“Then what?” I ask.
“I’m not really saying anything. I could be totally wrong. But it seems to me you really like toying with the boys, but you don’t seem to be in any hurry to close the deal. I just wonder why.”
“I am not toying with them!”
John just gives me a look.
“Okay, maybe I’m toying a little bit, but it’s sooo much fun. I don’t think you quite get how it makes me feel. Here I am, this 40-year-old woman and I have these guys in their 20s chasing after me. It feels so good. It’s exciting. I probably shouldn’t enjoy it as much as I do, but I can’t help it. Does that make me a terrible person?”
“There’s nothing terrible about you, Carol.” He leans over and kisses me. “You’re one of the sweetest, most giving people I know.”
I think about how Sue objected to being called sweet. I’m happy my husband still sees me that way after everything that’s gone down. I love being able to explore my sexuality, and I’m so happy John gives me the space to do as I please, but deep down those old morals still tug at me, no matter how much I try to ignore them.
I still remember my mother telling me to keep my knees closed until there was a ring on my finger. She’d already missed the boat on that one by a couple of years when she finally gave me that speech. Not that I was a high school slut, but when a hot guy wanted to show me what the birds and the bees were really about, I didn’t put up a fight. I was mostly a good girl growing up, which meant there was always a struggle between the morals I was taught and what my body wanted me to do. I tended to play it safe and listen to my morals, which was how I ended up in my lackluster marriage with Don. John was the one who taught me it was okay to explore my naughtier feelings. The last 10 years have been amazing and eye-opening. I’ve discovered so much about myself, but all those experiences were ensconced safely within the sanctity of marriage. My playing with other men is a new thing for us. It was John’s idea, but I’ve certainly run with it. When I stop to think, though, my feelings are a little more complicated than I want to admit.
Am I a whore because I fuck other men? What kind of woman lets three extramarital men have their way with her? I didn’t deny those guys anything, and I loved every second of it. Rationally, I know that as a 40-year-old woman I’m free to do anything I please as long as my husband is okay with it. I shouldn’t worry what others might think, but it’s not that simple. Lying in bed with Conner that afternoon felt so right, and that concerns me. It’s beginning to feel like it could be about more than sex with Conner, and that’s not right. I would never leave John for Conner, but a married woman should not have a boyfriend, and that’s what it’s beginning to feel like. But I don’t want to give him up, and John isn’t asking me to.
My concerns about seeing the other guys are different. I remember how it felt when I was the center of all their attention. I was wanton and free, and I was theirs in every way possible. If I go down that rabbit hole with them again, will I lose part of myself? It scares me and that’s why I’m hesitant to see them again. But I want that high again. I’m not scared enough to keep away. But how do I explain all of that to my husband without sounding crazy?
“There’s nothing sweet about how I feel when I think about those guys,” I tell John.
“I didn’t think so.” John grins.
“It was so wild, so out of control. It scares me.”
“You don’t have to do anything, Carol. I thought you liked it, but if you didn’t…”
I smile sheepishly. “I didn’t say that. The problem is that I think I liked it too much. If I can let go as much as that, is there anything I won’t do?”
“Probably not.”
“And that’s a problem for me. It’s one thing to be a hotwife and see Conner or someone else, but to give myself over to be used like that again, it’s just so out there. It’s so extreme. What if I start to want it too much?”
“I’m not afraid of that, and you shouldn’t be either. You’re one of the most grounded people I know, Carol. No matter what you do with any of these boys, you’ll always be you. You’ll always be the woman I love.”
“Thanks, hon. I needed to hear that.”
“I look at it this way. If you want to do it, then go for it. If you really don’t, that’s fine too. I understand your internal struggle a little bit because I feel some of that too—like we’re playing with fire. But I’m not so conflicted that I question whether I want it. I guess I just accept whatever comes.”
I laugh. “You’re such a guy, and that’s why I love you. One of us has to be the rock. Things aren’t so straightforward for women, though. Most of us can’t just do something like this and then just accept it and move on.”
“Try it, you might like it.”
“We’ll see,” I say skeptically.
I’d stopped lotioning myself as I got lost in my thoughts and go back to it, now rubbing lotion into my upper chest. I don’t love all the freckles there, even though John says he does. I wish I’d been more careful about the sun when I was younger. John watches the way my breasts jiggle inside my top. I like how he’s watching me, and I slow down, reaching deeper into my top and lotioning my breasts. My nipples pop through my top.
“Where was all this caution when you stripped down in Don and Sue’s house?” he asks.
“I didn’t think. I just did it.”
“Still can’t believe it.”
“So you said. Do you like having such a crazy wife?”
“I think I do.”
“I’m not too reckless for you?”
“If you get there, I’ll let you know.”
“It’s reckless to see Noah and Mateo again. Anything could happen.”
“I’m okay with that.”
“We’ll see if you still feel that way afterward.”
“Can’t wait to find out.”
I wish I was as certain as my husband.
“What would you have done if Sue walked in on you?”
“I figured I had enough time to cover up.”
“But what if you didn’t?”
“Maybe I would have asked her to hold the camera.”
“She would have passed out.”
I pull up my top to expose my belly and lotion it. My piercing twinkles there. I’ve only just put it back in, years after taking it out because I’d felt that time had passed in my life. I don’t have the toned belly I had in my 20s, before my son. I’m good for 40, but I won’t be running around in any of those crop tops that have come back into style. Still not sure it’s appropriate, but I like being inappropriate. Besides, people only see it if I want them to.
“You don’t know that. If all this has taught me anything, it’s that there’s no telling what people get up to in their bedrooms.”
“Good point. Maybe Sue’s been waiting for you to get naked in their family room.”
I laugh. “That might be a stretch.”
“She could have helped pose you…take more off…”
“Now you’re really getting out there, hon.”
“She could have gotten in the pictures with you…”
“Yeah? You’d like that?” I ask. The tent in his boxers provides my answer.
“Why not? If we’re getting crazy, why not go all the way?”
“You think we should seduce our friends into our depraved lifestyle?”
“It would be fun with Sue, because she’s so buttoned up. Can you imagine?”
I smile, getting into it now. My husband is getting hard thinking about me and my ex-husband’s current wife. Just thinking that makes my head hurt. Does John have some untapped aggression toward Don?
“I really can’t, but I’ll roll with you. Do you think Sue is sexy?”
“I don’t know. I guess. She’s not bad. She’s cute, in an average kind of way.”
“You don’t have to spare my feelings. I’m not competing with Sue.”
“It’s no competition, babe. I think it’s just that she’s so buttoned up and perky and perfect.
The thought of her getting dirtied up is hot.”
“That’s how the guys see me, I think. I’m their MILF fantasy.”
“Yeah, that’s part of it. It helps that you’re also smokin’ hot. You’re a true MILF.”
“Aww, you say the sweetest things, hon.”
I put the lotion aside and reach into his boxers. My hand is slick enough that it glides smoothly up and down his hard shaft. John has a nice cock. It’s not giant like Conner’s, but it’s more than enough for me. My being with other men has nothing to do with dissatisfaction with my husband.
“How do you see Sue getting dirtied up? What are we doing together on that couch?”
The focus is off me for a change, and I like feeling like I’m indulging John’s other fantasies. Sometimes I think all of this is too much about me. John should feel free to explore as much as I do, although he hasn’t asked for permission to play. I’m not sure how I’d respond. I have a jealous streak and I don’t know if I could ever watch him the way he watches me. Toying with a Sue fantasy is safe, because it would never, ever happen.
“I don’t know…I want you to corrupt her…” John’s voice is husky. He groans and thrusts his cock into my hand.
“Maybe you could come over when I start sending you those pictures. I’d love for you to join us, hon.”
I slow my stroking of his cock. I don’t want him to come too fast, I’m having fun. He’s breathing heavily, and his eyes are closed. I’d love to see what he’s picturing. I get closer so I can whisper in his ear.
“What’s your fantasy, John? I want to make it come true, hon.”
“Your boys see the pictures and they come over…they want to corrupt you both…”
“Yeah, is that what you want, baby? You want the guys to join us?”
“Yeah…”
“Right there in their big family room…where anyone could catch us…”
“Yeah…ohhh…Carol…”
Corrupting Sue is John’s thing, but I’m turned on by seeing him turned on. Now that he’s brought my guys into it, though… I can see us all there in that great room. It’s so perfect and ordered and bland. It’s perfect for a couple young studs to corrupt a couple of MILFs. I didn’t think it would get to me, but John’s debauched fantasy is turning me on.
“Tell me…what are they doing to us…”
“They’re…they’re making you kiss…holding you together…”
“Mmm…hot…”
“Bending you two over the couch…taking turns…uhnn…Carol…”
“Yeah…sounds sexy honey…yeah…mmm…”
John’s wild fantasy is getting to me. While one hand is busy with his cock, the other dips into my sleep shorts to rub my smooth mound. In my mind it’s Mateo behind me, while Noah takes Sue. Noah’s the one with the filthy mouth and I can see him telling Sue what a dirty MILF she is. Mateo likes to talk too, but he’s more focused on giving me what I need. I try to imagine looking over and seeing Sue beside me, bent over, her tits hanging beneath her as Noah uses her. It’s not easy. It’s not a place I’ve ever considered going before. She’s in decent shape, but she’s not as gym-fit as I am. Rather than focusing on her, I just think about the general scene and that gets me hotter. It’s not my husband I imagine being there, but I see Don walking in on us and he’s dumbstruck. That’s my thrill, I realize. Letting Don see what a slut I’ve become and turning his sweet Sue into someone like me. He’d probably pass out in real life, but in my mind he pulls out his dick and strokes it.
“John…please…fuck me…” I pant, rolling onto my back and pulling him with me.
I wriggle out of my shorts while John sheds his boxers. He doesn’t bother pulling my top off, but shoves his hot, ready cock right inside me. I gasp with the thrill I always experience when a man first thrusts into me. It sends a thrill straight to my soul and always has. I pull my legs back and spread them wide. John doesn’t pretend we’re making love and he doesn’t take it easy. I’m still sore from Conner, but my husband’s sick fantasy has me going again and I don’t care if it hurts a little. John holds himself over me and hammers down, eyes closed. God knows what he’s picturing. Probably something I couldn’t.
“They…they twist you around…you’re on the couch…”
“Mmm…I love to be on my back honey…”
“Mateo fucks your mouth…Noah…he…he makes Sue…go…down…lick you…”
“Ooooo…John…oh god…”
“He fucks her while she licks you…Mateo fucks your mouth…”
“Ohmygod…ohmygod…hon…oooo…”
It’s not that I want Sue to go down on me, but the scene my husband describes is so out there, so depraved, it sucks me in. The dirtier something is, the wickeder, the more it gets me. In that moment I want what John wants, every bit of it. I want the guys to debase us and I don’t even care if it’s Sue going down on me. What is wrong with me?
“Carol…she’s making you come…Carol…fuck…fuck…”
John shivers and stops, and I feel him come inside me. It’s the third time I’ve felt that today. He doesn’t explode in quite the same way Conner does, but it still feeds my lust and I moan his name and climax right after he does. John collapses onto me with a crushing hug. I cling to my husband and start laughing when the absurdity of what he described really hits me.
“What the hell is wrong with us?” I ask, gasping air between giggles.
“We’re out there, that’s for sure,” he agrees.
“We? I’m not the one who wants Sue seduced and gangbanged with me!”
“No, you just want to spend your days with Conner on top of you.”
“That’s fair,” I say. Comments like that make me wonder if he’s as okay with all of this as he claims. I can only take his word for it. “You know that will never, ever happen, right?”
John laughs. “I thought you learned to never say never.”
“I can’t imagine any circumstance where I’d fool around with Sue. Sorry if that bursts your bubble, hon.”
“Not even to stick it to Don?”
I pull a face like I’m thinking about it and say, “Maybe I’d make out with her if I knew he was watching, but that’s it. And only for his benefit. Sue’s not really my type.”
“You’re funny.”
I jump out of bed to go clean up and consider it. The last time—the only time—I kissed another woman, it was in front of Don and he freaked out. If he couldn’t handle me drunkenly kissing one of my friends on a dare, how would he react to me making out with his wife? It might be worth it, just to see how they’d both react.
“So, who is your type?” John asks as I walk into the bathroom.
“I don’t know if I have a type. I haven’t really thought about it.”
“There was that girl at the resort,” he reminds me.
“Natalia was hot, but that was easy, I just had to lay there. I don’t know about returning the favor.”
I’ve always been curious what being with another woman might be like, but not enough to pursue it. I know John would love it, but he’s never pressed it. Maybe it’s time to revisit that. John’s certainly earned a treat.
I close the bathroom door, get a wicked thought and re-open it and duck my head out.
“Not Sue, but who knows what I’m into now, right?” I stick my tongue out at him.
“God, I love you, woman.”
I blow him a kiss and close the door.
Three
The house is quiet in the morning before I go to work. I don’t have to be in until three, so I have time to kill. After brewing a fresh pot of coffee, I sit down with my laptop and jump on reddit. It’s become part of my morning ritual when I have the morning to myself.
I’m pleased by the reaction to the photos I uploaded yesterday. I took the photos I made for my guys and uploaded them to a couple different subreddits dedicated to women like me. One is just for women over 30 who’ve gone wild, while another is for “the mom next door.” I like
these subreddits because the women really do look like real women, with many body types. I see women like me who work hard to keep it together and look good, but don’t have the perfect, seamless bodies they had in their 20s before the kids came. The fittest, sexiest women get the most upvotes and compliments, of course, but it’s still a body positive environment for everyone, where trolls aren’t tolerated.
Reddit is a funny place. Much of it is a cesspool, but it’s also a useful learning tool if you’re looking for things outside of the mainstream. I’ve been doing a lot of educating myself recently. You just need a strong constitution to take some of the stuff you’re going to see. I’ve dipped my toe into some communities that made me feel like I needed a shower. Some of them I couldn’t get out of fast enough. Even in groups where the men claim they worship women, misogyny runs rampant. Beware where you click!
John’s go-to subreddits are about the hotwife lifestyle and as I’ve followed him there, I’ve learned a lot. He goes there to share stories about my exploits, and he basks in the compliments about how hot and perfect I am. I must admit, I enjoy that positive feedback too. The constant stream of adoration encourages me to push my boundaries—even if it may not be healthy.
I feel a growing tingling in my pussy as I read the comments on John’s posts and my own pictures. I hate to sound like a cliché, but it’s been a journey of self-discovery since John gave me the selfless present of a small orgy for my birthday. I knew my sex drive was probably higher than normal, and that I was open to a lot of things in the bedroom, but I never acknowledged how much I enjoy attention. I’ve always tried to look nice, but I didn’t crave attention in the past the way I do now. I love what I get from my guys, I’ve also started to notice when men give me a second look out in public. I love it when I catch someone checking me out—looking for just a moment too long—and when I know a guy who’s just passed me turns to check out my butt. I’ve changed the way I dress in subtle ways, but thus far I’ve resisted the urge to go too far and slut it up. I suspect John wouldn’t mind if I did.
The other thing reddit has done for me is give me a place I can vent and share what I’m up to. I’m not about to open up to my friends about my husband sharing me, or about sneaking out to meet my younger lover. We attend an open and affirming church, but they aren’t that open. The other ladies in my women’s group would faint if I even hinted at my secret life. Even my close friends are too used to good-girl Carol to accept new, slutty Carol. It’s one thing to laugh about sex or share vibrator tips over wine, but it’s quite another to brag to your best friend from when you were in nursing school together about how big your lover’s cock is. I can’t expect them to understand, when I can hardly understand my behavior myself. So, I’ve found a new group of girlfriends on reddit.
Carol’s Trinity 3 Page 2
