by S. K Munt
‘N-no! It’s just… someone in his circle doesn’t like the idea of anyone anticipating their manoeuvres, so they would’ve taken me out! The same way they plan on taking the other Harbinger out too!’
‘Who?’
‘I don’t know! In my nightmare, I was always getting pushed out one of the front windows of the castle from behind while a female yelled: ‘You didn’t see THAT coming, did you?!’ She pressed something soft to Finn’s stinging cheek. ‘I’ve sent the other Harbinger, Paloney, a warning, but whether or not she’s taken it seriously, or if she’s already seen it herself is beyond me. And that’s why mum’s trying to get us to the East Cape, okay? And that’s how I know…’
‘Know what?’ Finn whispered.
‘That you’re going to be okay, Finn Monroe.’ Maya kissed her aching head sweetly, and then sank down onto the top step with her in her arms. ‘Eventually.’
‘When?’ Finn asked, heart breaking. ‘How?’
‘When you stop following everyone,’ was Maya’s cryptic response, ‘and start leading instead.’
Adults were running their way, bells were ringing everywhere, and blood was still streaming down Finn’s cheek, but her tears were coming harder and faster than anything else was. Not just because of everything she’d lost, but because she’d just had a glimpse of the future herself, and it wasn’t pretty either.
‘You’re going to have to leave now, aren’t you?’ she whispered, feeling like a giant fist was crushing her heart as it dawned on her that once again, one of the only friends she had was going to have to leave her. ‘Now that he knows your name and where you live?’
Maya sobbed but admitted: ‘I’m sorry but yes. Our mothers will be back by ten, and mum and I will be gone by midnight…’
And then all there was, was tears- from both of them.
*
‘Optimist’ had been the key word that Finn had used to describe herself her whole life, but based on the way things had been going for her, she’d pretty much decided by the midway point of that horrid week, that ‘Mortified’ was going to be her go-to keyword from thereon out. Well, either that or ‘desolate’ because by Wednesday, she was genuinely surprised that she hadn’t either dropped dead from dehydration thanks to all the tears she’d shed over her pathetic life by then, or been killed by one of the people that clearly wanted her dead.
Finn had known what it was to be an outcast before, not to mention a cling and a pest too. But now she was understanding what it truly meant to be a pariah, and her heart went out to the Outcasts like Tim and Malry, that had already been living with that label for over nine months. She still had a roof over her head, a mother that loved her (even though Sair could barely look at her without bursting into tears right then) and a handful of friends to commiserate with, but she could no longer walk down the stairwell of the academy without getting shoved by an anonymous hand in the herd, and cliques that were loyal to either Liam or Georgia had started lingering in places they knew she’d be, like by her bag, by the gate or even close to her lunch table, so they’d be able to intimidate her by whispering nasty things to her when the teachers were out of earshot, or by hurling food scraps her way. Someone had scratched S-L-U-T into her desk in homeroom on Tuesday too, and though one of the refugees had fixed her bike for her, she’d been walking to school and back anyway, because she couldn’t chance it being sabotaged again.
Her mother was worried sick about her, and had already made an official report about her ruined garden and pilfered belongings, as well as a complaint about the bike to the school too, and had even scheduled a meeting with the king to discuss the way Finn was being treated face to face. But he was due to get married that weekend, and was therefore booked up until the following Wednesday, so nothing had come of any of it yet, except for the fact that the park now had one Tutela stationed there every night to keep an eye on things- and probably on her.
Naturally, Finn’s mother had demanded that Georgia Janks be looked into as a person of interest as far as their stolen belongings went, because she’d vowed to find ‘proof’ against Finn, but Finn and Maya had both described the burglar as being a man, so the Tutela who’d filed the complaint on their behalf had said it was unlikely that they’d find due cause to investigate a teenage girl instead. Georgia’s face had looked like a thundercloud since Monday, but she’d gone from hissing things at Finn at every opportunity she got to ignoring her completely, and Finn didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad one. Had she decided to retract her claws, now that people like Miriam had finally glimpsed them? Or was she biding her time while she combed through Finn’s diaries on the sly, looking for the juiciest parts to share with the world?
Finn tried not to think about it too much, but she was so on edge- waiting to walk into school one day and find her most private thoughts glued to every surface or something- that she was sure she’d already ground her teeth flat. Liam was still in school too, but he seemed as determined to avoid her as she was to avoid him, so their paths had yet to cross. Just knowing that she was in the same building as him made her skin crawl though- especially seeing as how completely at ease he looked now that he’d started hanging with the seniors- so the temptation to quit school was strong. But if she did that, she’d be obligated to work off her contract to the king, and the very idea of ending up as Cara’s maid, or in Liam’s father’s care out at the mines was enough to make Finn want to vomit, so she’d spent Tuesday night studying instead sobbing into her pillow like she’d wanted to, clinging to Maya’s promise that she was going to be okay like a mental lifeline, even if the four stitches in her temple, and the new neighbour in the RV beside them were stark evidence to the contrary.
The public story was that Maya and Gladdy had gotten a lead on a missing relative down south, and had temporarily traded her van for the working utility truck he’d been living in before, and that they’d soon be back, with or without the missing relative. But the true story was that Gladdy had outright swapped her van for the truck, and had probably made it north to the East Cape already.
Gossip fades… Finn assured herself, hugging the stack of books she’d checked out for herself from the library at the start of lunch on Wednesday as she made her way to the Hive table, while trying not to dwell on how standoffish Howard had been with her just then. You’ve survived it before, and you will again-you just have to weather it until someone else does something MORE scandalous!
Gemma and Jade weren’t there at lunch, which didn’t surprise Finn because Jade had gone to have lunch with Gemma’s old group the day before, saying after that she’d told Mila to tell Finn where to find her, even though no such message had been passed along. But Aaron was for the first time all week, and when Finn saw the way he was affectionately stroking his girlfriend’s hair while the others examined something on the table together, Finn’s jaw flexed.
Let me guess…? She thought as she slowed her steps, peering to see what they were looking at. He carved her initials into his flesh again like he did after their last big fight? YUCK!
‘Hey guys…’ Finn made herself say between her gritted teeth as she drew closer, knowing that once again, she’d be incapable of eating her lunch. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Oh! Finn… hey!’ Bonnie straightened, eyes going wide, making Finn wonder if she was embarrassed to be seen with her- or Aaron. ‘I thought you were at the library?’
‘I was,’ Finn raised an eyebrow when she saw Mischa turn and start stuffing something into her bag. ‘But as much as I’d like to move in there, Penelope’s a little territorial so… sorry to intrude?’
‘You don’t… I didn’t mean you shouldn’t be here…’ Bonnie stammered. ‘I just meant- I thought it was just us four today…’
Finn frowned when she noticed that Cara was trying to hide something away too, then glanced over at Georgia’s clique, who’d again decided to eat their lunches within scowling distance under a nearby tree. She didn’t want to spook the Hive girls by acting paranoid
, but her diaries had been stolen and they were behaving oddly, so she cocked her head and asked: ‘What’s that?’
‘What?’ Bonnie asked, a little too brightly.
‘What you were all looking at, just now?’ Finn chanced a step closer, feeling her heart inch up into her throat. ‘You haven’t-’
‘It’s nothing,’ Cara said, turning to face Finn as she sat back down on the plank seat that was attached to the table. ‘Bonnie just made us something...’
‘Oh?’ Something still felt off though, so Finn looked at Bonnie and said casually: ‘I didn’t know you were crafty…’
‘I’m not,’ Bonnie assured her, chuckling nervously as she waved her hand. ‘It’s just… I’m grounded, and I had nothing to do last night, so I poked around the house and found these old paints so-’
‘It’s actually really suave!’ Aaron yanked something out from behind Bonnie’s back and held it up. ‘Don’t you think?’ Finn was instantly suspicious of Aaron’s jovial tone, and when she looked at what she was holding up, she saw why, because in his hand was a plain black tee that had been artfully decorated with the words: ‘Let’s BEE Bridesmaids!’ beneath a little golden caricature of a bee wearing a crown, which proved that the Hive were not only incredibly aware of their clique’s nickname, but actually proud of it too! ‘She made four of ‘em: You know, for her friends?’
‘Aaron!’ Bonnie hissed, yanking the shirt out of his hands as Finn’s intestines twisted up like a balloon animal. ‘Don’t be a jerk!’ She whirled on Finn, her beautiful big green eyes wide behind her glasses. ‘Please don’t take it personally- I would have made you one too, but you’re not in the wedding anymore and I didn’t want to rub it in so-’
‘What?’ Aaron scoffed. ‘You’ve had the idea of making your friends matching bee shirts for months, remember? It was gonna be a Christmas present for Mila, Mischa and Cara, until you decided to make it a bridesmaid thing last night instead…?’
‘Aaron!’ Mischa snapped, shooting Finn an anxious look as Bonnie paled. ‘Seriously: what’s wrong with you?’
Oh my god… Finn’s fragmented heart fragmented more as she stared at that crowned bee. Cara lied! I’m not one of them now- and I never will be, will I?
Finn hadn’t thought that it would be possible for her to have felt worse than she already had, but as she stood there, staring at the evidence of the amazing friendship that she would never actually bee a part of, she realised how wrong she’d been, and of how much worse she’d go on feeling, if she continued to take the Hive’s passive aggressive but also incredibly blatant abuse- while telling herself that she was lucky to be close enough to them to receive it! If she continued to wait for other people to support her, instead of just doing as Paige and Maya had both said, by supporting herself!
‘So next time someone comes at you like that… get on your own side, okay?’ Paige’s sage words echoed through her mind, while Finn stood there mutely, doing the math at last, by calculating how many times her so-called ‘friends’ had made her feel as sucker-punched as she did right then! ‘And just pretend like I’m standing there beside you, if that’s what it takes to loosen that sharp tongue!’
‘Everything’s wrong with him!’ Finn finally exploded, as four years’ worth of repressed anger boiled over in her chest, like a foaming, acidic cauldron of pain! ‘Absolutely everything! And it’s so obvious that I actually looked it up last night and found a word for what it is, and you know what it is? Sociopath! You… and Georgia too!’ Aaron’s forehead creased, indicating that he had no idea what she was talking about, so she whirled on Bonnie. ‘But you know what? At least he knows he’s a jerk, and owns it! And doesn’t try to pretend to be a good person the way you and Georgia do!’
Bonnie looked like she’d been slapped. ‘What?’ she pressed a hand to her heart as her eyes overflowed. ‘How could you compare me to her? I’ve always been nice to you!’
‘You’ve been nice enough for you to know that people will say you’re nice! Friendly enough for people to think you’re warm! And for four years, I’ve sat here and wondered… why is Cara the Queen Bee instead of Bonnie? Who’s kinder, richer, smarter, more beautiful and more talented-’
‘Hey!’ Cara reached for her, but Finn stepped back. ‘Will you-’
‘I swear to god Cara if you come at me right now I will march myself straight up to Amory’s office and do you out of a shirt too!’ Finn snarled, and Cara recoiled like Finn had cocked a trigger, leaving Finn free to focus on Bonnie again, who looked ashen. ‘But I get it now! It’s because you’re weak, Sullivan! You have everything in the world going for you, but you do nothing positive with all the sway you have like by going out on a limb for anyone who needs it because you’re terrified of giving people a reason to criticise you!’
‘Finn calm down!’ Mischa cried feebly, gesticulating to the left, so Finn would notice that both the prince and princess were watching too, looking perplexed. ‘It’s just a shirt!’
‘Oh it is SO much more than a shirt!’ Finn fumed. ‘Bon-Bon here knows Aaron ruined my relationship with Reeve on purpose- he even admitted it! But she took his side after going through the motions of being mad at him for a day because my side is scarier! And she knows that Georgia is a liar too, but instead of going to Amory and reporting that she suspects foul play from both of them the way you did Mischa, to help get the TRUTH out there, she’s bitten her tongue because heaven forbid, she contradict the demon she’s saddled with!’ Finn shook her head. ‘I don’t know why you’ve stayed with Aaron for this long Bonnie- some people say it’s because you feel sorry for him, some say you like having a boyfriend from the wrong side of the tracks because it makes you look like you have more layers than you have, and others say you just lack the self-esteem to realise you can do better-’ Aaron’s eyes bulged as Mila spat out her milk, but those reactions just egged Finn on ‘-but whatever excuse you have doesn’t excuse the fact that he is an asshole, so standing by him doesn’t make you a martyr Bonnie, it makes you an enabler! Just like your support of Cara when she’s at her worst makes you a sheep! And your predilection to side with Georgia because it’s the strongest side regardless of the fact that you don’t like her makes you a coward!’
Bonnie was so frustratingly pretty that even when she cried, her tears rolled down her cheeks silently without any accompanying sniffling or redness. ‘Th-that’s not true-’
‘Yes it is!’ Finn cried, then gulped down a breath, readying herself to open the can of worms that she’d been carrying around in anguished silence heavily in the pit of her stomach for four years by then, by reminding Bonnie about just how hurtful her behaviour could be. They never talked about what Bonnie had done to her back in eighth grade, mostly because Finn had been too humiliated to even think about it since then, and because she’d figured Bonnie had learned her lesson anyhow… but those damned shirts proved that Bonnie hadn’t learned a thing, making Finn think it was about time that she handed the humiliation back to her- publicly- and let HER carry it for a while! ‘Remember your thirteenth? That was just after Georgia first made up those rumours about me! We’d bonded in class when Mischa had the flu for a few days, and partnered up for that drama assignment, and after three days, you said you could see why Mischa liked me so much and invited me to your thirteenth birthday party!’ Finn pressed a hand to her heart as Bonnie’s face fell as she realised that yes Finn was going there. ‘I was so excited, and I truly thought everything was going to be okay, because I had your acceptance, which meant that I would be able to stay in Mischa’s life!’ Finn’s voice broke- there was a reason why she never allowed herself to revisit the memory of when she’d first realised that she was a cling, or why being invited to parties mattered so much to her now. ‘But then when Georgia- who you barely even knew- said she wouldn’t go if I did, you uninvited me from the sleepover, in case other girls pulled out for her! Then dumped me the moment Mischa got back so you could do your assignment with her instead, leaving me no choice but to finish
ours alone!’
‘I felt awful about that Finn! And I apologised a million times!’ Bonnie stammered, looking around her at the sea of faces that were murmuring in disbelief. ‘But I was twelve! How can you still be holding that against me?!’
‘Because you still act like that twelve-year-old wimp now!’ Finn thundered. ‘You stand by the people who are stronger than you are, no matter how out of line they are, because you don’t have the stones to stand up for the people that need it! That deserve it! That come back to fish you off water towers after everyone else left you there!’ Finn scowled at her. ‘And that is why Cara is the one everyone follows- not you. Because you want all of the power that comes from being a Queen Bee, and none of the responsibility of being called crafty! Of having people know you’re a bitch!’
‘But I’m not a-’
‘No! You are a social-climbing bitch because if you were truly kind, you would have invited the girl you liked to your party, not the jerk who said she wouldn’t even go if someone she didn’t like did, and you would have made me a shirt too! Or had at least waited until you were outside of school, to hand them out!’ Finn pointed out. ‘But you’re not kind to anyone but the assholes, and I am so, so sorry that I have clung to you guys for this long, thinking that your sweet nature was the silver lining to this pathetic little clique Bonnie when really it’s the biggest PROBLEM with it, because it’s the stickiest part of the whole goddamned hive!’
‘Back off her Monroe!’ Aaron raged at her. ‘Your shitty life isn’t my girlfriend’s fault!’
‘No it’s your fault Aaron!’ Finn snapped. ‘You and Georgia, and every other asshole that thinks that people will think more of you, if you can make people think less of others!’
