formula powder to mix up. That calf would be hungry and weak, and it needed strength if it was going to pull through this.
When he returned with a new blanket and the freshly mixed bottle, he found the calf clean. He handed Ember the new blanket.
“We need to keep him warm,” Casey said. “So just cover him up to keep his body heat in.”
Ember settled the blanket over the calf, and Casey handed her the bottle. “You want to do the honors? Same idea as in the house, just bigger.”
Ember chuckled and took the bottle of formula. The calf could smell milk and nuzzled toward the nipple. Casey leaned down, grabbing the end of the bottle to get it up at the right angle for the calf to drink. Except when he knelt down to help Ember, he found his face right next to hers, the warmth of her cheek emanating against his rough stubble. She smelled sweet, and he had to physically stop himself from putting an arm around her in that position—it would only feel natural. But that wasn’t his place, and while she didn’t seem to notice how close he was, he stayed motionless for a moment while the calf got its rhythm.
Her Cowboy's Twin Blessings Page 8
