“Please just go, Cathwulf,” I whispered, turning my back to her.
She was silent and unmoving for a few seconds before I felt the bed lift and the door clicked shut not long after, shrouding me in darkness once more. I could hear the murmur of her voice and the low rumble of Roarke’s answering her. My heart clenched as my envy of them grew. They’d both lost so much but they had each other and soon they would have an heir, a little piece of themselves shared in the baby that grew in Cathwulf’s belly.
Jealousy flared once more, quickly followed by guilt. I’d had enough of being awake now. Getting comfy, breathing in through my mouth so I could ignore the smell of the soup, I settled down. Just as I was about to close my eyes to sleep again my door burst open, making me freeze. He said nothing as I slowly let the duvet drop and sat up.
The power of my Alpha suffocated the room, making me cower and wish I’d stayed hidden. My head ducked down under the force of such dominance and my body trembled until he pulled back. I watched the shadow move further into my room, the door swinging shut behind him. Holding my breath, fear shook me despite knowing Roarke wouldn’t dream of laying a hand on me. My whole body curled in on itself where I sat on the bed, my eyes squeezing shut when he flicked the light on.
“Look at me, Oria,” Roarke demanded, his voice firm.
It took all the will I had to lift my head and keep my eyes on him. While his face was stern there was a softness of understanding in his eyes. He walked until he stood by the bed where he crouched down, shocking me. An Alpha never lowered himself before his submissive pack members. I stared at him in wonder and for once, it was Roarke who looked away first.
“When my parents died, I hid away in my room for days. I didn’t want to see anybody and I didn’t care about the responsibility that was now mine, the pack that was now looking to me for leadership. Zale let me take time to grieve but my pack was also grieving and lost. Fights were breaking out when it seemed like the spot for Alpha was there for the taking and there was only so much Zale could do. When I still refused to step up, he came into my room and challenged me for the position as Alpha. It was a betrayal I felt to my very core. I was furious the male that helped raise me was trying to take what was rightfully mine. My wolf pushed me to fight for what my parents had brought me up to be. It wasn’t until I won that I realised he never meant to really challenge me but to push me into realising that I needed to step up and be the Alpha this pack needed,” he began, his pale green eyes distant as if he was reliving those very memories.
I listened intently, watching my Alpha bare his soul to me. His gaze met mine for a moment and it was easier to hold. He didn’t seem like this almighty being that I could never relate to now, I was reminded that though he was our leader, our Alpha, he was just like the rest of us too. It was hard to imagine this strong male ever feeling the need to hide. He’d always seemed completely sure of himself and his position. As if seeing the realisation in my expression, he gave me a small smile before settling to continue now that he knew he’d caught all of my attention. I shifted my feet so he could sit more comfortably on the bed. “Of course there were more challenges and struggles, but I kept pushing. I knew that I was meant for this and I knew I couldn’t let my pack down, even though it would have been so easy to give in. Now I don’t want to push you, Oria. Your situation is different to mine and I can’t begin to understand how you must be feeling knowing that he is out there, but don’t let him win when he’s no longer a part of your life. If he does ever stand before you, and that chance is slim with my scouts looking for him, don’t you want to stand before him with your chin held high, proud in the knowledge that he was wrong?
“I know a few members have talked down to you, and believe me, I am going to teach them a lesson on respect, but that lesson would be better taught by you. This pack needs you, Oria. We need a healer, and I know you can do it. Step up. I won’t let you stay in this room another day, it’s not healthy, but I’d much rather you left of your own volition.”
Though his voice was teasing by the end, his face remained serious. If he had to, he would order me to. His words had relit the fire I’d found when I’d started my work with Sam. I fiddled with the bedsheet, letting my eyes drop as I thought over his words. He was right. My father was no longer a part of my life, so why was I still letting him win? I trusted my Alpha to keep me safe, as was his duty. Maybe I wasn’t quite ready to venture outside yet but cowering away in my bedroom didn’t make me any safer than I would be downstairs with people that cared for me. When I looked up again, I let out an exhale of breath.
“Thank you,” I murmured.
The smile he gave me lit up his face and it was hard not to return it. He awkwardly patted my leg and I felt just as unsure of how to act. Roarke and I were still building a relationship as Alpha and pack member, but I felt like this was a step towards the friendship I knew Cathwulf wanted her mate and I to have.
“Our omegas are important, but I don’t believe for a second your fate is to remain one. There’s a fire in you, I saw it the night you demanded you be allowed to help Glenn. Quillan saw it when you stood up to Tala. It’s time you showed everyone else as well, including yourself,” he stated before pushing himself back to his feet. “Get yourself in the shower and then come downstairs, Quillan has been pacing holes into my floors while you’ve been up here. I don’t think he’s slept.”
I watched him leave with a frown. Quillan’s scent had lingered in my room yesterday, alongside a plate of food. I left it uneaten but later that night I’d woken up, sure he was outside my door, but he never came in. Perhaps he had simply been respecting my want for isolation, but I’d slept better with the smell of him near. I wondered if he’d noticed that.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself out of bed and onto wobbly legs, now determined to prove myself. I grabbed clean clothes from the drawers, uncaring that they weren’t suited to the cold weather because I was sure I wouldn’t be leaving the house today, that was a step I could take tomorrow.
Another moment of hesitation was needed before I opened my bedroom door and stepped out into the hall for the first time in almost a week. The light stung my eyes again and I darted quickly for the bathroom, not wanting to be seen by anyone while I looked so grimy. Stripping off the nightgown, I stepped into the shower, sighing as hot water washed over me. I cringed at how difficult it was to untangle my hair from the knot it had been in for so long.
I couldn’t let myself get into this state again. The first time, just as I’d moved into Cathwulf’s home, my hair had been so knotted it had to be cut. I’d cried that day as I watched white blonde hair fall at my feet. Even Kerra had shed tears but she promised me it would grow back quickly and I’d felt silly for getting so upset over hair. Even now, I refused to cut it. I hadn’t so much as had it trimmed in years.
I tilted my head up to face the spray of water, smiling as it washed away the feelings of the last week. Grabbing the sponge, I poured a little more shower gel than needed on and scrubbed away until I felt clean, my skin red and raw. Roarke had been right, as had Cathwulf, a shower cleaned more than just dirt from me. I stood under the water for a few more moments, just taking time to relax before I stepped out to get dried and dressed. It was nice to wear my long skirt again, it gave me a little boost of confidence when I stepped out of the room and braced myself for going downstairs.
The TV was on in the living room, the familiar sound of Friends drifting up. I laughed when someone clapped along to the theme tune and felt brave enough to take the stairs down. Tea had already been had, so hopefully the house was empty of most of the pack. There was clattering from the kitchen but Brighid’s scent was the only one I could tell was there and I felt no threat from her. I knew she and her sister often raided the leftovers to take home because of their lack of cooking skills. Apparently their parents had banned them from constantly going to their house for food.
Stepping into the living room, I was tugged into a tight hug almost im
mediately. It took me a moment to realise it was Cathwulf, her sweet scent wrapping around me. I hugged her back just as tight, even as her bump pressed between us.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, brushing my cheek against hers with the small rumble of my wolf.
“You have absolutely nothing to apologise for,” she argued, pulling back to look at me with a smile. “Come sit down with us.”
She dragged me over to the couch and pulled me down next to her, still grinning. Flidais smiled up at me from where she was sprawled out on the floor, her eyes wandering over my form. She tossed a piece of popcorn at me, her tone teasing as she greeted me. “Nice to see you rejoin the land of the living. We were getting a little worried you’d melted into your bed.”
Her words might have offended anyone else but I could hear the slight tinge of worry in her tone. Picking the piece of popcorn off my lap, I ate it happily and relaxed back into the couch.
“I could be dragged out of anywhere if you started playing Friends,” I joked back.
She grinned and pushed the bowl closer to me on the table so I could help myself. There was a spare, empty bowl as well and it was nice to think they’d been waiting on me. Cathwulf obviously knew that Roarke would manage to get me out of my room.
“You’re just in time for girls’ night. Brighid is getting ice cream, our Alpha, Beta, and Third have been banned from the room, and we have every season of Friends available to us on demand,” Cathwulf announced happily, rubbing her swollen belly.
They could pretend all they liked that this had been planned for themselves but I somehow knew this was for me. Cathwulf knew of my love of the TV show that was playing, and my slight addiction to sweet popcorn. It only made me feel better. I’d been so worried I’d only have Cathwulf here but having Flidais and Brighid supporting me as well was nice.
“If only I wasn’t so grossed out by your ice cream of choice,” Flidais mumbled, eyeing the packet of crisps next to Cathwulf’s bowl. “Crisps don’t go with everything, you know.”
Even I scrunched my nose when I realised Cathwulf intended to put crisps on her ice cream. The door opened again and Brighid came skipping in carrying a precarious amount of bowls and ice cream tubs in her arms.
“Oria!” she cried happily, smiling brightly. “Good, I like you.”
I blinked, unsure of how to react to that. Brighid was one of those people who seemed to be constantly hyper and said whatever popped into her head without thinking. Flidais rolled her eyes at her twin and took a bowl and spoon from her arms.
“Ignore her. She’s weird,” Flidais told me.
Brighid scoffed and put the rest of the bowls down on the table, alongside a massive tub of chocolate ice cream. “You don’t like anybody so you must be a lot weirder than me.”
“That’s not true at all,” Flidais quickly retorted before throwing a wink at me.
I blushed and looked down, but I could feel her gaze still on me. Brighid squished herself beside me and began spooning out the ice cream into bowls, making an odd gagging noise as Cathwulf crushed up some ready salted crisps to sprinkle on top. Just as I was about to reach for my own bowl, she yelped and her hand flew to her belly. My protective instincts flared to life and even Flidais straightened up in concern.
“Is everything all right?” I asked, looking her over.
She nodded, laughing. “My little pup has been awfully active today. Do you want to feel?”
I nodded eagerly and allowed her to place my hand where little feet kicked. We shared a grin. It was incredible the way the small baby was so strongly making their presence known. It was the first time I thought about having a future of my own, believing that maybe one day I’d be sitting with a life growing inside me too. Maybe. If it never happened, I knew I would love this pup like they were my own.
For the first time in a long time, as I sat eating junk food with females from the pack, and Cathwulf talked of baby names, I felt light.
***
Roarke had come in to carry Cathwulf to bed shortly after midnight and he gave me a playful wink as he scooped his half-asleep mate into his arms. The twins and I stayed up a little longer, easily finishing a full season of my favourite show. I could feel eyes on me but refused to look around. I knew who it was as easily as I knew how to breathe. He never came in the room but as soon as I sensed his presence, it was impossible to focus on the TV screen again. Flidais was snoring softly where she was curled up beneath a pile of blankets and Brighid’s head kept dropping to one side, the jolt only waking her back up again. Chuckling, I sat up and threw a blanket over her.
“I’m going to head to bed, why don’t you stretch out on the couch and sleep?” I suggested quietly.
She mumbled something through a yawn and nodded, shifting so she was laying down as I stood up. I whispered a goodnight to her but I was sure she was already asleep like her sister was so I turned the TV off and turned off the big light, leaving them to rest. I slipped from the room, ready to fall into my own bed and sleep.
A shadow moved from the wall, my heart skipping a beat until I could make out his features in the dark. I looked up at him, feeling shy.
“I wanted to see for myself that you were okay,” he spoke, his voice husky. “I was worried.”
“You were watching over me at night,” I replied, frowning when I breathed him in. His scent held my own on his skin.
He stepped closer and I had to clench my fists to stop them from trembling. Why did he smell like me?
“I’ll always watch over you, Oria. You slept better when I watched over you.”
Another skip of my heart, hope blooming until I realised the truth and stepped away from him, needing space. “Because you think I’m weak. You think I slept better knowing there was someone protecting me.”
“I don’t think you’re weak and I’d never treat you so. I see your strength,” he said gravely, those dark eyes never leaving my face.
I didn’t know what to say to that. I couldn’t call him a liar for fear of incurring his anger. Proud wolves didn’t like being called liars. Instead, I focussed on the ground, unable to hold his gaze any longer and pretending I wasn’t savouring every inhale that brought his scent to me. I jumped when rough fingers gripped my chin and forced my head up, my gaze flying to his face. He’d moved closer and I hadn’t even noticed. I always noticed.
“Why do you always look down?”
I fumbled at that question, my tongue wetting dry lips. “You’re Beta, I’m an omega. I have to show submission.”
He frowned and released my chin, baring his teeth a little. I looked away again instinctually and a low rumble left his chest. It tugged at my wolf and I had to swallow down her sound. Something white appeared in the dark and it took me a moment to realise he was holding out my nightgown. The one that had been missing for over two weeks now.
“Here. You’ll sleep better,” he stated simply.
I took it gently from him but before I could ask him why he had it or what he meant, he turned on his heel and made his way quickly to his room. Confused, I stayed glued to the spot, my mouth parted with words I never got to say. Lifting the nightgown to my nose, a small moan slipped past my lips. The fabric was saturated in his scent, overpowering my own as if he’d rubbed it against his skin. There were other ways for a male to mark a female with their scent and the idea of him doing that over my nightgown sent a throbbing heat between my thighs. I shook away those thoughts and practically ran to my room. I didn’t wear the nightgown when I got into bed, but I lay with it next to my pillow so I could breathe in that warm, campfire scent.
I slept soundly that night.
No nightmares. No bad memories.
Chapter 8
First Lesson
Mirren purred lovingly as I filled her bowl with food, her long tail winding around my leg. I’d spent the morning making sure everything was in place for the arrival of the Southern healer. While Sam was away, I had the responsibility of looking after her cat and lighting the fir
e every so often in her home to keep the frost at bay. Now that Mirren was happily eating, I went back to making sure there was a healthy stock of herbs.
Flidais sat on the counter, picking up various bottles and bags, sniffing the contents before putting them back. She’d insisted on coming with me and I was sure it was for more than just her excuse of being bored. Flidais didn’t strike me as one to be interested in anything she’d find here.
“You’re sure none of these will get me high?” she asked with a sigh, picking up the bag of Mirren’s catnip.
Rolling my eyes, I gave her a look. “I’m sure. If you try and smoke that, you’ll just give yourself a headache. Are you sure you’ve nothing better to do than sit here and rummage through my things?”
She shrugged, folding her heavily tattooed arms across her chest. “I know you’re nervous about the healer arriving, I thought it might help if you had friendly face with you when she did. Speaking of which, we should be walking back to the house by now so we get there before she does.”
I nodded, dusting off my hands. Flidais jumped down from the counter, shrugging her leather jacket back on, followed by her grey beanie. Despite the hat, she was as badly dressed for the weather as I was. I eyed the rips in her black skinny jeans and shook my head. At least all of my skin was covered.
Quickly, I put the books I’d been skimming over away again and wrapped my scarf around my neck. Flidais prodded at the old book with a manicured nail, making me cringe. The binding was beginning to peel and I was sure one day the pages would crumble to dust at the barest of touches. One of my jobs would be to start copying all that was written into new books. I smiled, glad to have that spark of motivation and purpose back.
“Why do you need this old bat anyway if you have all these books to learn from?” she bugged, waiting for me to get ready.
Way Of The Wolf: Endeavour (The Wulvers Series Book 3) Page 9
