by Anna Todd
“No, I left there about an hour ago. I’m waiting for a cab. The asshole was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago.” Hardin’s clothes are saturated, his hair is drenched, and his hand is shaking against my skin. “Tell me why you are out here, barely dressed and barefoot.”
I can tell he’s making a conscious effort to stay calm, but his mask isn’t intact the way he believes it to be. Clear as day, I can see the panic behind the green of his eyes. Even in the dark, I can see the storm brewing behind them. He knows; he always seems to just know everything.
“It’s nothing. Not a big deal.” I take a step away from him, but he isn’t having it. He steps toward me, even closer than before. He’s never been anything less than demanding.
Headlights break through the veil of rain, and my heart begins to pound inside my chest when the shape of a truck comes into view. My brain catches up to my heart, and I realize I know that truck.
When it stops, Zed jumps out and rushes toward me, leaving his truck running. Hardin steps between us, silently warning him not to come any closer. Yet another scene that I’ve become too accustomed to and would rather not see again. Every aspect of my life seems to be a cycle, a vicious one, one that takes a piece of me with it each time that history repeats itself.
Hardin’s voice is loud and clear, even through the rain: “What did you do?”
“What did she tell you?” Zed counters.
Hardin steps closer to him. “Everything,” Hardin lies.
I struggle to make out the expression on Zed’s face. It’s impossible to see clearly, even with the help of his headlights shining on us.
“She told you that she kissed me then?” Zed sneers, his voice an awful mixture of malice and satisfaction.
Before I can defend myself against Zed’s lies, another set of headlights breaks through the night and joins the chaos.
“She what?” Hardin shouts.
His body is still turned toward Zed, and the taxi’s headlights shine across the space, giving me a glimpse of the smug grin spread wide across Zed’s face. How could he lie to Hardin like that about me? Will Hardin believe him? More important, does it matter if he does or not?
Does any of this actually matter?
“This is about Sam, isn’t it?” Hardin asks before Zed can respond.
“No, it’s not!” Zed wipes his hand across his face, pushing water away.
Hardin points a damning finger at him. “Yes, it is! I knew it! I fucking knew you were going after Tessa because of that whore!”
“She wasn’t a whore! And this isn’t only about her—I care about Tessa! Just the way I did Samantha, and you had to fuck it up! You always have to come in and fuck everything up for me!” Zed screams.
Hardin takes a step closer to him, but says to me, “Get in the cab, Tessa.”
I stand in place, ignoring him. Who is Samantha? The name sounds slightly familiar, but I can’t place it.
“Tessa, get in the cab and wait for me. Please,” Hardin says though clenched teeth. His patience is running thin, and by the look on Zed’s face, his has already evaporated.
“Please don’t fight him, Hardin. Not again,” I beg. I am sick of the fighting. I don’t think I can take watching another violent scene after finding my father’s body lifeless and cold.
“Tessa—” he begins, but I interrupt.
The last bit of my sanity has officially disappeared as I beg Hardin to leave with me, “Please, this week has been so terrible, and I can’t watch it. Please, Hardin. Just get in the cab with me. Take me away from here, please.”
chapter thirty-eight
HARDIN
Tessa hasn’t spoken a word since I got into the cab, and I’m too busy trying to reel my temper in to comment. Seeing her out here, in the dark and running from something—running from Zed—drives my anger full force, and it would be all too easy to give in to it. To set it free.
I can’t do that, though. Not this time. This time, I will prove to her that I can control my mouth, my fists, too. I got into this cab with her instead of smashing Zed’s skull against the concrete, like he deserved. I hope she recognizes that; I hope that helps my case, even if by the slightest bit.
Tessa hasn’t tried to escape yet, and she didn’t speak up when I told the driver to take us by her mum’s to get her shit. That’s a good sign. It’s got to be. Her clothes are soaked, clinging to every inch of her body, and her hair is matted to her forehead. She pushes the mess back with her hand, sighing when the unruly strands won’t stay put. It takes every ounce of my self-control not to reach over and tuck her hair behind her ears.
“Wait here while we go inside,” I tell the driver. “We will be back in less than five minutes, so don’t move this cab.”
He was late to pick me up in the first place, so he shouldn’t mind waiting. Not that I’m complaining; if he hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have run into Tessa walking alone in the damn rain.
Tessa opens the door and walks across the yard. She doesn’t flinch as the rain pours down on her, shielding her body and nearly taking her from me. After reminding the driver to stay put a second time, I rush after her before the rain can separate us further.
I hold my breath, forcing myself to ignore the red truck parked in front of the house. Somehow Zed got back here first, like he knew where I would take her. But I can’t lose my temper. I have to show Tessa that I can hold myself together and put her feelings before my own.
She disappears into the house, and I follow only seconds behind. But already Carol is on her when I enter.
“Theresa, how many times are you going to do this? You’re dragging yourself right back into something that you know isn’t going to work!”
Zed is standing in the center of the living room, dripping water onto the floor. Tessa’s fingers are pinching the bridge of her nose, a sign of pure distress, and once again I struggle to keep my damn mouth shut.
It will only take one wrong word from me to make her stay here, to keep her hours away from me.
Tessa holds up one hand, somewhere between commanding and pleading. “Mother, can you please just stop? I’m not doing anything, I just want to leave here. Being here isn’t helping anything, and I have a job and classes in Seattle.”
Seattle?
“You’re going back to Seattle tonight?” Carol exclaims at her daughter.
“Not tonight, but tomorrow. I love you, Mother, and I know where you are coming from, but I really just want to be close to my . . . well”—Tessa gazes at me, uncertainty clear in her gray eyes—“Landon. I want to be with Landon right now.”
Oh . . .
Zed opens his goddamn mouth: “I’ll drive you.”
I just can’t stop myself from cutting in at that suggestion. “No, you won’t.”
I’m trying to be patient and shit, but this is too much. I should have barged in here, grabbed Tessa’s bag, and carried her out to the cab before Zed could so much as look at her.
The smirk on his face right now, that same fucking smirk he gave me only minutes ago, is taunting me. He’s trying to push me, trying to make me snap in front of Tessa and her mum. He wants to play games with me, like he always does.
But not tonight. I won’t give him the satisfaction of being his pawn.
“Tessa, grab your bag,” I say. But the mirrored scowl on both women’s faces makes me reconsider my choice of words. “Please, please grab your bag?”
Tessa’s hard expression softens, and she pads down the hallway and turns into her old bedroom.
Carol’s eyes move back and forth between Zed and me before she speaks. “What happened to make her run out into the rain? Which of you caused that?” Her glare is murderous, almost comical, really.
“He did,” the two of us answer and point simultaneously, like children.
Carol rolls her eyes and turns to follow her daughter down the narrow hallway.
I focus on Zed. “You can go now.”
I know Carol can hear me, but honestly, I don’t
give a fuck at this point.
“Tessa didn’t want me to go; she was only confused. She came on to me, she begged me to stay here with her,” he spits. I shake my head, but he continues. “She doesn’t want you anymore. You’ve spent your last dollar where she’s concerned, and you know it. You see how she looks at me, how she wants me.”
I ball my fists, taking deep breaths to calm myself. If Tessa doesn’t hurry out with her bag, the living room will be painted red by the time she returns. That fucker and his fucking smirk.
She wouldn’t kiss him. She wouldn’t do that.
Visions from my nightmares swirl behind my lids, bringing me one step closer to my breaking point. His hands on her pregnant belly, her nails raking down his back. They way he’s always mixed up with other people’s girls . . .
She wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t kiss him.
“This isn’t going to work,” I say, forcing the words out. “You aren’t going to antagonize me into attacking you in front of her. Not again.”
Fuck, I want to smash his fucking head open and watch his brain matter pour out. I want to so fucking bad.
He sits on the arm of the couch and smiles. “You’ve made it so easy for me. She told me how much she wants me, she told me less than a half hour ago.” He glances down at his empty wrist as if he is checking the time on a watch. He’s a dramatic motherfucker, always has been.
“Tessa!” I call to gauge how many more seconds I have to tolerate this asshole’s presence.
Silence fills the house, followed by the murmuring voices of Tessa and her mum. I close my eyes momentarily, hoping that Carol hasn’t convinced Tessa to stay in this shithole of a town for another night.
“That drives you crazy, doesn’t it?” Zed mocks, continuing to goad me. “How do you think I felt when you fucked Sam? It was one thousand times worse than the petty jealousy you feel right now.”
As if he could possibly fathom the depth of what I feel regarding Tessa. I give him a bored look. “I told you to shut the fuck up and leave. No one gives two fucks about you and Sam. She was easy, too fucking easy for my liking, really, and that was that.” Zed takes a step toward me, and I straighten my back, reminding him that my height is one of my many advantages against him. It’s my turn to fuck with him. “What? You don’t like hearing about your precious Samantha?”
Zed’s eyes turn dark, warning me to stop, but I refuse. He has the fucking nerve to kiss Tessa and try to use her feelings as ammunition against me? He obviously doesn’t know that I have an entire arsenal up my fucking sleeve.
“Shut up,” he snaps, pushing me further. I may keep my hands to myself this time, but my words will make more of an impact anyway.
“Why?” I glance down the hallway to make sure Tessa is still occupied by her mum while I torture Zed with my words. “You don’t want to hear about the night I fucked her? I can barely remember it, really, but I understand it was so new a feeling for her that she was writing about it in that little diary of hers. She wasn’t very memorable, I suppose, but at least she was eager.”
I knew how into her he was, and at the time I assumed their relationship would make her more of a challenge. The joke was on me when she ended up being more of a hassle than a toy. “I fucked her brains out, though, I can assure you that. That must be why she pulled that pregnancy shit afterwards. You remember that, don’t you?”
For a moment—a brief moment—I pause and consider how he must have felt when he found out. I try to remember what was going through my mind when I decided to pursue her. I knew they were dating. I’d heard her mention his name in the copy room at Vance, and I was instantly intrigued. I had only known Zed for a few weeks, and I thought it would be fun to fuck with him.
“You were supposed to be my friend.” His pathetic words fall between us.
“Your friend? None of those degenerates were your friends. I barely knew you; it was nothing personal.” I look down the hallway, to make sure Tessa isn’t around, then I step closer and wrap my fist around the collar of his shirt. “Just like it was nothing personal when Stephanie introduced Rebecca to you, even though she knew Noah was seeing her. Personal is what you’re aiming for by fucking with Tessa. You know what she means to me—more than any office whore could ever mean to you.”
I’m caught off guard when he pushes back, slamming me against the wall. Picture frames rattle and fall to the ground, causing Tessa and her mum to rush into the hallway.
“Fuck you! I could have fucked Tessa, too—she would have easily given herself to me tonight if you wouldn’t have shown up!” His fist connects with my mouth, and Tessa shrieks in horror. The harsh taste of copper fills my mouth, and I swallow the blood in a quick gulp before wiping my sleeve across my lips and chin.
“Zed!” Tessa scolds, rushing to my side. “Leave! Now!” She shoves her small fists against his chest and I grab hold of her, gently putting space between them.
The pure experience of Tessa hearing him speak of her that way makes me fucking ecstatic. This is what I’ve been warning her of all along: He has never been the sweet, innocent man she was manipulated into thinking he was.
Granted, I do know that he has some feelings for her—I’m not completely blind to that—but his intentions were never pure. He just proved that to her, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m a selfish bastard, but I never claimed otherwise.
Without another word, Zed walks out the front door and into the rain. Headlights flash through the front windows as he peels off and disappears down the street.
“HARDIN?” TESSA’S VOICE IS SOFT and laced with exhaustion. We’ve been in the backseat of this cab for almost an hour without a single word between the two of us.
“Yeah?” My voice breaks and I clear my throat.
“Who’s Samantha?”
I have been waiting for her to ask this question since we pulled away from her mum’s house. I could lie to her, I could make up a bullshit story to make Zed look like the piece of shit he is, or I could be honest for once.
“She’s a girl who had an internship at Vance. I fucked her while she was dating Zed.” I decide not to lie, but regret the harsh words when Tessa flinches. “Sorry, I just want to be honest,” I add in an attempt to soften the words.
“You knew she was his girlfriend when you slept with her?” She stares straight into me in that way only she can.
“Yeah, I knew. That’s why I did it.” I shrug, ignoring the pinch of remorse threatening to surface.
“Why?” Her eyes search mine for a decent answer, but I don’t have one. I only have the truth. The filthy, fucked-up truth.
“I have no excuse, it was just a game for me.” I sigh, wishing I weren’t such a piece of shit. Not for Zed’s sake, or Samantha’s, but for this beautiful, sweet girl who even now doesn’t have a hint of judgment in her eyes as she looks at me, waiting for further explanation.
“You forget that I wasn’t the same before I met you. I was nothing like the man you know. Well, I know you think I’m fucked-up now, but trust me, you would hate me even more if you knew me then.” I look away from her and out the window. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you really have helped me so much, you’ve given me a purpose, Tess.”
I hear her sharp exhale of breath and I cringe at the thought of how my words must sound. Pathetic and insincere, I’m sure.
“And what’s that purpose?” she asks timidly in the sudden stillness of the night.
“I’m still trying to figure that out. But I will figure it out, so please try and stick around long enough for me to find the answer?”
She looks at me but stays quiet.
I’m thankful for that, I don’t think I could handle her rejection right now. I turn my head and look out into the black-black darkness of the landscape around us and am glad that nothing final and devastating came from her mouth.
chapter thirty-nine
TESSA
I wake up to arms wrapping around my waist as I’m lifted out of the car. The white
light on top of the cab reminds me of the night I’ve had. I take in my surroundings, panicking for a moment before realizing that we are in Ken’s driveway, not, not . . .
“I would never take you back there,” Hardin says into my ear, knowing exactly what I would worry about before the thought can even gel in my mind.
I don’t protest as Hardin carries me up the driveway and into the house. Karen is awake, sitting in a chair by the window, a recipe book in her lap. Hardin places me on my feet, and I feel a little wobbly.
Karen stands, walking across the room to hug me. “What can I get you, dear? I made some caramel cakes; you’ll love them.” She smiles and wraps a warm hand around mine, leading me toward the kitchen without a peep from Hardin.
“I’ll take your bag upstairs,” I hear him say.
“Is Landon asleep?” I ask his mother.
“I think so, but I’m sure he won’t mind if you wake him. It’s still early.” Karen smiles and places a small, caramel-topped cake on a plate before I can stop her.
“No, it’s okay. I can see him tomorrow.”
Landon’s mother’s eyes are on me, soft with her familiar tenderness. Her fingers are nervously twisting her wedding ring on her thin finger. “I know this is terrible timing, and I’m so sorry, but I wanted to talk to you about something.” Her warm brown eyes flash with concern and she waves for me to take a bite of the dessert as she pours two glasses of milk.
I nod for her to continue, my mouth full of the delicious cake. I couldn’t eat earlier—I was too overwhelmed, and the day has been too long. I reach for another slice.
“I know you have so much going on already, so if you want me to leave you be, just tell me. I promise I understand, but I would really like your opinion on something.”
I give her another nod, enjoying the dessert.
“It’s about Hardin and Ken.”
My eyes go wide, and immediately I start choking on the cake and reach for the milk. Does she know? Has Hardin said something?
Karen pats my back while I drink the cold milk down, rubbing in circles as she continues, “Ken’s so happy that Hardin has finally started to tolerate him. It makes him so happy that he is finally building a relationship with his son; it’s something he’s always wanted. Hardin is his biggest regret, and it hurt me for years seeing him that way. I know he’s made his mistakes—many, many mistakes—and I am in no way making excuses for those mistakes.” Her eyes fill with tears, and she dabs at the corners with her fingers. “Sorry,” she says with a smile. “I’m a mess.”
