“Get out, now!” The burst of power that left me had Flidais’ head dropping, her neck twisting so it was bared. I stared in shock as this strong she-wolf submitted to me. She had no choice but to obey. Quillan watched as Flidais grabbed her jacket but he refused to move from blocking the door until my eyes met his. He wanted to punish her for kissing me, for scaring me, I just wanted to forget about it all. Slowly, he moved aside and Flidais bolted out.
“You can go too,” I snapped, turning my glare to Quillan.
His brow quirked up and he made a point of shutting the door. “I’m not going anywhere.”
My chin jutted and my body still thrummed with energy that kept me confident. Blue eyes held the black of his and I refused to cower back as he stalked carefully towards me. Athena’s words echoed in my head, reminding me to never back down in my territory.
“I’m not a toy for you and Flidais to fight over. I can make my own choices. I decide who I want. I’ve had enough of you treating me like a mate, warning off males and females but keeping me at an arm’s length so you can pine over Cathwulf. And I won’t have Flidais waving her relationship with me in front of you because you have some sort of rivalry going on. Enough is enough,” I demanded, hating the way my eyes brimmed with tears I refused to let fall. Angrily I wiped them away with the sleeve of my top, forcing myself to stay tall.
Quillan’s head fell forward and I relaxed at seeing he was taking my words in. His brow furrowed as he stayed silent for a few seconds before he nodded and sighed. “You know I won’t take a mate, Oria. I can’t. It would put you in danger. I’d only end up hurting you. I’m too…I’m…I’m not right.”
In that moment, my heart broke. The wolf that terrified me was standing before me with his soul bared for me to see, and what I saw had all the fury melting away. I couldn’t tell him he was wrong, that maybe he wasn’t a little broken, but who wasn’t, really? An unamused laugh left me and I wrapped my arms around myself.
“Do you not hear what people say about me, Quillan? I know I’m broken, I’m not right either. I’m a Wulver, sociable by nature, and yet I’m too scared to be in a room with my pack, to be touched; something else that’s important to our kind,” I mumbled, staring at the wall, unable to look at him and have him see me. “And right now my father, who’s become feral, is roaming the woods, attacking patrols and scaring off our prey while I’m here pretending I can become a healer.”
I slumped, falling onto the couch and covering my face with my hands. A whoosh of air left me after having been so honest and I waited for Quillan to decide I was too much trouble and to leave. Instead the couch sank as he sat next to me and I breathed in his intoxicating scent. That was a mistake. With all the drama, I’d managed to ignore the heat that was still raging through my body but having Quillan so close to me only made it that much worse.
I dared to peek over at him to find him already watching, his lips curling up into the smallest of smiles. Nerves built at having him so close as I remembered all the things he’d done to me in my dreams. His eyes raked over me and my breathing hitched. He looked guilty then, and I knew he’d mistook my demeanour for me being scared of him. He put a little more space between us, his voice low.
“Don’t worry, I’m in control today. I hope you can forgive me for what happened in the kitchen the other night. I’ve been telling myself I only put my scent on you to keep you safe from other males.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, whether to tell him that it had terrified me, to admit that I’d liked the possessive streak he’d shown, or to make him tell me why he’d really done it. But that would continue our game of running in circles and I no longer wanted to be a part of it. I was tired of fighting with myself and exhausted with trying to figure Quillan and his wants out.
“Your wolf sees me as yours even if you don’t. Despite what everyone says, I’m not blind. I know what I saw in the way you acted the other night,” I said, leaving out that I’d only really figured it out during my daydreams from yesterday. “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Because your wolf forces you to watch over me. How horrible it must be to be forced to care about someone so much lesser than you.”
I could practically hear him thinking next to me and I was sure whatever was going to come out of his mouth would be a lie. He could say he kept his distance to protect me or himself, but I knew part of him hadn’t quite let go of Cathwulf yet and I knew that I didn’t measure up to her. I never would.
My fingers curled into my hair and my leg began to bounce with the return of my heat in full force alongside the usual self-loathing. Instincts urged me to turn and throw myself at Quillan, the male my wolf had chosen, demanding that I stake my own claim. As far as my wolf was concerned, he had chosen me too. We’d shared my prey, played together, he’d comforted me and was here during my time in season. That was all that mattered to my fur.
Pressing my thighs together, I took a calming breath, pushing the images of my desires away. Quillan jumped to his feet and I looked up to see him struggling once more. His shoulders were tense, his jaw clenched and skin shifting. My heart broke a little more. He was never going to admit the truth. I had to move on now, even if that meant coming to terms with being alone and unmated.
“I came to offer you an invitation,” he blurted out suddenly, running a hand through his thick dark hair as he began to breathe through his mouth to escape the smell of my hormones in the air.
Leaning back, exasperated by his change of subject, I simply waited for him to continue.
“Yule is coming up and Roarke will host a big dinner, so the house will be crowded and I know you probably won’t want to be around that. My sister would like it if you joined us to eat instead, if you would prefer. I must warn you that she doesn’t take no for an answer. I understand if you don’t want to but, the offer is there,” he rambled, looking less the confident Beta and more the awkward pup.
I mulled over the offer, knowing that he was most likely correct in his assumption that Maya would probably force me to join them even if I refused. Smiling a little, I nodded, and the relief in his expression was instant before it was hidden behind his sullen armour again.
He straightened up and nodded before turning for the door, mumbling. “Good. I’ll let her know. I should leave.”
For some reason, his final words made me snap. I jumped back to my feet, marching until I was standing in front of him and I had to tilt my head back to hold his gaze. A rush of adrenaline gave me the bravery to stand up to him, unblinking and unwavering.
“There you go, pushing me away again. You know what I think, Quillan? I think that you’re afraid. It’s not for me that you close yourself off, it’s for yourself. I know you have your own struggles going on but I never took you to be a coward,” I fumed, taking yet another step closer to him, poking his chest with a finger.
Something dangerous flashed over his features and for a moment I wondered if I’d overstepped. Despite what was between us, he was still my Beta, a more dominant wolf, and I had questioned what made Quillan a strong male. He closed the distance between us until I could feel the heat of him against my skin.
“You think I’m a coward?” he growled low, the sound vibrating through me and sending a shiver up my spine.
I nodded, holding my ground, and another growl ripped from his chest. For some reason there was no flicker of fear from me, my wolf kept me strong, her irritation with this male who played with us as clear as mine. No more games. “You’re afraid to take a chance, that makes you a cowa—”
My words caught in my throat as Quillan pushed me back against the wall, my heart pounding against my chest. His eyes were swirling pools of black and the brilliant gold of his wolf. His body caged mine in and already I was squirming in anticipation. I wanted to close my eyes and relish in our proximity, to feel him beneath my hands but I was scared if I moved, it would break whatever spell had been woven and he’d flee.
“I’m no coward,” he whispered huskily, his lips only a breath
away from mine.
I licked my lips involuntarily, my words leaving me in a nervous breath. “Prove it.”
His eyes glinted at my challenge, and before I could take another breath, his lips were pressed firmly against mine. All nerves and hesitation left me as soon as he gave me what I wanted. I kissed him back with a hunger unlike anything I’d ever felt before. My whole body was on fire, a fire only Quillan could soothe. There was no holding back now. His teeth nipped and tugged at my bottom lip, demanding entrance that I gladly gave to him. His rough fingers slid under my shirt, trailing over soft skin, fanning the flames of desire that pooled low in my belly.
Please don’t be a dream.
I moaned as he brushed over the swell of my breast and that sound seemed to break the last of Quillan’s restraint. Suddenly his hands were gripping my thighs and lifting me so that I had to wrap my legs around his waist. My fingers found their way to his hair, running through the inky strands and tugging like I’d longed to do since I’d first seen him. I should have been scared. The roughness of his touch, the way he kept me pinned between his body and the wall, it should have made me panic, but it didn’t. There was only one thing going through my mind; I needed more.
I only broke the kiss so I could pant out. “Upstairs. Bedroom.”
He chuckled and nipped my shoulder, making me gasp and arch into him. For a moment I worried he’d refuse, that he’d place me back on my feet and tell me what we’d done was wrong, that it could never happen again. My fingers tightened in his hair as if that would stop him from changing his mind. His gaze caught mine and I didn’t care that I knew he would see how terrified I was. When his touch gentled and his forehead pressed against mine, I waited for him to reject me again. I closed my eyes, bracing myself, hoping that this one kiss would be enough for me.
He pulled away from the wall but kept me firmly against him and my eyes flew open. There was something different in his gaze now and my fingers slipped from his hair so I could wrap my arms around his neck. I hoped he could see how much I wanted him, that he knew it was more than just something I craved because of my heat. I hoped that it was more than that for him too. After searching my face for what felt like hours, he lowered his head, stealing the breath from my lungs as he trailed butterfly kisses along my shoulder where he nipped gently. A small moan slipped past my lips, my head falling back to give him access. He nipped the same spot again and murmured. “This is the spot where you will hold my mark, Mo Lighiche Beag.”
Chapter 12
Worthy
My lips never left Quillan’s as we awkwardly fumbled our way up the stairs to Sam’s bedroom, unable to part for a moment. If I wasn’t so caught up in the way Quillan’s kisses heated up my whole body, maybe I’d have considered what we were going to do in my friend’s bed a little disrespectful. As it was, my heat had reached its peak and the attention Quillan was giving me had me unable to think of anything but getting this male’s clothes off so I could feel and touch every inch of what I claimed as mine.
Tripping over the last step, Quillan caught my waist and decided I wasn’t steady on my own feet. He grinned against my lips and picked me up so I was forced to wrap my legs around his waist once more. My breathing hitched as the feel of his arousal pressed between my thighs, sending a wave of heat through me. As we panted, our lips almost touching, I knew nothing could have been more right. We needed this, both of us. Quillan stood still for a moment with me in his arms, his dark eyes holding mine as I shifted my hips to grind against him, curious and desperate.
I was a virgin, but I doubted that would surprise anyone and I knew that Quillan could sense it. While I was not exactly nervous, my touches were a little tentative and only helped along by Quillan himself guiding my hands. Quillan didn’t need any guidance from me, he knew exactly how to make my body sing.
Shifting again, my instincts screamed at me to not stop until my needs were fulfilled. Being brave, I leaned in slowly, nipping Quillan’s bottom lip with teeth that had turned to fangs as my wolf’s nature pushed forth. A low rumble vibrated from his chest and his eyes flashed the gold of his wolf before he all but kicked the bedroom door down and marched determinedly towards the bed.
Strong hands kept me held against him before they slid down to squeeze my rear, making me press myself closer. He dropped me to the bed and his body covered mine, his weight settling between my thighs. My fingers twisted in soft black hair to keep Quillan’s lips against mine. Our kisses were hungry, greedy, making up for the time we lost being too scared to face our own truths. I didn’t care that he’d taken control as his body kept mine pinned to the bed so I could feel his weight that oddly comforted me. Rough fingers crept beneath my top, lifting it up until we had to part so he could toss the fabric across the room.
I was surprised by my lack of shyness as he slowly bared my body to a gaze that feasted on every inch of pale skin, his eyes lingering on my heaving breasts. At a teasing pace, Quillan kissed and nipped his way down until his tongue flicked over pebbled flesh, his hand massaging and squeezing like he couldn’t get enough. My eyes flew open at the electricity that seemed to course over my skin as his teeth grazed my nipple, the sting soothed by his warm tongue. A desperate mewl left my lips as my back arched, offering myself to him. He chuckled and moved to give my other breast the same attention until I was panting and bucking beneath him, unable to voice my pleas for him to give me what I needed.
When he began to tug my jeans down, pausing to press his fingers against my aching core, my grip tightened in his hair. Overwhelming feelings of desire rose, too many emotions all rolling through me as I fumbled for words.
“Quillan,” I gasped, heavy lidded eyes lowering to meet his.
He smirked up at me as he continued to explore every inch of my body with his fingers, his tongue, his lips and teeth. Tears brimmed as my body reacted to being touched so thoroughly. I’d never been touched like this before; for so long, by someone whose need for me could be felt in every caress of his fingers over my skin. It was an intimacy that I never thought possible, creating a burning heat deep in my soul.
He noticed of course as tears soaked my cheeks and his touches became softer, slowing down. His brow was furrowed, uncertainty in his gaze as the glow of his wolf slowly left his eyes. I squirmed as he stopped his teasing, tugging at his hair in an attempt to get him to continue but he didn’t. Releasing my grip of him, my voice came out lower than normal as I asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to scare you, or hurt you, or rush you into anything. I know enough about your past and have seen how you react to touch to know this might be…overwhelming. I can’t bear to do this and have you afraid of my touch. I don’t want to watch you cry.”
I shook my head vehemently, lifting my hands to cup his face, wishing I could make him feel how starved for contact I really was. He’d mistaken my tears for tears of fear. “I want to feel, Quillan. I’m not scared of you. I want this. You don’t need to hold back around me. Make me feel.”
The tension fell from his shoulders as I spoke and I was glad to see the fire light up his eyes again. He twisted his head to kiss my wrist, the touch of his lips making me inhale sharply. When his gaze met mine again, there was something else in their depths, a need to do more than have my body, it was a need to claim.
“I’ll give you everything, Oria, but only if you’re mine,” he murmured huskily with the sound of his wolf as he stroked a finger down over my shoulder.
My eyes fluttered shut again as his touch left a trail of heat over my skin. I shifted beneath him, becoming more and more frustrated the longer he drew this out but I knew he would go no further unless I said the words.
“I am yours,” I replied firmly, my fingers curling into his shirt to pull him closer to me. It was the truth. Even as I’d fought those feelings, I’d always been his. That was why having him close and yet so far from me these last few months had hurt so much.
He growled at my words that brought out his primal
side. His eyes flashed a brilliant gold again and without really thinking, I bared my throat for him. This male was the only one I’d ever wanted, and I was sure he’d be the only one I’d ever want. Something swelled inside me as I waited for him to make me his, my wolf pacing in my head, wanting her turn too.
“I’m yours, Quillan,” I repeated, tensing as I waited for the pain of his fangs sinking into my shoulder.
My submission and posturing were all Quillan needed. With another possessive growl, he bit down. The pain was expected, a sharp stinging sensation that turned to something I hadn’t expected. My body bucked beneath his as waves of ecstasy washed over me, a pressure and ache throbbing at my core as Quillan marked me as his.
I couldn’t wait any longer and all inhibitions left me. I was desperate, listening only to what my wolf demanded I do. When my mate lifted his head, I sealed our union with a hungry kiss and tore at his shirt so my hands could explore every ridge of muscle and soft skin before I fumbled with the button of his jeans to push them down. He tried to slow me down with softer touches close to where I ached but I didn’t care for taking things slow when that’s all we’d been doing for weeks now. I was done with slow.
My own fangs were pressing against my lip and I couldn’t ignore the urge anymore as I took what I wanted, marking and claiming the male I thought I’d never be worthy of. The groan that left his lips had me shuddering in delight and that seemed to snap the last of Quillan’s control. His hand gripped my leg to hook it over his hip and he ground his rigid length against my wet sex. I lifted my hips, pulling him closer to me, moaning my need for him. That was all the invitation he needed as his hands gripped my hips to hold me in place. A brutal thrust stole away my breath in an explosion of something between a pleasure like I’d never felt and relief at finally being joined with him. There was nothing gentle about us now.
I cried out his name as he thrust into me again, my nails digging into his muscled back as if searching for something to anchor me to. My thoughts were a jumbled mess and the only thing I could really focus on was the feeling of Quillan’s body pressed so firmly against mine. When his teeth found my nipple again, I was lost to sensation, my back arching instinctively to press more of myself against him. Nothing I’d experienced before came anywhere close to this, to the desperate and primal way we joined together, all teeth and claws.
Way Of The Wolf: Endeavour (The Wulvers Series Book 3) Page 14
