by D V Wolfe
“Could star in a made-for-TV movie about May-December romances?”
“She’s not that much older than I am, what is she, twenty-two?”
I just smiled. I wasn’t going to tell him that Tiff was actually in her late seventies and that Faoladhs didn’t age, and they only died when they were killed.
“Sorry to tear you away from your ‘could be, might be, maybe love of your life’, but Nya needs us to check out Kansas City,” I said.
“Don’t change the subject, Bane,” Noah said. I could tell he was trying to work some anxiety and hopefulness into a lather of annoyance at me for the Big Gulp incident. “You just like embarrassing me.”
“True,” I said. “Sorry, can’t help it.” I slapped my wrist. “Bad Bane.”
“Why do you do shit like this?” Noah asked, his voice ratcheting up an octave. “Is it because you’re not happy, so no one around you can be either?”
That was a slug in the gut I wasn’t expecting. “No,” I said, trying to breathe in the air that had just been knocked out of me. “I want you to be happy.”
“Then why, Bane, why did you do that to me?!”
“Your ears were smoking,” I said. A very complete silence fell between us in the truck and after a moment Noah turned to look out the windshield and leaned back in his seat.
“Oh,” he said. Then he looked at me. “Sorry I said that stuff.”
“Sorry I embarrassed you,” I said.
Things were still a little awkward in the truck after that until I heard Noah’s stomach growl. I took an exit for a truckstop and sent Noah inside for food while I filled up. I’d picked the pump furthest away from the storefront so no one would see me pay with my "soul tab". There was only one glassy-eyed trucker, about a hundred feet from me. He was leaning against his rig, double-fisting Red Bull and staring into the void.
“That’s one thing I can always count on with you,” a voice said behind me. “You always seem to find the most picturesque spots.”
I turned around to look at Festus. He didn’t look as beat up as the last time we’d seen him. “Butt loads of culture and natural beauty around here,” I said as the trucker let out a belch that echoed across the lot. I leaned back against Lucy’s bed and grinned at him. “So, do you have a new total for me? I mean, since we last ran into each other we’ve killed some demons that were riding around in an SUV and a shit load of werewolves.”
“Huh, no one told me,” Festus said. I narrowed my eyes at him and he smirked. “Why else would I be at this modern marvel of convenience. Why, where else could you fill your vehicle, fill your gob, get a venereal disease from the showers, play the lottery, and hire a prostitute to get a second venereal disease. Because one is never enough.”
I just looked at him. “Are you speaking from experience?”
Festus snapped his fingers and the red notebook appeared. “I’ve just heard…”
“About venereal diseases?” I asked.
“Do you want your total or not?” Festus snapped.
“Yes,” I said. “Last time I hunted a werewolf, they were worth eight souls a piece so with the eleven that I was able to kill…” I paused when I saw Festus was shaking his head.
“Alpha werewolves are worth eight souls. Not the brainless-thug variety. Those are only worth six,” Festus said. He ran his finger down the column. “It looks like you killed one werewolf that was in your hotel room?”
“Oh I forgot about him,” I said. “Yeah, Vince, Mick, and Nya attacked it. Then, I shot it.”
Festus nodded. “So eleven werewolves at six souls each moves your total down by sixty-six souls.” He glanced up at me, his eyebrows raised. “Nice work if you can get it. Maybe you should specialize in werewolf obedience training.”
I shook my head. “I doubt we’ll get that lucky or...unlucky again. The pack was huge. There had to be at least thirty wolves. I’ve never seen packs bigger than a dozen at most.”
Festus nodded without looking up. “I’ve heard that some of the supers are starting to...collaborate and pool their resources more.”
“This pack was on the move,” I said, staring at Festus, willing him to meet my gaze. “Do you know anything about that?”
Festus shook his head. “No. Doesn’t seem very intelligent though, traveling in such numbers when they could be easily detected. Then again, these are furbrains we’re talking about.”
“So why are they worth more than the higher-ring demons?” I asked, sizing up Festus in his Empty House.
Festus seemed to know what I was implying and gave an indignant sniff. “Because werewolves are feral and too stupid to know how to channel their raw power. The virus that infects them, radiates out of them as raw strength, but it barely scratches the surface of what they could be capable of if they stopped licking their genitals for a moment and figured it out. When you kill one, all of that strength and untapped power is transferred to Hell. Therefore, they’re worth more. And the Alpha werewolf you killed is worth eight souls.”
“So with the four demons, eleven werewolves, and one Alpha,” I started.
“Your total now comes to three hundred and thirty-two,” Festus said. “Please pull ahead.”
I grinned at him. I was over half-way there! For the first time, in a long time, I felt like I might actually make it.
“So, just out of curiosity,” Festus said, closing the notebook and tucking it away inside his jacket, “What new and exciting flaming dumpster are you about to jump into?”
I hesitated, thinking about how Nya had said that she didn’t trust Festus. But, like Rosetta, she didn’t know Festus the way I did.
“We’re looking for an incubus,” I said.
Festus groaned. “I so don’t want to know why.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not for me! Man, why does everyone keep reacting like that? I’ve never even hunted one before.”
“And you’ve got reports of one on the loose from the Harbinger?” Festus asked, eyebrows raised. “I was under the impression that incubi were rather skilled at hiding themselves from him.”
I shook my head. “Not from Walter.” I paused. I didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell Festus that Nya got the intel from one of her sources. I wasn’t really sure how Festus felt about Nya but I knew Nya wouldn’t be happy about me telling him, so I changed the subject. “Any idea what an incubus is worth in terms of souls?”
Festus heaved a sigh. “You know the rules, Bane. I can’t tell you that ahead of time. If you’d hunted one before, you’d have a number to go on. Since you haven’t, at least not that I’m aware of…” He paused and I shook my head. He went on. “You’ll have to wait and see. Won’t that be a fun little surprise for you?”
“You really should rent yourself out for children’s birthday parties,” I said. “You’d be a fantastic entertainer.” Noah was jogging across the lot to us and Festus jumped at the sound of footsteps behind him before swinging around to see Noah. “A little jumpy?” I asked.
Festus glared at me. “You try having to keep an eye on your front door and back door when you’re at work so someone doesn’t skewer you with an iron rod.”
My upper lip curled back in horror. “Someone downstairs is trying to turn you into a popsicle on a stick?”
“Amongst other things,” Festus muttered.
“Hi Festus,” Noah said, coming to a stop next to us and pushing the orange frizz out of his face.
Festus gave him a slight nod. “I hear you’re on the hunt for a male gigolo.”
“What?!” Noah asked.
I rolled my eyes. “I told him about the incubus.”
“Oh,” Noah said.
“Be careful,” Festus said, pulling a pair of sunglasses out of his breast pocket. “Their power can capture any mortal. You might want to try putting your belt on backward. It’ll make it harder to get your pants off quickly if you fall under its spell.”
“Good pro tip,” I muttered. “Again, speaking from experience?” Festus di
dn’t answer. He already had his back to us as he walked away across the lot towards a stand of scraggly trees back by the main road.
“Well,” Noah said, turning to look at me. “That was almost pleasant. Did you get a new total? Were the werewolves worth shit tons of souls?”
“Six each,” I said. “And the alpha was worth eight.”
“Well, better than four,” Noah said. “So with the demons and the werewolves, what’s your new total?”
“Three hundred and thirty-two.”
Noah’s face split in a grin. “Hey, more than halfway!” He did the goofy dance again and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Load up,” I said. “We’ve got a gigolo to find.”
“Don’t say that,” Noah groaned. “It makes this whole thing creepier.”
When we were back on the highway, I picked up my cell and flipped it open. We were only a few hours outside of Kansas City, but I might as well use driving time to do some leg work. I hit the six on my speed dial and waited for the phone to ring. I could have turned on the radio to try to catch a report from Walter but this was faster.
“Hello?” Walter answered. Thank god he had never bothered getting caller ID.
“Hi Walter,” I said, praying he wouldn’t hang up.
“Oh, Bane,” Walter said. “I...I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon. Good job on the wolf pack in Iowa. I just saw that it had cleared up this afternoon.”
“Thanks, uh Walter, I was wondering if you were seeing any activity in the Kansas City area right now,” I asked.
The line was quiet for a moment. “No, why?”
“What about Denver or Station, Wyoming?”.
“What are you looking for, Bane?” Walter asked.
I sighed. “An incubus.”
“Uh, Bane, I mean I’m sure you could find other means…” And I could almost hear Walter’s embarrassment over the phone.
“The incubus isn’t for me. It’s...I...I’m hunting it,” I finally spit out.
“Oh,” Walter said. “I’m afraid in that case, I’m not going to be much use to you. Incubi and succubi are illusionists. They’re very good at hiding their tracks. I wouldn’t be able to spot something going on there if it was just one incubus. Now if they were having a convention, I might be able to feel a ripple if they let their guard down when they were together, but they feed alone for the most part. Sorry I can’t be of more help.”
I threw caution to the wind and asked. “Have you ever heard of objects, leaving a trail behind them like supers? Like you would be able to tell if the object had been there?”
“Uh, no,” Walter said. “Bane, what’s going on?”
I sighed. “Nothing, apparently. Sorry I bothered you, Walter.”
“Sorry I couldn’t be of more help,” he said. “Be careful.”
I called Rosetta. She didn’t have much to report. She hadn’t heard from anyone about anything happening in Denver, Wyoming, or Kansas City. I tried calling Tags. With his hell-antenna situation, I was hoping he’d heard something over the wireless, but nada. I tried Stacks. He was deep into trials on wooden bullets tipped with the elixir and Solomon’s Spice but they weren’t ready for use.
“They keep jamming in the barrel,” Stacks said. “I almost blew my thumb off on the last trial run.”
“Still butt cheeks flapping in the wind with no implements of death for demons,” I muttered.
“Well, I was able to put something together for you,” Stacks said. I could hear the smugness.
“I’m scared to ask,” I said.
“Shotgun shells,” Stacks said. “Ordered some cypress wood pellets off of the internet, shipped them overnight and I soaked them in the elixir and Solomon’s Spice.”
I could feel myself grinning. “Screw the bullets, I want all shotgun shells. Bigger blast radius. I have to tell you, Stacks. That is the sexiest thing I’ve heard in a long time.”
“No offense, Bane, but you’re like my sister. And that kind of skeeves me out.”
“Really,” I said. “I had to help you move your porn collection before your trailer blew up. That didn’t ‘skeeve’ you out.”
“It wasn’t porn!” Stacks said. “They were lifestyle magazines.”
“Naked ladies and naked dudes straddling various objects,” I said.
“Regardless,” Stacks sputtered, quickly, and I could almost hear his red face over the phone. “The shells are done. So the next time you’re passing through…”
“Damn,” I muttered. We were about eight hours from Messina. That would be sixteen hours round trip and then an extra couple of hours to get to Kansas City. We could miss the incubus altogether if he was there.
“What?” Stacks asked.
“We’re heading to K.C.,” I said.
“Why?”
“There’s a good chance there’s an incubus there…”
“Bane, if you’re that hard up, just call in a favor with Gabe…”
“The incubus is not for me! Jesus Christ on a cracker, we’re hunting the damn thing. We’re eight hours from Messina now and if we make the trip over to your place, we’ll probably miss him if he’s in K.C. We’ll have to come for the ammo after.”
“Roger that,” Stacks said. “Still think you should give Gabe a call.”
“If I’m your ‘sister’, doesn’t the thought of me and Gabe ‘skeeve’ you out?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Stacks said. “But it’s outweighed by the joy of taunting you with it.”
I hung up and looked over at Noah.
“Stacks has anti-demon shotgun shells for us.”
“Oh thank god,” Noah said. He glanced down at the useless stake still wedged in the crack of the seat between us. “I was not looking forward to going after the big bad demon with this toothpick.”
I nodded. “After K.C. we’ll run over to Messina and get the ammo.”
“So you called Rosetta, Tags, and Stacks.”
“Yeah…”
I glanced over to see Noah staring at me.
“What?”
“Aren’t you forgetting someone? Someone who works with an Order that apparently knows a lot about this kind of stuff?” Noah asked. I looked at Noah, trying to look dumb-founded and he crossed his arms.
“Bane,” he started.
“I should call and check on Vince and Mick.”
Noah scoffed, but I dialed Vince’s number. He sounded better than he had when we’d left him. He said that he and Mick were watching a basketball game and waiting for a pizza they ordered. They were feeling better and thought one more night of rest would get them back to a hundred percent.
I hung up and I could feel Noah’s eyes on me. I held my cell phone in my hand, trying to think of anything else that would deflect Noah.
“Who are you going to call now?” He asked. I cut my eyes to him and saw him cross his arms and give me a smug smile.
“I doubt he’ll have any information,” I said. “I mean if Walter doesn’t.”
“Doesn’t hurt to ask,” Noah said. “I mean, you bothered calling Vince and Mick who could probably tell you the Dodgers’ score right now but would have no idea how to help you find an incubus.”
“The Dodgers aren’t basketball,” I said.
“They’re not?” Noah asked. He made a frustrated noise. “Whatever. You know what I mean. Just call him.”
I tried to seem nonchalant as I shrugged and hit Gabe’s number on speed dial. He had programmed it for me and programmed himself as number one. He picked up on the second ring.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Gabe asked. I could hear his motorcycle in the background.
“Did you pull over just to answer your phone?” I asked.
“Maybe,” Gabe said. “Will you make it worth my while?”
“Maybe. Can you tell me if the Order has heard anything about an incubus in Denver, Kansas City, or Station, Wyoming?” I asked.
“Not the question I expected you to ask,” Gabe said. “I haven’t he
ard about anything, but I’ll make some phone calls. I mean, since I’m already pulled over.”
“Bully,” I said.
“You going to tell me why you’re looking for an incubus? I mean, is there anything I could do to help?”
I wasn’t sure if Gabe meant it to be a double entendre, but the jolt in the bottom of my stomach made me think he might have.
“So, apparently the werewolves were under the control of something. We’re operating under the assumption that it could be the latest frontal assault from the demons. So Nya’s been trying to find a name so we can track the thing. In the interim, she found a way to kill higher-level demons, supposedly, so we’re heading to Kansas City.”
“You don’t believe her?” Gabe asked.
“I believe Nya,” I said. “She’s never steered me wrong. It’s her sources. She’s having to really scrape the bottom of the barrel and reach further and further out of the hunting circles to find information.”
“Well that’s nice of her to go out of her way like that,” Gabe said. “Nya cares about you. I doubt there’s anyone she wouldn’t take a meeting with if it meant helping you.”
I knew this and it bothered me. Nya took too many chances on my behalf. She never listened to me when I argued with her about this. “Yeah,” I said. “I wish she wouldn’t do that.”
“Get over it,” Gabe said. “Whether you want them to or not, some people care about you. God knows why.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Fools,” I said and he chuckled.
“I’ll call you after I talk to the Order,” Gabe said. He hesitated and I could tell he was debating about saying more. Finally, he said, “Call me if you find anything in Kansas City?”
“Will do,” I said. We hung up and I decided to ignore Noah, rather than give him the satisfaction of seeing the smile I could never quite shake after talking to Gabe.
“There,” Noah said. “Was that so hard?”
“I have Tiff’s number,” I said. “You should call her.” That shut Noah up.
It was dinner time when we rolled into Kansas City. I knew because Noah’s stomach was growling in the seat next to me. I pulled into the lot for the first diner we came to. I sent Noah in to get a table and I stopped at a bank of newspaper racks before following him in.
