by Ellis Marie
I have to admit that even I’m shocked at how angry the words come out. He takes a step forward with his hand stretched out to me.
“Look, I need to talk to you. I’m—”
“Save it,” I state, interrupting him. Surprisingly, he doesn’t say anything. “I don’t want to hear it, you said enough to me the other night.”
My icy tone seems to make him cringe, and his hand slowly retreats back into himself as his pleading expression changes to a guilty one.
“Elle, I thought you said he hadn’t done anything to you?” I look up at Cam to see his eyes blazing with fury as he tries to move past me and take a step forward. “What the f*ck did you do to her, you purebred—”
“Cam!” I scold, turning to face him so I can hold him back with my hands splayed out on his chest. “Cam, please don’t. He’s not worth it.”
My breath is shaking as well as my hands, but I don’t quite know if it’s me that’s shaking or if it’s Cam. He looks down at me. After a second, his shoulders drop a little and he nods carefully, curling his hand around mine. I hold onto it as I turn back around to face Trent and his friends.
Instead of him looking guilty like before, he now as an expression of rage coating his features and his eyes are trained on my hand in Cam’s.
“Ironic that we get called scum when you slum it with him.”
I open my mouth in shock at his words. There’s only one thing that he could be talking about, and I’m unsure exactly how he’s heard it already, but I assume it’s down to the gossip mill of high school.
The secret had gotten around the school about four years ago because Tracey found out the secret and decided to tell everyone, all because Cam said no to a date with her. It was the first and last time that I had almost gotten in a physical fight, and it was hard to see her most days and not want to punch her in the face.
She’s hurt both of my best friends; she deserved it.
Cam presses into my back and I feel Kristie come up on the other side of him and hold him back, digging his fingers into my hand.
“How dare you,” I whisper, my voice hoarse with fury. Trent almost looks a little scared of me. As do the two boys behind him who I now realise are Robbie and Dean. “How dare you ever think you’re above him!” I snarl, taking a step forward. I feel Cam try to stop me, but I ignore it, my rage almost blinding me to the people around us.
All I can see are Trent’s burning eyes and the way they are watching my lips.
How can someone so cruel act so high and mighty?
“If you think for one second that he is anything less than amazing, then you’re wrong. You’ll never be like him. Good looks can only cover up so much of a bad personality. Eventually, your disgusting nature will shine through.” I don’t realise how close I have gotten to Trent until I stop to breathe. Like an ice-cold glass of water. It makes me realise the quietness around us.
Glancing past his shoulder, I notice that the tables around us are watching with their mouths wide open, both schools alike. They all seem to be watching me in half-amazement and half-shock; it makes my stomach churn.
I clear my throat and look back at Trent who seems to be trying to still process everything that I’ve said, and the confused expression on his face gives nothing away. For a moment, I hesitate. It’s almost intoxicating being this close to him, and I could have sworn that I saw a softness in his eyes when he looked at me, but it’s gone in the blink of an eye.
“I suggest you stay away from me and my friends.”
With that, I turn back to Cam and nod at Kristie, who jumps into action and begins to pull him away. He resists at first but eventually following. Although his feet move, his eyes never leave my face. When we eventually manage to cross the room and sit down at a table, he still hasn’t stopped staring.
As the murmurs begin to grow and people start to talk again, I watch as Trent storms out of the cafeteria and out the main doors; the force of his push slamming them against the walls and I jump a little in my seat.
I take a deep breath and try to calm my shaking hands as everyone stays quiet. I eventually look up at Cam who is sitting across from me, his brown eyes unblinking.
“Elle . . . that was . . .” he trails off, creasing his forehead in frustration as he tries to think of a word. After a moment, he seems to give up and reaches out, taking my hands in his. “Thank you.”
I smile a little at him and I feel a light blush coat my cheeks as Kristie leans into me with exasperated laughter oozing out of her.
“It was amazing! You were so strong. I’ve never seen you like that! Tom, did you see that?”
Suddenly, the conversation starts up again and everyone starts talking about how it was to watch what just unfolded with Kristie doing the most talking. During her re-enactment, I turn to look at Cameron who has remained quiet beside me. His eyes are already trained on me, quizzically watching me as if trying to decipher a crossword puzzle.
“What?” I ask self-consciously, not knowing what I’ve done or if he’s annoyed at me for stepping in. He seems to hesitate before replying.
“How well do you know him?”
My throat feels dry as soon as he asks the question. Of course, I immediately know who he’s talking about. I should have known that Cam would ask questions, especially with how angry I was but I really don’t want to answer. I don’t want to say that I thought I knew him and he makes me the happiest I’ve been in a while for a short period of time.
And I don’t want to admit that in the moments that it was just the two of us, I felt as though I was more myself than I’ve ever been before.
Because even though I thought that I knew him, it turns out that I was wrong, and it was all fake.
And so, I answer him honestly.
“I don’t know him at all.”
***
I had a pretty uneventful day at school after the lunchtime fiasco; Cam walked me to every class and even met me after school. Despite the glares I have been constantly receiving from a six-foot-something hunk of meat, I enjoyed myself.
It’s as if Cam being back and Matt being away gave me a breath of fresh air, and for a little while, I’m able to pretend that everything in life is simple and easy. After that, I get Kristie to give me a lift back to my house. When I see that my father’s car is absent from the front, a shot of relief flies through me. I don’t know if I could deal with Matt and him in the same night.
Kristie felt bad about not being able to stay because she has to go home and help Linda cook, but I understand. Everyone has their responsibilities.
The house, as usual, is a bit of a mess; bottles are littered across the ground and there are wrappers on almost every countertop, but at least I’m alone.
It doesn’t taken long to clean everything up. I even have time to clean the shelves lining the walls, and it’s almost therapeutic. Like the last little bit of peace I had before I have to be constantly switched on and alert.
It’s at that moment, when I’m standing at the window wiping down the glass, that I see something that catches my attention out in the backyard.
It’s not very noticeable at first, but as I make my way outside and onto the back porch, it catches the sun and the glare is impossible to miss. I make my way over, watching my feet in case there’s anything else around it, but it’s on its own, displayed in the grass like a glass cabinet.
It’s a necklace.
It’s not a simple and cheap one; this one looks as though it’s an old relic, like an heirloom that someone had accidentally left behind. As I bend down to pick it up, the wind rushes through my hair and the leaves around me rustle. In fact, they rustle a little too much. I can sense it.
Sometimes in life, there are these amazing things that happen that are past the point of understanding. Like a wild animal helping to bring a child home, or a person narrowly missing death because they stopped to pick up a coin from the street.
There are moments which the person themselves cannot even comprehe
nd, let alone tell another soul about. I believe that they happen a lot more than anyone realises because everyone is too scared to talk about them.
People might think you’re crazy.
Everything around me feels like it slows down, and my breath is knocked from my chest as my hands begin to feel clammy. This is one of those moments.
As I look up from my crouched position, my fingers coming into contact with the gorgeous gem hanging from the chain. The trees in front of me move, and I swear that I can hear something in the bushes below them.
I freeze. My heart pounds through my body, the sound echoing in my ears as I watch while waiting for a sign.
Right as I think that I’m crazy and there is nothing in front of me, the bushes shake. A shadow of some sort emerges from the green confinements around it. I can’t make out the shape, or what it actually is, but what I do see is the eyes staring back at me, their yellow gaze burning from the hiding spot.
I shoot up straight, snatching the pendant in my hand. As my skin touches it, my legs begin to shake and a feeling washes over me. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
There’s a moment, like a slight pause in the world as if time has come to a stop and I am the only one moving.
Well, me and the creature in front of me.
The fear I had before suddenly evaporates and is replaced by a new kind of emotion, something that feels like comfort, but I know that it couldn’t possibly be, not when I’m standing here so vulnerable. The animal moves closer to me and my eyes shoot down to its large paws that flatten the grass beneath them, its full form coming into view.
I have always wanted to see a wolf, and now, I finally am.
Like a knee-jerk reaction, I pull the necklace into my chest and hold it against me, wrapping my fingers tightly around it as I gasp.
Aren’t you meant to show no fear in the face of a predator?
Images of Linda’s story about her friend flit through my mind but it’s as if my body is rejecting any negative thoughts about the animal.
As though I know that I’m safe.
Maybe I am crazy.
The wolf makes its way across the grass, its eyes never leaving mine. I feel my feet take a cautious step back as I recognise its stance as one that looks like a predator stalking its prey, but my feet immediately stop when a growl flows from its mouth and feels like it shakes the floor beneath my bare feet.
It doesn’t want me to move.
I would expect my life to flash before my eyes at this moment, or tears to begin falling from my eyes but nothing happens. Instead, my body takes control. I slowly hold out my hand that isn’t tightly clasped to my breast and reach towards the creature, its eyes regarding my skin like a foreign object.
Blood pounds in my ears and my conscience is screaming at me to turn and run, but my legs must be listening to the other voice inside my head that’s telling me to stay because they don’t move. Now that it’s closer, I realise that the animal is much larger than I first thought. It almost reaches the height of my shoulders, its broad body dwarfing me.
If it wants to kill me right now, then it could.
My hand that hangs out in front of me shakes constantly and my stomach churns as it continues to come closer, its snout only a few metres away from me.
What am I doing?
Although I’m terrified, I can’t stop being in awe of the amazing animal and its strong features. Its dark fur only makes it seem more powerful, and I wonder how easy it would be for it to snap my neck.
Positive thoughts, Elle.
When it’s only a short distance from me, our silent haven is broken by the sound of a car pulling up outside the house. I’m knocked out of the haze that my mind has been trapped in and I stumble back, moving towards the door before I can fully register what’s happening. The animal seems to be distracted by the sound because it doesn’t notice that I’ve moved until I am almost up to the steps and back into the house.
It watches me as I slam the door closed with my heart pounding. I feel like it can still see me perfectly even though I’m hidden by a wall. I stare at it through the window with my hands pressed against the glass. There’s this urge inside me to go back out there, to walk towards the beast, but I don’t. The necklace in my hand feels warm against my skin.
The front door opens with a click, and I spin around in panic, realising that Matt has returned. I haven’t even began to make the dinner.
Whatever just happened can wait.
My gaze returns to the garden one last time before I walk away, but there’s no animal to be seen.
“Princess, I’m home!”
My stomach clenches as I sprint into the kitchen, rummaging for a safe place to store the necklace in one of the kitchen drawers. My movements are light so that they can’t be heard.
“I’m in the kitchen, baby!” I reply shakily. I quickly close the drawer below me, the wood creating a soft knock sound as it closes carefully.
As I listen for Matt’s footsteps, I open the fridge and pull out the plate of raw chicken and vegetables that are sitting ready-made on the shelf.
Grabbing the wok from the rack off the wall, I silently pour some oil into it and switch on the hob while throwing the uncooked food into it right as Matt walks through the archway and enters the room.
“Hi, baby!” I greet, dropping the utensils in my hands as I walk towards him. A huge grin coats my face in hopes of covering up the fact that my hands are sweating. “How was your trip?”
Matt’s eyes glance around the room and zone in on the food before he wraps his arms around me, checking for signs of things wrong.
“The boat was amazing. We basically just partied all weekend. It’s what I needed after a stressful week.”
What the hell does he have to be stressed about?
“How was your weekend?” I pull away from him and make my face stay neutral, rolling my eyes as if it had been nothing exciting.
“The usual. I saw Mrs. Grenway, tidied the house and then today, Cameron came back from his holiday so that was about it.”
At the mention of Cam, Matt’s face drops. I quickly try and recover, returning my hands to their place around him.
“But I missed you so much. I’m just so happy you’re home.”
The annoyance he had been showing disappears, and a smirk coats his lips as his arms snake around my waist and pull me into him, trailing his eyes up and down.
“I missed you too . . . a lot.” He bites his lip and moves in closer to me, watching my mouth. My heart begins to go crazy in my chest. “Let’s pause dinner. We’re going upstairs.”
I still.
Why am I not excited?
“Oh,” I mumble, glancing at the food that’s beginning to cook. “Maybe we should eat first. I mean, the food is—”
His grip tightens on me, cutting off my excuses. His mouth covers mine, his lips rough and harsh.
“I’ve restrained myself all weekend, and we haven’t had sex in like two weeks. We’re going upstairs.”
There’s a click from behind me, and I already know that he’s turned off the stove as the smug smile on his lips making my skin crawl.
Restrained? Like I was meant to reward him for being faithful?
“Why aren’t you wanting to go upstairs?” Matt snaps, his charming smile falling away as he glares at me and his body tensing. “Are you hiding something?”
Blood pounds in my ears as I rapidly shake my head and cling to him, panic flowing through my veins. “No, of course not!”
He narrows his eyes. “So, then, it’s that you don’t want to have sex?”
His question makes me hesitate, and he notices it immediately, his nails beginning to dig into my arms.
“You don’t? Why not? Do you not find me attractive anymore?”
“No, baby, of course I do—”
“Then you don’t love me anymore?”
My mouth drops open at his words as he pulls away from me, mocking laughter spilling from
his lips.
“Of course, I love you, I just—”
“Then prove it.”
Before I can answer, he’s already taking my arm and dragging me out the kitchen and up the stairs, my words left behind me.
“Matt, I don’t feel good,” I try, my feet stumbling up the steps after him, his pounding ones leading us to the bedroom and the door slams behind us with a bang. “Can we not wait until later? I don’t want to—”
His hand comes out of nowhere. His palm hits my cheekbone perfectly and my head snaps to the side, the echo of the hit ricocheting around us.
“I’m asking you to do one thing for me, something that’s not difficult at all. All you have to do is f*cking lay there, it’s not hard.” His words feel almost physical and the sickening feeling in my stomach worsens, the pit growing deeper and deeper.
Tears blur my vision, and I don’t make a move to clear them. I don’t know what will set him off and I’m terrified to make things worse. There’s a sigh from in front of me and a hand takes hold of my chin, my body automatically flinching at the close proximity that it appears. The pulsing pain of my cheek a warning.
Through the haze, I can see Matt’s sad expression as his fingers lightly graze my—no doubt—reddened skin. I swallow the lump in my throat.
“You know I hate that I did that. I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just frustrated, and it hurts that you’re rejecting me.”
I remain silent and just stare at him, begging the tears to stop forming and the voice screaming in my head to shut up.
“I love you,” he tells me, making it sound like an apology. “I never want to hurt you, I just need you to understand.”
I nod along to his words, my body feeling numb. “It’s okay, I get it,” I answer, ignoring all self-hate that’s growing inside me. “I love you too.”
His childlike grin makes its way back onto his lips. I shakily return it, grateful that the tears have stopped pouring.
“Good,” he whispers, caressing my skin with his hands tenderly. “Now, go lay down.”
The last hope that I have in my body shatters at his words. I try to remain positive, but as he bends to pull off his jeans, it’s like everything around me goes grey and my mind turns blank. I follow his orders, afraid that he could do more than this if he’s pushed. I try to defocus my conscience and numb my body, begging for time to pass quickly. I wonder why I had ever felt like this was good.
