by Lost
‘I couldn’t… I wanted to… I was scared you wouldn’t come…’
‘Of course I wouldn’t have come!’ Sophie started to pace across the room. ‘And you know that, Eloise. So you know you should have told me about him. You know.’
Eloise looked distraught. ‘I’m so sorry, Soph. I just needed help finding mum and I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to speak to you about it before you saw him, but he got here early to open the shop and came in and I didn’t know he was going to do that and I…’
‘Ok, ok!’ Sophie held her hand up. ‘Ok, Ellie. I get it.’ She sank down into an over-stuffed armchair. ‘Oh man!’
Eloise sat next to her. ‘I know.’
‘This is… huge.’
Eloise nodded. ‘Yep. Are you ok?’
Sophie let out a jerky breath. ‘I don’t know. I was freaked out enough by mum disappearing, but this…’
‘Yes.’ Eloise nodded again. ‘I understand. Why don’t we get some air?’
‘I should get some air,’ Sophie agreed vaguely. ‘And I probably need to have a shower and get changed…’
‘Later,’ Eloise said. ‘Let’s… leave those croissants and go out for breakfast.’
‘Ok,’ Sophie said, getting to her feet. ‘We need to talk about mum…’
‘We need to talk about Raff,’ Eloise said firmly, grabbing Sophie’s handbag. ‘Let’s go.’
* * *
Raff leant against the door. Christ. What had just happened? He hadn’t thought he would see Sophie ever again. She disappeared… well, left, for England five years ago and Raff hadn’t heard a word from her since. He had tried to get in touch – so many times – but she hadn’t wanted to see him. Eloise had tried to talk Sophie out of her decision and so had Mariele, but to no avail and Raff had been distraught. He had wanted to dash over to England to drag her back again, but when she had refused to take his calls and answers his letters for a few months, he had conceded defeat. And he had missed her ever since.
Raff had never felt so hurt and devastated in his life. Sophie had meant everything to him. Everything. He had never felt about anyone the way he had about her… not before and not since. And Raff still didn’t really understand what had gone wrong between them. He knew it was something to do with Coco, but beyond that, he was still baffled after all these years.
Raff tried to pull himself together and he headed over to the counter. The shop was still empty as he had put the CLOSED sign up, so he went to the door and flipped it over.
What on earth was he supposed to do now, he thought as he stared through the door? Paris suddenly felt very different with Sophie back in it, but Raff couldn’t possibly have said why.
‘Why did you shut the shop, you idiot? You’ll send all your customers over to the competition.’
Raff looked up and found himself smiling. God, his best mate had the best timing in the world. He was also wearing the most grotesque mustard-yellow shirt that resembled something a cat had vomited on.
‘Why do you look as though you have the weight of the world on your shoulders?’ Louis asked with a frown.
‘Why do you look as though you’ve been buying clothes from a second-hand shop?’
Louis mock-punched Raff’s arm. ‘This is fashion, mon ami. You wouldn’t know it if you saw it.’
Raff rolled his eyes, glad for the moral support nonetheless. Tall and gangly, Louis was a musician and a self-confessed former reprobate whose reputation for womanising and partying had been – in Louis’s opinion only – legendary, but he had finally settled down with a lovely girl called Anne-Marie who was stable but apparently naughty enough behind the scenes to keep Louis on the straight and narrow. They had always both assumed that Raff would get hitched first – to Sophie, actually – but ironically, and due to Sophie’s abrupt disappearance all those years ago, Louis had unexpectedly got there first, having met Anne-Marie at around the same time as Raff and Sophie had got together. Their wedding had been a typically bohemian affair with wild flowers everywhere and a live band who had played jaunty jigs all night long. Raff had made them two beautifully unusual cakes rather than the traditional croquembouche – one in the shape of a white guitar for Louis and one in the shape of a giant, red handbag as Anne-Marie designed and sold bags for a living. It had been a wonderful day and Raff remembered his heart aching throughout for Sophie; her absence had torn a gigantic hole in his life.
Raff stood aside to let someone else in. Madame Tournier, one of their best customers, wore a faux-fur coat all year round whatever the weather, and her hair resembled a coronet of sandy-coloured candy floss. She also consumed more macarons than any woman of a certain age would be willing to admit to.
‘You look as though you have seen a ghost,’ Madame Tournier commented, patting him on the arm as she waddled past.
Raff nodded ruefully. Madame Tournier was more accurate than she might imagine. That was exactly what had just happened. He had just seen a ghost. And even though he had only seen that ghost for a few minutes, Raff knew he was slowly unravelling inside.
‘What’s she on about? What ghost have you seen?’ Louis asked, checking out his reflection in the shiny glass of the counter. ‘Charity shop? Seriously!? I look amazing.’
‘Sophie’s back.’
Louis gaped. ‘What?’
‘Yep. She’s back.’
‘But… but…’ Louis was almost as speechless as Raff had been ten minutes earlier. And Louis was rarely lost for words.
‘Close your mouth; we have hygiene rules in here.’
To distract himself, Raff ducked behind the counter and grabbed a large pink box. He knew Madame Tournier’s order and he set about filling up the box. She favoured a classic selection of standard flavours such as vanilla, chocolate and coffee, but she also liked Raff to surprise her with some new concoctions. She was a great taste tester in fact, and normally he’d carefully select some of his fresh efforts based on her preferences. Today, however, he randomly selected one from each row, closed the box and handed them over, promising to add the order to Madame Tournier’s account. She was one of the few customers he gave credit to because she always paid on time and she spent so much money; it was worth the risk.
‘Right, now that she’s gone, tell me everything,’ Louis said, going behind the counter and half-heartedly pretending to fire up the coffee machine.
‘Stop it,’ Raff ordered. ‘You’ll break it.’
Louis held his hands up in agreement. He was useless at anything technical that wasn’t attached to a musical instrument of some kind. ‘Aah… Sophie is here to find her mum,’ he guessed, throwing himself into a chair.
Raff nodded, rubbing his hands over his face as he took stock of his thoughts. He started to make two coffees. ‘She looked as shocked as I felt. I’m assuming Eloise didn’t tell her about me working here either. I don’t blame her for that; I suppose she thought Sophie might not come if she knew I was here.’
Louis shook his head. ‘I still have no idea why she even ran out on you all those years ago. Does she know what state she left you in?’
‘I shouldn’t think so,’ Raff shrugged. ‘Not unless Eloise told her.’
‘God.’ Louis eyed his friend with concern. ‘Well, I hope she finds Mariele and heads back to England immediately.’
Raff sighed. Louis used to love Sophie before she left, but since then he hadn’t exactly been her biggest fan. It was all so long ago and not something he and Louis talked about these days, but Sophie’s arrival had brought his old thoughts and feelings crashing back.
‘How does she look?’ Louis asked, sitting back in his chair.
‘Good,’ Raff replied, without missing a beat. ‘Really good, in fact.’
‘Merde,’ Louis said.
‘Merde,’ Raphael agreed, turning back to the coffee machine. He handed Louis a coffee.
‘So now what?’ Louis said, turning back the cuffs of his ugly shirt.
‘I have absolutely no idea,’ Raff replied h
onestly. He stared past Louis and contemplated the Parisian skyline. How come Paris suddenly felt different now that Sophie was back in it? ‘I genuinely don’t know what to think or feel, let alone what to do.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ Louis said sympathetically. ‘Good job I’m here to sort your life out for you.’
Raff privately pulled a face. Louis was good at many things, but Raff wasn’t sure he was the best person when it came to relationships. Louis had got incredibly lucky with Anne-Marie; she clearly wore the trousers, running their relationship effortlessly and taking control of everything, and Louis, whether he realised it or not, simply went along for the ride.
Still, Raff was glad of the support. Because right now, he sure as hell needed it.
Chapter Six
‘Right.’ Eloise pushed a strong coffee across the table; she had regained her composure after Raff’s sudden arrival at the cottage. Sophie wished she felt the same. But she didn’t. She was jolted beyond belief.
Eloise took control. ‘Firstly, drink that. Secondly, talk to me.’
‘What about?’ Sophie said rather sharply, sipping the coffee.
‘About Ryan. In the first instance.’
Sophie shook her head, still annoyed with Eloise. Her twin had taken her to a cafe called the La Ville de Provins near the Gare de L’Est. It was a traditional brasserie with a sunny terrace and its decoration was typically ‘bistro’ in style. It also brought back yet more memories of Sophie’s childhood; Mariele would take them to this cafe as a treat and also when she didn’t want to cook. It didn’t have the familiarity of Chez Josephine, but it had a certain style and elegance of its own.
Sophie glanced out of the window. She loved this corner of Paris. It was located on the right bank of the River Seine and the borough was called Warehouse. It was home to two of Paris’ six main stations – the Gare du Nord and the Gare de l’Est, amongst the busiest in Europe. Sophie felt quite overwhelmed at the childhood memories the views from the window were bringing back.
Eloise swiftly ordered two croques-monsieurs and a tartine bread, butter and jam, her favourite.
‘I can’t eat all that,’ Sophie protested.
‘You’re not.’ Eloise took off her jacket. She dressed very differently from Sophie normally, but today, in a black shirt and belted jeans, she didn’t look dissimilar. They actually looked like twins for once, albeit by accident. ‘So. Ryan.’
Sophie tore a corner off a croque-monsieur, aware that Eloise was stalling. But seeing as she wasn’t sure she was ready to talk about Raff, Sophie allowed herself to talk about Ryan instead.
‘I’ve told you everything about Ryan, I’m sure.’
‘Have you heard from him?’ Eloise emptied three packets of sugar into her coffee.
Sophie didn’t comment on the action, knowing Eloise would call her a sugar-Nazi if she did. She and Eloise wouldn’t ever agree about Eloise’s sugar addiction so it was best left alone. ‘Now and then,’ Sophie said. ‘I can’t just switch my feelings off, but I feel so hurt about the whole thing. I don’t know if there is a way back from it.’
Eloise pulled a face. ‘I don’t blame you. It’s a pretty callous thing to do. Why not just get engaged and do the long-distance thing for a year?’
‘I know.’ Sophie nodded. ‘I was so gutted. Whenever he calls, those old feelings come back, but I just don’t know if I feel the same about him now. It’s confusing.’
Eloise tucked into the bread and jam. ‘Oh my God, so good. I limit myself to this once a week now that I’ve had children.’
Sophie smiled. Eloise had an amazing figure – in spite of her sugar addiction.
‘But I get that it’s confusing,’ Eloise continued. ‘He’s gone, but he hasn’t gone.’
‘Exactly.’
‘I liked Ryan,’ Eloise mused. ‘But I wasn’t altogether sure he was the best person for you if I’m being perfectly honest.’
Sophie raised an eyebrow. ‘Why are people only saying this to me now that he’s dumped me to move to Dubai? Pinter said all this before I left England. I really loved the guy.’
Eloise looked apologetic. ‘Oh ok. I suppose I just thought he was a bit… perfect. A bit safe. And maybe not quite right for you. A bit…’
‘If you say prissy…’
Eloise grinned. ‘That’s a good word.’ Her expression became sober. ‘Ok, listen. Let’s just see how it pans out on the Ryan front. But I will say this: I don’t think he deserves you after what he’s done.’
‘Fair enough. I’m not sure he does either.’ Sophie faltered inside. She knew that was probably true, but she couldn’t help still loving him at the moment. She couldn’t just switch her feelings off, could she? He had been amazing for the entire time they had been together; maybe it wasn’t so terrible that he wanted to focus on his career for a while before settling down.
Sophie frowned, confused all over again.
‘So. Raff.’
Sophie winced at his name and at Eloise’s typically abrupt, shotgun delivery. ‘Raff. Yes. Thanks for that, by the way, El. A heads-up wouldn’t have gone amiss.’
‘I know, I know.’ Eloise looked shame-faced. ‘Listen, Sophie. I really do want to apologise for not warning you about Raff. He’s only been working at the shop for a few months and I wasn’t even sure he was staying and then mum disappeared and…’
‘Ok, ok.’ Sophie held her hands up. ‘I get it. But you should have warned me. It’s Raff, Eloise. Raff!’
Eloise cast her eyes down. ‘Yes.’
Sophie took pity on her sister.
‘But you know what I think about the whole situation, Soph,’ Eloise said, lifting her head again. ‘And I still think it now.’
Sophie shook her head irritably. Eloise had been Team Raff after the break-up for a while and it had incensed Sophie. She had no idea why Eloise hadn’t immediately jumped to her defence rather than Raff’s, but that was the way it had been. Eloise seemed convinced that Sophie had made a mistake and they had fallen out for a while, but they were sisters and they were twins and they were close and they had found a way back.
Sophie sighed. She would deal with the Raff situation later. They needed to find their mum. That was why Sophie was in Paris.
Eloise was checking her watch. ‘I need to phone Georges shortly; he dealt with the boys this morning, but God knows if they turned up at school with their lunch boxes or in the right clothes.’
Sophie smiled. She wasn’t quite sure how Eloise put up with Georges, the lazy so-and-so, but she assumed her sister must love him very much. ‘Ok – so, mum. Do you have any idea at all where she might be?’
Eloise immediately looked worried again and she rummaged in her handbag, finally fishing out a piece of paper. ‘No idea at all. I’ve phoned everyone in her address book and I’ve spoken to all the neighbours. No one knows anything. She was last seen on this date.’ She handed the piece of paper to Sophie. ‘I’ve written it all down: the people I’ve spoken to, when she was last seen, what she might be wearing.’
Sophie scanned through the notes, seeing that each one was marked with a neat bullet point. Eloise was the precise, organised twin and Sophie was creative and spontaneous. Eloise’s notes were thorough. She had checked all the obvious points and people, and had documented each one meticulously.
‘What do you think she means by this note?’ Sophie said, taking it out of her pocket.
Eloise held her hands up. ‘I don’t know! I’m not sure if she’s just being dramatic. “My heart isn’t happy.” What does that even mean?’
Sophie stared at the note. Their mum could be prone to drama at times, but Sophie didn’t think this was the case here. Mariele surely wouldn’t want to worry them; she had presumably left the message to reassure them both, not stress them out. So, if she mentioned her heart, it was relevant in some way.
‘Well, it can’t be our father at any rate,’ Sophie offered. Their mother never talked about their father so she and Eloise had assumed he was a was
te of space.
Eloise shrugged. ‘I guess not.’
‘So…?’
Eloise shrugged again. ‘God, Soph! Who knows? There’s never been anyone serious, has there?’
Sophie devoured the rest of her delicious croque-monsieur, suddenly realising how hungry she was. It was true though; Mariele had never settled with anyone. She wasn’t exactly flighty when it came to men; there had been the odd guy on the scene on and off. But they didn’t seem to last very long and Mariele always said she had plenty to be getting on with looking after the twins and with her macaron business.
Sophie remembered Mariele talking about true love a lot when she and Eloise were younger and about following your heart, but there wasn’t much evidence of such things in Mariele’s life. She was a bohemian, creative woman who seemed to have left that side of her behind and immersed herself in the lives of her children and grandchildren, and in her work.
‘I miss her,’ Eloise blurted out.
Sophie grabbed Eloise’s hand. ‘Me too. We’ll find her,’ she said more confidently than she felt. ‘We have to.’
Eloise looked tearful. She was always the more emotional twin. ‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ she said. ‘And I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Raff.’
Raff. Sophie took a deep breath. Raff was a whole different ball game. ‘Go check on Georges,’ she said. ‘I’ll get this.’
Eloise stood up gratefully and kissed Sophie’s cheek. ‘Thank you. I need to get back to the nursery as well… I’ve missed nearly a week of work. I’ll call you later, Soph.’
Sophie nodded. Settling the bill, she stepped outside and walked back towards the cottage. The sun sat high behind the Sacre Coeur, throwing light out across Montmartre. Sophie was desperate to start searching for her mum, but first of all, she had to speak to Raff. Her heart started hammering at the mere thought of it, but she headed back to the macaron shop. She was determined not to lose her nerve.
* * *
Sophie reached the shop and promptly lost her nerve. Realising that she hadn’t had a shower since yesterday morning, she swiftly bypassed the macaron shop and went into the cottage instead. A long, hot shower that reminded her of her childhood as it hissed and spat for a few minutes before bursting into a fresh cascade of warm water felt like home.
