Racing Christmas

by Shanna Hatfield

  Brylee kept her thoughts to herself, even though she couldn’t imagine Shaun struggling more than she had. He’d moved on with his life with ease compared to the heartache and torture she’d endured.

  The song ended and Jason walked her off the dance floor. A fast one began so she glanced around to see if she could spy Chase and Jessie. She wouldn’t mind visiting with them until Shaun claimed her for the next slow dance.

  She’d been looking over at the concession stand to see if they’d gone over there when she felt someone grab her arm and propel her toward the dancers.

  Brylee glared at the overweight, middle-aged man who tried to force her onto the dance floor. “I’m not interested in dancing,” she said, trying to pull out of his grasp.

  The man was twice her size and obviously on his way to being blind drunk. “I wanna dance with the champion racer,” he slurred. “I bet you’ve got all kinds of moves, baby.”

  His hand released her arm only to grab her by the waist and jerk her roughly against him.

  Brylee pushed against his chest and turned her face away from his foul breath, but couldn’t break his hold. If she’d had two good legs to stand on, she would have kicked him and gone on her way.

  She considered how much damage it would inflict if she kneed him where it counted when she saw Shaun shove two bottles of pop into his dad’s hands and stride toward her. She’d never seen him look so angry, like he wanted to rip the man’s head right off his beefy shoulders.

  “Get your hands off my wife,” Shaun’s voice sliced through the music and silenced the sounds of the crowd.

  Chapter Nine

  The man either didn’t hear Shaun or was too drunk to realize a hurricane of wrath was about to descend upon him. When Shaun laid a hand on the man’s shoulder and spun him around, the drunk looked shocked.

  “Last warning. Get your hands off my wife!” Shaun’s chest heaved with fury and he held his right hand in a tight fist.

  The drunk backed away. “I don’t want trouble, man. I didn’t know she’s married.”

  “You’re what?” Jason asked as he strode up beside Shaun. He voiced the question almost everyone appeared to be dying to ask. In fact, even with the music still playing, the noise around them had died to utter quiet.

  Shaun disregarded his dad’s question and settled his hands on Brylee’s shoulders. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

  Brylee didn’t know whether to hug Shaun for rescuing her or slug him in the gut for calling her his wife. He’d lost the right to use that title when he left her. She pulled herself up to her full height and gave him a look so full of pain, indignation, and resentment, Shaun took a step back. “You don’t get to call me that anymore, Shaun.”

  “What do you mean anymore?” Jason asked, clearly unwilling to let the matter drop. “You two were married?”

  Brylee shook her head. “No, not really.”

  “Yes, we were!” Shaun looked around, noticing the eyes of the crowd focused on them. “Dad, let’s move this little interrogation somewhere other than the middle of the dance floor.” Shaun cupped Brylee’s elbow and guided her through the crowd surrounding them.

  Jessie reached out and gave Brylee an encouraging pat on the back as she moved past her and Chase. With her head held high, Brylee continued walking and didn’t stop until they reached the trailer.

  The minute the closed door muffled the sounds of the crowd outside, Jason gave them both long, pointed looks. “What is going on? I want the whole story, right now.”

  “Dad, it’s not… I don’t…” Shaun tossed his hat on the counter and forked his fingers through his hair.

  Brylee sank onto the couch and pulled up the leg of her jeans so she could adjust her brace. Shaun hunkered down and reached to help, but she slapped his hand away. “I think you better answer your dad’s question. I’ve got a few of my own I’d like answered.”

  Jason sat down on the end of the couch and pinned Shaun with a hard glare. “Did you or did you not marry Brylee?”

  “I did.”

  Shaun stood and started pacing the small space between the couch and the kitchen, back and forth, until Brylee considered sticking her foot out and tripping him just to get him to stop.

  “Sit down!” Jason finally barked.

  Surprisingly, Shaun obeyed and took a seat next to Brylee.

  “Are you still married?”

  “No, of course not,” Brylee said, rushing to answer the question.

  “Start from the beginning,” Jason said, looking to Shaun.

  “Brylee and I fell in love six years ago, you knew that.” Shaun jiggled his foot and drummed the fingers of his left hand against his thigh, a sure sign he was nervous.

  “Everyone knew that. It wasn’t exactly a secret.” Jason moved from the arm of the couch to lean against the counter where he could better glare at his son. “When did you get married?”

  When Shaun remained silent, Brylee spoke up. “In Las Vegas, during the finals that year.”

  Jason rolled his eyes. “Let me guess, it was a spur of the moment thing?”

  Shaun nodded. “It was Friday night, before the last day of the finals. Brylee had won the barrel racing that night and I had the top score for bareback riding. I might have had a little too much to drink, and may have coerced her into drinking a glass or six of champagne to celebrate. It was a sure thing we both were going to take home the championship titles, or so we thought.” He sighed. “One thing led to another. We ended up in one of those little wedding chapels saying I do.”

  “Then what happened?” Jason asked. From the look on his face, Brylee could see he tried to piece the puzzle together. The problem was that Shaun was the only one who knew the answer to that question.

  Brylee had nearly turned herself inside out trying to figure out why she’d awakened the morning after Shaun married her to find an empty hotel room and a note from him telling her it had been a huge mistake to wed. He’d left instructions for her to call an attorney he’d contacted to move forward with an annulment.

  “I, uh… well, I woke up the next day and realized it was a mistake. Remember Will Johnson, who used to ride? Well, his brother is an attorney. I got in touch with him and he took care of the paperwork.” Shaun got up and started pacing again. His father stopped him halfway across the floor by placing a hand to his chest.

  “Let me get this straight. You got drunk, then talked Brylee into getting tipsy, married her, had the honeymoon, then decided you weren’t ready to be a grown up.” A vein began throbbing in Jason’s neck. He turned to Brylee. “What did he say to you when he left?”

  She shrugged and shifted to a more comfortable position on the couch. “He didn’t say anything. I woke up to an empty hotel room and a note to call his attorney. The note said he was sorry, but he couldn’t be married to me.”

  “That’s it?” Jason gaped at Brylee in surprise.

  “That’s it. I’ve known the who, what, where, and when, but I’ve spent the last five and half years wondering why. Why a boy I loved more than anything just walked out on me like that.”

  Jason appeared even more infuriated as he glowered at Shaun. “You snuck out of the room like a coward? You didn’t even have the decency to tell this poor girl in person?” Jason settled a hand on Brylee’s shoulder as he scowled at his son.

  Now that Jason was mad and they all were upset, Brylee wished they could have avoided this discussion. As much as she wanted to hear the truth, Jason’s sympathy was about to push her beyond her ability to control her emotions. She absolutely refused to cry in front of Shaun.

  “No, I didn’t, Dad. There’s a lot of stupid mistakes I’ve made through the years, but leaving Brylee that morning is the one I’ll always regret the most.” Shaun gave her a look so full of remorse she almost opened her arms to him. But doing so would open her heart and that was never going to happen.

  Shaun dropped down to his knees in front of her and took her cold hand in his. “I’m truly sorry for what I
did, Brylee. Dad’s right in saying I was a coward. I acted like a scared boy, not a man, and I’ve regretted it every day since then. I wanted to explain, to apologize, but by the time I fully realized what I’d done, you’d already changed your phone number and you never answered the letter I sent to you.”

  “I don’t know anything about a letter, but you made it perfectly clear you didn’t want to be with me, Shaun. Your attorney wouldn’t give me any details as to the reason why, though, other than to say it was a mistake and you were sorry. Well, sorry didn’t quite cut it when you left my heart in a thousand splintered pieces in that hotel room. I gave you everything I had to give and you tossed each one of those precious gifts back in my face.” She dropped his hand and stood, letting the emotions she’d tried so hard to keep tucked away bubble to the surface. “You have no idea how much you hurt me, how much damage you caused, how many tears I cried. I assumed spending one night as my husband was so traumatic it made you run off without so much as a decent goodbye. I loved you, Shaun, as completely as a human heart can love.” And I still love you! her traitorous heart cried. “But that wasn’t good enough. If you want to know why I disappeared, it’s because I never wanted to see you again. Not when you destroyed my heart right along with my dreams.”

  She turned to Jason. “I don’t know what I did so wrong that Shaun decided he couldn’t love me and at this point I don’t care. It just doesn’t matter anymore. This summer gave me the opportunity to finally let go of the bitterness and forgive him, but don’t expect me to ever forget because I can’t. I can’t and I won’t.”

  Suddenly feeling suffocated by the two men, she pushed past Shaun and opened the trailer door. “I need some time alone. Good night.”

  “Don’t go. I’ll leave,” Shaun said, moving to the door, but she shut it in his face.

  Brylee walked past their trailer and turned toward the stables. Emotions and memories she’d buried washed over her bringing an onslaught of pain that left her gasping for breath. She leaned against the end of a trailer for support. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she pressed her hand against her mouth to keep from sobbing aloud.

  “Brylee?” a soft voice asked as a hand gingerly touched her arm.

  She peered through her tears at Paige and Cooper James.

  “What’s wrong, Brylee?” Cooper asked, giving Paige a worried glance before he looked back at Brylee.

  She shook her head, unable to speak with emotion lodged like a lump of paste in her throat.

  Paige settled an arm around her and Cooper moved to her other side. “Let’s get you back to your trailer.

  “No!” Brylee frantically shook her head, pulling away from them.

  “Then come to ours. We’ve got plenty of room,” Cooper said, leading the way as she leaned against Paige for support.

  How had a simple dance or two with Shaun ended like this?

  Shaun stared at the door Brylee had just slammed in his face, wondering how an evening of fun had so quickly turned into a nightmare. He hadn’t meant to blurt out that she was his wife. When he’d seen the drunk manhandling her, though, something protective and primitive took over in his brain. The next thing he knew, he was clenching his fist, ready to knock the guy into next week.

  It was bad enough he’d called Brylee his wife once, but he’d said it twice. And the worst part of it all was how much he liked the way it sounded. If he could trade everything he owned for a machine that would take him back in time to that morning when he’d made such a fateful decision, he wouldn’t run away from Brylee. Instead, he’d gather her close and never let her go.

  But no magic means of time travel existed and from her reaction, she would never, ever get over what he’d done. Even if she had forgiven him, she wouldn’t ever trust him again. She had once and all it had gotten her was a broken heart.

  “Why, Shaun?” his dad asked from behind him. “Why?”

  Shaun took a deep breath and turned around to face his father. “Why to which of the many questions I know you’re thinking.”

  “Start with why you didn’t tell me the truth.” Jason sank down on the couch, as though he was too weak to stand.

  For the first time since he’d become an adult, Shaun thought his father looked old. Old, tired, and weary.

  “I didn’t want you to think I was a lunkheaded, irresponsible kid, which I was. I guess I was ashamed and embarrassed, and scared.” Shaun sat beside him and leaned back. “I woke up with Brylee beside me. At first, I couldn’t even remember how we’d gotten to her hotel room or how I’d finally talked my way into her bed, because I hadn’t tried before. She was a good girl and I knew it, respected it. Brylee was nothing like the other girls I generally ran around with before I met her.” A sigh rose up from his soul and he slowly expelled it. “Then it all came back in a rush. Fear and guilt flooded over me at what I’d done, we’d done, until I couldn’t breathe. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to handle it all. I got out of bed, noticed the ring on my finger, and panicked, Dad. I panicked and called Will and he put me in touch with his brother. After a five minute conversation, I wrote a note with the attorney’s info and left.”

  Shaun glanced at his dad, aware of the censure on Jason’s face, and shook his head. “There isn’t anything you can say that will make me feel any worse than I already do. What I did was stupid and wrong and hurtful. I’d give anything to go back and undo the mistake I made. That evening, the last night of the rodeo, I hid out so I wouldn’t have to see Brylee. As you know, I didn’t make my ride and lost the championship. She was so upset she knocked over two barrels and lost her title, too.”

  His foot began to jiggle as he recalled every horrible moment of that day. “I didn’t want to see the look on your face that’s there right now, Dad, so I decided to just tell people Brylee and I broke up, which we did, but it was all on me. Before a week had passed, I felt like I’d die without her. I wanted more than anything to take it all back, to confess how much I loved her and beg her to forgive me. By that time, she’d changed her number. I even tried calling her home phone, but her mother refused to let me talk to her or even tell her I’d called. So I wrote a letter. If I thought she would have seen me, I would have driven to her house and pleaded in person, but I figured her dad would rather shoot me than let me apologize.”

  “I would have shot first and asked questions later if someone had treated your sister like that,” Jason said. His tone didn’t hold quite as much disgust and his face had softened slightly.

  “I know and I wouldn’t have blamed him a bit. I tried to get over her, to get over how much I missed her. It hurt so much to know I could have had the best thing in the world and I threw it away because I was a scared, cowardly boy.”

  “But what were you scared of, son? The responsibility of being married? Being faithful to her? What were you so afraid of?” Jason pressed.

  “Brylee! I was afraid of Brylee and how much I loved her!” Shaun struggled with the emotions threatening to suck him under. “I loved her so much, Dad, it scared me spitless. I had no idea love like that existed. Oh, I’d known from the moment I met her I loved her, but holding her in my arms that night made it perfectly clear that she had an indescribable power over me. I needed her so much, loved her so deeply, it terrified me. No one had ever made me feel what I felt when I was with Brylee. Marrying her just made it all so real, so incredibly beautiful and genuine and amazing. The awe of it all just seemed too much, the possibilities too painful. That kind of love was too big for my heart to hold, or so I convinced myself at the time. No one’s made me feel that way since and I don’t think anyone but Brylee ever can.”

  “Is that why you quit drinking? Because of what happened? I was worried about you then, about the direction you were headed.”

  Shaun nodded. “I can’t tell you how many times I wondered if I hadn’t been drinking, and hadn’t talked Brylee into drinking champagne, if we would have waited and gotten married in a proper ceremony with our family and friends arou
nd us. Not some five minute exchange of vows in a chapel with a bunch of strangers gawking at us because it sounded like a good idea at one in the morning. If we’d both been sober, if we’d waited, we might right now be married with a baby or two and living our happily ever after.”

  “You never listened all the times I told you nothing good ever happens after midnight.” Jason gave him the beginnings of a smile.

  “I know, Dad. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything years ago. I just wanted to put it behind me and forget it happened, but I won’t ever be able to forget. Cooper wisely informed me that Brylee is my one.” He made quotes in the air with his fingers as he said the word. “I hate to agree, but he’s right. There won’t ever be anyone for me because she is the one I’ll love forever.”

  Jason squeezed his shoulder and gave him a fatherly smile. “Anyone with eyes in their head can see you still love her, you idiot. The question is what you are going to do about it. If I get a say in whom my future daughter-in-law is going to be, Brylee gets my vote hands down.”

  Shaun ran his hands through his hair. “There’s not much I can do about it, Dad. You heard her. She might have forgiven me, but she’s never going to love me again. Never.”

  “Never is a very long time, son. Brylee isn’t the type to hold a grudge for eternity.” Jason grinned. “Besides, I don’t think she’d hate you so much if she didn’t still have some feelings for you. She wouldn’t play that hairspray trick on just anyone.”

  Shaun looked to his dad, feeling the faintest stirrings of hope. “Really?”

  “Really. Now let’s talk strategy. We’re good at solving problems and Brylee loathing you until you draw your dying breath is definitely a problem we need to overcome.”

  A grin kicked up the corner of Shaun’s mouth. “Okay, Dad. I’m all ears.”

  “The first thing you need to do is tell her the truth. Why didn’t you tell her what you just shared with me? That you loved her so much, it scared you into leaving.”