by Esme Devlin
Alec turns around and gives me a shrug. “It was an insurance write-off.”
Then he follows Malachy, and I hear Alec saying that it’s had one lady driver and he won’t find a mark on the thing. New break pads, new tyres.
So not an insurance write-off then.
“Do you like it?” Malachy says.
“Yes of course I like it, but there’s no way that car is that price.”
“Give the man your money then darlin, cause it sounds like you got a steal.” He winks at me for extra effect. “Or I can pay now and you can pay me back later?”
Alec turns around with a smile on his face and shoves a set of keys in my hand.
I narrow my eyes at Malachy. “Can I talk to you alone, please?”
“No.”
He’s already walking back over to the garage with Alec and I stand there, looking at the car. It’s a nice car. Black — of course it’s black, Malachy clearly picked it. Not too big and not too small. And reliable. This one isn’t going to cut out on me or have a dodgy indicator. Or be a deathtrap, as Malachy put it.
But I can’t afford it.
And I don’t want to be indebted to him, who’s clearly the one paying for it.
I jog to catch him up, tugging on his arm.
He turns around and pushes me up against the back of a van. I look at Alec, but he’s not paying us any attention and goes back inside the garage, so I focus back on Malachy.
“I know you paid for it.”
The corner of his mouth turns up in a smile. “You heard the man. You’re getting a bargain.”
“I don’t want it.”
Now he’s the one narrowing his eyes at me. “I won’t have you driving around in a ten year shitter that’ll leave you stranded in dangerous places again. Not happening. So you either buy the car, or I pick you up and I drop you off.”
I open my mouth to argue but he swoops in quickly and presses his lips to mine, cutting off whatever I was going to say.
“Don’t argue with me — you’ll lose,” he says into my mouth, his fingers inching down my body and cupping the space between my legs.
We’re in public.
I push him off me and he allows me to. He’s laughing.
“Fine,” I tell him. He wants to spend his own money on buying me a car then that’s his prerogative. “Doesn’t mean you own me though.” Barging past him, I follow Alec into the garage while he stands there chuckling.
“I’ve owned you since the day I walked into your shop.”
I’m sitting on my bed counting the minutes until dinner and reading the same paragraph in my book for the fourth time.
I’m ravenous. But since Scott doesn’t usually get back from football until 7pm, dinner is normally much later.
I attempt the same paragraph for the fifth time, but I think my mind is too full of other shit to concentrate.
After we’d sorted out the paperwork and I’d paid the money, I drove the car home myself and Malachy told me he’d text me later.
He’s not text me yet.
And I’m desperately trying not to buckle and text him first. So instead I keep staring at a notification-less wallpaper roughly every three minutes.
Kate was right. I am in waaaay too deep.
I’ve eventually made it to the next chapter when a knock goes at my bedroom door and Scott pops his head around, not bothering to wait for my reply.
“Come in,” I tell him sarcastically.
“Whose is the car?”
He has a face like thunder on him.
I kind of anticipated this. I thought about it this afternoon when I got home. Even spent a wee while coming up with a story about hire-purchase and small business loans and all that shit.
But if I know Malachy — and I do know Malachy — he’ll take pleasure in Scott finding out about it anyway.
So I scrapped the stories and decided just to suffer his tantrum.
“It’s mine. I got it this morning.” I look back down at my book, feigning disinterest.
“You’re seeing him again, aren’t you?”
I don’t like the accusation in his tone. He sounds disgusted and that’s pissing me off, so I decide to be awkward just to spite him.
“Who would that be?”
“Don’t play the daft-cunt. You know exactly who I’m talking about.”
I look up at him now, slightly shocked. In all our years I can’t remember a single time where he’s called me a name or sworn at me. He’s always been nothing but nice to me. Too nice. Even when other siblings would push and fight, me and Scott were never like that.
“It’s not what you think.”
“I’m thinking it’s exactly what it looks like,” he says. His eyes are cold and hard. “You let him buy you for a three-year-old car? At least Mum had the sense to sell herself for more than that.”
I swallow. “He didn’t buy me.”
“Really. Look at the state of your neck Grace.”
I don’t bother looking down, I can’t see it. I’m guessing there are marks though. Keeping my mouth shut, I watch his nostrils flare and his fists clench at the sides. “You let him fuck you up again for a car. How fucking stupid can you be?”
“Scott, it’s not like that. It wasn’t like that!” I feel like I need to defend myself. I feel like I need to defend him. “He didn’t do it. When Jamie found him, he was trying to give me CPR. He wasn’t fucking me up or whatever it was you think.”
He stares at me for a minute and then he starts laughing. He’s laughing at me. He clamps his hand over his mouth and shakes his head.
“I’ve always known you were simple, but I never thought you’d be this stupid. Give me the keys.”
Simple?
Since when the fuck have I ever been simple?
“Who the fuck are you talking to?”
I’ve never sworn at Scott either, but it looks like this is a weekend of firsts, in more ways than one.
“Give me the fucking keys, Grace.”
“No.”
And then he does something I never expected my brother to do. He puts his hands on me.
He takes a hold of my neck and he slams me down on the bed. “Scott!” I’m screaming at him, pushing him up off me but he laughs.
He just laughs.
“You clearly fucking like this shit. Give me the keys!”
His eyes are bulging and spit is dripping from his mouth.
What the fuck is happening?
“They’re in the kitchen,” I choke the words out and as soon as I’ve said them he lets go of me, jumping up off the bed and racing to the door.
I cough and splutter for a few seconds and then I’m through the door myself, racing him down the stairs and following him into the kitchen.
They’re on the table, but you wouldn’t see them from the mess. He’s looking on the cluttered counter tops.
He’ll find them eventually though.
I see them. I make a dive for them.
He grabs a hold of me just as my fingers clench around them and wrestles them out of my hands.
And then he’s gone.
I don’t chase after him.
He’d beat me in any race — he does this shit for fun.
And I don’t need to follow him. I already know where he’s going.
I run back up the stairs and grab my phone, sliding it unlocked and hitting Malachy’s name in my contact list.
He answers on the second ring.
“Couldn’t keep away from me, eh?”
“Scott’s coming over with the car.”
He’s silent for a long moment, just the sound of his breathing in my ear. Slow and controlled.
“I’ll deal with him,” he says.
That’s the point. I don’t want him to deal with him. I don’t want either of them getting hurt.
“Malachy, please don’t. He’s my brother. He’s just looking out for me.”
He laughs at that one. “If you think that’s what him and Jamie have been do
ing all these years, then you’d be wrong, sweetheart.”
Yes. They wrap me up in cotton wool. Suffocate me. But it’s their way of making sure I don’t get hurt again.
I need to make Scott believe that he didn’t do what they think he did.
I hang up the phone on Malachy, and call Kate.
I tell her I need a ride to Malachy’s house, I can’t explain why but it’s important, and she says she’ll be right over.
They’ll kill each other.
I need to fix this.
Chapter 30
Malachy
I answer the door and see the pair of them standing there like the fucking chuckle brothers.
“Come in,” I tell him, standing to the side and leaving the door wide open for them.
“We’re not coming in. We do this outside.”
I start laughing at that one.
“We can go inside, I’ll pour us each a whiskey and we can sort this out like men. Or I can come outside, and we can sort this out like animals, and I guarantee you — I won’t stop until you’re both tied to the tow hook on my car.”
The both of them look at each other and although their teeth are gritted and their fists are clenched, they decide the whiskey might not be such a bad idea.
Finally, some cunt who likes a whiskey.
They follow me up to the pool-room, where Craig’s stood behind the bar. “Craig, four whiskeys. Make um doubles.”
He likes playing bartender and flicks the dishtowel he was fannying around with over his shoulder, a big shit-eating grin on his face.
“Take a seat boys,” I tell them, gesturing to the bar stools. I go around the back and stand next to Craig, who’s busy pouring four glasses of Grand Cru.
“Slan-ge-var,” I tell them as soon he’s he’s done, holding the glass up and necking it. They mumble the words while Craig shouts it.
“This stuff is actually decent,” Craig says with a chuckle.
“Fucking told you that.” Then I look to the two pieces of shit sitting across from me. “Now tell me, what the fuck are you doing with my Mrs’ car?”
I see Scott clenching his glass almost as much as he’s clenching his jaw. I’m feeling all sorts of satisfaction right now.
“Your Mrs now, is it?”
“My Mrs, your sister, potato, potah-to.”
He shakes his head. “I know exactly why you’re doing this.”
“What, fucking your sister? Believe me now, you’ve no fucking idea.” I grin at him and watch him closely as he squirms.
“As soon as she realizes she’s just a pawn in your game of revenge, she’ll come to her senses. You can’t win this one.”
I laugh at him. “The pawn? She’s the fucking queen. Call her that again and I’ll knock your fucking teeth out.”
He shakes his head and now Jamie pipes up. “You said we could sort this out like gentlemen.”
“Correction.” I focus my attention back on Jamie. “I think I said men.”
He swallows. “What do you want, Malachy?”
I smile at him. “What do I want?” I shrug. “Money. Sex. Drugs. Power. Justice. Grace McCormack in my bed naked. Every. Fucking. Night.”
Just then, the little angel herself walks through the door with her pal hot on her heels. And it doesn’t take me a second to realize all my fucking Christmases and Halloweens have just come at once — she’s wearing a skirt.
“There’s my girl. Grace, get your arse over here, darlin. We need to talk. Correction, Scott and Jamie need to talk.”
Chapter 31
Grace
I don’t like being told what to do, but I figure doing what he says rather than angering him will be better for diffusing whatever situation I might be walking into.
Coming around the bar, I stand beside him. He puts his arm around my neck and pulls me in close. I look up at him, but his eyes are flitting between Scott and Jamie.
“Start fucking talking.”
It’s Jamie who speaks up. “I’ve already told Grace what happened.”
“Tell her again,” Malachy says back.
Jamie swallows. “I found him in the woods on top of you.”
I feel his chuckle on my back as much as I hear it above my head. “And what was I doing?”
“Touching her.”
His hand brushes up and takes a hold of my breast. “Malachy?” I try to wriggle free but he’s got me tight against him.
“Here?”
He increases the pressure, his fingers digging into me and I try to keep my face from squirming but fuck — it hurts.
“Yes.”
His hand slips and I breathe a sigh of relief only to hold it again when I feel him reach down behind me and stick his hand up my skirt.
“Here?”
His fingers slide my underwear over and almost instantly he slips a finger inside me. My cheeks burn. I’m all over the place. Half of me fucking ashamed and the other half feeling like a finger isn’t enough.
“I don’t know,” Jamie says. “There was too much blood to see anything.”
“I kissed her though? Didn’t I? Grace told me you said that. Let me see if I can jog your memory?”
The arm around my neck forces my head up and he takes my mouth with his, fucking me with his tongue. All the while his finger explores inside me and I feel weak at the knees.
How can he have this much power over me?
He comes up for air as soon as Jamie says the word yes.
I look over at Scott and he’s staring at his glass.
At least they’re not killing each other.
“Tell her what you said when you found me.”
“I told you to get off her.”
Malachy laughs. “Lie to me again and I will kill you. I will kill you and I will fuck Grace over your dead body.”
Terror trickles down my spine at his words. I pray to fucking god this is an empty threat. Jamie turns pale. He looks like he’s about to throw up.
“I… I can’t remember.”
“How fucking convenient.” He bends down and whispers in my ear. “Do you want to know what he said, princess? He told me to run. He told me to leave you there, so we didn’t get in trouble for changing the rules. So their mammy’s didn’t find out they were on my side of the woods.”
He whispers but Scott must have heard him just fine because he turns and looks at Jamie. They both look as worried as each other.
Why isn’t Scott killing him right now?
Beside us, Craig starts laughing.
“Everyone who wants to kill Jamie, stand in a line behind Malachy.”
Malachy laughs at him.
“Is this true?” Kate says.
She takes the words right out of my mouth.
Jamie turns around from my brother to me. “Grace, he’s lying.”
“Don’t be stupid now, Jamie. I don’t make empty threats.”
“I panicked.” He looks like he’s panicking now. “I panicked, alright?” He’s telling me this, not Scott or Malachy.
Did Scott know about this? I look over at him but he’s staring into his glass.
“You were going to leave me there?” Malachy’s finger is still lodged inside me and I hadn’t even been aware I was capable of talking.
Jamie can’t even look at me when he mumbles a half-arsed, “I’m sorry.”
“Scott?” I want him to look at me. But he can’t. He did know. He knew all along and he kept quiet. “Why?”
But he doesn’t need to answer. I already know why. We were only allowed to play at the edge of the woods. It was our secret. And he wanted me to take it to the grave for him.
“You want me to rip them apart for you?” Malachy says. “Say the words and they’re fucking dead.”
No. I don’t want them dead. “I don’t want you to kill them.”
“Tell her what happened after that.”
Jamie looks down. “We argued.”
The pieces start slotting together. It wasn’t his father. It was J
amie and Scott. “You burst his lip?”
It’s Malachy who answers. “They were dragging me away, telling me to run. Save ourselves getting in trouble. It’ll look like she fell, their words not mine. I didn’t want to leave you there.”
“I was fucking nine,” Jamie argues.
“So what, you made the whole thing up?” I ask him. “You started those rumors so people wouldn’t find out you wanted to leave me there to die?”
He doesn’t say anything, he just looks at his glass.
I feel Malachy turning to Scott above my head. “See, this is why I’m obsessed with her. Not only is she sexy — she’s fucking sharp, too.”
“Don’t act like you’re so fucking innocent,” Scott says. “You were always messed up. Everyone knew it. Everyone could see you were a bad egg.”
He starts laughing. “I never once said I wasn’t. I was a messed up little cunt, but I still knew not to leave a wee girl to bleed to death alone.”
Malachy lets go of me and walks around the bar, all the way to the door, and I wonder where he’s going.
“I’m about to fuck the brains out of the little queen now, anyone who doesn’t want to see that needs to get the fuck out of my house.”
I stand there with my mouth open, not believing the words that are coming out of him.
Everyone looks at each other.
Craig moves first, hopping up onto the bar and swinging his legs over it. “Come on darlin,” he says to Kate. “Time to go.”
“You’re going to let them walk away?”
It’s me who speaks. I don’t even know if I want him to let them walk away or not. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I feel like my whole life has been a lie. I look from Jamie to Scott and I feel numb, like he’s not even my brother. Like I don’t even know him.
And to think, I’d actually considered that one day I might end up with Jamie. The boy who wanted me dead.
I’m not going to cry though. Fuck tears. They don’t deserve any, especially Scott.
He let me live with those nightmares. He came into my room and hugged me and told me that he’d never let anyone hurt me ever again.
Growing up, I hated the way he treated me, but I understood. He almost lost me, he let horrible things — the worst things — happen to me and he couldn’t be there to save me. I understood that.
