by Sonya Lalli
I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could get any words out, Aasha Auntie lunged for me, smothering my cheeks and forehead with motherly kisses.
“I am so happy, beti.” She squeezed me around the middle. “Sam told me about your discussion. And this fills my heart—”
“Mom,” Sam groaned. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?” Aasha Auntie planted one last kiss on me before releasing me. “Can I not be happy my son has found a decent girl? That—”
Sam fired something off in Bengali, and a beat later, Aasha Auntie calmed down and switched gears. He must have told her to cool it. Thank god. Sam and I had only just decided to be together and had a long list of logistics to sort out—like him apparently coming to visit me in Seattle, and what the hell was going to happen after that—and as lovely as she was, his mother being involved wasn’t going to make it any easier.
“Niki, what would you like to do today?” Aasha Auntie handed me a bowl of fruit. “I have no social engagements. I am all yours.”
I stole a look at Sam, who was trying not to laugh. Clearly, what both of us really would have liked to do didn’t involve Aasha Auntie, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her that.
“Where’s Pradeep Uncle?” I asked, remembering Sam’s dad. If he was tagging along, an activity that didn’t involve much talking and largely took place in a public setting was probably the way to go.
“He left this morning,” Sam said flatly.
“Already?”
Neither Sam nor Aasha Auntie said anything further, and as we ate breakfast and started planning the day, it was as if Sam’s dad had never even been here.
* * *
• • •
A few hours later, Aasha Auntie took us to a local heritage home that had been converted into a boutique hotel and restaurant. It was absolutely gorgeous—a two-storied marvel of Goan and Portuguese architecture, or so said the brochure—and after a quick lunch on the outdoor terrace, we wandered around the grounds and rooms that were open to the public.
Everything had been renovated to look exactly like it would have when built four hundred years earlier, each surface, nook, and cranny either a bright color or crafted of stucco or vintage wood. The airy verandas were teaming with exotic plants and fruit trees, and when I spotted an empty love seat facing out toward the gardens, all I wanted to do was cozy up in it with Sam.
“Sorry about all of this,” Sam whispered, coming up behind me. We were touring the second floor of the house, and Aasha Auntie had just disappeared around the corner.
“About colonialism?” I gestured down the grand hallway. “Not your fault.”
Sam laughed. After, he planted a quick kiss on the nape of my neck that sent a shiver down my spine. “Right now, I’m more sorry we have to hang out in a colonizer’s house with my mother.”
I turned around, smiling. “I don’t mind.”
“At least my father isn’t here, right?”
I grimaced, glancing down at my feet. I’d worn my best pair of strappy leather sandals, and I could just make out the tan lines from the flip-flops I’d been sporting all week.
“Niki?” I heard Sam say.
“Yes?”
“Why aren’t you looking at me?”
I looked back up, slowly, bugging my eyes out in jest. “I am.”
Sam grinned, wrapping his arm around me. “Spit it out, love. I know you. You want to know why Dad left. Right?”
I know you.
I smiled at the thought that Sam did know me.
“Mom apologized this morning for ambushing us,” Sam continued. “She didn’t think he would actually visit.”
I studied Sam’s face, finding his hand with my own.
“Dad and I had a big row last week. I was getting ready for Diya’s haldi and he dropped by unexpectedly . . .” Sam’s jaw stiffened. “I expect we haven’t said that many words to each other since I told him I wasn’t going to use my business degree.”
I nodded, my stomach unsettled. “So that’s why you missed the haldi . . .”
Sam went on to tell me about his parents’ relationship, that while they claimed to still love each other, they were much happier living apart. His father stayed in Mumbai full time for work, while Aasha Auntie spent most of her time in Goa or in LA, with Leena and her family.
“When I graduated college and moved to Europe, I made everything worse. They fight about me a lot. Mom blames Dad for me not being around. I try to time my visits for when he’s out of town, but I couldn’t this time with Diya’s wedding . . .”
“I’m so sorry, Sam,” I said, unsure of what to say. I couldn’t imagine not having a relationship with my father. “That must be so tough.”
“Dad hasn’t come to Goa in years. I don’t know why she invited him here.”
“You don’t?”
Sam shrugged. “Mom thinks it’s time we reconcile, I expect.”
“And what do you think?” I asked.
“I think she should let sleeping dogs lie. We’ve been avoiding each other for seven years, and it’s been perfectly all right.”
I raised my left eyebrow, unbelieving.
“Plus,” Sam said, lowering his voice, “now isn’t the time. If he finds out my band’s left me and I failed miserably, he’ll never respect me.”
“Sam, you didn’t fail,” I whispered, wishing he’d believe me. “You and Perihelion accomplished more than most musicians can even dream. Just be honest with your dad and mom. If you respect yourself, then he’ll respect you—”
“Niki, I’m sorry, but you don’t know my father.”
I bit my tongue, embarrassed. Not only had I overstepped, but I was a hypocrite. I had shied away from the truth with my own parents; they currently thought I was staying with one of Diya’s girlfriends, a lie I had to further embellish every day when I texted the family group chat to check in and share pictures.
“Sorry,” I said. My face was hot, and I turned to look at an oil painting.
“Don’t be,” I heard Sam say.
“It’s none of my business.”
“Isn’t it?”
I turned to face him, butterflies rushing to my stomach.
“I bet your parents aren’t so complicated,” he said.
“If you’re coming to Seattle, I guess you’ll find out. Won’t you?”
“I shouldn’t have sprung the idea on you during breakfast.” Sam blushed. “But what do you reckon? Should I come?”
I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of touring Sam around Seattle, showing him where I went to school and taking him to all my favorite spots and hangouts. Introducing him to my friends. Jasmine. My parents.
Would they like him?
I glanced at a nearby portrait of a stuffy-looking white man, who looked very rich but also incredibly bored.
Mom and my friends would love Sam within an hour of meeting him, although Dad and Jasmine would be tougher to please. Dad’s eyes would bulge when finding out that Sam was a musician—a bona fide rock star—but surely he’d get over his hesitations when he saw how happy Sam made me. Meanwhile, Jasmine would grill him nonstop and ask probing questions trying to get him to trip up in order to protect me from getting my heart stomped on all over again. But Sam would hold his own. He’d give her all the right answers and eventually sweep her off her feet, too.
“Niki?” Sam prompted. I had zoned out and snapped my head back to look at him.
“Hmm?”
“So what do you say—shall I visit you?”
Suddenly, Aasha Auntie popped her head back into the hallway, eyeing us suspiciously. “Hurry up, lovebirds. I am feeling very parched. Next, let’s order for chaat and a cold drink!”
“Swell,” Sam deadpanned, tickling my waist as he turned around to face her. “We’ll be right in.”
Aasha Auntie winked at us before disappearing, playfully covering her eyes. I rolled my eyes, leaning against Sam.
“I should warn you,” I said, weighing my words. “My mother isn’t as relaxed as yours.”
“Relaxed?”
“My parents are very traditional. Mom will definitely make you sleep in the guest room.”
Sam stroked his jaw. His lips quivered, as if he was masking a smile. “So, I take that as a yes. Yes, you do want me to come visit.”
I nodded, suddenly feeling shy.
“And your parents will—”
“They’ll be fine,” I said forcefully, trying not to think about how disappointed they’d be when they found out about the real “Sam.” That I’d been lying to them.
“I know it’s important to you that they’re happy with your choices.” Sam hesitated. “I wouldn’t want to get in the way of anything.”
“Honestly, it’ll be OK.” I smiled. “They might not love the idea of”—I gestured back and forth between us, as we still hadn’t put a label on ourselves—“this at first, but they’ll come around. I mean, they still love Jasmine after everything she’s put them through.”
“I would hate to drive a wedge—”
“You won’t.” I took a chance and quickly pecked him on the cheek. “So, how long will you be able to come?”
“Would a week be too long?”
I bit my lip. One and a half more days here in Goa. One week in Seattle. It wouldn’t be too long. It wouldn’t be long enough.
“Niki, I . . .” Sam trailed off, glancing back toward the door. Aasha Auntie had reappeared, evidently finished touring that room. He looked back to me. “I think we have a lot to talk about at dinner tomorrow.”
* * *
• • •
That night, Diya, Mihir, Masooma, and her husband, Tahir, came over to the apartment. Although the rest of the crew had been invited, they still weren’t back from a day trip to Palolem Beach in South Goa. I’d volunteered to cook, and so Aasha Auntie, Sam, and the others were my sous-chefs as we made a Punjabi-style feast—aloo paratha, saag paneer, and a simple daal, exactly the way my mom made it. Luckily, she had just woken up when I texted her for help with the recipes. Although I knew the general ingredients and the order everything went into the pots and pans, I’d never cooked Indian food without her help.
Dinner turned out better than I’d expected, and after a few bottles of wine to share and hilarious failed attempts at playing the card game Bhabhi, the night was over. Still, it took me hours to fall asleep. I couldn’t stop smiling, and my head was swimming with memories from the day, flashes of Sam’s smile, or a stolen glance across the dinner table. I was full up. With food and wine and laughter but, most of all, with Sam.
It had been twenty-four hours since I finally let it sink in that Sam and I were not a temporary fling, and the answer was becoming even clearer to me with each passing moment.
This was it. Sam was the one. My Matthew McConaughey. My Romeo. And logistics like where we each lived and when we might see each other again felt entirely irrelevant.
My whole life I’d made practical decision after practical decision, and yes, my parents were happy with me, but I wasn’t. I had a career I wasn’t passionate about and an older sister I was jealous of and an addiction to romantic comedies that I lived through vicariously, and that was it.
I had a choice to make. The options, obstacles, and scenarios bounced around my head as I tossed and turned in bed, but as soon as I’d made the decision, everything came together so quickly and with such force I needed to talk about it. Not with Sam—I still had to formulate my thoughts before sharing this with him—but with Jasmine.
Jasmine, I’m really sorry for swearing at you. And for not being honest with you about how I felt about Brian. You were right to warn me against having a fling with Sam. Because I did catch feelings. I’ve never felt this way before, Jasmine. But it’s OK. Because he feels the same way about me.
I’m going to be making some changes . . . Don’t say anything to Mom and Dad yet. I can’t lie anymore, and I’ll tell them everything when I get home next week. Sam’s a wonderful guy, and I know it will be hard, but after a while, they’ll be happy for me. I know you will be, too . . . If you ever forgive me . . . Love you. Niki xox.
CHAPTER 29
You’re acting rather dodgy.”
I tore my eyes away from my phone, glancing over at Sam. We were back at Mandrem Beach with Diya, Mihir, and their friends, although everyone else had gone for a dip in the water.
“Dodgy?”
“Odd.” He squinted at me. “What are you doing over there, anyway?”
“Texting my dad,” I lied, tucking my phone away.
“I love that you’re close with your parents.” Sam grazed his sandy foot against my bare calf, and I fleetingly felt bad for not telling the truth. “I bet you’ll get on with your family in Amritsar just as well.”
I squinted into the sun, smiling to myself. I was waiting until our big date tonight to tell him that I wanted to stay in Goa with him instead of visiting Amritsar, because it fed into another big secret I was keeping. One that, with each passing moment, I was more and more tempted to reveal.
You see, I could see the whole thing playing out without either of us having lived through it yet. Sam would come visit me in Seattle, and then he’d return to London, and we’d both resume our normal lives. He’d find new musicians for his band, and I’d get a new job, and although we’d visit each other every few months, at most, that would be just too hard, and one of us would have to move.
I would have to move.
Sam needed to be in London to pursue his music career, where he already had contacts and a big fan base, while I worked in tech. I could work anywhere. And after Jasmine still didn’t text me back, I’d stayed up late working off the nervous, excited energy by doing the required research to put the plan into motion.
With a background in tech, I could likely get a visa to work in the UK. What’s more, British workers got a ton of holiday time—more than double the piddly few weeks I got in my old job—which I could use to fly back to Seattle to visit my parents.
Ugh. My parents.
My stomach curdled at the thought of facing them. Of not only sharing the news that I’d met someone but that I was going to move across an ocean to be with him. They’d be disappointed in me—there was no doubt about that. They’d remind me that I’d only known Sam for a few weeks and that I’d never even been to London. But they’d understand once they saw Sam and me together how happy I was with him.
They’d forgive me. It’s not like they hadn’t left behind their parents to move to a different country, and at least they’d have Jasmine close by.
Yes. Yes. It would all work out. It had to. I sat up in the beach chair, and when I caught sight of Sam staring at me, every doubt and bad feeling melted away.
It had to work out.
“Let’s talk tonight,” I answered. I blew him a kiss, rolling over to my side to get a better look. He was reading a John le Carré novel. Yes, Sam was a voracious reader, just like I was. He was freaking perfect.
“What time is your flight tomorrow?” Sam asked without looking up from the page. “Have you booked it yet?”
“Sam,” I whined teasingly. “I’ll tell you later. OK?”
His sunglasses were hanging low over his cheekbones, and I couldn’t read his face as he propped his head up on his elbow to face me.
“Niki, are you still leaving tomorrow?”
“Am I?” I answered vaguely.
“Are you?”
I swung my legs around and sat up from the chair, leaning forward. I was grinning ear to ear. “Well, I was going to tell you tonight.” I knocked his knee with my own. “But I was thinking I’d stay here with you a bit longer.”
I bit my lip impatiently, ready
to spill the beans on the rest of my plans, too.
“How much longer?” he asked.
“Until I fly home—so about another week?”
“You won’t travel to Punjab at all, then?”
My jaw stiffened. It was cooler today outside, but despite the breeze, my face felt hot and sunbaked. “I don’t have to stay. I just assumed you’d want me to—”
“Of course I want you to stay, love,” Sam interrupted, taking my hands in his own. He squeezed, pressing our palms together, and the tension—well, most of it—slipped away. “I want you as long as I can have you. I just thought you were keen to visit family.”
I stared at the sand, my gut twisting. Sam was right. Over the past week, we’d talked a lot about family and how it felt like the right time for me to see Punjab, learn more about where I came from. It’s what my parents were expecting me to do, too. My face flushed, annoyed by their voices in my head. But I always did what they wanted; wasn’t it finally time to do something for myself?
“I’d like to stay with you.” I paused, suddenly nervous to meet his eye. But then I sighed in relief when I looked up and caught sight of him, my Sam. My everything.
“If you’ll have me,” I added.
Sam paused. It was only for a second, but it made my stomach bottom out and my ears start to burn. But then his face unfroze.
“Yeah.” Sam grinned. “Reckon I’ll have you.”
“You reckon, do you?” I asked playfully. My heart was still beating inexplicably fast, hummingbird on steroids fast. It took a good twenty minutes for it to settle down.
CHAPTER 30
That afternoon, we said our goodbyes to the rest of the group, who were flying out early the following morning. I had an extralong farewell with Masooma, who reminded me of our plans to get together when she was in Seattle in a few weeks’ time, and of course, Diya and Mihir.
If I hadn’t been let go from my job and had the rug pulled out from under me, not only wouldn’t I have met Sam, but I would have missed out on the wedding of one of my very best friends in the world, and the experience of a lifetime. Spending time with the Joshi family, Pinky, and Manish in Mumbai. Celebrating Diya and Mihir’s relationship. Going on their group honeymoon in a literal paradise. I wouldn’t have been able to experience any of it.
