by S. K Munt
‘I guess that’s what you probably should do, right…?’ Bonnie had sniffled, taking a clean hanky from the shoebox of hankies that Finn had fetched from her mum’s room. ‘So he’s held accountable?’
‘Yeah but… being held accountable for this means losing a finger and becoming an Outlaw, doesn’t it?’ Jade had asked, wincing. ‘And isn’t that like... too drastic a punishment, for what he did?’
‘Too drastic?!’ Maya seethed. ‘He could have raped her!’
‘But he didn’t! I mean…’ Jade swallowed hard and looked at Finn. ‘Do you think that was what he was trying to do? Because from what you’ve said, it kind of sounds more like he thought you would be into it, you know? Or at least, like he thought he could get you into it, if he, like… applicated himself?’
Finn blinked. ‘What are you saying? That because he couldn’t hear me scream no with his hand over my mouth, then it’s like I didn’t scream at all or…?’
‘No,’ Jade fiddled with her cloth braid. ‘I’m just saying… well, it’s not like he jumped you in an alleyway. You were at the same party together, and then hiding in the bushes together… so if he was drunk and stoned, isn’t there a chance that it was just a misunderstanding?’
‘Hold up!’ Maya cried, her brown eyes as wide as saucers. ‘You do know that a woman doesn’t have to be jumped in an alleyway by a stranger for a sex crime to be considered a crime... right?’
‘Of course I know that!’ Jade glowered at Maya. ‘But what if he truly believes that Finn’s been making eyes at him, like he said?’
‘I don’t care if he does, because it’s not true!’ Finn whimpered as her eyes pooled again. ‘I may have looked at him oddly a few times because he’s said random stuff… but that’s it.’
Bonnie sniffled, eyeing Finn’s collarbone where Liam had apparently sucked hard enough on her to mark it, just beside her amulet. ‘So you’ve never flirted with him or anything? Not even to piss off Georgia or…?’
‘No!’ Finn was irritated that she had to clarify that. ‘I’ve been polite, sarcastic and rude, but never flirty, and if I’d thought he was into me, I would have avoided him for fear of Georgia’s wrath!’
‘But he’s a prince!’ Jade looked genuinely bewildered. ‘And all the have been acting gaga over him!’
‘No he’s not a prince!’ Finn protested. ‘And even if he was, I’m not like all the girls and I never have been! I’m me- and I’m gaga over my Outskirter!’ Finn’s voice broke when she imagined how hard Reeve was going to take this, especially after the way Bailey had rubbed hooking up with her in his face the day before. ‘And that’s why this feels so unfair! I know to avoid guys who obviously want more from me than I’m willing to give them- that’s why I broke up with Bailey. And I know to be careful when walking through the woods because of stranger-danger and stuff...’ her breathing hitched as she covered the bruise on her décolletage, feeling like she’d been irrevocably stained. ‘But I didn’t know the ones I see every day who act indifferent to me could be the most dangerous! And I never dreamed that the king’s little brother would risk his reputation by assaulting a lowly Outsider-’
‘Well that was your mistake, Finn,’ Gemma said quietly, lifting her hands when Maya wheeled on her. ‘I don’t mean it’s her fault. I’m just saying… powerful men have been forcing themselves on less powerful women and getting away with it since forever.’ Her brown eyes were full of sorrow as she turned them back to Finn. ‘So though yes, I agree that you should report it, I do find it hard to believe that the king’s brother will actually lose a finger over it, you know?’
‘Why?’ Maya snapped. ‘It’s a monarchy, not a dictatorship! And if he isn’t a real prince, then he shouldn’t be above the law!’
‘I meant because Finn’s already threatened to report him- to his face,’ Gemma said matter-of-factly. ‘Which means he probably went straight to his big brother and talked before she could. Only he would have made Finn out to be a drunken tease who only panicked because they got caught by the girl he’s supposed to be dating.’
Finn’s ribcage contracted. ‘But I didn’t drink!’
‘I know that,’ Gemma shrugged. ‘But how are you gonna prove that now that you’ve had time to sober up? And while Liam’s got model citizens like Georgia ready to back up his side of the story?’
‘I think she’s right Finn,’ Jade said softly. ‘I’m sorry, but I honestly don’t know how you’re going to prove any of it if it’s just your word against his.’ She leaned over and tentatively touched the graze on Finn’s shoulder. ‘You look upset and a bit dirty, yeah… but he didn’t tear your clothes-’
‘Ugh! You know what? Both of you need to shut up or get out!’ Maya snapped then, and everyone turned to look at her in surprise. ‘What are you gonna say next, hmm? That it’s her own fault for being at that party? That she was asking for it because she wore a skimpy top? That’s playing right into these bastard’s hands!’
‘Please don’t yell…’ Bonnie sobbed then, but Maya had already whirled on Finn eyes blazing.
‘Honey I’m sorry but you have to ignore them okay? And what’s more- you have to report this, if not for your sake, then for the sake of the next girl that he’s gonna assume is ‘asking for it’!’ Maya got a fresh hanky and handed it to Finn before sitting down beside her. ‘I know you’re scared that no one will believe you or support you, but if you don’t speak up, then that means that you’re not even supporting yourself, and that’s not okay. Besides, aren’t you worth more to your king than his slimy brother is because of the whole Enigmatic thing anyway?’
‘Only potentially…’ Finn murmured, but she blew her nose and nodded. ‘But I hear what you’re saying, okay?’ She bit her lip and glanced toward the door, sighing before she admitted: ‘I do want to report him, and it truthfully never occurred to me not to….’
‘But…?’ Maya prompted.
‘But now I’m afraid I’ve already left it too late, and about how many people are gonna hate me, because by reporting the incident, I’ll be more or less reporting the party too so-’
‘So?’ Maya asked sharply, shooting a look at Gemma and Jade. ‘Anyone who feels anything but sympathy for you after this isn’t worth your spit, Finn, and if Amory refuses to give your version of the story as much credence as his brother’s because it’s his brother then he’ll just prove that he’s a misogynistic nepotist who isn’t fit to rule, and if that happens, I swear to god that I will drag you out of here and to the East Cape the SECOND our mothers get back!’
‘OMG!’ Bonnie sniffled then. ‘How old are you?’
‘Right now? I feel ancient.’ Maya’s full lips twitched. ‘But I turn thirteen in February.’
‘She’s very smart,’ Finn said, somewhat redundantly, ‘though I have to admit, she’s done more talking in the last five minutes than she has in the last five years so… that’s a new development…’
Bonnie giggled, then turned her hanky around to dab at her eyes. ‘Well… you know what? She’s got a point. I don’t want to get into trouble for being there tonight either because my parents think I’m at Mischa’s… but if Liam did what you said he did, then he needs to be punished for it, so the rest of us can just suck our lesser punishments up, can’t we?’ She shrugged and Finn sighed, relieved that at least Bonnie seemed to be on her side. ‘Besides… there’s no way Liam will be able to pre-emptively explain away what he knows you’re going to accuse him of without spilling about the party first anyway, so as long as you don’t name names that don’t need naming, I’m sure that people will put the blame where it actually belongs.’
‘Okay,’ Finn got her hand free of Maya’s, and wiped away a fresh dribble of hot tears. ‘Thanks guys, and yes, I’ll do it.’ She swallowed hard. ‘I’m going to wait until the three bells toll to signal that lockdown is over because I doubt any of the Tutelas will care about my problems while they’re conducting a manhunt… but I’ll stay in this state, until then, just in case they need to see m
e to believe me.’ She stood up. ‘For the time being though, I’m gonna go lie down all right? I don’t think Georgia hit me hard enough to concuss me, but I haven’t felt this awful since the world ended so...’
‘We’ll be right here, Finn…’ Bonnie called softly after her, and though Finn knew that was true for now, she couldn’t help but wonder how many of them would still be there for her once the dust had settled from this particular nightmare.
With that in mind, and a heart full of dread, Finn crawled into her bunk and opened her tiny jewellery box, pulling out something she knew would bring her comfort. There was an old best friend necklace from Mischa, a tiny Smurf statue that had belonged to Autumn, and the little bluebird bracelet her mother had bought for her when she’d been an infant, which were all very dear to her. But it was the wonky, heart-shaped quartz that Finn took out then- the tiny stone that Reeve had given her just before the world had ended- that she closed her hand around. She’d initially kept it more as a souvenir of the Strike itself than as a reminder of him, but it had become her most prized possession since she’d given him her real heart, so she clutched it like a teddy bear now, recalling how he’d soothed her then.
‘It’s gonna be okay,’ Reeve had sworn. ‘I’ve got you, okay?’
And then the tears really began to fall, because despite how badly Finn wanted to believe that now, she didn’t want to know how not okay she was going to feel about herself, after the dust had settled and her shock had finally worn off.
*
Finn shot up upright in bed when she heard the bells toll the following morning, once, twice, then thrice, then closed her eyes and groaned when she felt every single muscle in her sweaty, dehydrated body twang in protest- and in places she’d never felt pain before.
It actually happened… she thought, bracing her weight against the fist that was still balled-up around Reeve’s stone, as she wiped sweat off her forehead with the other. I didn’t just nightmare it all up!
Finn could already hear the other girls coming to in other parts of her van, and though Maya was urging them to hurry and get up, Finn felt almost incapable of moving herself. She’d forgotten to close her blinds, and it was obviously later in the morning than she usually woke up, so the sun was streaming in, blinding her and heating her to the point where her clothes felt plastered to her with sweat. She hadn’t pulled the clip she’d used to hold her hair up out either, so her scalp felt bruised too- worse than her ear did. Her mouth was dry and she felt dizzy as well, and when she slid her filthy and still-sandaled foot onto the floor, she grimaced when she felt something inside her twinge while her external muscles throbbed in protest.
This isn’t the dirtiest I’ve ever been before… she thought, blinking to keep back tears while her skin crawled at the idea of going another second without a shower. But it sure FEELS the filthiest!
‘Come on Finny…’ she heard Maya call then. ‘Everyone’s rushing outside, probably to mob the Tutelas with questions, so we need to move fast if you want to be able to report fast.’
Finn didn’t think she was capable of doing anything fast, but she knew there was no way she’d be able to tolerate standing around in a queue amidst a mob looking and feeling the way she did right then anyway, so she hobbled out to meet the other girls, who looked almost as tired but only half as wrecked as she did. Jade gave her a hug and asked if there was anything for breakfast, but before Finn could answer that she’d cook up the damper she’d prepped the night before after they got back, Maya sharply rang the three bells inside Finn’s door to help pass the ‘All Clear’ message along while giving Jade a pointed look, so Jade sighed and turned away, slipping her shoes on and muttering to herself, while Finn pulled Reeve’s hoody off the hook by the bell and tucked herself up inside it.
It was even hotter outside the van, and Finn had baulked at the idea of going out there dressed like that while so many people were moving around. But Maya grasped her hand and pulled her along the gravel drive of the park ahead of the others, shaking her head when people asked if they knew what had happened yet. Still, other people were being asked or answering the same questions, so though Finn kept her eyes down and nodded to the encouraging things that Maya was whispering to her about staying strong, she kept one ear tuned into the buzz around her, so she heard things like:
‘I heard it was just kids at a party, spooking horses…’
‘No! There are Tutelas all around the Van Der Merwe place, marking it like a crime scene...!’
‘Haven’t seen any of the Van Der Merwe’s all day-’
‘Murdered like those girls on the Outside, probably…’
‘Boats coming and going all night tells me it was pirates or-’
‘They didn’t catch anyone!’ Angie, head of the town’s tiny council was saying to Amara, who was the Refugee woman that seemed to have the most authority amongst her mob. They were standing by the entrance to the park, looking out to the esplanade, where Finn assumed the Tutelas would be. ‘They’re just saying ‘All- Clear’ because they can’t find anyone anywhere!’
Oh no! Finn pressed Reeve’s stone to her heart again. So they’re still at large? How is that possible with that massive Tutelary on standby on the other side of the Pen?!
‘Wonder if they knew that so many residents from the Pen were in Broadsound for that reconstruction gig this weekend, you know?’ Amara asked then, wriggling her fingers to Finn in greeting, as they hobbled by. ‘Figured we’d be less on-guard or something…?’
Everything that was being said was alarming, but the idea that the Pen had been purposefully targeted because it was common knowledge that a lot of the adults had abandoned it for the weekend was what really made Finn’s stomach turn, because those adults wouldn’t be back for another two days yet! She turned around to ask Bonnie if she knew if any Loyalists from Laidlaw had gone on that dig too, leaving it more vulnerable to an attack as well, but as she turned, she saw Bonnie’s eyes light up as she cried:
‘Aaron!’ And then darted over to the dock. ‘Where’ve you been? Where’s Mischa?!’
‘I have no idea!’ Aaron called back. ‘I came here looking for you guys but there were Tutelas everywhere! Some of the kids from the thing were headed back to the Shards, though, so I caught a lift-’
‘Ohmigod!’ Bonnie cried then. ‘Finn! Look: Reeve’s here!’
Finn felt as though her soul had jumped out of her body when she followed Bonnie with her eyes and saw what she had seen: a big group of people standing on the dock amidst a bunch of Tutelas, looking agitated. It looked like some of the Tutelas were holding the passengers back while others were asking for paperwork, but Aaron and Reeve had both broken free of them anyway and were rushing their way, so Finn let out a choked cry and raced to meet him.
‘Reeve!’ Finn’s feet kicked up dust as she hobbled to him, while opening her arms for a hug. ‘What are you doing here? How did-’
‘I came to get my hoody back!’ Reeve snapped, holding his hands up as though to ward her off, and Finn was so startled by the gesture- and the lit cigarette she could see wedged between two of his fingers- that she stumbled in her attempt to pull up short. ‘I would have grabbed it and been out of your hair an hour ago, but those guards wouldn’t let me by because-’
‘Out of my… m-my what? You want what?’ Some part of Finn knew what he was saying and even why he was saying it, but he was acting so unlike himself that it felt as though he weren’t the one actually doing the talking at all- like this was some horrid pantomime, and somebody else was playing the boy she loved, badly.
‘You heard me…’ Reeve said in a low voice, taking a drag from his cigarette before he crooked his free fingers in an impatient fashion, and then exhaled smoke over his shoulder, so he was squinting out at the water instead of looking at her. She could still see his eyes though, and was horrified when she saw that they were bloodshot, glassy and shadowed by dark circles, like he’d spent all night drowning in dark thoughts too. ‘Just hand it over so I c
an get out of here before I lose my shit at you in public, Monroe!’
It was like she’d been punched in the heart so hard that he’d punctured her lung with it. Finn’s lips parted in a question she couldn’t bear to have answered, but before she could speak, a second figure stepped forward- a taller one- and he rested his hand supportively on his cousin’s shoulder as he answered for Reeve:
‘Aaron told us everything, Finn,’ Bailey’s voice was as soft as ever, but so cold that it made Finn shiver. ‘So just give him his-’
‘Oh my god!’ Bonnie whispered. ‘Aaron… what did you do?’
Aaron TOLD them! The world tilted, like the dock was gonna heave her off. He caught a boat to the Shards last night and what…?! Went paddling off to tell Reeve that I CHEATED on him?! No!
‘Stay out of it, Bon-Bon!’ Aaron snapped. ‘You weren’t there-’
‘No!’ Finn’s knees shook as she slid her wide eyes off Bailey, and over to Aaron, who was staring right back at her. He couldn’t have been ashamed of what he’d done, because like Georgia, Aaron Bragg didn’t seem to have a conscience. But his acne was redder than the rest of his pale skin was, indicating that he was embarrassed to have been named. ‘No, you weren’t there Aaron! You showed up after! And even you seemed to believe me, until Georgia said-’
‘Save it Finn!’ Bailey grumbled, drawing Reeve back a little, who was still staring dispassionately out at the water like he wasn’t even present. ‘All your problems can’t always be everybody else’s fault, all right? I get that you like to play the victim card, but this is-’
‘This isn’t a card!’ Maya cried then, stepping up to squeeze Finn’s hand as Finn gaped at Bailey, stricken. ‘This is a victim!’
