by Kait Nolan
Emerson clutched her chest, as if that would stop the heart no doubt trying to pound out of it. “Holy mother of God, child. I didn’t know you’d come home. You scared the life out of me.”
She’d obviously been sleeping. Pillow marks creased her cheeks. But her face was puffy, too, as if she’d been crying.
Caleb narrowed his eyes. “You okay, kid?”
Fiona’s lip wobbled and she swiped a hand under her nose. “Boys are stupid.”
“Unquestionably. Do I need to kill anybody?” If some punkass college boy had hurt her… “I can probably tag a couple of probies to help me hide a body if I have to.”
She offered up a tremulous smile. “No. But thank you for the offer.”
“I’m gonna let Mooch out and make some tea, okay? Then you can tell us what happened.”
Caleb liked that “us” a helluva lot. She wasn’t kicking him out to do the parenting thing, wasn’t taking it all on herself. He understood what that meant for Emerson, who never asked for help. It made him feel damned good to be included.
“I’ll be down in a minute.”
He trailed Emerson downstairs and put on the kettle himself as she let the dog out. It was probably a good thing Fi had left the door unlocked. Much as he wanted her to know about them, he didn’t want her finding out by walking in on him getting Emerson naked.
Oh hey kiddo. I know I promised you I’d look out for your godmother. You totally meant giving her as many orgasms as possible, right?
Yeah, that was not the kind of awkward he wanted to deal with.
Emerson joined him at the stove, trailing a light hand down his arm. “Sorry about this,” she murmured.
“It’s fine. There’s time.” It wouldn’t be the first night he had only himself and his right hand for relief.
Fiona padded in and slumped onto one of the barstools at the counter. Emerson moved to pull out mugs and tea, automatically prepping each of their favorites.
“Have you eaten?” Caleb asked.
Fi shook her head, looking miserable.
He moved to the freezer, checking the ice cream stash.
“What are you doing?”
“I had a lot of sisters. I know that face. It calls for ice cream.” Plunking the carton on the counter, he dug out a scoop and bowl. “So who is he and how bad did he screw up?”
“His name is Corbin.”
Emerson’s hands paused on the kettle. “Your lab partner in astronomy?”
Fi’s shoulders hunched. “Yeah.”
“I thought you two were just friends.” Emerson’s carefully neutral tone had Caleb wondering whether he needed to worry.
“I mean, we are. Good friends. We’ve got so much in common, and we’ve been hanging out a lot since the start of school. But we keep having these sort of…almost moments. You know?”
Enough of those almost moments built up to certainty. Caleb couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Emerson. “Yeah. I get you. So you think there’s something more than friendship there?”
“I mean…yeah. But he keeps doing this kind of hot-cold thing. Not, like, mean. Just, like, pretending the moments aren’t happening.”
Oh, how familiar this sounded. Not that he necessarily thought Fi should take his tactic of kissing the hell out of her friend.
Emerson set a mug in front of Fi. “Are you worried you’re misreading the situation, baby?”
Fiona frowned and poked at her ice cream. “No. I just…Last night, when we were doing our lab work, he nearly kissed me. But then he pulled back and made this lame excuse like that wasn’t what he was doing.”
Emerson scowled. “You’ve got enough on your plate, and you deserve better than a bunch of hot and cold from someone. He sounds like he’s either high maintenance or doesn’t know what he wants.”
If he hadn’t known what Emerson had been through, Caleb would’ve stared at her. There was no question that her lousy track record with her ex was coloring her advice. But they could do better. He turned his attention back to Fi. “What are you getting out of this friendship?”
“I mean…friendship. We’re close. We confide in each other. I’m the first person he calls with news. He’s my go-to person when I want to hang out or go do something. We’re each other’s cheerleader, you know?”
Color bloomed in Emerson’s cheeks as she wrapped her hands around her own mug. “Yeah, that makes sense.” The gaze she cast toward him was full of emotion. Oh yeah, she understood that’s what he’d done. What he’d keep doing.
But this wasn’t about them.
Caleb bumped Fiona’s shoulder. “The fact is, if it makes you feel good to connect with this guy—on whatever level—then maybe it’s worth whatever rough patches you go through on the way to figuring out whatever you’re going to be to each other.”
“Yeah. And I’d be fine just being besties. At least, I think I would. I’d just like to know, one way or the other, you know?”
Caleb totally knew. Just as he knew that now they’d crossed this line, he couldn’t go back with Emerson.
“Sometimes it takes people a long time to get up the guts to admit what they want. Especially if what they want changes something they already value.” Emerson kept her focus on her daughter, but Caleb knew she spoke to him.
He wished they could do more of this. They’d rock this co-parenting thing for their own child.
As the thought struck him, Caleb instinctively pulled back, remembering their conversation about kids when Fi left for college. Emerson considered herself done with that phase of life. If that wasn’t something she wanted, he didn’t want to let himself go down the path of dreaming about it himself. She was absolutely enough, all on her own.
But as Fiona continued to talk, Emerson met his gaze across the island, her expression full of shared amusement and gratitude, he thought of her epiphany at dinner. That she wasn’t old. Wasn’t some kind of cougar. Maybe there was a chance she’d change her mind.
Chapter 9
Despite all her intentions to start sleeping in once Fiona left for college, years of habit had Emerson rising early for that first cup of coffee on the back deck, knowing it was the only stretch of the day she could reliably get quiet outside the recording booth with her talky teen in residence. She felt a snap in the air as she stepped out, mug clutched in her hands. Autumn was coming, and she couldn’t wait. While Mooch raced down to the yard to do his business, she moved to the rail on Caleb’s side, also out of long habit. How many mornings had she found him out there, too, enjoying the calm before he headed in to work? She wondered now if that was his own preference or if he’d done it hoping to see her.
He’d gone home alone last night, their plans having been ruined yet again by teenager interruptus. Age epiphanies aside, this was still her life. Fiona still had to come first. But for the first time in a long time, Emerson wanted to put in the effort to carve out some space for herself, for something beyond being a parent. She wanted to carve out space for Caleb, more than the habitual ways he’d integrated into their lives over the past few years.
The sound of a door opening pulled her attention to his back porch. And there he was, stepping out in basketball shorts and a t-shirt that clung to his muscled chest. His gaze instantly found hers and those lips she’d come to love curved into a smile.
Emerson held up a finger to him and went back inside to pour a second cup of coffee with a splash of cream, just the way he liked it. Then she walked over, her faithful shadow on her heels.
“I come bearing caffeine.”
“My second favorite thing to see in the morning.” He accepted the mug and pulled her in with one arm for a soft kiss that had all her lingering tension melting away. “Hi.”
“Mmm, that might be better than coffee.”
“Might? I clearly need to work on my technique.” Setting his mug down, he sank into a chair, pulling her into a sprawl across his lap.
It seemed the most natural thing in the world to snuggle against him, resting he
r head on his shoulder. “I feel like you just need more opportunity to practice. I’m sorry about last night.”
Mooch circled three times before flopping down at their feet with a heavy sigh.
Caleb banded his arm around her waist, sliding his hand beneath the hem of her shirt and settling warm fingers against her skin before reaching for his coffee. “I didn’t mind. Not really. I like being able to help out with Fiona. I always have.”
“It was nice knowing you had my back. You’d make a really good father.”
The moment the words were out of her mouth, she wished she could take them back. This was off the map, off their charted course. Here there be thought monsters that could screw this whole thing up. But it had been on her mind all night, and her uncaffeinated brain had run away with her. Again.
He didn’t tense up, but he noticed she had. “That weirds you out.”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. Part and parcel of that whole epiphany I had about my age last night was thinking about how, if Fi hadn’t come to me and I’d been in a committed enough relationship for kids at the time, my kid would only be three. We’d be still in diapers or potty training or whatever. I don’t even know what age that happens. And that’s so weird for me to think of because I just sort of naturally felt like, oh that part of my life is done because my kid just graduated high school. And last night reminded me that it’s not. That the life I wanted before isn’t off the table.”
That was both wonderful and terrifying.
“What did you want, exactly?”
She hesitated, almost afraid to give voice to it. But this was Caleb. He wouldn’t judge her, and it was easier to say while not looking him in the face.
“Marriage. Family. I wanted all those milestones and firsts without the burden of grief. I wanted to build the family I didn’t have growing up. After Fi, I just couldn’t imagine it. And we built our own family.”
He said nothing, continuing to sip his coffee and stroke the strip of skin at her waist, as if he sensed there was more she wanted to say.
“Is that something you want?” She was getting way ahead of things. But she needed to know what he had in mind so she could manage her own expectations. Was this a fun affair or an audition for the long-term? Did she want it to be more than the fun?
“I always figured I’d get married eventually. Have kids. But I’ve got a pretty flexible definition of family.” He sipped at the coffee. “You know I lost my folks in a car crash when I was about Fi’s age. I didn’t have someone like you to take me on, so I ended up in the foster system. My experience there was better than most. My foster mom, Joan, was a powerhouse. She had a way of making everyone family. And with all the kids going in and out of her care, we had a big one.”
Realization dawned. “That’s how you and Kyle are brothers. You were foster brothers.”
“Yeah. He’s one of many. After losing my parents, feeling like I had no one, it was pretty damned amazing to find that. Even the kids who were there temporarily were made to feel part of the family. That was Joan’s gift, one that’s kept on giving long after we left her.”
“She sounds wonderful.”
“She was.” His voice hitched, just a little. “She died in a car accident herself a couple years ago. Black ice.”
Emerson straightened to look at him, noting the hints of grief in his eyes. “Caleb. I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me you were dealing with this?”
She slid her arms around him, wanting to comfort, even though the hurt wasn’t exactly new. He’d so often been her rock, and she found she wanted to be the same for him.
He wrapped her in his arms and shrugged. “I grieved with my family. And I liked being able to come back and spend time with you and Fiona, without that hanging over the whole thing. I didn’t want to remind either of you of the accident.”
Not knowing what else to do, she pressed a kiss to his temple.
“Joan would have liked you a lot, and she’d have adored Fi.”
“That feels like a pretty amazing compliment.” Relaxing again, she absorbed the comfortable feel of being in his arms. “This whole interlude has felt like a pretty amazing way to start the day.”
“I’d say the only way to beat it would be waking up next to you with enough time for a little morning delight.”
His words woke the lust she’d managed to bank late into the night. “Mmm. Can’t argue with that. Sadly, we probably won’t get that alone time until after your next shift. Fiona decided to stay until Sunday night, so I figured I’d jump ahead on the schedule as much as I can, squeeze in some booth time before she gets up. I wish we had a little more flexibility.”
“Me, too.” He brushed his lips over hers in another quiet, drugging kiss, underscored with promises. “But I need you to know, as much as I want you, I want this, too. The quiet mornings. The talking. I want it all, Em.”
As his dark eyes searched hers, her heart leapt into her throat. This felt like so much more than quiet mornings and talking. It felt like everything she hadn’t known she was still waiting for.
Emerson couldn’t quite let herself believe in that. Not yet. They were too new. This thing between them was still fresh and heady and full of quagmires they had yet to face. Right now they were still in the fantasy stage. Who knew where it would take them? But the prospect of a true future of that everything with him felt like a lovely, waking dream, one she hugged to her heart as she kissed him goodbye and crossed back to her house to start the day.
Another shift down. The next three days were free and clear, and Caleb had specific and detailed plans for how he wanted to spend all of them. Or as much as he could manage around Emerson’s work schedule. Flowers in hand and an everlasting chew toy in a bag for Mooch, he crossed the yard and headed for her back door.
Finding it unlocked he pushed it open. “Honey, I’m—”
“Help!”
For a moment, Caleb could only stare at the chaos. Mooch stood in the middle of the kitchen table, having narrowly missed a centerpiece of flowers and thankfully unlit candles. Something on the stove was smoking, and water fountained up from the sink. He didn’t even see Emerson.
Holy shit.
Dropping the flowers and chew toy on the table by the door, he bolted into the kitchen, sloshing through the water covering the tile floor. The contents of the cabinet under the sink were scattered on the floor, and Emerson was twisted half in, half out of the space.
“I can’t get the damned water shut off!”
Caleb grabbed her by the waist and dragged her out, reaching for the wrench in her hand. “Why the hell do you have a pipe wrench?”
“Because the knob broke off!”
“Where’s the main shutoff to the house?”
“In the front yard but locked so only the water department can access it. Apparently whoever built the house didn’t see fit to have a main shutoff besides that.”
Hunkering down, he immediately got soaked as he managed to get the wrench on what remained of the shutoff valve and crank. The geyser of water stopped. Edging out of the cabinet, he straightened. “Well, that was unexpected.”
Emerson’s expression was grim, as if she’d been waging war. Which, he supposed, she had. Her hair hung in wet ropes and makeup ran down her face. She wore a dress and an apron, both drenched.
Oh damn.
Before he could think of something comforting to say, the fire alarm went off.
“Son of a bitch!” She twisted off the heat on the stove and shoved the smoking pot aside, stalking in bare feet to throw open the back door for the smoke to dissipate. “Off the table.”
Mooch looked at her as if she was nuts.
“Off! Go outside.”
He leapt neatly down, managing to avoid the worst of the water, and made a beeline for the back yard.
For a moment, she simply stood there, breathing hard. Her gaze landed on the flowers he’d tossed. Some choked, pained noise seemed to catch in her throat. When she lifted her gaze back to
his, her chin trembled and those big blue eyes swam with unshed tears. “Maybe this is a sign.”
Caleb snapped into gear, striding over to grip her by the shoulders. “It’s not a sign. Go change clothes and dry off. I’m going to start mopping up down here. Spare towels in the laundry room?”
She sniffed. “There are more in the linen closet upstairs. I’ll bring them down. It’s probably going to take every single one.”
Knowing he had his work cut out for him to salvage the night, he dove in. By the time she came back down in dry clothes, face washed, with her hair twisted up, the smoke alarm had stopped shrieking, and he’d retrieved the shop vac from his place. He’d already used up every towel on the first floor.
“The good news is your wood floors aren’t ruined. The bad news…you need a new shutoff valve and apparently a new faucet.”
She began to scatter her armful of towels and sheets to soak up the remaining water. “You forgot to mention the scorched and completely inedible dinner.”
Yeah, he’d been hoping she’d forget about that.
“I was trying to do something romantic. I suppose I should be grateful I hadn’t gotten around to lighting the candles. Mooch probably would have knocked them over, and then you’d have had to work tonight, either way.”
Stepping into her path, Caleb cupped her face. “We’ll go pick up the parts. They’re easy replacements. And we’ll grab takeout on the way. I know it’s not what you planned, but it’ll be fine.”
“It’s just another disaster. One of these days, you’re going to get sick of rescuing me from them.”
“Never.” He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “And it’s not another disaster. It’s just life. Relationships aren’t only about the good stuff. They’re about the messy stuff, too. C’mon. Let’s finish cleaning up the worst of this and hit up Home Depot.”
He’d managed to mostly pull Emerson out of her funk by the time they made it to the plumbing aisle.
“I think you’re really going to dig the new faucet. That tall goose neck will be a lot easier to use than what you had before. We’ve just got to find the shutoff valves, and we’re good to go.”
