by Lily Zante
“I—oh, god, this is embarrassing.” She looked away, making a face, struggling to say. “I didn’t forget to pay the money in. I mean, I had intended to pay you, otherwise I never would have asked for your bank details, but then I got thinking that maybe it might be a way for me to … to… come and find you.” She finished her sentence with a grimace.
“Except that it’s Friday evening and you hadn’t made any move to come and see me?” He was smiling as he said this, because this was more than hope she had given him. She’d revealed something about the way she felt about him.
“I know. But like I said, it’s been a really hectic week. Really hectic.”
“You’re entire life sounds hectic. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in Verona or in Rome.”
She grinned. “It’s been like that for the longest time.”
“So if I hadn’t come looking for you, I wouldn’t have seen you?”
“I’m back for that course at the end of April.”
“It’s a month away! Not that I need the money…but, you’d wait that long?”
She shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m glad you told me.”
“It’s always better to come clean.”
He took a swig from his bottle.
“Don’t you think?” she insisted.
“Huh?”
“Being honest with each other and not hiding secrets.”
It sounded as if she was probing for information. “What is it you’re asking me, Gina?” But before she opened her mouth to say anything, his cell phone rang. He saw Rachele’s name on the caller ID and his mouth twisted. It was 8.40 PM.
“I need to take this, excuse me,” he said, getting up and walking away.
“Where are you?” Rachele sounded pissed off.
“I’m sorry—”
“You are coming, aren’t you? Tell me you’re caught up in something at work. That’s what you’re going to tell me, isn’t it?”
He looked over his shoulder, saw the way Gina was watching him, while pretending not to. “I’m busy with something.” He squeezed his eyes tightly, and turned away, unable to face Gina.
“Busy again?” Sarcasm was heavy in Rachele’s voice.
“Yeah, I’m sorry—”
“You’re not at work, are you?”
The silence echoed around his ears despite the sound of people talking and laughing in the background. “It’s a business meeting.” Another lie sprang easily from his lips.
“Screw you, Christian.”
She hung up.
He pressed his forehead with the pad of his index finger and slipped the cell phone away. Rachele would never forgive him. In fact, if there was any chance she had a voodoo doll of him, the chances were high that she would be sticking pins between his legs right now.
“Was that Rachele?” Gina asked, as soon as he sat down.
“How did you know?” He had a feeling this wasn’t going to end well.
“You looked shifty when you were talking to her, as if you didn’t want me to know who you were talking to.”
“It’s not what you think it is.”
“And what would that be?”
He scratched the back of his neck in exasperation. “Nothing’s going on, I swear to you.”
“But it was once?”
“I didn’t cheat on her. Or you.”
She looked as if she didn’t know whether to believe him. “We only had a one night stand, Christian. You can’t cheat on me. And you still haven’t answered my question.”
He swallowed, knowing she had him by the balls. “What do you want to know?”
“I want to know everything.”
Chapter 31
“I want to know everything,” she said, because something about that woman still niggled her.
He looked suddenly uncomfortable, as she had expected him to. “Why do you want to know? Are you jealous?”
“No!” Her false laugh sounded hollow to her and she hoped he hadn’t noticed. Her problem was that despite everything, despite what she had heard, despite knowing better—she was emotionally tied. And it hurt. Even now, part of her knew she needed to stay away, and yet the other half wanted answers, wanted to believe that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for what she had overheard that day. That these feelings she was starting to develop for Christian might stand a sliver of a chance of being reciprocated.
“I need to know, because you owe me that much at least.” She looked away, hearing Emilio’s laughter ringing in her ears. “I overheard you and Emilio talking and laughing that day.”
“Laughing? About what?”
“About me.”
He bolted upright. “When?”
“That day I flunked my test, the last day of my training. I overheard the two of you talking. Emilio was saying things about me, about my headband, and saying I wasn’t your type.” She watched his face turn ashen and waited to see how he would worm his way out of this.
“We weren’t talking about you.”
“Yes you were. He mentioned Rachele, about not telling her, and I knew then that she was your girlfriend. You are such a liar, Christian. Even now when confronted by everything, you still can’t tell the truth.”
He exhaled sharply. “Okay,” he said, loosening his collar. “Okay. You deserve to know.” He shook his head and exhaled again. “We didn’t have what you would call a normal relationship.”
A soft and stirring sensation, like the wings of a butterfly skated across her bare arms, making her sit up and take notice.
“Not a normal relationship? What’s that supposed to mean?” This was revealing. She intended to keep digging until he gave her the real answer.
He slouched in his seat. “She’s a friend with benefits,” he said in a lowered voice.
“A what?”
“You know…”
No, she didn’t. She shook her head. “I don’t.”
He cleared his throat and avoided looking at her. It was a moment before he turned to face her again. “A friend…” he said slowly, his voice dipping lower. “With benefits.”
“What kind of benefits?” Financial? Welfare?
“Are you really asking me this?” He sounded embarrassed. Uncomfortable and embarrassed.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He shook his head. “We only get together for sex.”
Her face heated up again. “Are you being serious?”
“Yes.”
“Just sex?” Her eyebrows snapped together as she tried to understand.
“Yes.”
“You use each other for sex?”
“That makes it sound worse than it is,” he said. “And ‘use’ isn’t a good word.”
“But it’s fitting.”
“In your opinion.”
“That’s just perfect,” she said, her voice shot with sarcasm. “What a great foundation for a relationship.”
“I didn’t want a relationship, neither did she. It was an arrangement that suited us both. If you must know, I haven’t been with her since I met you, and I hadn’t been with her for a good while before that. She’s been away on business.”
She peered at him. “Is that meant to make me feel better?” Was he trying to justify that he hadn’t cheated? Was cheating possible in one night stands? And what was he doing seeing someone for the sole reason of having sex? She recoiled in disgust at the thought of it.
“It’s the truth. It’s not something I openly discuss, and it’s not anyone’s business—but I can see why you need to know. I just want to be honest with you, Gina.”
“Should I be honored?”
“What? No.” He flailed his arms in exasperation. “I understand that you’re angry, but you and I, we didn’t exactly plan for that night to happen, did we? You and me getting together.”
She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Knowing what he had with Rachele and the whole sordid background to their relationship, to
ld her all she needed to know about the type of person he was.
It was no wonder that she had ended up in his bed, believing that they had some magical, amazing connection, when really, he was a seasoned charmer, a stud as his friend put it, and he had used her that night.
If he viewed sex as being trivial, then it proved that what happened between them had been nothing special.
“You’re looking at me as if you’re judging me,” he said, his forehead creasing. He was always so self-assured, and this must have come as a surprise to him. But it wasn’t him she was thinking about.
It was her.
The disappointment inside her plummeted to new depths, and the air turned thick and heavy like gloopy tar, making it impossible to talk or breathe. She’d allowed herself to think that he felt something for her—maybe not felt, maybe that was too strong a word, but that he’d seen something in her that made him want to be with her. But his confession just now pointed to him being a normal man with a normal man’s needs. Rachele had been away on business, and she’d been here instead. The timing had been right.
Two people with one need: to connect.
As her chest grew heavy, she realized that she didn’t want to be here anymore. An overwhelming desire to go home descended on her.
“I should get my train,” she said, picking up her handbag from the table.
“What? You’re going?”
“I think it would be better.” She got up.
He raised to standing. “You’re going because of what I told you? You said you wanted the truth, Gina. I gave you the truth.”
“Please, Christian,” she said, letting out a long, slow breath.
He grabbed her wrist. “You’re going to run away again? Is that all you know how to do?”
What did he expect? She wrangled her wrist free. “I’m not Rachele.”
His brows snapped together. “I know you’re not. What exactly do you mean by that anyway?”
She couldn’t sleep with a man and not have it be a part of something. She was emotionally tied and it hurt too much to know he wasn’t, to find out that it was only a casual exchange to him.
“Nothing,” she said, “I don’t mean anything. I’m tired and I need to get home. Ciao,” she said, and forced herself to walk away before he saw the tears falling down her face.
Chapter 32
A feeling of despondency settled over her and she was tired and grouchy the next morning. It wasn’t because she hadn’t slept well. Sleep wasn’t the problem. The problem was waking up, because it was then that it all came back to her—the truth about Rachele and Christian. The truth about the man she’d started to fall for. It made her sick to the stomach, thinking about him now, knowing that she hadn’t been anything special to him.
Despite what she had told him last night, she didn’t return to Verona that evening but caught the train at midday the next day.
But her spirits sank like a dead weight when she saw her sister’s car parked outside the house. She opened the door to find her mother and Mimi sitting on the sofa. They both stared at her as she walked in with her suitcase.
“You decided to come home now?” She turned to Mimi. “See? She does what she wants, when she wants without a thought for me.”
Gina turned away, her insides churning. “Mimi.” She greeted her sister matter-of-factly and they hugged briefly. It was rare to see her sister here. They didn’t see her much.
“Where are Marco and Pia?” Gina asked.
“They’re visiting his parents.”
“It would be nice if they could visit us some time,” said Gina. She had hardly seen her niece as a baby.
“Where have you been?” asked Mimi. “Mama says you’re hardly here these days.”
“I’m here enough,” replied Gina, testily. “You should know that Mama likes to exaggerate things out of proportion.” She wished she had stayed in Rome for the entire weekend. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”
“Be nice to your sister,” her mother said.
“I am being nice.” But Christian’s confession still preyed on her mind and gave her a sharper tongue. “It’s nice to see you, maybe next time you could bring Pia.”
“I will, but these youngsters have a busier social life than I do.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“I suppose you wouldn’t.” Her sister replied. “I came during the week as well, while you were away.” This was a new record for Mimi. Gina wondered what her sister was up to.
“It was good of you to come, I know how hectic things must be for you.” Gina listened to her mother pussy-footing around the daughter she had kicked out all those years ago. These two now looked as close as ever. She wished her sister would swap places with her for a week, then she’d like to see the state of play between them both. She doubted that Mimi would last that long.
“The hospital called and offered Mama an earlier date for her surgery,” Mimi told her.
Gina stared at her blankly.
“So we accepted.”
“It was such a blessing that Mimi was here when they called.” Her mother’s face dripped with pure joy, as if Mimi herself had been responsible for this divine intervention.
“You what?” Gina leaned forward, her face contorting. “What date?”
“In a couple of weeks,” said Mimi, “Why?”
“Why?” snapped Gina. “Why?”
“She was in so much pain,” wailed Mimi.
“I keep telling her I’m always in pain,” her mother chimed in.
“I can’t take time off to look after her then,” said Gina, gnashing her teeth. How could her mother go and make such a decision without consulting her? How could Mimi waltz in and let her?
“Why not?” Mimi asked.
“Because I can’t. Why don’t you help out a little?” Gina shot back. “It’s not as if you work.”
“She has a child.”
“Mama, stay out of this.”
“I can’t help out,” Mimi insisted. “It’s difficult for me. Who’s going to take Pia to school?”
“Then why the hell would you go and change the date of her op without my knowledge?”
“It’s not as if you were here,” her sister replied coldly.
Gina’s stomach hardened. “Well, I can’t take time off to look after her. You should have checked with me first. You could have called.”
They had been thoughtless. Totally and completely thoughtless. Did they expect her to give up her work and spend the whole time by her mother’s bedside, and then help with her recovery at home?
While she understood that this wasn’t entirely Mimi’s fault, and that her mother should have known better, it didn’t help. She couldn’t ask Nico for time off, not when she was due to leave work in a few months’ time and she didn’t know yet how she would deal with it, except that she would, somehow.
Mimi stood up and got ready to leave.
“Going so soon?” Her mother’s face dropped. The hypocrisy of it all drove Gina insane. She waited for her sister and mother to embrace.
“I’ll come by the hospital and see you when you go in, Mama.”
It would make a change, thought Gina, rolling her eyes.
“Come and walk me out,” Mimi said.
Gina followed with her arms folded defensively. “What?”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t think.”
“You didn’t think at all.”
“Look, I’ll try to sort something out. I’ll see if Marco can do a few school runs, but don’t get your hopes up. He’s away a lot, so I have to check with him first.”
This was new. “Any help would be good,” said Gina. “You have Pia, but I have Mama. It’s the same thing, except that I doubt Pia is as difficult.”
“I’ll do what I can.”
“She not easy to live with and she’s getting crankier as time goes by. A little more help from you wouldn’t go amiss.”
“I heard you the first time, Gina.” She got her
car keys out of her bag. “How come you’re spending so much time in Rome lately?”
“I’m looking for a job.”
“In Rome?”
Gina lifted a finger to her lips. “Keep your voice down,” she hissed. “I’m thinking about it.”
“Who’s going to keep an eye on her?”
“If you’re that concerned, how about you step up your game?”
“What’s the matter with you?” Mimi shot back. “You have an answer for everything these days, that’s what Mama said.”
“There are some days when Mama needs an answer. She never stops complaining.”
“Why Rome all of a sudden? I thought you loved your job?”
“I do.”
“Then why?”
“Better opportunities, something different.” She shrugged. Damned if she knew the real reason herself.
“Maybe you’ll meet someone and make a life for yourself.”
“It’s not a priority for me.”
“If you’re finally getting the courage to move on with your life,” said Mimi, “you might want to make more of an effort and make the most of it. Don’t spend it alone, Gina. You’re not getting any younger.”
Choice words coming from her younger sister.
“Some of us stayed behind to look after Mama.”
She knew the answer Mimi would come back with even before her sister opened her mouth. “It suited you, being at home. What did you expect? I got out, I built a life with a man I loved. You can’t blame me for that. Nobody told you to live here. Mama can cope just fine when she has to. She coped this last week, didn’t she?”
This came as no surprise to Gina. “It’s surprising what she can do when she knows there’s no one else running around after her.”
“There you go.” Mimi got into her car and started the engine. Gina watched her sister’s car cruise down the street and stared at it until it was out of sight. Then, she turned around with a heavy heart and walked back inside.
Her mother had knee surgery in two weeks’ time and would be an even bigger monster to deal with then.
Chapter 33
“Why don’t you think about it?” Emilio insisted.
