by S. K Munt
She did feel jealous though and that made her feel sick inside, so she buried all of her feelings way down in the pit of her stomach again and went on doing as she had been doing since she’d agreed to be Bailey’s girl- responding to every letter to the Shard boys as best as she could, then sharing what she felt comfortable sharing with her friends at school the following day.
All of the Hive girls were being nicer to Finn those days, but no one more than Cara, which didn’t really surprise Finn because Cara had been nicer to her that time she’d agreed to date Aaron’s friend Michael too. Mila, Jade and Cara were obviously hoping to use Finn in order to score themselves partners of their own, but the others seemed genuinely happy for her, which made the sun feel like it was shining brighter, even if it did bum her out to realise that a girl’s worth was still being judged on whether she could get a guy or not, even in that post-apocalyptic climate, where nothing should have eclipsed survival.
It’s Darwinian though, right? Finn had thought, as she’d handed her second round of letters over to Captain French on Tuesday, before going off to pick up as much litter as possible, so she’d be able to pay him postage for the next one. Bailey was no longer able to come see her the following weekend, because apparently he had to help his parents muster their cattle then, but Finn had already felt trepidatious at the idea of him coming to stay with her so soon- especially since he’d hinted that he was bringing a tent that he wanted her to sneak into at some point- so she didn’t mind having their reunion delayed. Yes the world has changed, but re-populating the earth is a priority again, so I guess this is just how we’re supposed to think, isn’t it? Like we’re all wannabe princesses, looking for someone to save us from turning into old, starving witches instead?
‘I’m still so jealous of the fact that they get to party on the beach whenever they want,’ Cara said on Wednesday, after Finn had caved in and read out some of Bailey’s letter, talking about how much he’d loved sitting with her and holding her hand under the stars. ‘Would have been so cool to have a Roast n’ Toast for my birthday!’
‘Why don’t you just throw one?’ Jade asked. ‘I’ll come!’
‘Nah…’ Cara shook her head. ‘Can’t be done.’
‘Why not?’ Gemma asked. ‘People have them all the time!’
‘Maybe. But those people don’t live in a castle where a Harbinger is employed to keep an eye on everyone’s thoughts twenty-four hours a day...’ Cara complained, tightening her thick ponytail, which spouted up and out of the crown of her head like a waterfall that day. ‘I was going to throw one at the start of the year- had the perfect location picked out and everything, down at Paige’s old place, near the quarry.’ She shrugged as Finn sighed because even that reference had made her think of Reeve. ‘But Paloney saw a vision of some girl tripping over and falling into the quarry and she freaked and ratted me out to Amory within minutes. It’s for the best, I guess, especially if it was one of my girls she had a premonition about going ass up, but Amory was so mad that I had intended to defy him by breaking curfew that he’s had a guard stationed there since.’
‘Maybe you need to have someone organise one elsewhere who doesn’t spend a lot of time around a Harbinger, hmm?’ Jade had suggested slyly. ‘Like Georgia Janks, who has apparently hosted four at the Pen already by getting one of my surfing mates to organise it!’
Finn looked up sharply from the little pamphlet of song lyrics Bailey had sent her, which she’d started carefully reading in the hopes that it would give her some insight into her boyfriend’s psyche. ‘She’s the one who’s been leaving fires and rubbish everywhere for me to clean up?’
‘Yup,’ Jade snorted. ‘Why do you look so surprised?’
‘Because I thought she was a goody two-shoes!’
‘Really Finn?’ Mischa asked, looking so irritated that she could have been her own mother. ‘Shouldn’t you know, better than anyone, that everything she does, is a front to hide what she’s actually doing?’
‘Like how she’s playing tour guide with Liam now?’ Cara agreed. ‘Even though we know she’s playing ‘wife me’ instead?’
‘I guess…’ Finn said feebly, looking over at Georgia’s table and sighing when she saw that Georgia was practically on Liam’s lap. ‘But you’d think she’d be smart enough to have her little parties up on the water tower or somewhere else discreet, so people- like me wouldn’t find evidence of them after and be tempted to turn her in!’
Mischa shrugged. ‘She’d probably love it if you did try and dob her in Finn. No doubt she’d have an airtight alibi, so not only would she get off the hook, but she’d be in a position to trash you for being a tattler and a liar after!’ She snorted. ‘But hey, if you can dig up some proof that she’s partying on the sly, I’d happily hand it to the king!’
‘Same. And though I’d never dream of hosting a Roast ‘n Toast with the hag…’ Cara turned to Jade and asked: ‘Think you can ask your friend how she sneaks out of the kingdom?’
‘Sure,’ Jade said, and Finn had tuned out then, not wanting to be a party to any of what they were obviously plotting.
But she’d smiled anyway, thinking how nice it was that Cara was being nice towards Jade and Gemma too. No, none of them felt like they were a part of the Hive yet and no, Finn couldn’t put her finger on what had changed, but so long as something was finally changing, that was all right by her!
*
Collecting her letters had become a source of joy for Finn every day, but the one she received on Wednesday afternoon was so powerful that it made her head spin, and not necessarily in a good way. In fact, it made her realise that as much as life was changing, and as much as she felt like she was finally finding a place to belong, she still had miles to go before she could think of herself as being on the same level as the other kids her age.
Dear Finn,
I dreamed last night that we were down by the bonfire, only this time I did kiss you, and we ended up kissing so passionately that I woke up all tangled up in my sweaty sheets and… well, feelings. Sorry, I know you’re really shy when it comes to talking about this stuff, but I just wanted you to know that I think about you even in my dreams. And I know this might sound crazy, but I think I’m in love with you.
Love Bailey.
What am I supposed to say to that? Finn thought, groaning as she stashed the letter away before her mum could see it. She’d made several attempts to get him to talk about things like computers and music by then, but aside from sending her some of the lyrics to his favourite rap songs, he’d yet to say anything that could help her understand him, and it was frustrating her like crazy, because Reeve wrote such long, expressive and funny letters every day! I want this to work, but I need him to feel like a friend, not just, well… someone who wants to breed with me!
It took her so long to think up a satisfactory reply that she missed her chance to send it back with Simon that evening. But after reminding herself that so far, being good with words was the only power she had, she eventually scratched out what she hoped was a very concise response:
Dear Bailey,
Thank you for making me blush like crazy in front of my mother at the dinner table. I don’t think it’s possible for you to be in love with me yet (nor do I have the self-esteem to believe that someone like you could love someone like me anyway) because we don’t know each other that well. But thank you for letting me know that I’m on your mind as often as you are on mine.
Still missing you.
-Finn
Finn tried to keep her mood positive after she’d posted it in the morning, but Bailey’s letter had made her truly start questioning whether or not they were a good match, and although she was too scared to discuss it with anyone, she kept her anxiety bundled up in the pit of her stomach again, effectively killing her appetite for breakfast and lunch the following day.
Will my feelings for him catch up to his feelings for me, if they’re really his feelings at all? She’d fretted all the way to school, as
she’d struggled to ride against a headwind. Or will he get so annoyed with me putting on the brakes like the big baby I am, that he’ll give up on me completely?
Finn got to school feeling weak, trembly and convinced that she was going to die if she didn’t start eating more and lifting weights soon. She’d braced herself for the Hive to greet her with the standard: ‘What did his last letter say?!’ as she approached, but apparently something monumental had happened the night before and she’d been late, so she didn’t get the chance to find out who’d replaced her at the top of the gossip Totem pole overnight until lunch. But she did notice during class that Georgia Janks was absent from every class between first period in lunch, which made her feel even weirder than Bailey’s declaration had. Had something bad happened to Georgia… or something enigmatic? Her blood froze over, just thinking about it.
‘Finn!’ Mischa came barrelling out of class just after eleven. ‘Have you put your name down for the librarian’s assistant job yet?’
‘What?’ Thoughts of Bailey and Georgia evaporated. ‘What job?’
‘Didn’t you hear? Madeline Rowles and Georgia Janks got into a fight over something last night, and though Georgia swore it was only a disagreement, Madeline grabbed her shoulder and cried: ‘Stay away from me!’ And guess what? When Georgia tried to race after her to explain or make up or whatever, she realised she couldn’t move!’
‘Oh!’ Finn clapped a hand over her mouth. ‘Are you saying Madeline’s a Wilful now?’ That would be incredible if it were true, for Wilfuls- Enigmas who could command you to do whatever they wanted you to do so long as they were touching you as they declared it- were one of the rarest kinds of Enigmas there were. So rare, that only one other had been discovered thus far- up in the East Cape.
‘Looks like it!’ Cara said, fluffing out her mane of hair, which she’d worn out that day. ‘Amory was psyched of course, but Madeline freaked out, and he doesn’t know if she has the power to undo her commands, so they’ve been handling her carefully since. In fact, he took her straight up to one of the empty houses in Pleasant Valley, so she’d have some space and peace while they work it out!’
‘Wow!’ Finn said. Then, because she couldn’t help herself she asked: ‘Any idea what they were fighting about?’
‘No, but they must have made up, because Amory took Georgia with her for moral support- you know, because both of Madeline’s parents died in the Strike- and possibly to see if she couldn’t reverse her command. Last I heard though, Georgia’s stuck staying with a family in the house next door because so far- no good.’
‘That’s crazy…’ Finn said, and it really was. She didn’t know if Madeline and Georgia were best friends, but they were certainly close, so it would be weird to be sort of separated by magic like that.
‘It definitely looks like Madeline’s off the Potential list and onto the Enigma one though,’ Mischa reiterated then, sighing unhappily, and Finn knew what they were all thinking: ‘Why her?’ And: ‘Is one of us gonna be next?!’ ‘Which means she doesn’t have to work anymore. So, if you want another shot at that job you wanted so bad earlier this year, now’s your chance.’
‘There won’t be as many applicants for it this time either,’ Mila said. ‘Not now that people know it includes work on the weekends.’
‘Oh, that’s right…’ Bonnie sucked on her teeth. ‘Is that going to be an issue now that you have somewhere to go on the weekends?’
‘Hell no!’ Finn cried, feeling those butterflies coming to life in the pit of her stomach again. ‘It’s alternate days anyway, isn’t it? One Saturday one week, and the Sunday the next?’ Cara shrugged but Bonnie nodded, so Finn shrugged. ‘Well I always have to do at least one shift at the farm every weekend anyway, so if I get the librarian’s job, I’ll just go to the farm after, so I still have at least one night and day free.’ She clapped her hands together. ‘I’m excited! Think I’ve actually got a shot at getting it this time?’
‘A librarian’s job?’ Cara snorted. ‘Finny you just got a boyfriend- doesn’t that prove that anything’s possible?’
Finn sighed. ‘Why do I get the feeling I was just insulted?’
‘Lots of practice,’ Cara teased, but she clapped Finn on the shoulder to prove she was joking before she backed away, flipping them all the bird as she cried: ‘Later bitches! As Miriam’s official maid of honour, I have wedding planning to do!’ And Finn just shook her head as she watched her go, thinking once again, that she wasn’t wrong- Finn did have a lot of practice at being insulted. She didn’t have a lot of practice at applying for jobs though, which was why she made up her mind right there and then to spend the entire weekend working on her application letter, which she needed to be perfect.
The good and bad news, she supposed, was that Captain French stayed out at his home on the Shards on the weekends, which meant that she wouldn’t get to hear from Bailey or Reeve for two days, which would free up a lot of her time and her focus, even if it would make her feel a little bit lonely. She’d already intended to write Bailey a letter that afternoon, in response to whatever it was that was already sailing across the bay to her, but she was so excited to share her news that she decided to write it right then and there.
Bailey,
Guess what? One of the Potentials here turned into a Wilful last night, which is great news, not just for the kingdom, but for me, because now that she’s going to be too busy being an important Enigma, she’ll vacate her librarian’s assistant job, which means I can apply for it! And double guess what? The Hive girls are actually encouraging me to go for it- even Cara!
I wanted this job so badly last time, and it broke my heart when I lost out to Madeline, but I think I might be more of a contender now that she’s out of the running because the librarians know me better now because I go there all the time. Unfortunately, this is one of the few Potential jobs that will require the employee to work the weekends but don’t worry, it’s only one day a weekend which means I’ll still be able to visit with you on the alternate days. And as an added bonus it pays more than picking up trash does, so I won’t have to sweat the barge fee so much!
Missing you, but very excited for what’s to come!
Finn.
*
The shocking news kept coming that week, and Finn was dismayed to learn on Friday that apparently, two young refugee women that must have been trying to make their way to Laidlaw had been found dead just off Reliance Creek Road early on Friday morning. King Amory hadn’t wanted it to become common knowledge yet, because he’d been hoping to find their killer (killers?) and apprehend them before the Outsiders could find out about it and panic, but the information got leaked and spread like the pox through Laidlaw and the Outside, making Finn feel sick to her stomach because she’d been out on that road the day before, picking up trash!
‘I heard they were both found, bound, naked and raped,’ Mischa sniffled, wiping away tears at lunch. She usually wore her ash blonde hair in a sleek bob, but it was pulled back into a messy bun that day, making her look uncharacteristically undone.
‘I heard that both of their heads were beaten in with the same rock…’ Jade had said, sniffling. ‘That’s so scary, you know? I walk down that road all the time when I want to surf down on the other side of the mangroves, and sometimes, I’m even alone when I do!’
Finn understood their fear, because it had been a long time since someone had been murdered that close to Laidlaw. But it irked her that Jade was so overwhelmed by fears for her own well-being, that she’d failed to acknowledge the fact that Finn had no choice but to use that road every day twice a day and always alone.
Now I really do need to work out! Finn thought. And find someone to teach me some self-defence moves, too!
The desire was there to freak out, but Finn knew that if the girls had been killed with a rock, then that meant that their killer probably hadn’t had a weapon, which was good. Also, the area was apparently crawling with guards already, and Amory had apparently sworn
that he’d have more Tutelas posted out on the road from that day on, so she knew she would be safer there the following Tuesday, than had been the day before, even if she wouldn’t feel it.
Finn still worried about it as she commenced her ride home though, but she was somewhat relieved after bumping into Tim on the way, just before her turn-off onto Yuibera Road, and finding out that the double-homicide had taken place much further up the road than she’d previously thought, closer to the old Hayes’ place but on the other side of the road, where people rarely ventured anyway due to its remoteness. It was still scary, to think that people had been murdered so close to home, but it was comforting to know that it had happened well off the beaten track too.
When Finn got home, she was relieved to see that her mother didn’t know about the double homicide yet, because Finn knew there was a good chance that she’d make Finn quit her job the second that she did, and Finn needed to save up every quarter chip she could in order to keep communicating with the boys. But Finn was disappointed to discover that Bailey hadn’t written back yet either, because she’d been counting on something from him that would assure her that everything was fine despite the fact that she hadn’t said: ‘I love you,’ back to him.
But Finn took all of her overwrought energy and focused it on drafting the perfect application letter all weekend, only taking breaks to do her shift at the farm and to occasionally eat something. She initially started writing in her room, but she started to feel incredibly cramped and sweaty in there after the third or fourth draft, so she eventually dragged an old picnic blanket down to the esplanade, so she could write while leaning against a coconut tree. There were kids running around everywhere down there and shrieking as they played in the surf and on the sand around her, but they sounded so happy that it was actually kind of nice, and ended up being nothing more than white noise around her, except for on the odd occasion, when one would creep over to ask what she was doing.
