by Katie Dowe
Cameron listened to the tale with an impassive face, showing nothing of the thoughts that lay within. He did, however, narrow his eyes when Aleshia talked about the controlling nature of her boyfriend, and looked both amused and disgusted when she mentioned the part where he wanted her to take responsibility for their sex together, because he didn’t want to wear a condom, and he didn’t believe she was allergic to the pill – she was just lying to not have sex with him. He even ignored her mother’s confirmation that Aleshia was indeed allergic to the pill.
One trip to the hospital later cleared up that misconception. He relented, instead persuading her to consider getting an implant. She was on the waiting list to have one placed in her arm, when she discovered the pregnancy.
Explaining the obsession, the fear, the craven desire to please proved difficult for Aleshia, but she struggled through, under the quiet encouragement of Cameron. Finally, she ended with her arrival in Miami, with no clue how she wanted things to proceed next – only that she wanted to be near her sister to help cope with the fallout.
Vaneese, of course, welcomed the notion. She didn’t want Aleshia anywhere near Peter, and tried numerous times to get Aleshia to erase him from her life. She mentioned Vaneese’s constant vilification of Peter, and how after so long, it finally started to settle in her mind. The distance helped her deal with who he really was.
The manipulation of Peter, demanding for Aleshia to come back, he would only be a father if she did – invoked a grunt of annoyance from Cameron. “That sounds like you dodged a bullet, there. I understand why you may not want to erase him completely… but I’m inclined to agree with Vaneese on this. You need to delete that bastard’s number. It’s your choice, though.”
“It is. Part of me doesn’t want this baby, either. But I also don’t want to put it up for adoption. I keep imagining if it was me, growing up, either in foster care or with eventually finding out the knowledge that my mother ditched me… I don’t think I can do that.” She sighed, and patted her abdomen. “And I’ve been feeling empty for a while. Even before Peter, and he never filled that emptiness up. Maybe this little one might be an answer.”
Cameron Lovell nodded. “Thank you for telling me. I know you didn’t enjoy that.”
“It had to be said. You wanted to know why I’m in this situation. Why someone you liked ended up pregnant, single and running. You got it.” She gave a wry smile. He imitated it.
In return, he explained something of himself to Aleshia. An only child, he grew up never in want of anything, also with parents and grandparents and cousins and relatives whom all contributed to the stability of his life. He followed in his father’s footsteps when it came to becoming an estate agent – this was in fact the same company his father was a senior manager in. He also dated a string of girls, lived the wild, party life, because despite the near immaculate upbringing he had, he also felt that there was something severely lacking. It always lay there, like an abscess to his soul. He eventually concluded that no amount of pretty girls, sex, drinking, and successful deals could wipe away the feeling. People were a chore. Life just slogged along, which was why at the age of thirty-three, despite liking his job, he was single, and felt like life didn’t have any purpose.
Then, Aleshia plummeted into it out of nowhere, with her quirky attitude, and that poem that touched something deep inside him. Along with that, came a profound sense of devastation that this woman also happened to be untouchable.
There was more. The trip to the hospital made Cameron Lovell reflect more on his viewpoint. His original opinion fixated on the idea that children were too much responsibility. If he entered a relationship and ended up having to look after someone’s child barely a year into it, the idea itself was absurd. Something his parents would disapprove of. You were supposed to enter a relationship, take time, maybe get married when enough time passed, and only then did you start with children.
Yet, squashed as he was in the hospital, surrounded by the rather odd proportion of mothers, young and old, with children, from new-born babies to tottering kids – he found himself absently watching them off and on for the two hours he waited.
He allowed himself to think more on the poignant question. What was it he lacked in life? What did he miss? This question plagued him the night before. There passed the fathers, beaming proudly at their spawn, or dragging them along as they kicked and screamed. There came that one kid, who stared at him for a straight ten minutes, unashamed. There came the baby in the pram, who giggled when he pulled faces at it.
He stumbled over the subject, as if aware of how crazy he sounded. Aleshia listened raptly. It seemed like on some level, Cameron Lovell had reached similar conclusions to her.
“I found myself seriously contemplating about what it would be like if I had a child. It was something I never considered before. You kept me up most of the night thinking about it. And I sat there, awkwardly, watching others or having them watch me. And I wondered. Everything so far has lacked color for me. Would something like a kid make any difference to it? Would accepting that sort of responsibility, to care actively for something that will thrive on love and attention? I don’t know. I’m considering it.”
Aleshia smiled. “I still am, as well. I have just under six months to consider it, before I take up a job as a full-time mother.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m fully amenable to the idea. But the fact I’m even considering it at all might be something to do with the idea that I like you a little more than expected.”
Aleshia held her breath, thrilled at the word. One hand raised up to her mouth.
“I want to try something, Aleshia. Forgive me if this seems forward.” He stood up, circled around the table, until he was next to her. Then, slowly, he lowered his face onto hers, until their lips touched in a delicate kiss. She inhaled sharply, an explosion of warmth rippling inside, and reached up as he began to withdraw, to capture his lips in a more intense kiss. It was as if tiny bolts of electricity surged through them at the contact, sending alien, wonderful sensation to every nerve. They continued the kiss, gently playing with each other’s lips, eyes closed as they became lost in the moment.
Reluctantly, Aleshia withdrew. She opened her eyes, dazed, breathing heavily. “Fuck,” she said.
Cameron Lovell chuckled. “Fuck,” he agreed. “That was something.”
“It… yes. Fuck sake. I really shouldn’t. I can’t be in another relationship so soon.” She ran a tongue over her bottom lip, replaying the memory of their kiss. “But I also think it’s because I’m scared I’m just reaching out for affection. I don’t want to end up using you as some kind of proxy. I’m also scared of being alone.”
He nodded. “I understand.” He ran one thumb over her flushed cheeks. He waited, forming the words in his head before speaking. “If you’re scared of being alone, I’ll be here for you. Whether we end up together or not, it doesn’t matter at this point. I’ll help you move in. I’ll be a friend if you need it. I’ll be more if you want it. Whatever happens, I know one thing. I don’t want to see you running out my life so soon.”
A shiver of happiness went through Aleshia. Touched by his words, she reached out to grasp his hand in hers. She had no idea how to express the emotions swirling inside. They wanted to burst out of her. She managed with, “Thank you. That means a lot.” She also felt the threatening presence of tears behind her eyes.
He grinned. “We should probably finish off the food.”
Chapter 7
Aleshia resisted the temptation for two weeks. In the meanwhile, Cameron helped move her into the new property – sorting out the necessary documents, taking her to make the deposit, and moving in belongings bit by bit – as she didn’t have many in the first place. Vaneese helped as well, she and Dijon possessed a car each to help them get to work or take Amy around to visit her friends. The beach for them was a ten-minute walk from their property. When Aleshia confided to Vaneese about Cameron’s rushed promise to stay by her, Vaneese at f
irst couldn’t believe it.
Then, when Cameron and Dijon confirmed for her the truth, she was ecstatic – as if all her prayers had been answered, rather than Aleshia’s.
“Hold that man tight, and never let go.”
“Vaneese,” Aleshia had protested, on one of her regular visits over, “Give it a break. You know I can’t take a perfectly fine man off the market and deal with the life changes I’m having to go through now. He still hasn’t even had a proper relationship with a woman before. I’m kind of a big step up.” Even as she said those words, hidden under the guise of practicality, slivers of jealously spiked the offloaded facts. Somewhere in her brain, she had already began seeing Cameron Lovell as someone who belonged to her – though in what form, she still didn’t know.
At least, that was what she told herself.
The man, every gorgeous inch of him, insisted on sticking by her and helping her move in. A voice of doubt asked what benefits he got out of this. The same voice insidiously suggested that the only reason men liked her at all was because she was so easy to control. Blindsided by love, enamored by the notion of being loved.
Even with those doubts nibbling at the shadowy regions of her mind, she caved in, two weeks later – on her first day in the new house.
Vaneese, Dijon and Amy had come to see the quirky, living wood house. Dijon loved it, Vaneese acted dubious of her sister’s taste, declaring she felt like a squirrel stuck in a tree. In response, Aleshia innocently handed over a bowl of nuts for Vaneese to crunch through, provoking much laughter from Amy, who insisted on exploring every room, and jumping on each bed. She occupied herself by running up and down the spiral staircase as Aleshia served her guests coffee and tea respectively. Cameron visited shortly after the relatives left.
He listened, nodding along to Aleshia’s gushing amusement about her family, her awe of the new place.
“I’m glad. I can see the effect it has on you. It does make all the difference, being somewhere.”
Sat on the sofa, their bare feet touched, and launched into a lazy war, where it wasn’t clear what winning or losing meant.
Two weeks, Aleshia thought. Barely any time at all. The nugget’s growing bigger. He’s going above and beyond for me. Peter is still bombarding me with texts. She even showed the texts to Cameron. He liked and appreciated this gesture. And why wouldn’t he? She had nothing to hide. This was her life – and she couldn’t run away from the facts, no matter how desperate she became. Life enjoyed throwing her curveballs. The arrival of Cameron Lovell proved the biggest one of all.
Two weeks, and Aleshia brought up the notion of a relationship. One where they dated. Kissed. Tried to work each other more exclusively into their lives.
Cameron immediately accepted. And now, they sat opposite each other, having not yet arranged their first date, stuck in that curious limbo. The more Aleshia thought about their situation, the more convinced she felt that all logic and reason was jumping itself out the window.
There was no logic. Even with the reasons they gave each other, the situation felt fantastical at best. However, what mattered was the constant flicker of sparks between them – the inexplicable attraction that had wormed a way through the fabric of their being. A possibility that instant love and attraction, along with dedication existed.
“I can’t comprehend it,” Aleshia confessed, out of the blue, even as their feet continued to dance together on the leather sofa. “I felt like everything was breaking down, and I had reached a dead-end, and needed to figure out how to back myself out of it. Then, you come along. You freak out when you find I’m pregnant, but you come back almost straight away. You promise to stick by me, straight away, when people can spend months building up those kind of commitments.”
Cameron Lovell rubbed the lines at the corners of his eyes. “It’s true. I haven’t even bothered trying to explain to my family what’s happening, yet. I’ve told them I’m seeing a nice woman, but I haven’t mentioned any of the other factors. I’ll have to at some point. It’s likely going to be a massive headache. All I know is that maybe there’s an answer for that… displacement I have. I know you seem more real than anyone else I’ve met.” He then chuckled. “Well, you basically did give me your life story on our first big meeting.”
“I imagine you needed the time to process,” Aleshia grinned, her big toe now tangled up in Cameron’s.
“Yeah. I’m not used to people giving me everything upfront like that. I wasn’t sure whether to run away yelling at the top of my lungs, or admire that brutal attitude. I mean, women have told me before that they have medical issues straight away, or depression, or whatever. But you basically told me that you were a fuck-up that had just escaped a fucked up situation.”
“I wasn’t that bad,” Aleshia protested. “I’m nothing like my sister. She’s a baseball bat with spikes.”
“I’m still wondering how I’m going to put across the pregnancy to my family.”
“I appreciate you like me enough to consider that,” Aleshia said, with a tiny smirk. “And I’ve thought of something.”
“Oh? Do enlighten me.” He shifted positions, so that they could cuddle up together on the sofa, instead of wrestling with their feet. Aleshia enjoyed the way he fit next to her, body pressed onto her spine. Rain thundered outside, torrential and as intensive as ever. A car horn beeped in the distance, long and livid.
“Well. It’s sort of similar to an adoption, isn’t it? You’ve gone through some massive life upheaval, and have decided that instead of going through the years of bullshit that can happen in a relationship, you’re going to cut through the chase and adopt some ready made baby.”
There was a pause, before Cameron roared with uncontainable laughter. “That… okay. Okay! I don’t think I’ve ever heard it put like that before, but that’s something!”
“It makes sense. I think. Maybe.” Aleshia considered the idea for longer.
“It does, actually,” he giggled, wiping mirth from his eyes. “So, I suppose this can be a trial run baby. See if I like it enough before I consider having any of my own, or adopting more.”
“That’s it exactly. You got it.” She smiled, before her expression dropped in seriousness. “Of course, it depends on how you look at it, too. Maybe being a father is more important than being the biological link.”
He sobered up as well. “I’ll need to give it more thought. I’m still trying to let the idea sink in. I’m not opposed to it, though. I’m not opposed to you.” He idly began brushing the thin strands of her hair, his fingers running through without becoming snared.
“I’m not opposed to you either.” Aleshia turned around, so her front pushed into Cameron.
He moved a thumb over her lips. “Have you written any poems, lately? I’d like to hear one.”
At this, Aleshia blushed. “I might have.”
Locking gazes with her, he said, “Tell me. If you’re comfortable with saying it.”
Again, Aleshia felt the vulnerability well up in her skull, at the idea of passing along one of her private poems. However, she liked being able to unveil them, in the presence of someone who listened without judgment to their contents. Parting her lips, she inhaled, and recited the poem she had written three days ago.
There's a lot of things that make sense
There's a lot of things that don’t
You make sense and you don’t
But you’ll know my secrets, and I’ll know yours
Come a little closer
I'll show you everything that matters
I'll show you what's here
Through the many years
We all yearn for something
I found my something through those fears
My glass full
My everything
But how to express that feeling
Say the words without scaring it away
You're not a box for secret’s sake
Not a doll to be worn and frayed
To play with un
til the strings break
That breaking, I would regret
But you're not something I’ll forget
All those feelings, and more
You'll know mine
And I'll know yours.
Aleshia finished the words, the embarrassment already creeping in. However, Cameron looked at her with an expression bordering on worship, his pupils black.
“I like that.” His mouth hovered closer to Aleshia’s with every passing moment.
Tingles of pleasure roiled. Aleshia welcomed his lips onto hers, and the slow, sensual way they folded into one another, arms carefully draping, lips playful, hearts stuttering faster with the embrace. Adding to the embarrassment, Aleshia craved more, desired more out of the situation, and let it be known with the way her legs draped over his, the way she kissed him with increasing urgency.
Cameron responded in kind, breathless in excitement as they explored with tongues, palms, wandering fingers. The rain persisted on its assault outside, as they adjusted positions on the spacious sofa, Aleshia half-lying on top of Cameron, running her hands over his smooth, near hairless chest, fumbling over the uneven shape of his body, as it dipped from his broad shoulders to a slender stomach, with the hint of a two-pack. He obviously didn’t exercise intensely, but enough to keep his body well-toned.
Gradually, they peeled clothes off each other – the shirt coming off to expose his wonderful chest, the shorts kicked off to expose red boxers with the beginnings of an erection jutting them from the front – along with Aleshia’s string vest and shorts. She wore a matching plain purple bra with identical colored boxer panties. Her stomach gave the hint of her pregnancy, protruding from a body that didn’t exercise excessively, but never abused itself over the years.
