“I’ll call him right away. Thanks, Coop. For everything. In case I don’t talk to you before Christmas, I hope you and Paige have a wonderful holiday. Tell your grandpa Merry Christmas for me, too.”
“Will do, Shaun.” Cooper’s voice took on a serious tone. “And remember you can call anytime if there’s anything I can do to help you.”
“I know, man, and I’m grateful to have your friendship. Now hang up and go steal a cookie for me.”
“That I can do.” Cooper’s amusement carried over the line as he hung up and sent Shaun a text with Will’s number.
Shaun called it, wondering what Will needed to tell him that was so important. On the third ring, the man picked up.
“This is Will.”
“Will, this is Shaun Price,” he said, watching a coyote slink through the shadows of the trees in the distance. As long as it stayed away from the cattle, he’d leave it alone. “I’m sorry about not returning your calls. What’s up, man?”
“Shaun, I’m so glad you called. There’s something I need to tell you, well, actually, my brother needs to tell you, but he’s too chicken.”
A sense of foreboding settled over Shaun. “What’s going on?”
“You know when you had Wes help you with those annulment papers?”
“Yes, I very clearly remember that,” Shaun said, thinking he could live for a thousand years and never forget it.
“Well, Wes finally got a promotion and was cleaning out his office the weekend before last and he came across an envelope that had fallen down behind the credenza.” Will hesitated before continuing. “It was your paperwork, Shaun. It never got filed. I don’t know how to tell you this, but you and Brylee are still married.”
“What!” Shaun’s voice echoed off the hills. The sound caught Lucky off guard and the horse crow-hopped a few steps. Shaun had to work to hang onto the phone and bring the horse under control. “Repeat that for me, would you?”
“I said you and Brylee are still married. My stupid brother misplaced the paperwork all this time and just found it recently. I didn’t want to bother you during the finals, but I’ve tried calling several times in the last week. I figured you’d want to know sooner rather than later, although I suppose after six years a few more days won’t make a difference.”
“So Brylee and I are still legally married? As in she’s my legal wife?”
“That’s right. According to Wes, since he failed to file the paperwork, it’s like it never existed. You and Brylee are still legally married. He did say if you still want to separate, he can file for a divorce, but honestly, I’d recommend someone else. He only got the promotion because he recently married the boss’s daughter.”
“I appreciate the info, Will. Truly, I do. Thanks for letting me know. I hope you have a great Christmas.” Shaun felt his heart leap in his chest and resume functioning with strong, steady beats after more than a week of stagnation in a dormant state.
“Thanks, man. You, too.”
Shaun stared at his phone for a minute after he disconnected the call. Suddenly, everything that had seemed so disjointed and hopeless shifted into place.
He grinned and patted Lucky on the neck. “Come on, boy. Let’s get back to the house. I’ve got places to go and things to do.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Brylee couldn’t recall crying herself to sleep after running out of Shaun’s room and his life, or awakening in the early hours of the morning with a massive migraine. She had no recollection of returning to the rodeo venue hours before dawn, hitching her trailer to the pickup, or loading Rocket. She couldn’t even remember leaving Las Vegas in a flurry of tears as she drove toward home.
According to Birch, though, she did all those things. And when she stopped for gas at a little town a few hours out of Las Vegas, she asked him to drive. The boy had been driving a pickup on the ranch since he was ten, but he hadn’t gained much on-the-road experience since getting his driver's permit a month earlier.
Thankfully, the weather was beautiful and the roads clear. Birch managed to get them to a truck stop near Boise with no problem. Although Brylee was exhausted from the miles and miles of tears she’d cried, she climbed behind the wheel and drove the rest of the way home, pulling up at their house just in time for dinner.
The second the pickup rolled to a stop at Blue Hills Ranch, Birch rushed inside the house, warning their mother and grandfather to leave her alone.
Birch had been so excited his last night in Las Vegas before he returned to the room. From the moment he found her teetering on the edge of hysteria as she sobbed and couldn’t explain why, he’d gone into a protective mode.
While Brylee appreciated his care and intervention on her behalf, she told both Ace and Jenn of Shaun’s proposal and her confession about keeping Michaela’s existence a secret.
By the time she finished telling what happened, all four of them were in tears. Grandpa went with Birch to put Rocket in the barn while Jenn sobbed even harder than Brylee, begging forgiveness for her part in making a bad situation worse.
“I forgive you, Mom, but what you did was so wrong and hurtful. If you’d just let Shaun apologize, things could have been different.”
“I know, honey. All I can say is I’m sorry. I never even told your father what I’d done,” Jenn said, sniffling into a soggy tissue. “I suppose a part of me knew what an awful thing I’d done to both you and Shaun. I didn’t want him to know, to think less of me.”
“Then why did you do it?” Brylee asked, wanting, for a brief moment, to inflict as much pain on her mother as she’d poured out on her.
“Honestly, Brylee, I thought I was protecting you. You came home from that rodeo so sad and broken. I decided Shaun didn’t deserve to get you back because he’d hurt you so badly.”
“But that wasn’t your choice to make, Mom. That was mine.” Brylee sighed. “I’d like to think I would have done the right thing and let him know I was pregnant.”
The next several days were hard for her, but Brylee had spent so much time lost in despair after Michaela died and then her father, she refused to wallow in pity or grief.
She threw herself into preparations for the holiday and pretended everything was fine. She and Birch even painted three old tractor tires green and rolled them down the driveway to the front fence. After placing them just so, she added huge red bows, making them look like giant wreaths. The two of them added more lights to the fences and even around the barn. It was as though they tried to overcome the gloom in their hearts by filling the world around them with as much festivity and light as possible.
Brylee had mailed a hundred Christmas cards to family and friends with greetings from all four members of the Barton family. While her mother worked, she cleaned the house, baked holiday treats, and spent an hour crying when she realized she’d made Shaun’s favorite cookies.
She wrapped gifts, and even sewed an outfit for one of the shepherds for the church Christmas program when his mom’s sewing machine went on the fritz. Brylee rode her dad’s old horse or Rocket around the ranch, breathing in the frosty winter air and hoping the snowy landscape would bring peace to her mind if not to her heart.
One afternoon, she and Ace filled baskets with gifts for the elderly and took them to one of the assisted living facilities. The residents were thrilled and Ace had a fabulous time playing Santa, but Brylee couldn’t find the joy in it she’d hoped it would bring.
Five days before Christmas, Brylee awakened and realized her attempts at filling the ache in her heart with busywork wouldn’t make the pain go away. For that, she needed time and maybe a bit of quiet. Inspired to see getting away from everything would make her feel better, she packed a suitcase, then went in search of her grandpa. She found him polishing a set of old sleigh bells in the tack room.
“Grandpa, I love you all dearly, but I need a little while by myself. I’m heading up to the cabin for a few days.”
“That’s a great idea, honey.” Ace wiped off his hand
s and studied her. “Maybe in the quiet up on the mountain you can come to terms with what happened and be ready to start the New Year with a fresh perspective.”
She kissed his cheek and gave him a hug. “I promise I’ll come back Christmas Eve morning. Will you please let Mom and Birch know that I’m fine, but need to be alone?”
“I will, honey. You drive carefully and enjoy the peace and quiet up there.”
Brylee had tossed her suitcase and a bag full of goodies she’d made in the pickup, ran by the grocery store to stock up on food and supplies, then headed up the mountain. She drove past rolling hills that held golden wheat in the summer but were now covered in a blanket of snow.
The snow deepened and the sky looked stormy as she drove higher into the mountains. It was nearing noon when she parked in front of the A-frame cabin that kept snow from accumulating on the roof. A memory of climbing into the slope-ceilinged loft as a little girl and staring out the window at the woods around them made her smile. Life was so easy and simple back then.
She hauled in the groceries and her suitcase, built a fire in the fireplace, and made a sandwich to eat for lunch. After she took a brisk walk around the property to make sure everything was as it should be, she curled up on the couch beneath a soft blanket and went to sleep.
When she awakened hours later, the sky was dark and the cabin was chilly. She turned up the heat on the propane furnace and stoked the fire. Since the power so often went out up in the mountains, the entire cabin could run without electricity. The appliances and furnace ran on gas and a big generator kept the rest of the cabin functioning if the power did go out.
Brylee made pasta and a salad for dinner and sat in front of the fire to eat it. TV reception along with cell service was spotty, so she watched one of the many holiday DVDs she’d packed.
Before she returned home, she was determined to capture a healthy dose of the Christmas spirit. She thought inundating herself with sweet holiday romances couldn’t hurt.
Only she’d ended up crying as the couple in the movie admitted their love and got their happily ever after.
Brylee had no delusions that once upon a time she had a chance at a happy future with Shaun. Between fear and faltering steps, it had slipped through her hands before she could grab onto it.
Unable to watch another movie, she retrieved the paperback she’d started reading before she left for the rodeo finals and opened it to find an envelope tucked inside. Taped to the front of the envelope was a note from her mother.
I’m so sorry, Brylee, for the pain I’ve caused and for the mess I’ve made of things. I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgive me, but I hope you someday will. Despite everything, I really do love you, honey, and I’m so, so proud of you.
Mom
Brylee pulled off the note and saw the envelope was addressed to her in a masculine hand she recognized as Shaun’s handwriting. Fingers trembling, she opened the letter, noting the postmark on the envelope was from six years ago. She unfolded the single sheet of paper and read what he’d written.
Dear Brylee,
I don’t know how to write this letter or even what to say other than I’m sorry. I’m sorry for running out on you last week. I’m sorry for leaving you to wake up alone in that hotel room. I’m sorry for acting like a jerk and writing the stupid note to call the attorney.
It didn’t take more than a few hours to realize I’d made the biggest mistake of my life — not in marrying you, but disappearing like that.
Contrary to what you probably think right now, I love you with all my heart. I love you so much it scares the bejabbers out of me. But I figured out I’d rather risk the chance of drowning in your love than remain safely anywhere else without you.
I’m sorry we didn’t have a proper wedding and I apologize for getting you tipsy, but I won’t apologize for loving you. That one night with you was the single most miraculous thing I’ve ever experienced in my life and I hope we’ll have thousands of nights together as we grow old and gray, side by side.
If you think you can forgive this idiotic, lunkheaded, foolish cowboy, I’d like a second chance at loving you. We can even have a real wedding if you like. All I know is that I can’t stand the thought of being without you.
So, please, Brylee, forgive me. I’m begging you, Bitsy, please call me, text me, send a carrier pigeon or smoke signals, whatever it takes and I’ll come to you.
I’ll love you forever, no matter what you decide.
Yours always,
Shaun
Although her tears nearly blinded her, Brylee read the letter twice more before she set it on a side table and collapsed on the couch, once again overtaken with tears.
The next morning, she slept until eight after spending half the night tossing and turning, praying that Shaun would reach out to her at some point. She decided if she hadn’t heard from him by New Year’s Day, she’d just drive to Baker City and face him in person.
Regardless of the outcome, she had to see him one last time, to tell him again how much he meant to her and how sorry she was about keeping Michaela from him.
I told you keeping secrets from those you love never ends well.
“I know, Dad, but it’s a little late to fix things now.”
Her father’s voice in her head fell silent again, leaving her in a contemplative mood. She bundled up and went outside, going for a walk through the woods. Trees shrouded with snow created a canopy overhead as she meandered on a path most likely made by deer. At least she hoped it was a deer and not something that might try to eat her for dinner.
Too bad no one had ever taught her tracking skills or she might be able to figure out what had been passing through the area. Maybe that would be something good for Birch to learn. She knew someone who worked as a trapper for the state. Perhaps he’d be willing to let Birch tag along this coming summer. She didn’t want him to spend all his teen years tied down to the responsibilities of the ranch. He’d have enough of that to deal with when he was grown.
Poor Birch. He’d been nearly as distraught as she was when she told him she and Shaun would not be getting back together. Shaun had become a father-figure to the boy and a big brother rolled into one. The two of them had spent many hours together — roping, joking around, and doing the things Birch so often missed out on with their dad gone.
Foolishly, she'd imagined Shaun learning about Michaela and his reaction going far differently than it had. In her vision, they'd hug and offer words of love and comfort, and all would be well between them.
Instead, Brylee realized how childish and ridiculous she'd been. It seemed she still had some growing up to do. Shaun had every right to hate her, to never forgive her. How could she blame him? If he'd been the one to hide Michaela from her, she didn't know how she'd ever get past it.
Brylee took a deep breath of the crisp winter air redolent with pine and wood smoke. As the stillness of the woods calmed her tumultuous thoughts, she got an idea. She hurried back to the cabin and dug around in the tool shed behind the house until she found a handsaw. She walked through a stand of smaller fir trees until she found one just the right size and cut it down.
After carrying it back to the cabin, she returned the saw to the tool shed and unearthed a galvanized pail. She dragged a sixty-pound bag of sand she used for traction from the back of her pickup and filled the bucket partway full of the sand then lugged it inside the house. She draped an old red and white striped tablecloth over a small table in the corner of the main room then hauled in the tree and set the tree inside the bucket, twisting and turning it until the tree was secure in the sand. She retrieved a plastic pitcher from beneath the sink and filled it with water then dumped it in the bucket, repeating the process until the sand was completely soaked.
“Now for decorations,” she said, not even caring that she’d started talking aloud to herself.
She went outside and gathered a sack full of pine cones and made another trip to the tool shed to see what she could find there.
With a spool of jute string in her pocket and her hands full of rusty old jingle bells she’d found in a box among nails and bent hinges, she returned to the house, kicked off her snow boots, and set to work.
An hour later, she’d hung pine cones and jingle bells on the tree branches with the jute string.
“It needs some color,” she said, searching the cabin, which didn’t take long. The house boasted a large main room, a good-sized kitchen, two bedrooms downstairs along with the bathroom, and a loft upstairs. She returned to the kitchen and grinned as her eyes landed on a jar of cinnamon.
Brylee quickly whipped up a batch of salt dough using salt, flour, cinnamon, and water. She found a bottle of red food coloring in a drawer. The food color had probably been there since she was a little girl, but a drop of hot water loosened the thickened liquid. Several splashes of the food coloring went into the dough and she mixed it in until the dough was a cheery red color. After rolling it out on the counter, she used a knife to cut star shapes and then poked holes in the top of each one using the handle of a spoon. She placed the stars on a baking sheet and slid it in a warm oven to dry the dough.
When she took them out a while later, she strung jute through the holes and hung them on the tree. The whole cabin held the fragrance of pine and cinnamon, the way Christmas should smell. She smiled as she settled into a rocking chair by the fire and stared at the little tree.
The beginnings of Christmas cheer trickled into her heart. It grew as she made a bowl of soup for lunch then nibbled a few cookies before stoking up the fire.
Ready to treat herself to an indulgence, she went into the large bathroom and filled the huge bathtub with hot water. The tub was big enough to hold two people and deep enough for a good soak. Family lore said her grandfather hauled the tub in and had it installed when they added on the bathroom to the cabin as a surprise for her grandmother. Brylee grinned, thinking he probably got some enjoyment out of it, too.
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