His admission stretched out between us, stating his claim was laughable.
“Really Brax? And what happens to you for all the times that you hurt me?”
His fingers curl into my hips, I flinch at the contact it hurts. He hurts the marks from before.
“Don't.” He breathes. “Don't fucking do that when I touch you Miley.”
“I can't help it; it hurts all the time. I'm always on the edge with you both, it's like I don't exist until you both want to unload in me.”
Pushing back away from him I need to break his hold on me, we’re both walking a fine line playing with fire and I don't want to feel Garry's hate again today. I’m so tired of it all.
“With you it’s different Miley, so different.”
Cracking my neck to the left as I lean over the counter and fluff the lettuce salad, needing to distract my hands from ripping his clothes off him. Not trusting myself to look at him, the desire to tongue fuck his mouth is too strong.
“Pity I’m not yours to always be different with Brax.” Picking my glass up I wink at him. “Oh, and Brax, I’m so sorry for falling in love with you. But thanks, it was worth the pain.” I walk out to the deck to watch my kids play.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Four weeks later
I went out last Saturday night with my bestie. She said, “Come to this club I found it a few weeks back, it’s mint man, like for real the DJ is off the hook and the men fuck me sideways babe, they are hot!” “Well, cool, I'm married remember?” was my immediate reply, married yes but not to whom I wished it was. Going out, being around people and having to be human is more than my body can’t take. I had a boy who I wanted to be a man. Who put a fever inside me but now I’m left here feeling cold. “Yeah and you’re the perfect wing woman, hot, blonde and sexy as fuck.”
As soon as we enter the back bar I sit down, my eyes meet his and his bore into mine. I smile, my palms sweating and not knowing what to do or how to react I just sit and watch and wait. He comes over and says hi, pulling me in for a hug. His smell engulfs me and my body hums, as my thighs clench, starving for his touch. And here it is in front of me, his lips graze over my neck and he bites the skin softly under my ear lobe.
“Still just as fucking insanely stunning as the last time I saw you babe.” I try to push down the arousal inside me and blink out into the horizon. My bestie looks at me as I watch him walk away.
“Who’s that tall glass of pure sex Miley?” Fuck I could feel my cheeks flush.
“Who?” Play dumb Miley.
“That guy that just came up to you and leant in kissing your cheek and you instantly lit up.” Laughing at her I pick up my glass of Coke and take a rather large suck through the straw. Her eyes bore into me.
“Oh him.” Pointing my finger over to the God standing with his back to us talking with a group of sexy young chicks. His leg up on the picnic table seat, his cap on backwards and his body ripped out from his overly too tight shirt.
“Yes......Miley him...that sexy beast.” Pointing back at him before her fingers grab my cheeks hard, my lips making an O as I try to answer her, looking at her amused eyes.
“He‘s Jamie's rugby coach,” I answer rather slurred from the pressure of her squeezing my cheeks together, her hand drops.
“Mmmm mmmm,” she says pulling her smokes from her pocket. “Well, if that's the coach, I need to have a kid and he needs to be born ready to play rugby.” I laugh at her, my eyes leaving Brax’s body and picking out a guy in the crowd whose eyes have been boring into my friend since we got here.
“Go dance with him he wants ya hot ass,” I yell out over the loud music. Her eyes find who I'm pointing to and she nods, a smile lights up her face as she leans into me scooping her hands down the front of her top and bra pulling her ample breasts up and higher into the already impressive cup size.
“Him yess, I've been watching him for a while now.” With a quick kiss to my cheek she's off and I’m left to sit alone and watch these girls throwback shots and dance like they are strippers. They are half my age and I feel extremely uncomfortable being in a place where I could nearly be old enough to be their mother.
His eyes seek out mine every so often, I can't help myself from looking at him. Buy u a drink by T-pain and Yung Joc is blasting out from the DJ booth as he dances with these women and grinds his crotch into them. His hands wrap around their waist digging his nails into their hips. It reminds me of the times when he would do that to me. When his hands were on my hips, around my waist as he thrust into me from behind. It fucking hurt, I’m not going to lie, just as much as letting him go.
I didn’t want to let him go but he wasn’t mine to keep. I am married, he’s single and free and fuck me it hurts, it hurts so much watching those girls fall over him as I sit in the corner alone in the dark.
So, I sit there and watch him, and I say to my heart….
Dear Heart, so there’s this guy.... You see him? That one right there you want me to like but I don’t want to, so can you please stop beating so fast when he comes by? Being hurt by him is like walking on shards of glass and its painful but your heart masks it as pleasure….
I watch as they fall for his charm, his words and his voice. They stare into the eyes that I want to be looking at me, seeing me. They take his cap from his head and laugh, he chases them, and it breaks me. They sit down in the outside area for smokers, their bodies hot with sweat, the lights are dim out here I can see his strong jaw and 5 o’clock shadow as the chick he was dancing with before straddles him. Taking his hat from his head and placing it backwards on her own her eyes burning into his beautiful whiskey ones which are glazed from liquor and lust. Her swaying over his crotch as Back to sleep by Chris Brown began to float around us. A shudder leaves my body pulling my jacket deeper around me as I watch them, he has sung that song to me before. Tears prick at my eyes as she lowers down into his neck, her lips finding his skin, kissing and sucking on the cool flesh. His eyes find mine as he starts to sing. Shaking my head I pull my eyes from his I can’t even deal right now. I look for my friend and let her know that I have to leave, I can’t stay there and watch this anymore. She looks at me and I break the stare for if she looks too deep into my eyes, she will see just what swimming inside them is, a love for a man that’s not my husband. Heartache over a boy who can’t love me like the whore grinding over his cock. And she's the friend that wouldn't understand why and what I did and how good it felt. She would just see that I broke my vows, the ones she stood next to me as I took them. She would see me for a cheater, not an abused woman seeking love in the form of a forbidden lover. She's the one that thinks with logic not feeling.
“You okay my friend?” she asks me.
“I’m fine just have a headache,” I say back pulling her in for a hug. “You okay with sex on legs there?” I ask.
“I’m fine, he’s fine and we shall fuck like rabbits tonight,” she says winking, kissing my cheek and walking into the crowd full of people, hot and sweaty and dancing, enjoying their carefree lives while I am stuck in a hurricane. A fucking web of lies and deceit.
His eyes find mine as I walk past the group, he’s with girls outnumbering the men, sending me a small smile and a wink. I just stare past him, my heart broken for I can no longer hold up this fake fucking mask of being okay.
Walking away a new song plays out over the room filled with horny people. I’m in Luv with a stripper by T-pain and Mike Jones. I stop and take one last look back to look at him. His hands around her hips as the other is raised over in the air. Her body bent forward as he slaps her ass, her hands placed on her knees as she twerks her ass into his palm as he slaps it. His mates all around them calling out and wolf whistling. His head falls back as he howls out into the hazy club filled with smoke from the smoke machine. My long nails dig in my palms as the pain bites into my skin, my mind runs wild as my subconscious asks myself am I in love with him? Or am I in love with the feeling? He is a delusion with sin laced lips but in reality,
he’s a pill too hard to swallow. I try to see you as a beautiful vessel but really, you’re just so fucking hollow. I’m trying so hard to find truth but as his eyes meet mine all I see is all the lies he ever told me. A notorious manwhore with just getting his dick wet running through his mind, as I try hard to run between heaven and fucking disaster. So again, am I in love with you or in love with the feeling? My heart is deceiving me as the fantasy of ever having you sinks faster and deeper into my mind.
The cool air hits me in the face as I step out away from all the hot sweaty bodies. I can't get him out of my head ever and it’s sickening. It’s this confusion I call love, that I so desperately want to be real...I know that I’m delusional for he doesn't want me for me, he wants me for the chase, the thrill of me being married.
His fingers link into mine, threading together like they fucking belong, instantly recognizing the touch I know so well. Stopping I close my eyes and take a deep breath in.
“You’re leaving?” he breathes into my ear.
“Yep, I can't help myself when you're around Brax and I can't get too close because living with just the ghost of you is hard enough. We said we wouldn't catch the feels, we wouldn't fall, we wouldn't love. But you were my escape and from the start I promised that I would give it all up if it was hurting us and you broke my heart over a million times. I will not sit here and watch you kiss them and grind up on them when all I want to do is steal those kisses from them and give you my all and take all of you back. So, I have to leave and give up because I can’t have you keep breaking me and making me cry, I’m not a kid, I’m an adult and I can't waste any more of my life with you.” Leaning into his space, his stare blank, his mouth slightly parted, my lips graze so lightly over his. I'm taking from him what will surely have to be our last kiss. “I love you so fucking much but, in this time, and place it just wasn't meant for us.” Turning, I walk to my car and don’t even look back. Knowing that when he holds me, I'm not the only one. My mum warned me that there would be boys like him, and it took me till I was thirty-four and married to find a boy like Braxton. Making me feel alive but shattering me all at the same time.
He will always be my king, I love his dark whiskey eyes, I love the way my mouth can make his flaccid cock hard. Making love to him is unforgiving, it’s hot, it’s passionate and it reminds me that fire is dangerous cheating is a sin and it tastes good on my tongue. Walking away from him tonight was one of the hardest things that I have had to do, and I know it will only get harder because I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t keep this torture up.
Driving home alone is lonely, my mind runs through all the things and overanalyzes and overthinks everything. All the sad songs make sense and they bring more tears to my already crying eyes, swiping them from my face with the back of my hand I turn the music up louder so I can no longer hear my own thoughts and I just drive dropping it down a gear on the long straight. Bad Wolves cover of Zombie plays through my speakers and the pain in his voice mirrors the pain in my heart. My phone texts and I just keep on driving letting the pain of the song wash over me. Pulling into my driveway I kill the engine and slip quietly inside. Hanging my keys on the hook inside the door, I flick the outside light off and pour a glass of cold water. Sliding my phone to unlock I see the telltale name on my screen and think fuck what does he have to say or want?
Him: Babe I miss you.
Rolling my eyes sure you do I think to myself, you so do not.
Me: Just got home heading to bed.
Him: I need you so bad babe.
Fuck, do you not get it dude? Gulping down my water.
Him: Babe I love you honest I do. They mean nothing.
Me: Good night.
I actually can’t deal with this right now; I am so insane with emotions. All different and all crazy, all rolling over the top of the other and it’s giving me fucking whiplash.
Him: Babe...
Nope, sorry not writing back. I can't do this I can't do this cat and mouse game, so I head down the hallway checking on my kids, pulling up their blankets and stepping quietly into my bedroom. It’s 2am and my husband is lying in our bed for the first time since he attacked me in the kitchen.
Pulling my body from my clothes the smell of him and smoke hits my senses. I slip into bed, my side cold; like it always is empty and lonely. I shiver as I pull the blankets around me silencing my phone, I turn on my side his back to me and I place my cold hands on his back.
Laying there in the dark, lonely wishing it was different, wishing he was Brax.... Well, no, wishing all the best parts of Brax were in him....
Brax, even after being himself and living his life the way he does weekend after weekend, slamming his cock into all the girls who throw themselves at him, still has my heart, still occupies my mind and still has me longing to be with him.
So, I lay there alone, cold and fractured a little bit more than I was that morning. My mind rolls back over us as I lay next to my husband listening to his breath drawing patterns over his skin, whispering.
“Are you there? Where have you gone? It’s so lonely being your wife, I want you back! I want us back! I want to go back to the start.... I love you deep down, I do, but I’m tired of the lies, the forced space, the forced niceness and the lack of emotion. You say you love me but yet you ignore me, keep me at arm’s length, talk down to me and you’re mean, you fight me, abuse me and hit me, slap me, and attack me...you try to change me and roll your eyes when I speak, it never used to be that way. Where did you go? Where did I go? Where did we go? You got lost and I drowned.
You know there was a time when you were so obsessed with me. That you chased me. Then I fell for you when you gave me what I didn’t even know I had desired. I fell in love with you and then it’s like you just stopped. Did you feel threatened that I was so obsessed with the kids that you needed to seek something new? And now look, I have that same obsession but it’s for another man. I never seem to be able to get away from the emotional and mental abuse. He gave me more than thoughts, he worshiped my body, chased me a bit like you did in the start and then it ran out. Burnt to the ground and died. I stayed though, sucking up and reliving the torture daily for the pain you give me and the love he gave. Maybe I need to say goodbye to you both. Maybe it's time to breathe you both out from my body.”
Pulling myself up on my elbows I look down over his sleeping body, pulling him closer into me longing to touch him the way Brax touches me. The way I touch Brax I'd love to touch Garry that way. He shrugs off my touch in his sleep. Trying to rouse him again my hand finds his cock flaccid and just chilling, wanting to be woken and sucked I’m sure. Taking in a deep breath I roll him over onto his back lightly running my nails down his chest to his groin. His cock starts to wake at my touch as a murmur leaves him. Control, I love this feeling of control, picking his cock up in my hands I pump his limp dick till he starts to become hard at my touch. Running my tongue over my lips he sucks in air through his teeth. “Mmmmm Sherry you know how Daddy likes it.” He murmured out as my grip tightened around his cock. “Mmmm baby that's it harder Sherry, suck daddy's cock.”
My blood boils, I feel it in my ears. Well, you want ya dick sucked? You’ll get it not from Sherry, no buddy, ya wife.
Lowering my mouth to his now hard cock. Thanks for nothing Sherry that was all me baby.
I run my wet tongue up his shaft and stop at his knob rolling my tongue over the tip, opening my mouth and pulling his head into my teeth. He moans in pleasure and I roll my teeth all way down his length filling my mouth, squeezing his balls and rolling them through my fingers. My head bobs up and down forcing harsh tongue action around it, picking up the pace, sucking hard so his body arches. I know how he likes his cock sucked; Sherry must be still learning. His hands find my hair pulling me deeper over him, my mouth wet leaving a trail of sleekness in its wake. Just the right amount of friction to have him moaning and calling out her name, not my name. How do you not realize that the body who was meant to be sleeping next
to you, sucking you off right now is your fucking wife?
“Sherry baby that's it faster, harder, suck your cock baby, bite it, bite it baby, I'm going to come,” he moaned out, his voice harsh filled with desire.
“You want me to bite it baby?” I murmured over his cock, his body stills his hands drop from my hair and I open my eyes looking up through my lashes as my fingers link tight around his balls pushing him up into my mouth, his eyes wide.
“Miley,” he gasps.
“You got it baby, not Sherry, sorry to disappoint.”
His hands flick out trying to push me from his cock but I'm faster, I know him better than he knows himself. My teeth slide hard all the way down his shaft and my fingers squeeze hard as my teeth lock harder down around him. I feel the pop of his flesh under my teeth and the tang of blood trickling into my mouth, he screams in pain writhing off the bed, as I release it a sharp hiss leaves him and I sink back down again, moving my teeth up a little and bite once more. The telltale pop of flesh, the blood hitting the top of my tongue again, releasing, he's screaming not even caring if the children wake.
I do it again, this time just below his head in the nice soft part, slinking my teeth in harder than I did prior. He really screams then his back arches hard from the bed taking my body with his fingers in my hair ripping my head from his cock. I grind my teeth up fast, his other hand snakes around my neck squeezing so tight I see stars instantly and gasp for air. He throws me with force off the bed and my body hits the wall with a deafening crack. Falling down it with a hard smash, my head and elbows crack the plaster and the mirror falls over my head shattering all around me. The blood trickles down my face, the smell mixes with a stinging pain causing my eyes to water and my senses to fall into a heap around me.
His eyes lace with fury as he scrambles from the bed and grabs my throat again. My eyes don't leave his as I feel him choking the air from me and all around me going black.
Unexpected Attention Page 10
