He didn’t know if Ronan and the others were still at the compound or if they moved after he left them. If they hadn’t moved, they wouldn’t let him step foot on their property again, not with what he was now.
He would have to call and hope Ronan still had the same number so he could arrange a way to give Simone back. He didn’t know what he’d do after he was free of her. He didn’t trust himself to be around hunters or humans anymore; he might never be capable of being around them again.
With what he was now, he couldn’t return to his old life, but what was his new one? Would it forever be this hideous in-between of fighting against becoming a monster and battling his conscience?
He’d chosen this path, but he’d battled bloodlust his entire life and felt confident he could handle what would happen to him after he killed. That was before the bloodlust became a living entity pulsing through his veins. With every one of those pulses, the demon part of him begged for him to kill.
And he certainly hadn’t anticipated how enticing the idea of keeping the hunter in the next room would be. Remember what she is. But the hatred he’d felt for hunters most of his life didn’t boil to the surface as he recalled the feel of her soft body molded against his.
He ran a hand through his tousled hair before slipping the robe back on. He was ravenous. Usually, he could go a couple of days between feedings, but not anymore. He required blood soon.
He nudged the door further open, and his gaze fell on Simone. Her shoulders tensed when he reemerged, and she hunched forward on the edge of the bed. Her head was bent, so her cascade of long hair shielded her delicate features from him.
Staring at her profile, he felt like a bigger asshole. She may be a hunter, but as such, she’d led the most sheltered of lives until she was taken from her stronghold. Don’t get closer and don’t understand her; she’s going back!
Still, he found himself saying, “I’m sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.”
Simone cursed the fire burning her cheeks. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, so she gazed at the carpet.
“It won’t happen again,” Killean stated.
And a part of her inwardly cried at his statement. She should stay as far from this complicated vampire as possible, but she yearned for it to happen again. She wished it hadn’t stopped in the first place. Yes, it had frightened her when he tried to touch between her legs, but it also excited her. She’d felt perched on the edge of finally learning what her body craved so badly.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
Simone shook her head; it was the best she could do.
Killean walked over and retrieved his filthy, discarded clothes. He tugged his jeans on under the robe before removing it to pull on his shirt. “We’ll go out and buy some clothes from the nearby stores,” he said.
When she still wouldn’t look at him, Killean tried to keep his temper under control. “I really am sorry.”
Simone cringed. “It’s fine,” she managed to choke out. “Really. Don’t apologize.”
Killean had no idea how to proceed; he’d never been in a situation like this with a woman. But he’d upset her, and he had to try to fix it. “I realize you don’t have a lot of experience with men, and I shouldn’t have—”
“Stop,” she groaned, unable to handle anything else he might say. She was sure she would spontaneously combust if he kept trying to apologize.
Killean closed his mouth. He didn’t know how to deal with women. It had been years since he’d had any close interaction with one, and his past interactions consisted of a tumble in and out of their beds.
The last woman he’d been close with was his mother, and she died when he was seven. He’d spent the four hundred forty-five years of his life since her death avoiding getting close to anyone. He planned to remove Simone from his life, but he still felt like the biggest piece of shit. What had he been thinking to touch her in such a way? She was responsive in the beginning, but she’d had no idea where it all could lead.
“I took advantage, and I shouldn’t have,” he said.
Simone dropped her head into her hands and tried not to scream. Why did he have to keep going with this?
“And for that, I am sorry,” he said.
“Stop!” she cried, and dropping her hands, she turned to face him. Looking at him was far less mortifying than his continued apologies. “I didn’t… I wanted… I said it’s fine!”
Her eyes burned a brilliant white-blue as she shouted the last word at him. The wildness of that color brought his dick back to life, and he shifted as his jeans became uncomfortable.
“You wanted what?” he asked.
Simone resisted slapping her hands on the bed; she had no idea how to deal with this man. He was so much more than anyone she’d ever met.
“Simone?” he pressed when she didn’t speak.
“Stop being such a… a… jerk, and let it go!”
CHAPTER 19
Killean would have laughed at the fact her best insult was jerk, but he was far too irritated by their circumstances to find anything amusing.
“We’re going to teach you how to swear, dolly,” he muttered.
When Simone glowered at him, he found he far preferred her anger to the distress and humiliation she exuded seconds ago.
“I am not a dolly,” she retorted.
Killean enjoyed this spirited side of Simone and wanted to see more of it, but fire was spreading through his parched veins. He needed to feed, and to do so they had to leave this room. “Unless you want me to pick out your clothes, I suggest you dress so we can go shopping.”
“We can’t wear those clothes in public, people will stare at us.”
“Who cares?” he asked. “Would you prefer we go out in the robes or naked?”
“Of course not!”
“Then get dressed and let people stare. You’ve already spent far too much of your life worried about what others think of you.”
Simone opened her mouth to argue, but how could she argue against the truth. Shoving herself to her feet, she snatched her dress off the chair in the corner. Even though it was ruined, she’d neatly folded it and set it there after showering last night. She glared at him as she stalked past him to the bathroom and closed the door.
She tried not to cringe as she pulled the filthy dress on, but the smell and feel of it made her skin crawl. When they got back, she would scrub herself all over again. She also tried not to think about the fact she was nude beneath the dress. For some reason, it made her feel more scandalous than just wearing the robe had.
She ran her fingers through her hair and almost fell over when she lifted her head to gaze into the mirror. The startling, white-blue color of her eyes robbed her breath, and her stomach plummeted into her toes. What’s wrong with me?
She’d prefer not to speak with Killean again, but she had no idea what to make of this alarming development. Cracking the door open, she peered out to discover him leaning against the wall next to the exit. His eyes were closed and his head bowed, but she sensed a wealth of stress beneath his calm exterior.
“What’s wrong with my eyes?” she asked and was amazed her voice didn’t tremble.
Killean opened his eyes and lifted his head. “Instead of red, that’s the color a hunter’s eyes become after they turn. The same thing happened to Kadence and Nathan. When you calm down, they’ll return to their normal color.”
Simone stepped back into the bathroom and closed the door. She rested her forehead against the cool wood as her mind spun. Turned, she was turned. She’d known that, of course, but seeing her eyes and hearing him say those words made it real.
Nothing would ever be the same again. Her life as she’d always known it was gone. She didn’t fit in anywhere anymore. Her entire life had been about becoming a hunter wife and mother, but now she could be anything!
Her momentary elation deflated as reality descended. What exactly could she be with her limited education, training, and newly acquired vampire statu
s? She didn’t fit in with the human world, and even if she’d still been mortal, she knew nothing about people and had zero interest in fitting in with them.
So what did she do now? Her mind spun as she tried to figure it out, but she didn’t have any ideas. The possibilities were so vast yet so limited that it made her head pound.
It didn’t matter, she decided, she could figure it out later; Kadence and Nathan would help her. Her future would never be what she’d anticipated, but they would help her get through this, and with an eternity ahead of her, she had plenty of time to sort through everything.
Without having to get married and take care of her husband, she could delve deeper into all the things that interested her, like gardening. She enjoyed digging her hands into the earth, planting things, and watching them grow, but she’d never explored the interest further than what was necessary for her to know as a wife and mother.
Mother. Tears pricked her eyes as her thoughts turned to her mom. She’s okay. She had to be because Simone couldn’t think about the possibility she was dead, not with everything else going on.
Simone splashed cold water on her face and took calming breaths while she willed her eyes back to their natural color. Gradually they returned to normal, and she found herself gawking at her reflection in the mirror. It was as amazing as it was unnerving to watch.
Gathering her courage, she threw the door open and stepped into the room. Her hands fisted when Killean smirked at her. She had no idea how he did it, but half an hour ago, he’d had her desperate for more of his touch, and now she was contemplating smacking him.
Killean savored the beauty of her clover-colored eyes and the flush of healthy color in her cheeks. In his many years, he’d seen countless beautiful women, but none of them had affected him as she did. And looking at her, he couldn’t recall a single one of those women.
Moving away from the wall, he opened the door and walked outside to stand under the blue overhang shadowing the sidewalk in front of the rooms. He inhaled the crisp air as he gazed at the mountains on the other side of the road. Their high peaks seemed to touch the white clouds drifting around them.
The parking lot of the hotel had a few other cars in it, but no one was moving about, and the peaceful day was a balm to the tumult rolling through him. He waited for Simone to exit the room before closing the door and taking her elbow.
She stiffened against him but didn’t try to pull away when he led her toward the passenger door of the truck. Stepping out from the overhang, he recoiled when the sun hit his exposed skin and blisters broke out. Smoke rose in tendrils from him while the scent of cooking flesh filled his nostrils.
Killean pulled Simone back into the safety of the shadows as the blisters on his hands broke, and the ones on his face oozed over his cheeks. Cursing his stupidity, he hurried her back to the room as he checked to make sure no one witnessed what happened. The day remained clear of anyone in the parking lot, and the road free of travelers.
Unlocking the door to their room, Killean led Simone inside and closed it behind them. Leaning against the door, he tried to gain control over the volatile sway of his emotions while smoke continued to curl up from his skin.
CHAPTER 20
Simone tried not to gawk at the smoke wafting from Killean or the blisters swelling on his flesh. She forgot her earlier irritation with him as the anguish twisting his face into a grimace caused his scar to stand starkly out against the red hue of his skin.
“Fucking idiot,” he snarled as he stepped away from the door.
“What happened?” she asked as he stormed over to the bathroom and turned on the light.
Killean stood and stared at his burnt flesh while self-hatred coiled through him. The blisters on his hands and face would heal soon, and would do so faster if he fed, but the oozing wounds didn’t matter. What mattered was he hadn’t seen this coming. He’d expected the sun to have a stronger effect on him after he killed, but he hadn’t expected it to be this severe.
His burnt flesh was one more sign he was further gone into his Savagery than he’d anticipated becoming or realized he was.
Gazing down at the popped blisters on his hands, he watched as blood welled forth and dripped off them. Killean turned the faucet on and plunged his hands under the cold water to rid himself of the blood, but it wouldn’t wash away.
Gripped by confusion, Killean scrubbed at his hands until his peeling skin fell into the sink and the blood flowed freely.
Simone watched in dismay as Killean tore at his hands like a wild animal trying to free its leg from a trap. She had no idea what he was doing or how to stop this, but she wanted to go to him and hold him close. Despite the desperation he emanated, she sensed he needed comfort.
“The blood,” he muttered.
She didn’t think he was aware he spoke, but she didn’t see any blood, not yet anyway. If he kept at his hands like that, there would be plenty of it soon. And how could he keep scouring his burnt skin that way? It had to be excruciating for him, yet he showed no sign of stopping.
“Killean?” she whispered.
He didn’t react to her as his skin broke apart and the first drops of blood dripped into the sink. Horror filled her as she watched the pink swirling down the drain.
“Killean, stop.”
Without thinking, she rested her hand on the sleeve of his shirt. When he twisted toward her, his eyes were redder than the ripest strawberry, yet he didn’t seem to see her. Simone’s hand slid down his arm when she recoiled from the madness oozing from him. She hadn’t meant to touch his ruined flesh, but her fingers fell on his hand.
Hungry for blood, Killean almost dragged her against him and sank his fangs into her throat, but when her fingers touched his skin, a sense of calm spread over him, and he came back to his senses. He glanced down at his hands, but instead of the copious amounts of blood he’d seen coating them, only trickles of it spilled from the flesh he’d split open with his vigorous scrubbing. Those wounds were already healing as were the blisters on his face.
Ashamed and uncertain of what she’d witnessed from him, Killean couldn’t meet her eyes again. He went to turn off the water before realizing his hands trembled and his fangs throbbed with every pulse of his blood. He pulled his hands back before she could see the shaking in them.
Get it together! Lifting his head, he gazed with loathing at the image staring back at him. There had been plenty of times in his life when he hated himself, but none so much as right now.
Not killing was causing him to unravel, but he shouldn’t be losing control in front of her.
Killean wanted to step away from Simone, but he didn’t trust himself to break contact with her calming touch yet.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
“I’m fine,” he bit out.
“You said, the blood. What did you mean by that?”
How did he explain to her the blood he’d seen drenching his hands? How did he explain he was losing his mind and he suspected it was because he hadn’t killed anyone recently? They’d always known Savages maintained their intelligence and didn’t become mindless animals once they gave in to their bloodlust, but did they go insane if they tried to resist their compulsion to kill?
If that was true, then there were only two options left to him—give in to the darkness lurking beneath his surface for centuries or death. Out of those two, he knew which one he’d prefer.
He had to get Simone away from him and somewhere safe before he lost himself to whatever madness this was.
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” he said.
Simone didn’t believe him, but she didn’t see any good in pushing him on it when he was so unstable. “What happened outside? Why did you burn like that? I’ve seen you in the sun before.” She didn’t like bringing up their encounter on the beach, but Killean had stood in the sun’s rays then.
“I’ve killed enough that the sun affects me like it does other Savages now,” he said bluntly. “Maybe not as bad as som
e, but bad enough that I cannot walk freely in it again.”
Simone gulped. Beneath his natural, woodsy scent, she detected the rot of a Savage on him, but it was nowhere near as bad as the monsters who held her prisoner, and his outdoorsy scent masked the odor unless she was searching for it. There was no masking the scent seeping from Joseph and his followers.
“You really did kill innocents to get in there,” she murmured as the reality of what he’d done sank in.
She didn’t know why it had taken her this long to realize it. Maybe it was because most of their time together had been spent running for their lives, or because he was so different from Joseph and the others that she hadn’t believed it. Or maybe it was because, even with knowing what he’d done, she still wanted to draw him close and kiss him while she held and comforted him.
“What do you think I did to get in there, hug people?” he spat.
Simone didn’t back away from his fury. He wouldn’t hurt her; he may kill anyone else, but he wouldn’t harm her. He’d given up and risked too much to rescue her only to hurt her now. Besides, if he wanted her dead or a monster, he could have killed her or left her with Joseph.
Nausea twisted in her belly as a new thought occurred to her. “Those people you killed are dead because of me.”
“No,” Killean said. He loathed the idea of her carrying any guilt for his actions. “They are dead because of me. I chose to murder them, and I did it for me. Don’t feel sorry for them; they were all pieces of shit and some of the worst of the human race. Each of them was either a rapist or child molester. Their deaths mean someone else won’t suffer at their hands.”
“I don’t understand why you did it though,” she whispered around the lump in her throat. “Why give up what you knew and everything you were, for me?”
Killean turned off the water and grabbed the hand towel from the rack. He patted the blisters on his hands before shoving past her and into the bedroom.
“Killean?” she inquired.
“Because I couldn’t let you stay there,” he said as he lifted the phone from the nightstand beside the bed. He dialed the front desk.
Bound by Darkness (The Alliance, Book 3) Page 12
