by Laura Domino
Adam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He closed his eyes and raised his hand to his forehead. “You had two kids.” He looked at her and pointed at the table, tapping out certain words for emphasis. “You were with Dan while you were married to Dad.” Resting his hands on his thighs, he stared into his soup bowl, not really seeing it. “I was born. And then, you did it again. You went behind his back a second time.”
“Your dad wanted to have a girl. It was something he thought I wanted. A girl. One of each. I couldn’t possibly admit what had happened.”
“What had happened? Like it just happened? Like you had nothing to do with it? Twice?” His brain was about to explode. “So Dan was there for him. With you. In your bed. To give him a girl. How thoughtful.”
“Adam. He and Dan were so close. Each one would have given his life for the other.”
“But instead of giving his life, he gave him children.”
She went silent again, polishing her spoon with the napkin in her lap. Her face held a worried expression, like she had more to say, and she didn’t know if she should.
“How did you live like that? How does a person live with that kind of guilt?” Adam didn’t know what to think about her. How could he have lived all his life with this secret-keeping woman? He’d been raised by a woman who was loving but very strict. She had enforced rules that probably none of his friends had to endure. Even their years of learning how to drive were full of her lectures on being obedient to the laws. She didn’t let them get away with much. And for her to keep her adultery and lying to her husband and children in the vault of her soul?
“I spent a lot of time in prayer. I needed to keep that secret. I lived with it for all those years because I refused to tell you boys the mistakes of my past. I didn’t think knowing my mistakes would help either of you. All you needed to know was that I loved you. I raised you right. I left those mistakes behind me.”
“Until Dan stepped in and made you tell me.”
She shook her head. “I wouldn’t have told you.”
“Why did Dan want me to know?”
“I told you.”
“I don’t buy it. There’s another reason. I’m right, aren’t I?”
“That’s between you and Dan.” She shook her head. “I was forgiven.”
“Why didn’t you marry Dan after Dad died?”
“I would have, but two people have to agree to something like that. After your dad died, Dan left too.”
“Why? Why would he run away right when you needed him?”
“Adam, when your dad died…” She cried, and then wiped her face with her napkin. “I couldn’t talk to anyone. I was relieved that your dad wasn’t around. I didn’t have to keep any lies from him anymore. I didn’t have to think about what had happened. I just raised my boys.” She wiped the corners of her eyes. “With Dan gone, I didn’t have to think about…our secret.”
“He couldn’t stay gone.”
“I missed him. I would have married him. But he kept leaving.”
“How did you carry the weight of that secret all of my life?”
“I didn’t try to carry it. I kept running to God. I knew the embrace of God was the best place to bring the stains, the guilt, the pain of life.”
“So you kept us in church because you needed it?”
“I wanted you to know the God who was healing me.”
“It worked for Toby.”
“It worked for you too. Until Toby died.” She put her napkin on the table and leaned forward. “I was worried that your absence from the church would become an awful habit. I want you to go to church.”
“I am going to church.”
She looked up at him. After a breath, she whispered, “Good.”
“I told you I met a girl. She goes to First Church. We’ll be going there together.”
His mom smiled. “A new girl. A new church. I’m glad to hear it.”
“She and I are meeting in a small group a few times each week. An accountability group. We talk about doing good things together. Things like going to church, making donations of money, time, and energy. She’s a decent person, and she makes me want to be a decent person. I don’t think I’ll want to lie to my children for her, if we have any.”
His mom glanced up at him with pain in her eyes. Then she summoned that glorious fake smile again. “She sounds like she’s good for you.”
His gaze turned to the floor. He wasn’t able to look at his mom. “I could never lie to her.”
XOXO
Benita had just sat down at the table when she saw Adam come into the restaurant. She tried to keep her composure, but she couldn’t help breathing a sigh of relief.
Meeting at the Blueberry Bakery was working out great. Adam didn’t have to be in her apartment if he was still mad at her. The cafe was a neutral zone of sorts. They could still have their small group meeting and possibly Spanish lessons here.
When he arrived at the table, Adam seemed pretty down. The thought had occurred to her that he might close down the accountability group.
“Adam, thanks for meeting me here today and continuing our group. We’re still doing this, aren’t we?”
He dipped his chin, looking only at the table in front of him. “I’ve learned that life goes on. Many, many things don’t turn out the way you think they will. Or the way you think they were.” He looked up at her. “But life goes on.”
“So Spanish lessons will continue?”
“Yes, Benita. I am still your friend. And tutor. We’ll meet for tutoring, group meetings, and church. I will keep going. I have to keep going.”
After they finished eating dinner, Benita walked back to her apartment building with Adam, listening to him talk about her church. His focus on something that isn’t remotely related to romance made her realize that if there was any possibility of dating, she’d have to let him take it slow for now.
Inside the elevator, Benita pushed the button to go up to her floor. Adam was getting excited about her church. It had apparently been a long time since he’d been to church. “And so I realized that taking notes in church would help me look up things later that I had questions about. I can’t believe that guy’s sermons. I’d love to know how much time he spends working on them every week.”
Benita exited the elevator, thinking about how to change from their current topic. “Okay. Now, it’s time for Spanish. Hola.” Being direct sometimes worked quite well.
“Hola, Benita. Buenos noches.” His accent came so easy to him. Like turning on a water faucet.
“You are seriously talented.” She laughed.
“No. What? No, I’m not.”
“How do you get your accent to change like that? Your accent changed just like that.” She snapped her fingers.
“Right. I learned Spanish from people who already had the accent. I learned the words with the accent already attached.”
“Is that today’s lesson? Accents should be attached to a specific language to help people understand you better?”
“I guess it’s part of what we’ll address today. If you want.” Apparently, it wasn’t a part of the lesson until she brought it up.
In a really bad, thick Russian accent, she said, “I tell you what I want.”
His smile said he intended to hear more from her. “Spanish lesson?”
“Oui.” She nodded and laughed. Her French accent was only good in that one word. Back to her comfort zone, her American voice. “Okay. I’ll tell you what I want. For real.”
“Okay.”
“I challenge you to accept my dare.”
His eyes squinted with his smile. “A dare? Oh. I don’t know. This could be trouble.”
“How about a dare to do a good deed every day for the next week?”
“We’re already doing that. We decided to collect peanut butter and cans of corn for the food bank.”
“No, this is a super-good challenge. Listen to me.” She stood in the hallway before getting to her door and waited f
or him to meet her gaze. “Come here.”
His eyes squinted, and his lips pursed. “What?” He moved slowly closer to her until he was just inches from her. The laughter in his eyes settled down, and he gave her a more serious expression. No longer curious. No longer amused. “I’m here.”
Suddenly, she found breathing more difficult.
He was standing close, looking into her eyes. This was a different Adam than she’d ever seen.
She was touched not by his body but by his body heat. He was too close. She moved back a little.
The space between them didn’t cool the look in his eyes.
They were out in the hallway. Anyone could walk by and interrupt them. She swallowed. “I dare you to do something. Something you’ve never done.”
He stepped toward her. “Something good?”
She couldn’t take it. “Um.” Making a sentence was a lot harder with him so close. “Um. Just a minute.” She had to open her apartment. Turning and fumbling with the key in her purse, she put some distance between them. The easy task of unlocking her door was taking way too long. Finally, she opened her door and headed straight for the kitchen to get a glass of water.
He closed the door behind him and watched her. His silent smile wasn’t threatening. Just tempting. Maybe she should call off Spanish class today.
“Yes. Something good.” She took a breath. “I dare you to read eight pages of the Bible every day for the next week.” Whew. Her heart raced like she had run upstairs.
Adam pulled out his phone and tapped a few times. “Read eight pages. Alarm is set. Done. Next?”
She needed three or four Spanish books between them. She had to focus on Spanish. It was difficult to think about the lessons, but she needed the lessons.
Wasn’t it just yesterday that he walked out on her? And now this confusing turn of attitude? First, he stormed out of her apartment because he was mad at her, then he was only interested in a friendship, and then he looked at her with intense fire in his eyes.
He stood still and silent, giving her the attention she wanted. Why wasn’t she in his arms, kissing him? Was he ready for that next step?
That man was getting to be too attractive for her to ignore. She just wanted him to simply ask her out.
Adam went to her bookshelf and pulled out a familiar book, an old one. Yes. The Spanish lesson.
His slow gait back to the sofa emphasized the fact that his eyes were on her the entire way. The look in his eyes… “Come, sit with me, Benita.”
She put her glass on the counter and sat close to him on the sofa. There was an electricity between them. He had to feel it too. Was this it? Was he about to get romantic?
He turned pages in the book until he settled on one. “Okay. We never finished this book. I think you’re ready to use your current Spanish vocabulary and work on sounding more Spanish, less American. If possible.”
His low and breathy voice calmed her.
His hand left the book and settled on top of her hands. “You’re nervous.”
“What? Why would you say that?” Inside, she debated whether to encourage his flirting or get serious with the lessons. “I’m not nervous.”
Adam set the book flat in his lap and took both her hands in his. “Fumbling with the key in the door. Your face.”
Although it felt good to have his hands holding hers, he was wrong about her being nervous. “My face? What’s wrong with my face?”
“Absolutely nothing. It’s beautiful.”
Okay, maybe nervous was the wrong word, but she could feel the adrenaline rush. And this time it wasn’t associated with a work deadline. “Thanks.”
“What do you want to do? Have a Spanish lesson?”
“Yes.” Her breathy whisper surprised her. She felt spell-bound by his closeness and the warmth of his voice.
With a quick glance to her and back to the book, he continued. “If you work hard on this lesson, you and I can have another movie night. If I can find the right movie. One from Spain, not Mexico.”
“Would you like a glass of water?” She needed to walk around and maybe get out of her brain fog.
Adam’s gaze never left the book. “Nope.”
All business. Perfect. After she poured herself a glass of water and took a few sips, the surge of energy between them slowly dissipated. Maybe he was waiting on another movie night for their date. Maybe he thinks they’re already dating. Maybe he would never ask her out.
She wanted to listen to his low voice all night.
XOXO
At home, Adam tried to relax in his living room recliner. Today had been a real roller coaster. First, Mom ruined his day with her revelation, and then Dan confirmed that he knew.
Today would have been a good time to be in his house hiding from the painful realities for the next couple of days.
When he remembered his lesson with Benita, his heart skipped. He couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather be with. If he could tell Benita what had just happened… the day of life-changing revelations he had just experienced. But he couldn't. She was moving away.
Even if she wasn’t leaving, how does a man ask a girl on a first date and then unload a mess like that on her? He couldn’t do it.
His head spun with all the changes in his life.
Before he had met Benita, this would have been a six-pack day, and after that, if he could make it to the car, he might have been drinking and driving again. It’s a wonder he never ran into anyone and never got pulled over by the police for suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol.
Adam closed his eyes for a prayer of gratitude. He couldn’t thank God enough for all the second chances he’d been given.
Everything about Benita made him want to be a better man. She was the one person in the world he wanted to be with. If she landed that promotion tonight, he would be on the plane with her tomorrow. He couldn’t stay in a dismal mood around Benita.
Going to church with Benita was probably the best thing he could’ve done for their relationship. It may have been what had opened her eyes to him and made her change how she treated him tonight.
He couldn’t stop himself from reliving the joy of being with her tonight.
Her face was unusually open to him, unusually close.
But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t make the first move on her tonight. Self-discipline had to rise above his desire.
He had wanted to show up at the Blueberry Bakery and tell her everything. He needed a friend. He really needed her smile. But he couldn’t tell her about how his heart ached, couldn’t risk her losing that gorgeous smile.
In an effort to prolong that smile, he talked about her church even after they left the accountability group meeting. It was something they had in common now. He shared his insights, hoping that made her see him better. He wondered if talking about how much he enjoyed her church could make her see how much she meant to him.
He closed his eyes. In his mind, he could see her breathing change after she had presented her dare. She had dared him to kiss her. Not in so many words. But the moment she turned away to go to her door, he was sure he had read her right. Especially when her hand fumbled at the lock.
But why had she chickened out? Was it because they were in the hallway?
Adam didn’t like making her nervous. It wasn’t like her. She was all-business most of the time. However, things were different now. Things were moving along easily enough with Benita, both in Spanish lessons and on a personal level. But it was confusing when she treated him differently. She didn’t seem to be interested in him at all sometimes, but at least she hadn’t given up on him. She had kept up with the lessons.
Benita seemed filled with a child-like joy with him sometimes. Tonight, it was hard to tell where she was going with the dare. She looked so much like she intended him to kiss her.
Adam pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped her name on his favorites list. He had to find out tonight before he chickened out. It was time for a first date at
the Blueberry Bakery. Possibly somewhere nicer. A candlelit table for two?
“Adam? Everything okay?” Her voice hinted of worry.
“Hola. Si. Everything is fine. Listen, I had this idea.”
“You don’t waste time. Usually, you save your ideas for our meetings. Couldn’t wait, huh?”
“No. It couldn’t wait.” A bit of fear worked its way into his throat. “Um. I’m—I was thinking about tonight.”
“Yes?” There was a relaxed, breathy sound in her voice. Late night phone calls were a good idea.
His mind went completely blank. He needed to remember what he had called about. “Did you… do you feel good about where you are with regard to your Spanish lessons? For instance, how many more lessons do you think you’ll need before the job in Spain is filled?” Adam tried to remember his question. He did have a question, didn’t he? “You’re still working on that promotion, right?”
“You don’t want to teach me anymore?” Disappointment rang in her voice.
“No. NO. No, no. I was trying to plan ahead and didn’t know what you were thinking. That’s all.” He held his phone away from his mouth and took in a big breath. He forced air out quickly, loosened his tense neck muscles, and put the phone back to his face. “Tonight, in the hallway…” He listened for a cue from her to keep going. “Hello?”
“And I’m back. See? I told you I’d only take a second.” Had she put down her phone?
She hadn’t heard him bring up the confusion of the hallway. He chose to ignore what could’ve been a disaster and quickly decided to switch to a different topic.
“Adam? You there?”
“Yes. I’m here.” His heartbeat became calmer now. “Tomorrow at six-thirty at the same restaurant?”
