We’re both quiet, and it’s nice. Everything around us is moving. Leaves are rustling in the gentle wind. Birds are taking flight from the trees and singing. I can hear the faint sound of water falling down in a rush. It would be downright idyllic if it weren’t for the massive elephant of a proposition sitting between us.
I should address it, but my you-should-sleep-with-me speech and the following collision have taken the wind out of my sails. Maybe we’ll just ignore what I said and pretend nothing happened.
Yeah.
That sounds like a good plan.
“Should we get moving?” I ask just as Law blurts out, “You want to have sex with me?”
Okay. Clearly we’re going to talk about it.
“Any chance we can pretend I didn’t say anything?” I try to take the coward’s way out.
“Umm, that would be a no.”
“Awesome,” I mutter.
“What…” Law opens and closes his mouth. “How…” He shakes his head, but to his credit, he keeps going. “Why would you… just… what?” he finally asks.
“You’re gonna have to elaborate on that,” I say. “What was I thinking? What did I mean by it? What is sex?” He just gapes at me in reply. “Come on, Law, help me out here.”
He sighs and rubs his palms over his face. The bandana he’s wearing on his head tilts to the side, exposing one of his ears, so without thinking, I reach out my hands and straighten it. He sucks in a breath as my fingers touch his cheeks. I’d like to think it’s because of the skin-on-skin contact, but it might just be that my fingers are all dirty from scrambling around on the ground, and Law is sensitive to dirt.
“We should definitely get up,” I say as I push myself to my feet. Law looks at me for a second and follows my lead.
“Do you want to go back to the car?” he asks, but I shake my head. “Let’s just keep going.” I have a feeling the conversation we’re about to have will be much easier if I don’t have to look at Law and, instead, can stare at my feet. I’ll have the excuse of making sure that I don’t step on any squirrels.
We follow the trail, and we get to the base of the falls in no time. It’s beautiful. Way better than what I expected when Law proposed this hike. I bet it looks even better during spring when there’s more water. I guess we’ll just have to come back. I stumble at the thought. I’m making future plans for us now? What the hell?
Law leans against the railing and pulls off his bandana. Warmth and sunshine chase away the chill of the morning, so I follow suit and take off the baseball cap Law gave me before we started our hike. It had been in the back seat of his car. I take out a bottle of water and drink, offering it to Law who takes it wordlessly and empties it.
For a while, we both just stand, elbows on the railing, and watch the falls.
“So,” Law finally says. “You want to have sex with me.”
His tone is neutral. There’s no hint about how he feels about that prospect. Curious? Amused? Disgusted? There’s nothing there, so I go for a simple, “Yes.”
Another moment of silence stretches between us, but I’m not in a hurry to fill it. I’ll let Law take the lead on this one.
“Okay,” he says. “I’ve got to say, I was certain I’d gotten the hang of how your mind works, but clearly that’s not the case. So, any hints about what put that idea into that fascinating brain of yours?”
I’m speechless. He finds my brain fascinating? He’s not being sarcastic? That’s unexpected. It’s much more common for me to evoke things like mild exasperation and aggravation in people.
Law is still waiting for my response, so I choose my words carefully. “It’s been brought to my attention recently that people enjoy… intimate encounters more if both parties have a certain level of experience to bring to the table.” I think I come off as mature and rational.
Yeah because that’s what’s hot, Andy.
Law says nothing, and after a couple of minutes, which are probably more like seconds, the need to fill the silence becomes unbearable.
“Not that I’m planning to do it on a table,” I add quickly. “A bed is fine. Or I suppose a table is also fine if that’s your thing.”
I think about what I’ve just said. Great. It’s a small step from mature and rational to prudish. No wonder people aren’t lining up to sleep with me. And my mouth just keeps going, seemingly independent from my brain.
“Umm… up against the wall would work too, and maybe on the floor. And, I mean, shower sex has never seemed like a good idea because of the slippery factor, but I’m prepared to be convinced otherwise,” I ramble. “I’ll try anything once,” I add just to give Law the impression I’m adventurous. In reality, I have no idea what kind of lover I’d be, but that’s why I need his help, damn it.
Law just stares at me, unblinking. This is going so well.
“I saw a clip once where two guys were going at it on the roof, but that’s where I draw the line,” I continue, because dear, almighty God, the silence is killing me. “I know what I just said about trying anything once, but it’s implied that common sense must be applied. I want to have sex, not die gruesomely. My mom would not be happy to receive my naked, dead body from the coroner, so if that’s something you—”
That’s all I get out before Law hauls me against him and crashes his lips to mine.
“Oomph,” I say elegantly because I’m cool like that, but I forget about it instantly since I’m kissing Law. Law!
Okay, so technically he’s kissing me, because I’m just standing still, not moving a muscle. I think I’m in shock.
Law pulls away slightly after a moment. Our noses are almost touching, he’s that close. “Andy?” he whispers, and that one word, my name sounding like a question on his lips, is all it takes to jolt me out of my shock. My fingers go to his hair and I pull his face back, so our lips meet again.
I don’t remember my last kiss. It was that unremarkable. Some dude at a party. Both of us drunk. Just a totally ordinary encounter between two strangers who accidentally bumped into each other. I do remember that he was about my equal on the nerdiness scale, so I guess he didn’t have any better options. We both probably took a long look at the other and thought, Eh, he’ll do. The kiss was about as unmemorable as the guy I shared it with had been.
This right here, though? I think I could fall on my head and wake up from a coma two years later with amnesia so bad that I couldn’t remember who I was, but this kiss would surely stay with me.
Law’s lips are warm against mine. He wraps himself around me, and I feel every inch of him. His nose bumps against mine, and he smiles against my mouth. I smile back, but we don’t move even an inch away from each other.
Law’s lips are super soft. He licks over my lower lip, prompting me to open, so I do. Of course I do, and then our tongues tangle and lick and caress each other, and it’s hot and awesome and just the best feeling ever.
What the hell? Why has kissing never felt like this before? Is it just me? Does Law feel it too? I have so many questions, but nothing in this world will make me disentangle myself from Law, especially for something as ordinary as speaking.
Law’s hands move behind my back. One of them lands on my ass, and he pulls me even closer. His fingers squeeze my ass, and I shiver because that feels fantastic, and I want more.
My cock is rock hard in my pants, trapped and squeezed against Law.
If kissing Law feels this amazing, I can’t wait to see what sex with him feels like. I’ve given a finger to the devil, and I can’t wait for him to grab my hand and drag me to his lair.
My hands move all over Law’s body. Why is he wearing so many clothes? It’s like fifty-five degrees outside. I’m sure he could go shirtless. And maybe he could also ditch the pants. We haven’t seen a single person on this trail so far, so he should feel free to flaunt that fit body of his for my viewing pleasure.
But before I can unzip anything, Law pulls away. We’re both breathing harshly. Panting, really. Law’s hair is me
ssy, his bandana is on the ground, in front of his feet. His eyes are huge, glittering with arousal. His lips are swollen, and I can’t wait to taste them again.
“Why’d you stop?” I blurt out the only question that circles my mind.
“I have no fucking clue,” he mutters as if to himself. He lifts his gaze to mine. “You need some time to think,” he declares as he picks his bandana up and stuffs it in his pocket.
“About…?” I ask. “The benefits of taking this inside? Because you’re hot and you make me hot, but if we keep this up, we’ll give the other hikers an eyeful,” I say.
“About sex.” Law’s voice is patient. He sounds like he’s explaining the basic principles of gravity to a five-year-old who wants to use an umbrella to fly from the roof of the barn.
I take a step closer. “After that kiss it shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll be thinking about sex for the foreseeable future.”
He laughs. “Flattering, but that’s not what I meant.” He looks down. “We’re friends,” he says.
“Yeah,” I say, confused. “That’s the best part.”
And it is. It’s the only reason I feel so comfortable with this situation.
“Sex might complicate things.” He thinks for a moment. “Scratch that, sex will definitely complicate things.”
Now Law’s the one being all mature and reasonable, and if I scoffed at those qualities being sexy before, from now on, I’ll be singing a different tune. This serious, look-at-every-angle, rational part of Law is really doing it for me.
Ever since I went out with Falcon and his friends, my mind has been preoccupied with my very limited number of sexual encounters. I’ve been analyzing the situation from every angle, and the only logical conclusion I’ve reached is that I need to gain more experience.
The problem is that the most common way to do that—finding a hook-up—does not appeal to me at all. Casual sex has never been my thing. I mean, it would be so much easier if it were, since I wouldn’t be in this pickle at all right now if I could just go to a club and sleep with somebody. I’ve tried it a couple of times over the years, but I’ve failed miserably every time I found somebody who seemed willing to entertain the idea of sleeping with me at all. Strangers don’t turn me on. It’s that simple.
So unless I want to hire myself a hooker and go all Pretty Woman on him, which doesn’t really seem like the best idea because of the whole illegal aspect, I’m all out of ideas.
Only about half an hour ago, when Law mentioned trusting me, did I have the lightbulb moment. I’m starting to think I exaggerated when I said that I have good problem-solving skills. All the evidence points to the contrary, since it’s becoming clear that, if a person is uncomfortable sleeping with a complete stranger, the only other option they have left is sleeping with a friend. The hell if I know why it took me a week of serious thinking to figure that one out. So I immediately moved on to deal with the next part of the problem—finding a friend to sleep with. I don’t have a lot of those, so my options are limited. Let’s see: there’s Falcon—sleeping with him to gain some experience in order to be more appealing to him seems like circular reasoning—and then there’s Law. That’s it. That’s the full extent of my friend pool.
“It will only complicate things if we let it,” I say. We’re both adults. We can be reasonable about it. Plus, there’ll be no complicated feelings involved. Law is a friend, a very good one, but that’s it. I don’t have feelings for him. I like him. A lot. I like how he goes the extra mile for his friends and his team. I like the way his nose crinkles when he laughs out loud. I like how, when he concentrates, he sticks his pen behind his ear and then forgets about it. I like how he yells at the TV when he deems somebody’s actions too stupid to endure in silence. I realize I could go on and on. I have an endless supply of Law facts stored away in my mind. I like that he’s smart and fun and loyal. Spending time with Law is the most fun I’ve ever had. Well, not the most, I remind myself. I have fun with Falcon too. He’s my best friend, so it’s great when we hang out.
Only you haven’t done that in forever, my brain helpfully reminds me.
Nah-uh, we went to a bar just last week, I counter.
It wasn’t just the two of you, and you haven’t missed him that much, have you? My brain snarks back. I frown at the thought but dismiss it immediately. I’ve been busy. That’s all.
I almost start laughing because I’m arguing with myself. How very normal and not at all creepy and weird.
“Can’t it be one of those things where it won’t be awkward if we don’t let it be awkward?” I ask, and I’m only half joking.
There’s a conflicted look in Law’s eyes. “What if… what if feelings get involved?” He looks at me with such intensity. There’s a hidden question beneath what he actually said.
He means me. He means, what if I develop feelings for him? And I’ve got to hand it to him, it’s a fair question. The guy has seen me moon over Falcon, and according to him, my feelings were clear as day. Considering what he knows about my history with Falcon, can he really be blamed for thinking there might be a chance I’ll get a crush on him as well? No wonder he’s so hesitant, he just doesn’t want to deal with my pesky crush, so I force myself to laugh.
“No way is that happening. My… thing for Falcon is rock solid. It’s an impenetrable stone wall of feelings,” I say. I try to insert the word love in there somewhere, but my mouth refuses to cooperate and the word just won’t come out. It’s fine, though. I’m sure it’s implied. “Lots and lots of feelings,” I add to hammer the point home.
Law looks down, and for a moment, I swear there’s a look of disappointment on his face, but I dismiss the thought. I must have imagined it. Besides, what’s he got to be disappointed about here? It’s not like Law’s harboring his own secret crush on me. That’s an idea so ridiculous that the fact that Donald Duck wears a towel around his waist when in everyday life he doesn’t wear any pants seems sane and logical compared to what I just came up with.
“We have nothing in common,” I say because Law is suddenly acting all weird, and I can only imagine it’s because he’s still not convinced of my ability to keep myself from developing feelings. “I’m this science geek and you’re, well, you’re you.” I gesture toward him with my hand, trying to encompass everything that is Law in this one movement. A fun, popular, great person, who is kind and good and all-around awesome.
I’ve never really concentrated on how different we are, but it hits me now, full force. I’ve thought about it before, but it’s been in passing. How did we get to this moment?
It would be easy to explain Law’s continued interest in spending time with me with the fact that he just tolerates me because of the whole tutoring thing. Only it’s been weeks since I agreed to help, and we’ve both kept our ends of the deal. So I’m thinking it’s not because he feels like he should kiss my ass just to make sure I don’t suddenly bail. I guess he could be a psychopath who’s playing me, but scientifically speaking, the odds are low. I’m talking, like, one ten-billionth of a meter tiny.
Still, it’s weird, because I’m so very much the opposite of Law. He’s like the sun, bright and warm, and I’m like one of those brown dwarves, too small to be called a star and so insignificant most people don’t even know they exist.
I force myself to laugh. “I mean, what would we even talk about, right?”
For some reason, Law’s smile seems just as forced. “Right,” he says.
Maybe I shouldn’t have brought his attention to the fact that he’s wasting his time hanging out with me? Maybe this is the moment where he realizes he could be doing something else with much cooler people?
My gut has an uncomfortable, hollow feeling in it.
Way to go, Andy.
14
Law
It shouldn’t sting, but it does. Andy is right. He’s the smart one, and I’m the jock who’d never be able to keep up with him if he went in depth about his classes or his job or his thoughts on some f
amous theory or physicist during a conversation. My knowledge about Andy’s chosen field is embarrassingly poor.
It’s stupid to be hurt because Andy pointed out the simple fact that dating me would be impossible simply because we would have nothing to talk about. We don’t seem to have that problem now, but it’d probably arise at one point. How could he take me with him to work functions if I can’t keep up with the conversation?
He’s right. It’s better we remain friends. Not to mention the fact that I’m not even in the market for a boyfriend, so this whole thought sequence is pointless.
The thing is, I want Andy. Have for a while now. There’s something about him that pulls me in and refuses to let go, so the offer to have some no-strings sex is extremely hard to resist. Especially because I’m not so sure I should.
It’s just like Andy said, we’re both adults. It shouldn’t be hard to leave emotions out of the equation. Sure, I like Andy. A lot. But I’m not in love with him, so it’s not that big of a deal if, in addition to being friends, we throw sex into the mix.
“Just to be clear,” I say, “by saying you need to gain experience, you mean what, exactly?”
He looks away and his cheeks turn a dark shade of pink. “You’re going to make me spell it out, aren’t you?” he mumbles.
“It’s one of those things where there shouldn’t be any miscommunication, so it’s easier for both of us to be as honest and straightforward as humanly possible.”
He huffs out a breath through his mouth, which makes his hair fly around his head. “Fine. My experience with sex is limited,” he says and looks at me with a frown as if waiting for me to make a joke.
“Okay.” I keep my voice as neutral as possible.
“I’ve kissed a few people, and there was a hand job thrown in there somewhere, but otherwise I’m a blank slate, and to be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve… done something that doesn’t involve my own hand,” he soldiers on, chin up, looking almost defiant. And good for him. It’s nobody’s business to judge what the other person does with their body, so he damn well shouldn’t be ashamed. Although, this all raises the question of…
Project Hero Page 13
