by Ellis Marie
“Tom’s going to be so pissed that he missed this.” Kristie giggles as we walk over to the counter. She starts mixing us drinks, budging people out the way without a second glance. “He tried to convince his mum to stay in tonight so that he could come, but she had a date and he’d promised to babysit Katherine.”
I have to admit that even though I’m disappointed that Tom couldn’t come because he’s looking after his little sister, I’m also a little bit glad. It’s not that I had anything against Tom, I loved him, it’s just that it has been a long time since Kristie and I have done anything together properly, and I don’t know when my next chance would be.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” I say, making Kristie smile.
“Me too. Now, drink this.” She thrusts out a red cup into my hands and it splashes over my hand, making me shout in surprise. “Oops.”
I shake my head at her and wipe my arm. “Just be grateful that didn’t go on my white top.” I chuckle. She rolls her eyes, pouring a cup of her own.
“Firstly, it’s my top,” she points out. “Secondly, shut up and drink.”
I look in the cup and then back at Kristie, my eyes wary. I’m not the biggest fan of alcohol because of my father, and sometimes, I still don’t feel comfortable drinking it around people I don’t really know. We only had two at Kristie’s but even that was stressing me out.
“I promise it’s not strong and you’ll be fine. We’ll look out for each other,” she says softly. My shoulders drop as I relax a bit, taking a sip.
She’s right, we’re fine.
I gaze around the kitchen as Kristie and I begin to chat with some of our classmates who greet us, or well, Kristie does most of the talking and I comment here and there. A few people catch my eye who I don’t recognise but I just assume they’re older boys that Tracey knows; they all looked a bit bigger than the ones from my classes.
As I turn back to Kristie and listen to her story from drama class that has the whole group chuckling in laughter, I feel on edge, as if I’m being watched.
Don’t be stupid.
My skin begins to prick, and I slowly rub my arms, trying to make the goose bumps flatten down while my eyes glance around, my mind whirling with all the thoughts of what it could be.
Kristie glances at me in concern as the other people begin talking among themselves, her hand stopping my own in its movements. She opens her mouth as if to speak, but her eyes move from my face to behind me and she freezes, a glare taking over her features.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I turn around and groan when I see who is walking towards us, immediately grabbing on to Kristie’s hand and pulling her slightly behind me with anger rising the closer he gets.
“Ryan,” I hiss at Kristie’s ex-boyfriend as he stops in front of me, his lips turning up into a smirk. “What a pleasant surprise.”
The boy in front of me looks different to the last time we saw him, but he also looks familiar—way too familiar. I could go a thousand years without seeing his face, and I know Kristie could probably go longer. His dark hair is a lot shorter now and it’s gelled straight back, the slick appearance a good representation of his slimy personality.
“Elle,” he greets. “Kristie.”
I squeeze Kristie’s hand in comfort and her fingers clutch mine like a vice, her eyes unwavering as she stares at the guy who broke her heart into a thousand pieces.
I wonder if she still thinks of him in the same way; she used to say that his grey eyes were like a stormy sky. I wonder now if she just sees them as nothing more than what they are—dull.
“What are you doing here, Ryan?” she asks, uncharacteristically quiet. Her question makes him even happier, as though her uneasiness is what he wants. “I didn’t even know you were back in town.”
“Tracey invited me. I got back earlier this week.” He scoffs. “I didn’t know you were invited though, Kristie. I didn’t think you and Tracey were friends after—”
“I invited her,” I interrupt as rage bubbles inside me while he smirks at my best friend’s sadness, his eyes glinting with pleasure. “Is that an issue?”
He lifts his eyebrow and lets out a low chuckle, taking a sip from his drink. His gaze is unmoving as the rest of the party bustles around us, totally unaware of the tension.
“I should have guessed that it was through Elle.” He smirks, licking his teeth. “Tell me, Kristie, do you ever plan on not just following her around like an obedient dog?”
Kristie flinches beside me and her hand begins to shake in mine.
“I said, is that an issue?” I growl, stepping towards him. He looks at me surprised, as if he didn’t expect me to defend her so strongly or speak up for her.
Kristie tugs my hand back. When I glance at her, she shakes her head softly, her eyes begging me to just let it go. Although everything in me wants to jump at the guy in front of us and rip his smug lips off his face, I step back and take a deep breath, knowing that doing so would only start issues with Kristie. Her brother had already made him suffer and was still dealing with the consequences; I couldn’t do that too.
“It’s a big party, Ryan. Why don’t we just stay away from each other?” Kristie suggests, pain evident in her voice.
“I would, but I was actually sent over here to get Elle. Her boyfriend wants her.”
I’m shocked at his words. Why was Matt hanging out with Ryan? As far as I know, they have never even spoken before. I go to question him, but he motions over his shoulder, and I see Matt standing in the living room with his friends and a group of girls, the latter seems to have his interest. I turn to Kristie. She rolls her eyes but motions for me to go over to him.
“The king calls. Just don’t be too long. This is our night together,” she mumbles before picking up her drink again and walking away to the group who we had been talking to previously. Her quick footsteps give an idea to how eager she is to get away from a certain someone.
I sigh and walk in the opposite direction, not waiting for Ryan to follow me as I push my way through the swamp of people.
“You still mad at me, Elle?” he sings in my ear. I have to suppress my anger. Kristie asked me not to get involved.
“You’re really mad at me, aren’t you?”
Don’t say anything.
“You’re such a sweet girl. How mad would you be if I slept with her again?”
In a breath, I halt my footsteps and spin around to face the wretched troll behind me with my blood running hot. He stumbles to a stop, his eyes wide but he looks almost gleeful at the fact that he’s managed to get a reaction out of me.
“Look,” I state. “I don’t care what you say to me, or why you’re here but you stay the f*ck away from Kristie because, I swear to God, I may be a sweet girl but if you so much as touch her, I will make sure that I ruin your pathetic life.” My words surprise even me with the harshness in them but it’s as if, for the past two years, I have been waiting to say something, and now that he’s standing in front me, all the memories of him hurting Kristie are clear in my mind.
“So unless you want to really see how sweet I can be, I suggest you leave my best friend alone.”
He looks at me with something that could almost be mistaken for being impressed, but I don’t hang around to find out. I storm away from him and make my way over to my boyfriend, who seems to be enjoying himself with a raven-haired girl on his arm. Beside him stands Andy, Luke, and Carter. Although the two former boys hardly even spare me a glance, the third doesn’t remove his eyes from me. I quickly stop looking at him before I feel sick.
I stop in front of them and clear my throat, waiting for Matt to take notice of me.
He called for me after all.
“Anna!” he exclaims as he sees me, his eyes trailing down my body as he steps forward and wraps his arms around my waist, leaving the other girls behind him. “You look so sexy.”
His grin falters as he looks at my hair, narrowing his gaze as he takes in the fact that it’s up. “Yo
ur hair looks different,” he comments with an edge to his voice that only I notice.
My heart rate picks up. I give him my sweetest smile, leaning forward and pulling my body into him while ignoring the looks of the people around us as I link my fingers behind his neck, our heights almost equal.
“I knew it was going to warm, so I thought I should put it up,” I explain, hoping he will let it go. I really don’t want to spend more time with this group than necessary. Ryan’s arrival has already put a dampener on the mood.
It seems as though I’ve done something right in the world because, after a moment, he shrugs and leans in towards me as his lips claim my own and he leaves the argument forgotten about. I kiss him back and let myself get lost in the feeling of his lips on mine. The feeling that I always try to make him create. The feeling that I long for every time he looks at me.The feeling of being wanted. Like I mean something to him. Like the way he used to make me feel.
My peaceful moment is interrupted by someone shoving me forward, my feet stumbling as I try to balance myself and also not knock over Matt who is angrily fixing his shirt, it’s checked pattern now stained. I feel my arms becoming sticky as liquid drips down them.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Anna,” a whiny voice laughs from behind me. “You’ll have to let me off because it is my party and I have to admit I’m a little clumsy.”
I take a deep breath, trying to wipe my arms with my hands as I turn to face Tracey with a fake grin plastered on my face. I let out an airy giggle, waving away her apology as if I totally don’t want to punch her in the throat.
“It’s fine, total accident,” I reply. She smirks at my fakeness.
Her eyes drift over to Matt. She gasps, running forward towards him, her hands frantically wiping his top.
“Let me help you with that!” she offers, her fingers spending far too long while feeling his body beneath the material. “At least you didn’t get loads on you.”
I glare at the two of them, watching as Matt gently removes her hands from him and grunts in annoyance while returning to drinking his drink, sliding his other arm around my waist. Seeing Tracey’s put-out expression does give me a little bit of satisfaction.
“Anna, your outfit is gorgeous. Where did you get it?” Amy asks, excitement bubbling in her voice. I actually feel a little better in her company. She doesn’t mean any real harm.
“It’s actually Kristie’s,” I answer honestly, but I notice Tracey’s glare at the name and the eye roll that accompanies it. “How about you, Tracey? Did the football team let you borrow their clothes again?”
Nancy chokes on her drink beside me as Amy giggles. I watch Tracey’s face become a mask of anger.
I don’t usually like being mean but knocking Tracey off her pedestal seems like the perfect exception to that. It’s not as if my comment isn’t fitting; she’s only wearing a huge T-shirt and heels after all. Tracey seethes at me for a moment before her eyes flick to my side and a Cheshire grin slips onto her lips.
“I bet you’re going to miss Matt this weekend, right?” Her words make me frown in confusion. I glance at Matt questioningly, waiting for him to correct her or explain to me. He seems to realise that he’s turned into the new topic conversation because he hurriedly nods, clicking his finger.
“Oh right, thanks for reminding me.” He smiles, turning to look at me. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, babe. The boys and I are going away for the weekend, we won’t be back until Monday.”
“Daddy is letting us go away on his boat,” Tracey interjects as she crosses the group to stand beside Matt, her stare gleaming as she watches my expression change. “I would invite you, Anna, but Matt said you visit your elderly neighbour on the weekends, and there are only three beds on it anyway so there wouldn’t really be room for you.” She pouts out her lip. “Sorry.”
Three beds?
“So where will you be sleeping, Tracey? In the ocean?” I ask through gritted teeth, making her smirk as she takes a step towards me.
“Oh, I’m sure I can find somewhere very comfortable to stay,” she muses, glancing at my boyfriend. “Or someone.”
As I move to take a step towards her, Matt chuckles and pulls me away. His lazy grin slips onto his face as he grabs my arms and makes me face him, cutting off my staring war with the wicked b*tch of the west.
“Princess, she’s just teasing. I didn’t think you’d want to cancel seeing Mrs. Grenway, so I didn’t invite you, alright?” He gives my arm a squeeze, which I assume to everyone else looks reassuring, but all I feel is his grip tighten on my skin and my mind flashes back to the same feeling around my throat.
“Of course, that’s totally fine,” I answer, pushing down my anxiety and arguments.
He wouldn’t cheat on me, I had to believe that.
Matt smiles but as he tries to remove his hands from my arms, they stick slightly as the drying, sugary drink making a layer on my skin that makes him frown. “You need to wash your arms though, they’re pretty gross. I don’t want to touch you like that.”
Tracey giggles from behind me, making a lump form in my throat. I push it down with a tight grin as I notice the group around us has been listening to our conversation. They are now avoiding my gaze, their amusement clear as day.
“I’m going to go do that and then find Kristie, okay?” I say lightly, controlling the crack in my voice. Matt nods with an expression telling me that he doesn’t really care. He pecks my lips quickly before nudging past me towards the beer pong table, a war cry coming from his lips as they start forming into teams with the girls running behind eagerly.
I have to admit that I’m worried about him going away, but at the same time, it means that I have the weekend without him, something that hasn’t happened in a while.
I go to leave for the bathroom, but a hand reaches out and grabs my wrist before I can, the slim fingers feeling like bones with the grip they have.
“Do enjoy yourself,” Tracey states, her eyes filled with venom. I feel almost defeated. “I know I’m going to.”
I tug my arm out of her grasp with a jolt, my heart sinking. She waves her fingers at me sweetly before turning and heading towards the crowd of people, making a beeline for the one place I don’t want her to go.
Not wanting to be seen standing on my own, I quickly push through the groups of people and head for the bathroom, begging for a moment on my own.
I spend quite a while in the only free bathroom that I can find. Tracey has managed to not only get her drink on my body, but on my clothes too. I’m just grateful that whatever she’s drinking is clear.
I really don’t understand Matt sometimes; one minute he wants me to be beside him all the time, then the next he’s going away for the weekend without even telling me. I even had to find out from Tracey.
Of course, I’m kind of happy that he’s going, and he’s right in saying that I wouldn’t have wanted to miss my weekly catch up with Mrs. Grenway. She’s often the only person I can really talk to, and her house is the only place that I can get some peace sometimes. Plus, her dog Obi is the biggest and fluffiest retriever I have ever seen. I love taking him out on walks. There’s just something soothing about it, but that doesn’t mean that I’m okay with Matt going away with Tracey. The girl has gone out of her way to invite Ryan to this party. I already know what she’s capable of when she’s alone with someone’s boyfriend.
I sigh and look at myself in the mirror. My eyes look a little tired and I know that I need to stop stressing myself out, but it’s hard when you feel like you aren’t good enough for the people around you.
It’s so difficult sometimes to be Anna. I often feel like I’m losing small parts of myself whenever I have to pretend to be her. Whenever I have to pretend to be happy.
I dry my hands and arms on the towel beside me, shaking myself out of the slump I had gotten into and straighten up while fixing the small imperfections that had popped up already.
I need to go and find Kristie. She would
be either worrying about me or angrily looking for me with the time I spent away from her. I have to walk upstairs and to one of the furthest bathrooms in the house to get some privacy. I know that finding her will increase my mood and probably hers, too, considering how long I’ve been missing for.
I just need to go out there and have a really good night at a high school party like a normal teenage girl.
Smiling at my reflection, I turn and head towards the door. The sound of music is already growing louder. By the time I open the door to exit the bathroom, it’s pulsing through the floorboards.
I come out into the empty hall and switch off the bathroom light, my stomach turning as I look down the corridor and debate on whether I actually want to go back to the party or not.
“Not having a good time?”
I almost jump out of my skin as a voice speaks behind me. I turn to see who it is with my heart racing. I still.
“Carter,” I choke out as I recognise the tall figure in front of me. “What are you doing up here?”
He takes a step towards me. I immediately take one back, wanting to keep as much distance between us as possible. I can see a glaze in his eyes, and I know he’s at least slightly drunk, if not more. I feel alarm bells beginning to ring in my ears.
“I won at beer pong, but then I needed the bathroom, and I hadn’t seen you come back downstairs yet so I thought . . .” he trails off, running his tongue along his teeth as he looks me up and down. “I would come and find you.”
Now, I’m aware that we’re very much alone and that the music pounding through the house means that virtually no one will able to hear me if I were to shout.
He wouldn’t do anything though, would he?
A nervous laugh comes from my lips. I move back again, trying to go further down the hall and towards the stairs.
“Well, you found me,” I answer shakily. “And the restroom is free, so you can use it.” I nod towards the door I’ve just come from, and right now, I wish it’s between us . . . with the lock firmly shut.
