That was something I would deal with later.
I filled the kettle with water, letting it boil over the fire, and prepared two mugs. The glare of the sun through the curtains had me scrunching my eyes and I peeked out of the window to see the ground carpeted in fluffy snow. A small robin hopped along the ground, it’s chest a bloody red against the white backdrop. Beady black eyes watched me, its head twitching side to side as if it was studying me as I was it.
“It’s chilly this morning!” Sam called from behind me.
Turning to greet her, she was wrapped in a blanket herself, rubbing her hands together. Her cheeks were a rosy red and I didn’t miss the way she sniffed and coughed.
“You should stay in bed today, Sam. You look sick,” I noted with a frown.
She waved a hand and moved over to the kettle, her voice hoarse, “I’ve got too much to do today, I can muddle through. Unfortunately I’m a little more prone to illness than you wolves.”
The frown never left my face. I didn’t think she should be up and about. Her skin looked clammy and I could just about hear her heart beating faster than normal. Biting my lip, I debated offering to take over for her today. I was no doctor but I could drop off her medicines to patients, clean up her equipment, and make sure she got some rest.
“I can help out. At least stay inside, you shouldn’t be walking around in the cold. I’m meeting Cathwulf for lunch, I can drop things off for you on my way?” I offered, already regretting it.
It would be hard to keep my head down if I had to interact with the pack but I couldn’t let Sam push herself too much. I’d need to grit my teeth and bear it. She had let me stay in her home, I had to return the favour. She thought about it for a little while, her hand hovering over her steaming mug of tea before she nodded.
“I suppose you could, thank you. There’s only one thing that needs delivered today anyway.”
I smiled in silent relief and she handed me a mug of tea. Inhaling deeply, the scent of something new hit my nose and I gave Sam a look. She winked. “Special recipe. It’ll help keep you warm.”
“I’m a Wulver, remember, the cold won’t bother me much,” I retorted with a laugh, taking a seat on the couch.
Sam shrugged before opening the curtains and taking a seat too. She gave the snow outside a dark look and I couldn’t help but laugh again, ducking my head as the sound echoed loudly. Sam dragged the blanket I’d used last night over her lap, shuddering a little. Her gaze was still trained out the window and she looked to be lost in thought. I didn’t mind, though. We sat in comfortable silence, finishing the tea that did indeed help warm me up. Warmth blossomed from my chest, radiating out until the chill of earlier was forgotten. The fire crackled away, sparking now and again. I liked it here in the cottage, it was homey and best of all, it was quiet. More than anything I wished I could find a small place of my own. I hated sharing a space with Cathwulf, Roarke, Quillan and Ben. I hated that it was always crowded with high-ranked wolves that made me want to hide in my own home.
“Are you okay, Oria?” Sam asked softly, her face creased in concern.
Forcing a smile that might have looked more like a grimace, I nodded, but it didn’t convince her. Sam saw right through any façade I put up as always. She may only have been human but she could read people just as well as us without using the sounds of hearts and scents of emotions.
“Do you want to stay here again tonight?” she continued, her watchful gaze never leaving me.
I shook my head, sighing heavily. “I shouldn’t. I need to go home. I can’t run and hide from my problems forever.”
She gave me a smile, her tone lifting, “Good, because problems have a tendency to chase even if you run. Face your problems, Oria, with your head up.”
“With my head up,” I repeated quietly to myself, drumming it into me.
It was something I was hearing more and more often. Whenever my Alpha entered a room, he made sure to remind me to not shrink away. I tried my best. I was getting better, but whenever he was in the room all I had taught myself crumbled away. He was a powerful force of crushing waves that seemed to beat me down until I was drowning in his presence.
Shaking my head, I checked the time on the old clock and braced myself for the day.
“I should get a move on,” I said, reaching for my boots that refused to slip on easily because of the overly fluffy socks I wore.
“I’ll go get the stuff for Kailum. He’s still not been sleeping well. I think Nennie is beginning to get a little worried about him,” she fretted, shaking her head. “That poor pup. He’s been through a lot. If he doesn’t get back to his old self soon, I think we’re going to have to do more.”
“More?” I inquired, tipping my head before following her into the clinic.
She unlocked the door and grabbed her white coat in exchange of her blanket. I gave her a disapproving look at her obvious dismissal of my suggestion to stay in bed but she continued on her way anyway.
“He needs to talk to someone. He’s traumatised, and I’m no psychologist. All I can do is give him things to help him sleep peacefully and to manage his anxiety but it’s not fixing the source of the problem,” she explained. “What Brenna put him through will haunt him for the rest of his life, I have no doubt.”
I nodded my understanding, sorrow filling my heart. I understood Kailum’s pain and I wished I could help. He’d been a light of joy for the pack and I knew people were feeling his absence. Cathwulf blamed herself for not keeping him safe, I knew it hurt her to know he was still suffering because of Brenna but he was alive because of her.
Sam handed me the bag for Kailum and I chewed my lip, trying to think of anything in the healers’ books that could help. Mental illness wasn’t exactly talked about in the times those books were written but it was a risk to take Kailum to any human psychologist. We would have to find another way. I tucked the bag under my arm, zipped up my jacket, bid Sam goodbye, and braced myself for the cold.
My nose scrunched as Jack Frost bit at my nose but whatever Sam had put in the tea kept the worst of the icy air at bay. The trek further away from the heart of the territory and into the nearby village had me a little skittish but at least I saw none of the pack. Only a couple humans smiled as I passed, completely oblivious to the wolves that walked and lived amongst them. Humans made me nervous as I’d never really spent any time with them, except for Sam. But she was different, she knew of our ways, I didn’t have to hide anything from her. That thought let my anxiety take over. My eyes darted towards the source of every sound and every movement in the trees as if something was going to jump out.
Quillan’s sudden reaction to whatever was watching us in the woods a few days ago had made me even more skittish than usual. Now my fears were getting the better of me and I wished I’d never offered to help Sam in the first place. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to calm down the butterflies that fluttered around my stomach. All I wanted was to be able to feel safe. To be able to walk freely with no worries about what anyone thought of me, no fear that something would hurt me. Quillan had made me feel safe as he ate with me. Even as he had postured towards the mystery creature I couldn’t see, I knew he wouldn’t let me get hurt. My heart stuttered. It didn’t mean he cared for me in the way I sometimes dreamed he did. It was his duty as Beta to watch out for his packmates, that was all.
Shaking my head, cursing myself for the thought that broke at my soul, I refocused on my walk. The snow was melting now that the sun had burnt away the morning clouds, making the ground a little more treacherous and slippery. I could smell frost in the air still, a signal that there would probably be more snow to come. At least the pavements in the village had been gritted.
The little house that belonged to Nennie was tucked between two other, larger stone houses. A small face watched from the space between the curtains on the upper floor, blond curls as crazy as I remembered. I gave Kailum a smile, wiggling my fingers in a friendly wave but he didn’t return my greetin
g and quickly darted back behind the curtains.
Frowning, feeling my heart clench for him, I didn’t take his snub personally. Perhaps he didn’t recognise me, we’d only seen each other in passing and I could understand if he was wary of a strange face. How long had he been hiding away now? A pup needed to be outside, exploring the woods, playing with friends, even going to school. He was missing out on so much.
I knocked gently on the peeling purple door, tugging the cardigan I wore tighter around me. My hot breath came out in puffs of white that swirled around in the freezing air. The bottom of my jeans were soaked from the ankle-deep snow and it clung to my boots. It was definitely time to change into proper winter clothes if I was going to be out in the snow so much. Maybe I could persuade Cathwulf to come shopping after lunch for some woolly jumpers and waterproof shoes.
I gave an exasperated sigh as the door remained shut and my ears strained to hear the footsteps that were padding down the stairs. It was too cold to be left waiting, though I was partially to blame for not being dressed appropriately.
The door handle jiggled and I could hear muttering on the other side. I watched in amusement as the door creaked, refusing to open. With another round of curse words, the door finally swung open and a flushed looking Nennie appeared. I almost gasped at her appearance. Her brown hair was tied in a messy bun on top of her head, her eyes were swollen with black bags circling them and she looked far paler than I remembered. She’d been crying as well. The smell of salty tears lingered on her skin.
“Oria, I wasn’t expecting you,” she croaked, rubbing at her eyes.
“I’m sorry. Sam is sick, she sent me with the medication for your Kailum,” I explained, trying to keep the sympathy from my face.
I knew I hated seeing others pity me.
She nodded, opening the door wider. “Come in. I’m just doing some washing so excuse the mess. It’s been a little hectic around here.”
Stepping in, my gaze flicked over the state of the place. The living room and kitchen were open planned, much like Sam’s cottage, and the room was cluttered. Clothes were piled on top of the couch, dishes were scattered over work tops, the bin was overflowing, and the smell had my nose crinkling. I placed the bag of medicine on the only clear spot on the kitchen counter.
“Is there anything I can do to help? I can’t imagine how hard things must be for you and Kailum. You can’t do everything by yourself,” I said softly, watching her scrub a little too thoroughly at a pot in the sink.
“It’s just been a rough few months. Kailum hasn’t been sleeping and he refuses to leave his room, never mind go to school. He won’t let me leave either. I haven’t been able to go to the shops to get food and I haven’t been able to go to work. I should at least be on top of the housework,” she rambled before sighing and closing her eyes.
In that moment, I saw how much she was truly struggling. Her hands trembled as she dropped the pan back in the sink, her face turning away from me to hide herself in shame. Hesitantly, I placed my hand on her shoulder. “There’s no shame in reaching out for help, that’s one of the benefits of being a Wulver. You’re part of a pack, a family.”
As if my words had been the drop of water that flooded the damn, she broke before me. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed and she bit her knuckle to keep the sound in. Forgetting all my fears of touch, I pulled her into my arms.
“It’s okay to let it out,” I soothed, stroking up and down her back while hating that all this time she’d been hiding away as much as her son had.
How nobody in the pack had noticed was beyond me, and it infuriated me as well. Omegas were often left forgotten but it wasn’t the way it should be. It wasn’t the way things used to be.
Nennie shook her head, continuing to muffle her cries as her fingers curled into my cardigan. I held her tighter. Touch was important for wolves, I wouldn’t deny her of it.
“I can’t let Kailum hear. He can’t see me like this, he needs someone to be strong for him and I’m all he has,” she choked out.
“You both have the strength of the pack behind you. I’m going to meet our Alpha Female for lunch, I can tell her that you’re struggling, we’ll arrange to get you help. Nobody will think any less of you. You’re a single mother with a pup who needs you right now. We all need a little help sometimes. Is that okay?” I asked, pulling back to wipe Nennie’s tears.
At first, I thought she was going to refuse, but as her shoulders slumped and she let out a breath. I knew she realised she’d been pushing herself too hard.
“Okay, I’d appreciate that, thank you. Maybe I should go talk to our Alpha myself but…” she trailed off, looking towards the stairs.
“I don’t mind doing it for you, or I can stay here with Kailum while you go talk to them?” I offered.
She shook her head again and sniffed. “Kailum really won’t let me leave. He starts to panic and it’s hard to calm him back down when his wolf takes over. Perhaps you could talk to Cathwulf and see if they can come here to talk?”
“I can do that,” I agreed, squeezing her arm. “I think you should get some rest. Leave the housework for now, it won’t harm anyone to let it sit for a while longer. You need sleep, Nennie. Stop running yourself off your feet.”
“Healer’s orders? There’s too much that needs done, I can’t afford to rest yet,” she replied with a laugh, giving me a watery smile as she wiped her eyes.
Internally I cringed. I’d overstepped. I was an Omega and here I was ordering Nennie about, making decisions for her, what was I thinking? Forcing a smile, I shrugged off her joke.
“I’m no healer, but it’s the advice of a friend. The pack will look after you, go and sleep,” I ordered, shocked by the bite of my voice that held more dominance than I’d ever heard in it before.
Nennie’s head bowed down before tilting to bare her neck to me and my breath caught in my throat. Nobody had ever submitted to me before and while the rush of power had been exhilarating, my wolf rumbling her pride, I’d scared myself.
“Thank you again, Oria,” she murmured, pressing her damp cheek to mine.
“Anytime,” I replied quietly.
She gave me another half-smile, her gaze flicking to the dirty pot in the sink. A low warning growl from me and she didn’t dare think about going back to cleaning. She slipped from the room and towards the stairs, leaving me where I was stuck to the spot. The hammering of my heart was deafening, each thump like the heavy beat of a drum right beside my ears. I’d asserted my authority as if I had any over her. I’d inadvertently climbed one step up the pack’s rank.
I shook myself, stumbling towards the door that I shut gently behind me. The bite of the cold was welcome now that my skin had begun to burn and I huffed, rubbing my face. The tell-tale signs of my heat arriving only made me want to lock myself away. Perhaps that was why I had been so bold; being in season brought a female’s wolf closer to the surface. They became ill-tempered and defensive. In the next week or so, I would suffer through my body trying to tell me that I was ready to carry a pup. My scent would draw the eyes of males that normally never took notice of me. Maybe I should have taken up Sam’s offer of staying with her for a while after all.
I walked home with far less confidence than I’d gained over the last week. I was so lost to my worries and thoughts that I was standing at the door without really ever taking note. My hair acted as a veil, hiding my face from the world as I pushed inside. Inhaling deeply, I took in all the scents, trying to pick out who was in the house.
There was a murmur of many voices coming from the living room and as I got closer, the woodsy scents of wolves all mingled together. Cathwulf was sat on the couch, females crowded around her, all fawning over her and the life she carried. Tala sat on her right, her hand on Cathwulf’s bump with a big grin lighting up her face. My jaw clenched and I held my breath to stop the growl that wanted to rage out. My wolf wanted to challenge that female, to reveal Tala’s true nature for all the pack to see just as Cathwulf ha
d done with Brenna.
“Oria, are you going to skulk in the shadows or come in?” Cathwulf called to me, smiling.
Stepping into the room, feeling completely unsure of myself, I avoided catching anyone’s eye.
Keep your head up.
I did my best. Brighid and a few other females gave me smiles of greeting but the two around Tala watched me with their heads tilted up. My shoulders hunched and my head fell forward. Those two were of the same mind as their leader, Omegas were not worthy of their respect.
“I just came to see if we were still going for lunch,” I murmured, my fingers threading in front of me.
“Of course we are! I’ll go let Roarke know we’re leaving,” she said, carefully pushing herself to her feet and ignoring the offered hands of help from the females around her.
I relaxed a little as she gave me a hug, her cheek pressing against my own. Her hands went to my shoulder and she turned me away from the room to head towards Roarke’s office. The closer we got, the stronger the smell of burning embers became.
Quillan.
“I’ll wait out here,” I said quickly, just as Cathwulf’s hand reached for the door handle.
Her lips twitched into an amused smile before she schooled her features. “I need you to come in with me as back up, he might take some convincing to let me out of the territory.”
“It’s hardly out of the territory. Lucie is part of the pack, her café sits on the border,” I pointed out.
“Exactly, say just that to him!” She grinned, grabbing my hand and tugging me into the room before I could come up with any more excuses.
I tripped over my own feet as we entered, my hand flailing out to grab something. Strong fingers gripped my arm, steadying me, and from the way my body erupted in sparks, I knew who it was before I saw him.
Way Of The Wolf: Endeavour (The Wulvers Series Book 3) Page 5
