by Mari Carr
“But I knew going in…”
“Knowing doesn’t have a damn thing to do with feeling. It’s why you’re lying around this house, listening to sad country songs, drinking wine with your girlfriend, and feeding your kid pizza in the living room.”
“I swore after Alan I’d be smarter about men.”
“I shouldn’t have convinced you to sleep with Jake. I feel bad about that. You were obviously hurt by Alan because he only wanted one thing from you. Encouraging you to use Jake the same way wasn’t a great idea. Mainly because it’s not in you to use someone that way. Sex and emotions go hand in hand in your world.”
Ada liked to pretend she was tough as nails, but Hope knew her friend was pure marshmallow inside. “It’s the same in your world too, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Unfortunately. Hence the long painful dry spell. I’m going to have to move to a bigger town. I’ve seen what Bootlick has to offer and I’m not impressed.”
“You’ll never leave this town.”
Ada blew out a frustrated breath. “What was the name of that vibrator you ordered?”
Hope groaned. “You mean the vibrator I no longer have.”
“I can’t believe you left it at Jake’s.”
Hope couldn’t either. Mainly because Jake had definitely shaken something loose inside her. Depression meant a lack of sleep, and a lack of sleep meant she had too much time to remember that night in his bed. She’d rolled over more than a few times, intent on grabbing the vibrator.
“I’m so fucked up right now, Ada.”
“I know. Here. Elixir of the gods. Guaranteed to cure all that ails you…for tonight.” She topped off Hope’s glass and they talked, drank, sang loud and off-key and even danced until that bottle of wine—and another—were gone. Finally, around two, they fell into Hope’s queen-sized bed together, fully dressed, giggling, then passing out.
When Hope opened her eyes again, it was only a little past seven on Sunday. She was surprised to find Ada awake as well.
“I’ve got an internal mom alarm clock,” Hope said, her voice hoarse from laughing and singing until the wee hours. “Thought you’d sleep longer.”
Ada shrugged one shoulder casually. “I can’t make the pieces fit.”
“What?”
“Lauren has pursued Jake for years and he’s never taken the bait. So why now?”
Hope didn’t have an answer for that. She’d only seen Jake and Lauren together a couple of times and they seemed friendly enough. And there was nothing in that text thread she’d read that made her believe Lauren’s flirty, sexual innuendos were unwanted. He’d told Lauren to behave, but he’d said the same thing to Hope. It was obviously just part of his playful banter.
“I don’t know why,” Hope said at last.
“I think you should ask him about her.”
Hope shook her head, thinking back to Jessica’s face when she showed up at Alan’s room. She’d been mortified, and she wasn’t sure she was strong enough for that kind of rejection again.
“Hear me out,” Ada continued. “There’s a chance this is all a big misunderstanding. I don’t think you’d be feeling this guilty over that conversation on Tuesday if you hadn’t sensed that there was something real between you and Jake.”
“Ada, I have zero experience when it comes to reading guys and their feelings.”
“Which is why you should pursue this. Consider it furthering your education. Go to Jake’s and ask him about the text. About Lauren. Call him out on it. Get to the bottom of it and then figure out where to go from there.”
It was actually pretty sound advice. Hope had spent too much of the last few days confused by Jake’s comments…and his face when she laughed.
What if it had been a mistake?
What if she’d been a blind idiot, casting Jake in the role of Alan because of past hurts and too much pride?
Had she seen something that wasn’t there and pushed him away before he could hurt her the same way Alan had?
What about me, he’d said.
It was those three words that haunted her the most.
“Ada?”
“Yeah.”
“Can you stick around a little while? I’m going to Jake’s.”
Her friend’s big grin gave Hope the strength she needed to sit up. The hangover, however, almost sent her back down.
“Keep going,” Ada said encouragingly. “You’re doing the right thing.”
Hope went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth and hair, pulling it back in a braid because that was the only thing that could tame the wild mass at the moment, and then she swiped on some mascara and lipstick. Looking at her reflection, she realized she’d be smarter to have this conversation after a shower, fresh clothes, and more than minimal effort on her part in terms of hair and makeup, but she was too impatient to see him, to talk to him.
She missed Jake.
She glanced back in the bedroom. Ada hadn’t stirred. “You probably have about twenty minutes more before George wakes up and starts looking for breakfast. There’s just enough cereal and milk left for the two of you.”
Regardless of what happened with Jake, Hope was going to have to break down and hit the grocery store today.
“Go get ’em, tiger!” Ada cheered her on, still lazing in the bed. Hope was pretty sure her friend would be asleep again three minutes after she left.
As she drove to the fire station, she practiced what she planned to say. Funny how she’d done the exact same thing just a week earlier, except that time she was trying to figure out how to get Jake to sleep with her.
This time…she was hoping to convince him to date her.
Last week’s request seemed simple in comparison.
She pulled up at the fire station and glanced at the clock in the dashboard. Seven thirty was way too early for a social visit, but if she put this off until later, there was a good chance she’d chicken out completely.
After parallel parking, Hope got out and crossed the street. She was nearly to the fire station door when Lauren walked out.
Lauren’s short skirt and blouse were wrinkled, her hair mussed up, and there was a thick layer of mascara under her eyes. She was a little wobbly on her heels. She was clearly dressed for the bar…last night.
If there was a picture in the dictionary for Walk of Shame, it would have been of Lauren right now.
She saw Hope the exact same moment Hope saw her. Hope pulled up short as Lauren approached her.
“You’re too late, Hopeless.”
Hope clenched her fists as Lauren used the childish nickname she’d adopted for her lately. Every time Lauren said it, Hope reminded her that just because they worked in an elementary school didn’t mean they had to act like kids. Lauren was one of those girls who would never outgrow her rich girl snootiness.
According to Ada, Lauren’s parents were the richest people in town, living in a big-ass mansion on the outskirts of town. Hope knew exactly which house she’d meant. She’d driven by it when she and George first got to Bootlick. He had asked Hope if it was a castle, and she was pretty sure she’d replied “yes” at the time.
Hope didn’t respond to Lauren’s taunt this time. For one thing, she didn’t know what to say.
Unfortunately, her silence allowed Lauren to say more. “I’m afraid Big Hose is too worn out for you at the moment. It takes a special kind of woman to hold his attention…in and out of bed. You need to set your sights a lot lower, maybe leave the training wheels on a little longer. Don’t worry. You’ll get there.”
It took everything Hope had not to smack the other woman. Damn if Lauren didn’t inspire her to violence every time she saw her.
Lauren gave Hope a snide, shitty laugh as she walked to her car, started it up, and drove away.
Hope glanced up at Jake’s window. The lights were still off in his apartment. No doubt he was sleeping off his night with Lauren.
She’d come to confront him about Lauren. To ask him if her assumptions about him sleeping with the woman
were correct.
She didn’t need to do that now.
She’d just gotten her answer.
The only thing left was to figure out which emotion was stronger at the moment. The one that wanted to rage, curse, and hit something, or the one that wanted to sob uncontrollably.
By the time Hope got back into her car, there was an obvious winner.
She bawled her eyes out for a good twenty minutes. Then she drove back home, told Ada what happened, and cried another hour more, while she and her friend plotted Jake’s untimely death.
It wasn’t until much later that night that she changed her previous opinion.
There was no way she’d hurt Jake as much as he’d just hurt her.
Chapter 10
“What the hell is wrong with you, man? You’ve been walking around like someone pissed in your Cheerios for weeks.”
Jake looked up at Ike, not bothering to paste on a smile that would be fake as hell.
It had been exactly eleven days—he glanced at the clock—eight hours and twenty-seven minutes since he’d offered his heart to Hope Connor on a silver platter.
Eleven days since she’d driven a stake right through it with her laugh.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he muttered.
“Mmm hmmm.” Ike had been Jake’s best friend since elementary school. He knew Jake better than he knew himself. Which meant, he wasn’t getting out of this conversation that easy. It was the reason Jake had tried to avoid the man as much as possible the past couple of weeks.
Not that it had been a tough challenge. Ike’s volunteer hours at the station had dwindled down to just a few a week now that he was working full-time at the lumberyard and married with two kids, a third on the way. Sometimes it amazed Jake that Ike had managed to do all that in the time since they’d graduated from high school. When Jake looked back on the last ten years, his life’s achievements felt pretty thin in comparison.
The few times Ike had been here, Jake had been saved from talking about Hope and how she’d crushed his heart, by a rash of minor emergencies. In the last two weeks, the station had run four rescue calls, responded to a couple fender benders, and fought one legitimate fire—a bonfire built by some drunk teenagers that had gone array.
Hope had given up on bringing George to tee-ball practice. Apparently, that task now fell to Ada, who sat in the bleachers and shot daggers at Jake the entire time. Jake knew better than to try to talk to Ada when she was pissed off, so he’d given her the same wide berth as her brother.
Besides, what was there to say?
Ada had clearly chosen her side and it was Hope’s.
Ada, like everyone else in town, had tucked Jake neatly into the bad boy box. A place he’d resided since he was fifteen.
Not that he could blame anyone for that. The second he lost his virginity, he’d embraced sex with a fervor that was probably a little bit unhealthy. That insatiable lust combined with his family history painted a picture of him he hadn’t bothered to change. Shit, up until a year ago, he’d prided himself on it, figured it made him smarter than the poor schmucks like Ike, who’d tied themselves to one woman for the rest of their lives.
Until Hope appeared in Bootlick, he’d been living in a fool’s paradise. Claiming life was easier without messy entanglements. He didn’t have to worry about fucking up relationships the same way his parents had because he never let himself go out with anyone he might seriously come to care for. And if he didn’t have kids, there was no risk of hurting them either.
“I have to admit, I’m not surprised you’re acting this way.”
Jake frowned as he locked eyes with Ike. “What way?”
“Pissed off. If I were you, I’d be kicking my own ass too.”
Jake wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Ike was probably the only guy in town who didn’t buy his press, didn’t believe all the gossip. Because Ike knew Jake was ninety-nine percent bluster. Knew he eschewed serious relationships because he was afraid he was too much like his father. Ike also knew he hadn’t slept with a woman—before Hope—in six months, even though there’d been a handful of women bragging about shit that hadn’t happened.
What Ike didn’t know—because Jake hadn’t known how to talk about it—was how he truly felt about Hope. His best friend didn’t have a clue that he’d fallen in love for the first time in his life.
“What are you talking about?” Jake asked.
“Just answer me this first…how drunk were you, man?”
Nothing Ike said made a lick of sense. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Lauren.”
Jake frowned. For some reason, he thought his friend was talking about Hope. Jake had figured Hope had given Ada an earful, and now Ada had recruited her brother to the Protect Hope Connor cause.
“What about Lauren?” Jake asked.
“Last Saturday night? Only thing I can figure is you were drunk as a skunk. Although, in all honesty, I didn’t think there was enough booze in the world to make you sleep with Lauren Roberts.”
Jake’s temper, which had been on a slow simmer ever since Hope walked away from him at the ball field, exploded. “What the fuck are you saying? I was in Kansas City Saturday night. Took Scotty to a Chiefs game for his birthday. We got a hotel room, then hit the stadium early on Sunday to meet up with some buddies of mine from the station over in Lawrence. Tailgated and played corn hole until the game. Afterwards, we came home.”
Ike, who’d been polishing the truck, dropped the cloth in a bucket and walked over to the table in the corner to sit down. “Wait,” he said, shaking his head. “Why didn’t I know about the football game?”
Jake rolled his eyes. “Because your whole family is shit at secrets. I figured you’d go home, tell your wife in front of Clara, then she’d go into school and blab to Scott. I didn’t tell even Scott where we were going until we hit the city limits.”
He grinned, despite his anger, as he recalled Scott’s face when they rolled into Kansas City. Jake had tossed him his present, tickled by his loud hoot when he pulled out the new football jerseys and saw the tickets lying underneath. His kid brother was probably a bigger Chiefs fan than Jake was and that was saying something. Those few hours they’d spent at the game together were the only bright spot in a very long, miserable couple of weeks.
“I’m confused,” Ike muttered.
“That makes two of us.” Jake claimed the other chair at the table. “Why in blue blazes would you believe a rumor like that? You know me better than that.”
Ike sighed. “Yeah. I do. But there seemed to be incontrovertible evidence.”
Jake laughed at his friend’s big word. “You need to lay off the Law and Order reruns. You’re starting to sound like a fifty-year-old man.”
Ike narrowed his eyes. “Wouldn’t hurt you to try out the grown-up thing. You wouldn’t be in this mess if you’d stop fucking around.”
“I haven’t fucked around in a long time and you know it.”
Ike leaned back in his chair. “That’s not exactly true, is it?”
He was right. Jake had slept with Hope.
Ike persisted. “You never talk about her.”
“Who?” he asked, even though he knew exactly who Ike was talking about.
“Hope. Usually you’re the kiss-and-tell guy with me. I figure I’ve had a ringside seat to most of your antics—sexual or otherwise. You haven’t told me one thing about Hope.”
Jake crossed his arms, swallowing heavily. He hadn’t said anything about her because everything about her was different, foreign, confusing. So he took the easy way out, changed the subject. “What evidence was so convincing that you actually thought I slept with Lauren?”
Now it was Ike’s turn to hesitate, and Jake realized he didn’t want to tell him something.
He leaned forward slightly. “Spill it, bro,” he insisted.
“Hope came by here early Sunday morning to see you. She never made it inside because Lauren met her at the door. It was ob
vious she’d spent the night. According to Hope, Lauren said you would be too worn out for her.”
Jake stood up so fast, his chair crashed backwards. “What?!” he shouted.
Ike rose as well, his hands raised in an attempt to calm him down. That wasn’t going to happen.
“Tell me you’re kidding, Ike.” Even as Jake made the request, he knew it was true. Lauren had been stirring up shit in his life since the first time he rejected her sophomore year. She’d invited him to homecoming and he’d said no. Because it was Lauren, she pressed him, assuming he’d already asked someone else and was just being too nice to dump that date to go with her. When he insisted there was no one else, that he just didn’t want to go with her, she snapped.
Jake and Ike had decided it was because no one in the rich princess’ life had ever said the word “no” to her. Her parents gave her everything her little heart desired and—the truth was—she was pretty. All the guys in their class buzzed around her like bees to honey. Pretty blonde with a cherry red convertible waiting in the garage until she got her driver’s license. It was pretty much a no-brainer. Lauren was used to being pursued. By every guy except him and Ike, who had already fallen head over heels in love with his future wife, Anita, at that point.
Unfortunately, that no was first of about a million because Lauren liked the challenge, the thrill of the chase.
“I wish I was kidding. Sit back down, man. Let’s try to reason this out, okay?”
Jake picked up his chair, though sitting was the last thing he wanted to do. He started pacing the concrete floor. “I wasn’t here that night.”
“Who was on call?”
Jake and Ike looked at each other and groaned.
“Ernie,” they said in unison.
A head popped out of the back room. “You guys call me?”
Jake nodded at Ernie. “Get in here. You spend the night here Saturday?”
“Yeah. You know I did.”
“Alone?” Jake asked.
Ernie glanced from Jake to Ike and back again. There were station rules for the volunteers and top of the list was no hanky-panky in the bunk room.
“I, uh…”
