by Jan Irving
“Uh-huh. You’re different from the rest of your people, aren’t you?”
“My ancestors were of a warrior line. I have tried to meditate, to be content, but I am…restless.”
“Yeah.” I understood him on a gut level. I wasn’t a warrior, but I was restless. I was always hopping from one experiment to another, or spending my excess energy on my illustrations. Jaden came from a place I couldn’t imagine. But he felt familiar.
I shook my head at the last thought. I was getting overly emotional again. I had to put a lid on that.
“My people have no interest in the sex act.” Jaden sat beside me. He fell back on his elbows on the bed as if he were sunbathing, utterly oblivious to his effect on me. “They think it primitive, degrading.”
I rubbed a hand through my hair, feeling how it was stiff from sleep. Great. I had my mad-scientist hair. I probably looked like a rumpled nerd sitting next to Jaden, who could have starred in his own porn movie.
“Sex can be degrading,” I said. “The last time I had it, it definitely would have qualified for that definition.” Oh, shit. What was I doing? I was supposed to be prodding Jaden for more information about his world, not bringing up an incident that still had the power to make me cringe.
Jaden straightened from his indolent pose. He glared at me. “Who would dare?” he demanded.
“Look, forget I said that, okay?” I laughed and it sounded forced to my own ears. “We were talking about you. That’s what’s important.”
“I am your protector, that is all you need to know,” he said.
“Obviously the alpha male also exists in your world.”
“The what?” He slashed a hand in emphasis. “It is unimportant. I knew you were in danger, but I did not know that you had been abused.”
My cheeks flamed. “I wasn’t! I… I let myself down, all right? Now, can we let this drop?”
“I drop nothing.”
“Yeah, I remember what you did to my door.” I rubbed my eyes. Well, I wanted to know all about him, so it was fair he knew about me. Maybe it would be better to just get this out. I cleared my throat. “I went to a Halloween party last year. Do you know what that is, Halloween?”
“People wear masks. It is confusing.” He studied me. “I looked for you but I could not find you.”
“Good thing.” I gusted out a breath. “Have you ever seen the movie Carrie? It’s based on this book by Stephen King.”
He shook his head.
“It’s an old one now, but when I was a kid, I liked watching the first part of it. All these jerks pick on this girl in high school.” And man, I wouldn’t know anything about that. Sweat prickled my hairline. I could feel the walls of my school closing in around me, so I was small and lost in a hallway swirling with bigger kids. “I only watched the first part of the movie because I didn’t like the second half. I kind of had…an experience recently like that.” And I couldn’t tell him more now. I just couldn’t.
“Mitchell.” Jaden put a palm on my chest, throwing me for a moment. God, he was so freaking beautiful. I stared at him, itching to trace the lines of his face, to rub a finger over his plump bottom lip. Then a strange thing happened—his hair began to shiver around his face as it took on a life of its own and his eyes lit, glowing with gold energy.
“What the—”
I felt warmth again, but it wasn’t the searing heat I’d experienced when he’d healed my body. Holy crap! His energy forced its way inside me, a small molten tendril.
“Stop!” I smacked his hand off me.
I jerked away from him. “Back…off,” I panted. “Jesus.”
“I had not completed my task,” he said.
“I felt you. You were inside my head.” More than just my head. I’d felt him brush against my feelings, my memories.
“Your matrix—”
“I’m tired of hearing about my freakin’ matrix. Stay out of my mind!”
Jaden didn’t look like he was going to go along with that. Why did I have to get the alpha male alien? They were fun to read about, but in real life, not so easy to get along with.
“I would soul bond with you,” Jaden rasped, his eyes still hot gold. He ignored my efforts to shove him away and pulled me firmly into his arms.
His energy matrix wasn’t the only thing that was excited. His erection prodded my side. He hissed as we made contact and looked down his body. “It hurts again, Mitchell.”
I was in a similar state. I didn’t want him in my head again, but Jeez, there was only so much hot alien warrior I could take without touching him.
“Let me,” I whispered. “Trust me.”
I took his cock in my hand and watched his eyes widen. He’d watched sex, sure, but he’d obviously had no idea how good it felt to have your dick in someone’s hand. I stroked him and he groaned, trembling. “Feel good?”
“No,” he said, sounding vaguely alarmed. “It is uncomfortable.” He touched his heavy sac.
“You’re building up to feeling very good,” I reassured him. I couldn’t help it, I loved drawing this out. I could have jerked him off quickly, but then it would have been over, the magic of my hand on him.
He shut his eyes, his lips parting. I wanted to kiss that mouth. “Open your eyes,” I ordered him. I needed to see him, watch him like a film.
He did as I asked, and then thrust into my hand, demanding, gearing up to take over.
So I released him.
Panting, he glared at me. “You do not stop!” he bellowed.
“I’m in charge, big guy,” I told him.
“In charge?”
“Don’t get pushy.” He didn’t look convinced. I licked my lips, as into this as he was. I was aching with arousal, but I wanted to please him. “It’ll be so amazing if you let me take you there. If you just…give yourself.”
He didn’t take long to think about it. “Touch me as you have been doing, Mitchell. Do it now. Now!”
“All right, all right…” I muttered, but I loved that he was so needy. I curled my hand around him and Jaden had nothing to be ashamed of in the body he’d chosen. He was built solidly everywhere, though unlike me, Jaden hadn’t been circumcised. It added to that wild poet thing, going perfectly with the tattoos on his chest and upper arms. “Lie back.”
He blinked but then he obeyed me, since I was still giving him the stimulation he’d demanded.
The picture he made hit me again, a solid punch to the gut, just like when he’d been standing in my bedroom naked. Jaden sprawled on my floor, next to some of my clean socks that I hadn’t got around to putting away yet. He looked wanton with his half-closed eyes glowing in the soft light. His body was still moist from his shower, and warm and so goddamned vulnerable, as only bare skin can be.
He moaned and rocked his hips into my caress.
I bent down and took that saucy nipple ring into my mouth, sucking and then tugging it firmly.
He shouted, bowing up as I worked his erection and teased him by tracing the graphic black lines swirling around his chest with my tongue.
“Mitchell, I am not comfortable!”
I laughed at the edge in his voice, but then I saw the fear in his eyes. Playing the voyeur hadn’t prepared him for giving himself, for losing control. My throat tightened as I remembered all too well how humiliating it could be to surrender to the wrong person.
But that wouldn’t happen to Jaden. I would keep him safe.
I grazed my mouth against his, feeling his breath warm against my lips. He obviously didn’t know what to do, how to kiss me. I didn’t push him, but stared into his eyes, watching them glaze over, the gold becoming misty.
“That’s it. You’re so fucking beautiful. You’re safe, you know? You are so safe with me,” I muttered, talking to him as I played him, bringing him closer to release. I couldn’t wait to watch him come.
“Mitchell…” he groaned. His body jerked like a puppet at my every touch.
I bent over his cock and took him in my mouth.
>
Jaden roared, hands digging into my skull, no gentleman as he climaxed hard, shooting hot into my mouth.
I drank him, starving for his taste, starving for the desperation in his touch and the way he bucked up, shoving himself as deep as he could, his ragged breathing, his whimper when my mouth became too intense in the aftermath.
I sat back on my heels, looking down at him and…total peace. There was no other way to describe his expression now.
His big, rough biker’s hands had fallen beside his head, palms up, fingers curled. His eyes were sleepy, his hair framing his face like dark lace. His olive skin was flushed from climax.
“Stay like that!” I ordered, snatching my digital camera off my desk. I snapped a couple of pictures before I realised this wasn’t really cool behaviour right after what we’d done.
Jaden just watched me with lazy curiosity, innocence shining in his eyes.
“I’m taking these so I can paint you later,” I said. “And I didn’t think… You may not want pictures of you like this. I can delete them if you want.”
Jaden’s brow creased. “Why not take my picture?” he asked.
I had to grin. Yeah. If you looked like Jaden, why not? But my sexy alien didn’t understand all the ramifications and I’d promised him I’d keep him safe. “Some guys might put your photo up on the internet or something,” I said. “But I really only want it so I can try to paint you. I’d never show it to anyone without your permission.”
“I like your paintings,” he said. “I have watched you create them.”
“Jaden… Thank you.”
Now the gold was back in his eyes. A wicked sparkle, as if he was amused. “I thank you. You know how to service a warrior.”
“Um. Thanks.” I swallowed. This was getting intense. I really needed to regain my perspective. But first I had to tell him how much it meant to me, the way he’d let himself fall, the way he’d given himself to me. “You were… I don’t have words. I’m better at painting. Maybe I can show you how gorgeous you are to me.”
He closed his eyes. “Paint. I must recover my energy. Some parts of my matrix are still floating around this room.” He yawned. “I have never felt such.”
Typical guy. Now he was all about sleep. I yanked the spread off my bed and tucked it over him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to crawl under it with him and hold him.
“Mitchell.” His voice was drowsy. “You made me a man, did you not?”
Screw it. I’d ached to be held after my first time, but what I’d got had been a nightmare. I didn’t want that for Jaden. I lifted the covering and slid under it, wrapping my arms around him and enjoying his contentment despite how my own body still throbbed. “I’ll keep you safe,” I whispered.
I was sure he’d argue with me, bring up that protector business again, but instead he started to snore. And the stupid thing was, he was even perfect doing that.
Chapter Four
I was playing my Hapi drum when Jaden found me in my laboratory. My hands whispered over the sensitive metal plates and notes chimed softly. “I didn’t wake you?”
He was still naked. For some reason that brought home to me that this was not a normal, regular guy. I knew that even if I’d looked like Jaden I would not have had the selfconfidence to walk around naked in someone else’s house. I’d be too worried about whether I needed a shower or whether my hair was sticking up.
Then again, my first time had been enough to make me never want to embrace that kind of vulnerability again.
“The sound you are making moved through my body,” Jaden said, which yeah, I guess meant it had woken him up.
“It’s supposed to hit the different chakras,” I said. “Or so EZ told me. It was a gift from her.”
His brow crinkled. “Your best friend. You call her EZ.”
“Yeah.” I picked up one of the strikers and the water-like notes pealed from the drum, pure as church bells. Jaden sat down cross-legged beside me, looking absorbed in the music I was creating.
“You played this instrument frequently after Halloween,” he noted.
Even though my belly jerked, I nodded. “Purging,” I said.
“You saw to my warrior’s needs.”
“Yeah, I did.” I had to grin at his quaint phrasing. “It was no hardship, believe me.”
“But you changed the CD, Mitchell.”
“I…what? I don’t follow.” But I think I had an idea what he was getting at…
“You did not want to talk about Halloween.” He reached out and gripped my wrist, bringing my drumming to a halt. “You touched me and I forgot to make you tell me what happened to you. But I remember now.”
“Couldn’t I just give you another happy ending?”
“No. You said you were abused.” Oh, boy, he was not giving up. His eyes had those same gold sparks and now his hair was shifting restlessly, signalling the energy crackling around him.
“I said I hurt myself…” I yanked my wrist free. “All right, you really want to know? Fine.” But the words didn’t miraculously spill out. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to tell anyone. “Not even EZ knows everything,” I finally said.
His response to this was to knit our fingers together. It was such a boyfriend thing, a thing I’d never experienced. “There’s a lit student named Riley Daniels,” I said.
Jaden frowned. “Jaden knew him. He believes he is an amusing person, but shallow.”
It was weird hearing Jaden’s likes in the present tense, but also kind of comforting that a big part of him lived on.
“Yeah, Riley’s a laugh a minute.” I let out a breath and, nope, it wasn’t getting any easier to share this. “I thought Riley…liked me,” I said.
Jaden didn’t blink. “Why would he not like you?”
“No, I mean, like with a capital ‘L’.” When Jaden still looked clueless, I tapped out a melody on my drum, avoiding his eyes. “I hadn’t been with anyone. I was…in high school. I didn’t want anyone to know I was gay. It was bad enough, being so geeky. So I painted out all the feelings I couldn’t express in real life.” I swallowed. “You saw my bedroom walls. I guess it was a useful thing, since it turned into a semi-career in illustrating romance novels.”
Jaden settled in to listen to me as if I was a story teller. Somehow that made it easier.
“It was the Carrie scenario I mentioned before. Riley, the popular college guy, asks me out on a date. At first I can’t believe it. No way is he gay. I’ve never seen him with another man…but he seeks me out in the cafeteria, in the library. Hell, he even goes into the science wing of the university. I was sure, if he went that far, he had to be for real.” I wished I could go back in time, have a seriously grounded in reality talk with my more innocent self. “So I finally agree to go out with him to a party on campus.” I licked my lips. My throat was burning. “I need some water.”
There was a little popping sound and a mug full of water appeared beside my drum. I jumped. “Holy shit!”
That humour glinted gold in his eyes. “You said you wanted water.”
I picked up the mug cautiously, took a sip. Regular H2O from the taste. “I’m going to want to understand how you do that,” I said. “Scientifically.”
Jaden nodded. “Of course.”
“Okay, good.” I took a gulp, but then couldn’t put it off any longer. “I was a wreck. I’d never gone to a college party before. Just little coffee get-togethers with EZ and her friends. I knew I’d need help, so I told her about Riley. At first she was like me, sceptical, but…but I talked her into believing he had a thing for me. I think, looking back, I was also talking myself into it.”
“This was how you…allowed yourself to be harmed?” Jaden prodded. But he picked up the mug, shoved it at me so I could swallow some more water. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was actually worried about me.
“Yeah, it is. I didn’t hang out with Riley’s crowd. Frankly, they scared the shit out of me. I was great at science, math, living in
my own head, but I wasn’t good with people. I’m still not so great.”
“You have EZ,” Jaden said.
I drank the last of the water. “Thank Christ. Anyway, Riley’s crowd…they were the factor I hadn’t let myself consider in the equation. He wasn’t dating me, he was courting them.”
“Your date was a trap.”
I nodded. “I got all dressed up. I blew a month’s rent on a cashmere sweater. I got my hair cut in this salon that EZ said was the place. I looked good. For me, I mean.”
“Why would you not look good? You look good to me now.”
My face heated at the way he was looking at me. He was not complimenting me. To him, he was stating a fact. And it was nice. “Thanks. But I just wanted to say that, for the record, I looked as good as I’m capable of looking.”
I fiddled with the drum strikers. “I got to his place and I was earlier than he’d expected. His parents are fronting his education so he can afford to live in his own apartment and it was full of books. When I saw some of EZ’s early ones, I thought, here it is—the smoking gun.”
“I am lost,” Jaden said.
“EZ writes romances, sometimes gay romance. She’s self-pubbed a few titles and I illustrated them. Anyway, finding them at Riley’s was a sign. No way a straight guy would have those books.”
Jaden still looked a little befuddled, so I told myself not to rush. He really wanted to hear this and suddenly I wanted to tell him. “Riley made me an espresso and his kitchen was small and we bumped and…we made out in his kitchen. It was my first time with anyone. I was too hot to be nervous and I got the feeling he felt the same way.” I laughed. “It was so perfect I even had this Madonna soundtrack running through my head, all her early songs. Then…we went to the party.”
Jaden pulled me closer so I was sitting on his lap. “That’s when the joke factor entered the picture. Everyone else was dressed up, but I didn’t know it was that kind of party. Then I found out he’d been dared to bring a guy as his date by his fraternity. I was so dumb I didn’t even know he belonged to one. I, uh, found out about the big gag when his girlfriend showed up. Everyone was in on it except me.”
