“I’ll be leaving tomorrow,” he added while he stared at her. Watching her. And probably feeling like crap that he was doing exactly what he’d warned her he would do all along.
“Tomorrow,” she repeated. She stared down at the napkin full of snacks. Thinking about why she shouldn’t try to eke out some last few hours with him. Debating with herself about cutting her losses now.
She lost that debate.
Cait tossed the food onto one of the chairs, pulled Hayes to her and kissed him. She made it count and let her taste seep into him. There was some tongue play involved, of course. And heat. Lots and lots of heat. She was pleased that he seemed a little out of breath when she finally pulled back.
He opened his mouth and then closed it as if he’d changed his mind about what to say. “Would it be easier on you if I left now?”
The answer to this was so simple, now that she’d lost that debate. “No. The time for easy has passed.” She kissed him again and wanted to smile when she heard his groan of pleasure.
Hayes looked as if he intended to keep groaning when he stared down at her. “I just want—”
She kissed him again to stop him. Because she already knew that he wanted to fix this so she wouldn’t be hurt. But that ship had sailed, too.
“Come to my place tonight for a real farewell,” she invited with her mouth still against his. “This time, I’ll let you use both of your hands.”
* * *
CAIT WAS GLAD she woke up first because it gave her a chance to watch Hayes sleep. She supposed that was a little creepy, but she just wanted to take him all in. Not in a sexual way.
Not at the moment, anyway.
They’d done plenty of “taking in sexually” the night before, and while she wanted him again more than she wanted her heart to stop aching, she needed this time with him. She could keep this image of him in her head and conjure it up whenever she was feeling lower than dirt.
And what an image he was.
He was on his stomach, the left half of his face buried in a white pillow. Rock-star handsome, no question about it. He had certainly won the DNA lottery to give him all those incredible features.
One of the better features was his naked body, and now that the sun was starting to peek through the windows, she could see plenty of it. That’s because he’d kicked off most of the covers. His back and legs were bare, and even though he had a sheet over his midsection, she could see the outline of his butt. A butt she’d probably see again if she watched the new season of Outlaw Rebels. Then she would remember what it was like to have gripped on to it, her hands squeezing those famous cheeks while he drove into her.
Yes, she would remember that.
She glanced at the clock. Then frowned. It was already past six o’clock, and she would need to be at work at eight o’clock. A necessity since Leyton was on his honeymoon, and she’d have to fill in for him. There’d be a lot of people filling in for Shaw and Austin, too. The ranch work didn’t just go away because the ranchers weren’t there.
All the newlyweds had already left on their honeymoons by now. Sunny and Shaw to the Virgin Islands. Austin and McCall to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Hadley and Leyton to Vegas. Austin’s twins would be staying with their maternal grandparents while Austin and McCall were gone, and Kinsley had said she would be with Lenore. Cait suspected that had been the girl’s preference because Kinsley thought Lenore might not be as vigilant if the girl wanted to see her football hottie, but Kinsley was in for a surprise. Lenore had raised a houseful of kids and knew all the tricks they could pull.
Sighing, Cait was about to put an end to her Hayes watching and grab a shower, but he stirred. Moaned. When his eyes opened, they zoomed right in on her. He gave her a lazy smile, one that didn’t match the level of emotion she was feeling, but a moment later, she forgot all about that emotion. Hayes reached out, pulled her down to him, and in a blink, he rolled on top of her.
He was hard as steel and had clearly awakened with her on his mind. Or maybe with just sex on his mind. But this was her fantasy right now, and she was going to pretend that this was all just for her. While she was at it, she’d pretend there was no goodbye.
That this wouldn’t be the last time they’d be together.
It was fairly easy to push all that aside when he kissed her. Like that smile, it was lazy and slow, as if they had all the time in the world. He nipped her bottom lip with his teeth and then did the same to her neck. By the time he worked his way down to her breasts, she was totally mindless except for one thing.
Hayes.
Fortunately, Hayes was in the mindless mode, too, with one single purpose. To drive her insane and then hopefully cure that insanity by giving her an amazing orgasm.
He continued the trail of kisses, lowering to her stomach, where he used his tongue and his breath to awaken every nerve in that general vicinity. Other nerves, the ones lower than the current position of his tongue, definitely wanted that same kind of attention, so she didn’t stop him or his mouth when it cruised lower. Then lower.
Until he used his tongue and breath in the center of those nerves.
Just like that, one flick of his tongue, and he sent her flying. Cait didn’t even try to hold on, to make it last. She gave in to wave after wave of pleasure that racked her body.
She was still waving and racking and nowhere near recovering when Hayes kissed his way back up. He also snagged the condom he’d left on her nightstand. There’d once been three, but this was the last one. That did register in her still-muddled brain, but not for long. Hayes brought back the mindlessness by getting the condom on fast and slipping right into her while she was still quaking from the orgasm.
Watching her, he started to move inside her, and she wondered if he was gathering memories of her, the way she was of him. But that was a very fleeting thought because Cait experienced something of a miracle. The tension inside her started to rebuild. The need came clawing back with a vengeance. And just like that, she was ready for another slam of pleasure.
Hayes gave her just that.
He pushed into her until all that pleasure spiraled, coiled and released. It took away what little breath she’d managed to regain and left her feeling sated, wonderful. And it would have worked its way to sad if she hadn’t pushed it away. There’d be plenty of time for that later.
For now, she held him and skimmed her hands over as much of his naked body as she could reach. He seemed content to let her do just that, and the minutes slipped away. Cait might have even fallen back asleep, but the jarring sound of her alarm cut through the room.
“Work,” she grumbled, slapping off the alarm with far more force than necessary.
Hayes cursed and rolled off her, landing on his back. Not for long, though. He took only a few seconds to catch his breath and got up.
“I won’t be long in the bathroom,” he said, gathering up his clothes from the floor. “Then I’ll get out of your hair.”
She got up as well, located a T-shirt. Panties, too. The clothing wasn’t exactly armor, but she didn’t want to be naked when she faced him. Apparently, Hayes was of a like mind, because a couple of minutes later, he walked out of the bathroom fully dressed.
He stopped, looked at her, and she saw the sadness. No way could she handle that now, so Cait took hold of his arm and led him out of the bedroom and toward the front of the house.
When they reached the front door, she reached in and took out a letter. “I wrote this yesterday and thought it would be easier than a long goodbye. Read this after you’ve left Lone Star Ridge,” she instructed, putting it in his hands.
He volleyed glances between her and the letter. “You said you’d come to visit me.”
“And I will.”
That was perhaps the truth. However, it was just as possible that she wouldn’t be able to face him once she’d started to mend this crack in her
heart. Plus, even if she did go to him, it would be just that—a visit.
“Don’t read the letter before you’re back in California,” she emphasized, “or a spell will be released that’ll feel like a serious kick to the nuts.”
He winced but smiled. “I wanted to hear one of your wiseass remarks before I left.”
“Glad I could accommodate you.” Cait kissed him, but this time she kept the passion out of it. Closed mouth and quick.
She opened the front door, and he gave her a chaste kiss. Or rather it would have been, had it come from anyone other than Hayes. She wasn’t sure that mouth could produce chaste.
As he made his way to his SUV, he looked back at her and smiled.
Goal accomplished. She had wanted him to walk away happy. She’d wanted him to leave, knowing that their fling might be over, but as flings went, it surely qualified for some big-assed award.
She watched him leave and then she sat down on the floor to get started with what she’d known she would have to do.
Cait broke down and cried like there was no tomorrow.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
HAYES STEPPED INSIDE the quiet house. The chaos of the wedding planning and the wedding itself was gone. So were the steady streams of people who’d been coming and going over the past couple of weeks.
Normally, he would have liked the quiet, but now it meant there were no distractions, and he sure as hell could have used one. Then again, it was probably best this way. He wasn’t fit to be around people, not with him feeling like the dick that he was.
Despite all the lectures and glares from Cait’s brothers, he’d still done the very thing that could hurt her.
Maybe.
She’d looked pretty calm and content when he’d left her, so maybe she would indeed come out of this without getting hurt.
He frowned.
Then he cursed himself. That “calm and content” should have made him feel like less of a dick, but it didn’t. It just made him feel...hurt. Which only proved his dickhood. He should be glad and relieved that Cait hadn’t handed herself to him on a silver platter. So, why wasn’t he happy about either of those things? He did a gut check and verified that. No gladness. No relief.
He looked at the letter she’d given him and considered opening it despite her smart-ass curse warning. But he didn’t. Hayes hoped he didn’t have to explain it to anyone, but as long as the letter stayed sealed and unread, it was as if there was unfinished business between Cait and him. He still didn’t get any gladness or relief over that, but reading it would give him something to look forward to.
Hayes glanced up and saw Em standing in the living room doorway. Watching him from over a mug of coffee. He wasn’t sure how long she’d been there, but Em was no fool. She knew he was deep into that bag of mixed emotions right now.
“You’re ready to get back to filming your show?” she asked, but Hayes got the feeling it wasn’t such a simple question. It seemed to be some kind of lead-in for him to spill his guts.
He nodded and put Cait’s letter in the back pocket of his jeans. “It’s what I do,” he settled for saying.
That was true, but it was also true that he wanted to do what was right. He had a contractual obligation and one not grounded in duty. The cast was like his family, too, and he would give the show 100 percent because that’s what they wanted.
But 100 percent sure as hell felt like way too much at the moment.
Em went closer, patted his arm and smiled in that “sweet little old granny” way that was as effective as a truth serum. She wanted something—a reassurance or some soul-baring—so Hayes gave her some.
“I’m on depression meds,” he explained. “And I’ll probably be on them for the rest of my life. If things get bad, if I start sinking again, I’ll see my shrink. I’ll ask for help.”
His grandmother’s next smile and arm pat let him know that hearing that pleased her. It pleased him, too, because it was the truth. He couldn’t swear to her that he wouldn’t lapse into another state of depression, but he had a game plan to deal with it as best he could.
“I’ve got some good news that might cheer you up,” Em said. “Sunshine got arrested for smacking a reporter with one of those big-assed handbags she carries. The bag had a serpent’s head on it. Fitting,” she concluded in a mutter. “Anyway, the serpent also had fangs, and one of them cut the guy.”
That was indeed good news. Well, not the cut reporter, but Sunshine’s arrest.
“The reporter said something about the sex tape not being very flattering,” Em went on, “and that he was betting Sunshine wished she’d shown a better side of her ass, if she had a better side, that is. I’m guessing it was a ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ kind of comment, because she knocked him in the head with the snake and then broke his camera. Turns out he’s got gobs of money, and along with the criminal charges, he’s suing her.”
Hayes smiled even though it wasn’t really a smiling matter. His sisters would undoubtedly be pulled into the publicity from this. Still, it might tie up Sunshine for a while, and that would give her less time to think of ways to screw over her family.
Em’s next arm pat stayed in place, and she looked up at him. “You’ll be leaving this morning, then?” she asked.
He nodded. “I’m heading up to pack now. The goodbyes are done.” He’d given those to his sisters before they’d left on their honeymoons. Given one to Tony, too, shortly after the reception. Hayes gave Em a goodbye kiss now on the cheek. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too. And just because you gotta leave doesn’t mean you have to stay gone. I mean, you could come back soon.”
He didn’t want to give her any false hopes. “I spend weeks filming the show.”
“Which means you spend weeks when you aren’t filming the show,” Em pointed out just as quickly.
Hayes huffed. He knew they weren’t talking about work schedules now. “Look, I’m a bad bet when it comes to Cait. She’s had enough bad bets with her father.”
“That’s true about her dad.” Em shrugged. “But you’re nothing like Marty Jameson.”
In some ways that was true. However, Hayes knew there was one point they had in common. Marty and he had both hurt Cait. But again, that thought gave him a mental poke. Maybe she wasn’t hurt after all. And if so, he was back to this having been just a fling while he’d been killing time before his sisters’ weddings.
He gave his grandmother another cheek kiss and headed up the stairs to pack. He’d have plenty of time to get to San Antonio, grab something to eat and turn in the rental car before his flight. However, when he went to his room, he stood there frozen while he glanced around.
So many memories here. During the Little Cowgirls days, it’d become his hideout, and later it’d been the place where he’d sneaked in girls. Of course, it was also the site of Sunshine’s now-infamous sex tape. With all those memories, the one that was the clearest was of him finding Cait in his bed. A bed where they’d had some damn good sex.
He smiled, realized he was smiling and immediately tried to somber up. It didn’t feel right to remember the sex. Because it shouldn’t have happened. Still, Hayes figured it would be a while before those images weren’t so clear, and they would almost certainly stay with him forever.
Curing that dismal thought, he whipped out the letter. Thankfully, there wasn’t any real chance it would lead to a kick in the nuts, but it might feel like a kick to the teeth. Still, he wanted to know what Cait was thinking and find out if he’d left as big of a mark on her as she had on him.
He opened the envelope and sat on the bed, figuring it would take a while for him to get through whatever she’d written. However, he quickly realized that wouldn’t be the case. It was just one paragraph. A very short one. So short it could have fit on a Post-it note instead of a piece of stationery paper.
Hayes, best of luck with the new season of Outlaw Rebels, he read. I’ll be tuning in to see if your bare butt will make appearance number twenty. (Remember, I count the shower scene where you’re behind the rippled glass. A naked ass is still a naked ass even with visual obstructions.) Have a good life. Cait.
He stared at it a moment, reread it and then read it again.
Well, hell.
* * *
MAKEUP AND VISINE couldn’t completely hide her tear-reddened eyes and slightly puffy face, but Cait thought she’d spackled on enough concealer to disguise the worst of it. If anyone asked why she looked as if she’d been on a crying jag, she would blame her condition on allergies.
She needed to work on her attitude, though, too. She had to make it seem as if it were no big deal that Hayes was gone, and people would be looking for any sign that she had that broken heart they were all sure she’d get. Her heart was broken, all right, and there’d no doubt be more tears. However, she wasn’t going to bare those tears and broken heart for the town to use to serve her up as tasty gossip. Nope. When folks looked at her, they were going to see her usual wiseass self.
With allergies.
She still had nearly a half hour before she had to be at work, but Cait grabbed her things to leave early so she could stop by the diner and get a second cup of coffee and a bear claw. Since that was something she often did, she could get a jump on convincing everyone that she was A-okay, hunky-dory and any other stupid descriptor she could think of. But she had just opened the door when the massive tour bus lumbered to a stop in front of her house.
Marty.
Cait was ready to groan, which was her automatic response to her father, but she had to put that on hold when she saw Adam step from the bus. Marty was right behind him, and there was no way she could groan after seeing Adam’s smiling face. The boy was obviously A-okay, hunky-dory and plenty of other happy descriptors.
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