Chapter 6
I hadn’t had anyone as a dinner guest in a very long time, except when Patrick or my sister came to visit, and neither visited very often. So it was a very big deal for me to get ready for this dinner, especially because my cooking skills are limited. I really wanted to impress them, and I actually considered buying a dinner from the best restaurant in town and putting it all in my own pots and pans, but if I was going to do that, I could have just arranged to have dinner with them at the restaurant. So I disregarded that idea and decided to have something uncomplicated…an old fashioned spaghetti dinner and good Italian bread. I felt it was something simple that I could do well enough. I could buy a ready-made dessert, and with those plans in place, I felt relieved.
Two nights before the dinner, Patrick called to say he’d be stopping by Saturday just for a quick overnight visit. The play was doing well – I remembered to ask him about it this time - but a special event at the theater gave him a night off, and he decided to visit us. The call was so brief that I didn’t have a chance to tell him I was having dinner guests, but I didn’t think it would be a problem at all. I had avoided telling Jonathan anything about Marshall and Bob and my dinner, but when he saw me making spaghetti sauce AFTER our dinner on Friday night, he asked what was going on.
“Actually, I’m having a few people for dinner tomorrow night. I have invited some clients I’m working with, and Patrick called last night and said he was coming in tomorrow just for a quick visit.”
Much to my surprise, Jonathan didn’t look too happy about that. In the past, he had always looked forward to Patrick’s visits.
“What’s the matter? You don’t look too happy about something.” I tried not to probe, because I had made a mess of things by doing that.
For a brief moment, the barrier that had been up since he’d told me vanished. “It’s just that…you’ve told Patrick about the Lily incident, and I don’t know how it will be with him now that he knows that you know…. I never called him like I said I would because it felt so awkward. Maybe I’ll just go out for the night.”
“No! You can’t go out!” I knew I had said that too quickly and too strongly, so I slowed down and continued, “I was hoping you’d help me with the dinner, and I wanted you to meet the others…”
“Why? In fact, why are you suddenly inviting customers of yours to have dinner here? You’ve never done that before!”
Now I felt cornered. I couldn’t tell him why I wanted him to meet Bob and Marshall. I started blabbering about the fact that he was going away to college in the fall and that I needed to start doing more or I would be too lonely. While I spoke, I began to think I might be setting up a bad situation with this dinner, but the plans were all made and I was going to go ahead with them. Jonathan just looked at me, and suddenly all my worries dissipated when he said with compassion, “I guess it will be different for you with both Gabby and me away most of the year…well, good for you, Mom!”
Then he started to help with the sauce, adding some oregano and adjusting the heat. It was the first time since the Lily incident that we had spent time cooking and I was very careful not to bring up anything that I thought would cause us a problem. I asked him if plans for graduation were all set at school, and we talked about going out to dinner after it with Gabby to celebrate. It seemed unreal that his graduation was just a matter of weeks away. After the meatballs were in the oven and the sausage was cooking, he said he was heading out with friends for the evening and went upstairs to get ready. It was the first time that our time together had felt natural, and I was grateful.
The next day, preparations for the meal fell into place, and I wasn’t frantic about it, as I had expected to be. I regained my confidence that this was a good idea. Patrick arrived several hours before Marshall and Bob were supposed to come. Jonathan was at the store getting the fresh Italian bread, and I was glad to have Patrick alone for a little while before he was there. I immediately told him about Jonathan’s concern that it would be awkward for the two of them now that I knew, and without waiting for him to respond, I also told him about the dinner guests. “Tonight I invited two of my clients to dinner…and they’re gay.” I stopped talking and waited for his reaction. He burst out laughing. It was not at all what I had expected. After getting over my initial concern that maybe this wasn’t a good idea, I thought he’d praise me for being so pro-active, but instead, he was laughing, holding his sides because he was laughing so hard!
When he stopped, he said, “Mara, have you really invited two gay men to dinner tonight to meet Jonathan? And I’m here now? Do you have any idea how that will be for Jonathan?” He shook his head dramatically, and continued, “You have so much to learn!”
“I had hoped to show him I understand, and I accept who he is. And Bob and Marshall are such a great couple…”
“It might show him that, Mara,” Patrick regained his composure and stalled as he chose his words carefully, “but I’m more concerned that it might be difficult for him. Actually, I’m sorry about laughing. It was such a sweet idea, but in fact, I’m thinking it could be very uncomfortable for him.”
“But Patrick, what do you mean? Why?” Was my concern that this might not work out correct? I could see Patrick didn’t find the idea brilliant. I knew I was having trouble figuring out what was all right and what wasn’t. Intuitively, I had known not to tell Jonathan my guests were gay, but I really thought I had come up with a way to show him what kind of mother I was. I loved him no matter what.
“Most gay teens, actually, most teens period, don’t want their sexuality to be a topic important to their parents! They don’t want their parents thinking about it at all.”
I knew Patrick would be helpful, but what he had just said should have been obvious to me. “Oh, dear… I had not thought like that. He has been rather touchy with me whenever I bring the topic up of his being gay, and I thought having some men around who had been through the same experience would help – help both Jonathan and me! This wasn’t a good idea of mine, was it?”
“Just so you know in the future, there’s definitely not something that can be categorized as a “growing up gay experience.” Everyone grows up in his or her own experiences, and that goes for straight or gay, but I do see what you were aiming to do for him. Can you find someone else to invite so it doesn’t look like that’s what you meant it to be?” Patrick suggested. “That might save things for Jonathan.”
“Patrick, you know how little socializing I do…I don’t know a soul to ask. I haven’t discussed this with anyone except you, Gabby and Jonathan. Oh, of course Lily Becker knows, too.” She had actually called a few times to try to talk things over with me, but I still wasn’t ready to talk to her.
“Ah, yes, Lily. She more or less owes you a favor…maybe she could come for dinner?”
“If I invite her, I am sure Jonathan won’t stay for dinner.”
“And that will be a great way to get him out of the situation, which I promise you, he won’t want to be in.” Patrick was so emphatic that I couldn’t doubt his words.
That is how my dinner party guest list changed. I called Lily and asked her to come. I was very blunt…I told her my guests were gay, all three of them, and that I had thought meeting them would be helpful to Jonathan, but my old friend from college, Patrick, thought it definitely would be awful for him. It was the first time we had spoken since the night she had called, and she was quite gracious. She said she was glad I called and delighted to have an opportunity to do something to make up even just a little bit for her behavior towards Jonathan, even if it was her presence that would drive him out of the house tonight. She also started to tell me that she had some experience with gay men, given her ex-husband’s orientation, but I cut her off. I told her to just come and act appropriately, and that would help make up for things.
Mom, I'm Gay Page 6
