“Okay.” I take that information in. Emotions and stress can trigger shifts. I guess that makes sense. “So, is there, like, a wolf inside of you?” I’ve read some wolf-shifter stories before, usually they have a wolf or something inside of them.
“No.” His lips curl into a small smile. “It’s not like the books. The wolf part of me is just that. A part of me. Just like my heart and lungs are. It makes me who I am, what I am. But I’m still me in that form.”
“But the sniffing, cuddling…” I blush.
He bites his lip. “It’s part magic, part me. I like the way you smell. Also helps that I have a better sense of smell than humans. The cuddling? I may have taken advantage because that’s all you thought I was. I wanted to comfort you, but that doesn’t excuse my behavior.” His chest puffs out as he takes a deep breath in, before letting it out in a gush. “And I’m sorry for that. It was wrong.”
I nod. I know I should be angry, but I’m not. He did comfort me. But I’m still grateful he realizes the deception was wrong. “Thank you for apologizing.” More questions form in my mind. “Okay, two things.”
“Hit me.” He pauses. “Physically or metaphorically. I know I deserve it.” He gives me a sad smile.
I shake my head. “I’m not going to hit you. But I do have questions. You mentioned magic?”
“How else would you explain this?” He gestures to himself. My eyes linger on all his naked skin before I can force my gaze away, again.
“That still doesn't explain magic.”
“Can you really explain magic?” he asks.
“I don’t know. I didn’t believe in magic two minutes ago. How did this magic appear? How—”
Ash lightly touches my biceps, grounding me. “Ellie,” he says my name like a prayer. “I know you have a million questions—and I promise to answer them all in time—but let's not dig too deep about this yet. You’re already having a hard time believing this. And I’m not even sure where magic comes from. I know our origin story, but it doesn’t explain the magic.” He gives me an encouraging smile.
I swallow and nod.
“What’s your second thing?”
I blink. “Oh, right. You said you involuntarily shifted back this time because you were relaxed.”
“Yes.” His hands move down my arms until he reaches mine.
“B-but—” I try to keep my thought process. I was around him when he was a wolf for two whole weeks and multiple times when he was...not. I remember thinking his eyes seemed familiar when I met him at Emma’s all those weeks ago. “What about all the other times you slept next to me?”
He lightly squeezes my hands. “The first two nights I was unable to shift because of how severe my injuries were.”
“So, you can’t shift when you’re injured?”
He tilts his head side-to-side. “I mean, I could, but it would’ve injured me more. I may have even passed out in the middle of it.”
“Okay.” Well, that makes sense. “And after you got better?”
“I didn’t sleep long enough to shift back.”
“So you did it on purpose.”
“I did. I know not shifting and revealing myself was wrong, but did you really want me to shift back then?”
“Yes.” I turn around, yanking my hands out of his. “I don’t know. Maybe not.” I spin back to face him. “Why didn’t you?”
“I thought it would be a bad idea for me to show myself as a man while you were trapped in the barn with me. Especially after your nightmares. I didn’t want to make it worse for you. You were already struggling.”
“I…I was.” Maybe it was good that he didn’t. “But we met after the barn. Why didn’t you tell me then?” It’s as if a light bulb goes off inside my head. “You weren’t ever going to tell me, were you? That’s why you left and barely talked to me. You were cutting me off.”
“No.” He moves quickly toward me, flinching from the jerky movement, and grabs my hands. His face falls even more when I remove them from his. “I-I’m sorry,” he says, his hands forming fists at his side. “But no, that’s not why I left or was distant. The distance wasn’t on purpose. I was—” He looks away and closes his eyes with a sigh before reopening them, reconnecting with my gaze. “There’s some other lycans that don’t particularly like me. I left to keep you safe, to not let them realize how much you mean to me.”
“But you’re here anyway?” A realization hit me. “You’ve been checking on me.”
He nods, a wave of relief crossing his face. “Only when I know no one has followed me. I come to make sure you’re still safe.”
I wrap my arms around myself. “Why? Why do you care so much about me? We barely know each other.”
“I may not know all the details of your life, Ellie, but I know you. I know your soul and I know that you know mine. Can’t you feel that pull?”
“I…” I do. I feel the pull, it’s always been there. This tug and desire to be with him, even when he was a wolf.
“The more I’m with you and the more I care about you, the stronger it gets,” he says. “I’m—” He cuts himself off and shakes his head.
That tug—it must be the reason why I miss him and want to be with him. Even now it’s urging me to be closer, to connect deeper. Was it actually my own desire? Or has my desire to be with him all stemmed from this tug?
“I don’t understand,” I say.
“I can only describe it as a mate link, but since you’re only human, that can’t be possible.”
“Mate link?” I shake my head.
“It’s…a mate link is between two destined mates. I’ll explain more another time. But do you believe me? That I really wasn’t leaving you? At least not for good. I always planned on coming back and telling you about myself. I just…when you came out and saw me, when I saw your tears and how much you were hurting. From me. I couldn’t walk away, and with the combination of being sleep deprived…I went into a deep sleep.”
Nodding, I stare at his clenched fists. Ash…Ash is a wolf. Well, I guess he’s still a man, but a man that can shift into a wolf. “This is kind of confusing.”
“I know.” Ash reaches up with one hand and lightly caresses my cheek. “It’s why I only wanted to explain one thing at a time.”
“What you explained, though…it doesn’t actually explain why you care. Is this link forcing you?” Is it forcing me?
His hand drops. “No. Of course not.” He clenches his jaw as he looks up at the sky before his gaze drops back down to mine. “I’m not even sure what it is, but it’s not forcing anything. It didn’t even initiate it. Being trapped with you in my barn did.” He chuckles lightly. “It just encourages me to act on the things I’m already feeling.”
“Which is?” I whisper, too afraid to speak any louder in case this reality shatters, and I wake up back in the basement. I’m not even too concerned with him being a wolf or that magic exists. But having someone care for me deeply? That will change my life more than magic ever could.
“Feelings that are definitely more than friendship. I want you, Ellie, your heart, soul, and body. Every piece of you. I want to know it all.”
My bottom lip wobbles. Knowing that his feelings for me are real, that it’s more than some force or link, means everything. He wants me for me. Even though I’m damaged. Which means this can’t be real. He can’t be real. He’s too good to be true, but my truth spills out anyway. “I want you, too.”
He straightens, his gaze earnest. “Really?”
“Yes, but I still have questions, and I am mad that you didn’t tell me sooner.”
He nods slowly. “Completely understandable. I’m sorry that I didn’t.”
I bite my lip. “But were you really always planning on telling me, even though you knew I would be leaving soon?”
“I was…” He tilts his head down, ashamed. “I was hoping you’d change your mind. That you’d stay here with me. You seemed happy living with Emma and I thought maybe you’d want to stay longer and see
how it goes, for us. And now that I know you care...”
I take a step back and shake my head. “I—I can’t stay. I’m still leaving.” What am I doing? I’m being stupid. How could I allow myself to dwell on these thoughts? I know better. Me and him—we can never be.
Ash’s eyes widen with swirls of emotion: shock, panic, anguish. “I don’t understand.” He takes a step forward, his hands outstretched to hold me, but I move farther away.
“There’s a reason I can’t stay here long, Ash. After Christmas, I’m leaving.”
“Then let me come with you. I want to be wherever you are.”
My heart skips a beat. Come with me? Would he really want to live a life with me on the run? No, I can’t do that to him. He barely knows me and I can’t let another suffer this kind of life. It isn’t living. Golden hair stained in red flashes through my mind. Brown eyes staring at me, devoid of life.
“I need…I need some time to think.” I walk backward, shaking my head, trying to dislodge the image. “I need to go.” I whirl around and run away. He yells my name, but I’m grateful when there’s no sounds of pursuit.
It’s been a week since I found out about Ash, and my head and heart are still at war with each other. My head tells me I need to forget about him and run to the next place, but my heart is yearning for him. If I were being honest, my body does as well. It remembers how it felt sleeping in his arms.
I miss him when I know I shouldn’t.
And I know he’s still out in the forest watching over me, which just makes it so much worse.
But maybe if I stay here, Ash could protect me. I quickly push that wayward thought away. Look what happened to Will when he tried to protect me. Ash may be a lycan, but Marcus is a monster.
I walk into the kitchen for lunch to find a note from Emma on the fridge.
Went to get groceries.
I’ll be back before dinner.
Love, Emma
Emma doesn’t know what happened last week. When I got home, she still was at Tom’s. I grab a granola bar and a banana and head back to my room to read. That’s all I’ve been doing lately. I can’t pick up Princess Bride without thinking of Ash, but I can read other—non-romance—books just fine. Thank goodness for Emma’s love of nonfiction.
I’m just finishing my light lunch when the doorbell rings. I ignore it, continuing to read. Whoever it is will get the hint that no one is home.
After a minute it rings again but doesn’t stop.
“Seriously?” I mutter under my breath.
I place a bookmark inside the book and put it on the nightstand then walk into the foyer. I look through the peephole just as the ringing stops. There’s a man, but he’s turned away from the door. All I can see is his green shirt. Maybe it’s the postman? Sometimes he needs a signature, but he doesn’t normally ring the doorbell like a madman.
Keeping the top latch hooked, I open the door, allowing only a small amount of the door to open.
“Hello, can I help you?” I ask.
The guy turns around, and I freeze in shock. It’s the guy from the grocery store. He glances to the side then hunches down, his blue eyes meeting mine. “Ellie.” Warning bells sound off in my head.
“Who are you?” I demand.
“Zac.”
“What do you want?”
He closes his eyes. “May I come in?”
“Why? If you’re looking for Emma, she isn’t here.”
His eyes flash open, and it almost seems like regret.
I realize my mistake.
I did the worst thing I could possibly do besides answering the door. I just admitted I was home alone.
Zac is pushed aside and my body locks up in terror as Marcus looms on the other side of the door. No. This...this isn’t real. I go to slam the door shut, but he slips his hand in, blocking it. Instead of his hand getting smashed, the door frame dents.
“What the—” Is his hand made out of steel or something?
“Eleanor.” His voice sends my nerves into overdrive. My entire body shivers.
“N-no. No.” This can’t be real. Tears blur my vision as I try slamming the door on his hand again, but it disappears.
“You know, that’s not very nice.”
The chain busts as the door flies open and bounces off the wall, creating a dent. And in strolls my living nightmare. The one who tormented me. The one I ran away from.
Marcus.
His skin is more tanned and his body bulkier than I remember, but his menacing brown eyes and slicked back dark brown hair are the same.
His hand—his hand is no longer human. At least not entirely. His nails have grown and darkened into fine points, his hair thicker than I remember on his hands and exposed arms, almost like fur.
Marcus reaches out quicker than I can react and swipes his claws across my face. I scream and stagger back, my cheek stinging. I touch my face with a shaky hand and it comes back bloody.
My gaze snaps back to him as he prowls toward me.
I find my footing and race toward the back door, his heavy footsteps following. He’s fast, faster than anyone I’ve seen and makes it to the back door before me. Changing tactics, I make a dash into the kitchen and yank two knives from their holders.
My hands shake as I hold them up. Gritting my teeth, I force them to still. I’m no longer the helpless young girl I once was. I’m not going down without a fight this time.
Marcus cackles. “Look at you. All grown up.”
I’m pretty sure he’s enjoying this. This must be some sick game to him.
He strides to me, but all I can do is back away with the knives up. The shaking is getting worse.
“Don’t come near me.”
“Or what? You’ll poke me?” he taunts with an unkind grin.
“What do you want?” I scream, my terror getting the best of me. Why is he so intent on me even after all these years? Why does he want me so badly?
“Oh, so many things.” He laughs. “And to get those things I need your blood.”
My entire body freezes. My blood? The reason I left begins to resurface. Blood on his fingertips. Manic laughing. Whispers of excitement through the phone.
I shake my head, my chest tight as I back away, stumbling over my own feet until my back hits the counter.
“Stay away.” My voice is weaker than I’d like as I wave the knives in the air, warding him away.
Marcus moves forward within arms reach. I try to swipe him with my knife, but he easily dodges and lands a punch in my side.
Gasping, I bend over. With only one punch, he cracked a rib. Ignoring the pain, I move around the kitchen island to put distance between us. Although, who am I kidding? I can’t win this fight. I know he’s just toying with me. If he wanted to, he could end this right now. He has a sick grin on his face; he likes the chase. Marcus’ canines elongate and his brown eyes darken and start to glow.
What the heck is going on? Is he a lycan, too? Is it even possible for them to partial-shift? There’s so much I still need to learn. I regret leaving Ash even more now.
Noticing movement to the side, Zac hovers in the archway to the kitchen with fists clenched at his sides. What does he have to do with all of this? Did he lead Marcus to me?
Marcus takes a step closer, close enough for me to reach. I shake off my inner shock. There’s no time to ponder what’s happening or how he found me. I take advantage of the moment and slice him across his forearm, creating a deep gash. Thank goodness Emma has sharp knives. Marcus roars in anger.
“You’ll pay for that,” he says, grinding his teeth.
He charges, and in the blink of an eye, he has both of my wrists in his hands. He grips my tendons so tight—I scream. I’m forced to drop the knives, letting them clank onto the floor.
I kick at him, trying to break free, but he’s unfazed. If anything, I’m just irritating him more.
He throws me on the ground, my head hitting the hard tile, scrambling my thoughts. I groan as he kicks me in the
stomach, then the ribs. I curl up trying to protect myself, but it’s getting hard to breathe.
“Don’t ever touch me,” he says, snarling.
He grabs a fist full of hair and pulls my head up, his other fist connecting with my face. A metallic taste enters the back of my throat. I cough, blood spraying his chest. He growls, but my vision is blurry. I only see stars. I feel warm blood ease its way between my lips and drip onto my chin.
He drops me down on my stomach. Glancing around, I see a knife not too far away. I try to scramble to it, but my body feels heavy.
Marcus growls and steps on my back, forcing me back down. “Don’t even think about it.”
“Marcus, you’re taking this too far.” Zac’s voice is close. I search the room and find him just a few feet away. He looks sick to his stomach.
“Shut up, pup. I know what I’m doing.”
“She’s supposed to be brought in alive.”
“What—” I start, but Marcus stomps on me, cutting me off and splaying me across the floor.
I can’t catch my breath.
Sharp white pain erupts across my back, claws tearing through my flesh. He doesn’t stop, and I scream until my voice is hoarse and my vision darkens. I thought I’d be numb to the pain like I used to be, but I’m not.
My back burns and throbs, even the air against my wounds sends my nervous system into shock. I’m unable to move, but I fight to stay awake as my consciousness fades in and out. I need to get out of here if I have any chance of surviving.
“Zac, you fool,” Marcus bellows from across the room.
I hadn’t even realized Marcus had stopped raking me with his claws. Turning my head, I press my cheek against the cold ground, and find Zac holding a red-faced Marcus against the table.
“You’re going to kill her. This isn’t what was supposed to happen,” Zac yells, holding Marcus down.
“You know nothing,” Marcus spits.
“And you say I’m the pup? Look at you. You can’t even control your anger.”
Marcus looks feral as he growls. Blood drips down Zac’s arms as Marcus digs his claws into his biceps. How is Zac able to hold him down?
Saving Ellie (Lycans Book 1) Page 9
