My arms wrapped around his neck while his thrusts returned to the fast and hard pace that almost destroyed me last time, only this time he had no intentions of stopping. The tingling returned, one of my hands gripping Declan’s shoulder while the other grabbed the blanket underneath us. Quicker than I expected, those tingles turned into an explosion throughout the lower half of my body, working its way up to my chest.
I cried out, digging my face into Declan’s muscular body just as he let out his own cry. His was less dramatic than mine, which did not surprise me at all. We stayed where we were, both of us huffing as our bodies relaxed.
I propped myself up, my forearms digging into each side of his chest. I would think this would be uncomfortable for him, but it either wasn’t or he was choosing to ignore it. He smiled up at me when he realized I was looking at him. He thought I was going to let him fall asleep, but he had another thing coming.
“Had I known sex with you would be this good, I might not have questioned the binding so much,” I laughed, rolling off of him, resting my head against his chest while his arm wrapped around my back. His fingertips brushed up and down my arm as I found myself wanting to shut my eyes. I understood why he was ready to fall asleep now.
“So, you’ll bind with me because of the sex?” he asked, chuckling enough that his chest bounced my head.
“It could be worse,” I said. “I could only bind with you for your coin.”
“You know damn well that your family has more coin than mine,” he said, pecking the top of my head. There was something about it that made me want to stay here in his arms forever. It was a small and gentle act, but the sensitive side of me loved it more than having him inside me.
“The coin and the sex didn’t matter,” I told him, my tone changing. “I’ve known it was you for a while now, but I just can’t help but be stubborn. You’ve always treated me well and looked out for me. I’d be stupid to turn you away just because it was my father’s idea.”
“Is this really you talking?” he asked, surprised just as much as myself that I was being nice to him and accepting our binding all within the same breath.
“Shut up, before I change my mind.” I slapped his chest as I pushed myself off of him. I reached for my robe hanging on my headboard, draping it around my back as I walked over to the couches. As I tied it closed, I noticed the journal was no longer on the table. Declan was across the room now, pulling his pants up.
“Where did the book go?” I asked him. He turned to point at the table, recognizing it was gone before he could answer me. He appeared to be confused, and at the same time understood what happened.
“What aren’t you telling me?” My voice grew louder as I watched him piece the puzzle together.
“Your brother,” he started to speak. “He asked me to wait for you up here to calm you down, knowing you wouldn’t be happy after your father brought you home.”
“What does that have to do with the missing journal?” I asked him, ignoring everything except for the explanation I was looking for. He was hesitant and angry, and I realized that he had been played just as much as I was.
He finally looked at me, his light blue eyes begging for forgiveness. “I didn’t know your brother was going to do this. I never would’ve agreed to wait for you up here had I known they were going to do this.”
“Get out!” I shouted as I picked up the candle sitting on the side table next to the couch, throwing it at him only to be annoyed when he ducked just in time. “You used me!”
I knew that he didn’t, but I was too upset to think clearly. My anger should’ve been directed at my brother and my father, but I was filled with a lot of different emotions that I didn’t deal with on a daily basis, and so I felt betrayed by Declan. He should have seen this coming but instead he was so focused on getting me into bed with him that he didn’t think twice about my brother’s request.
“You know that I didn’t, Lu.” He attempted to close the distance between us, but I put my hand up before he could come any closer.
“Don’t call me that!” I continued to raise my voice to the point where it felt like something had ripped along my throat. I didn’t like my emotions playing with me like this. It was almost as bad as my brother messing with Declan and I.
“Luna, please,” he begged, attempting to walk towards me one last time.
“Go, Declan,” I pointed towards the door. “I mean it. I need to be alone right now.”
“Is this how it’s going to be?” he asked. “You’re going to go back and forth between loving and hating me for the rest of our lives? Did you mean anything you just said before you realized the book was missing?”
“Don’t you dare turn this around on me,” I told him, my mixed emotions turning into rage.
“You know this isn’t my fault but you’re taking it out on me as if it is!” he shouted, surprising me that he raised his voice. I shouldn’t be surprised since I yelled at him first, but he usually stayed calm whenever I get mad at him. I guess he had finally had enough.
“You should’ve known Levi would do something like this!” I argued.
“How was I supposed to know that?” he asked. “I don’t live my life expecting people to fuck with my head. I’ve always been loyal to your father and your brothers and this is what they do to me? Maybe my father was right about your family.”
“I’m sorry, Declan,” I told him as my chin started to quiver and a burning filled my eyes. My father had gone too far this time. Hearing Declan say his father was right about us was a wakeup call and something he might have been holding on to for a while. I was so conflicted because he was right, but that didn’t mean the betrayal I felt wasn’t real.
He threw up his hands. “It’s too late for apologies. I was waiting for you to see that I was worthy of your hand, never thinking about whether or not you were worthy of mine. I guess I got my answer.”
He turned away from me, quickly walking towards the door. He’d never tried to leave my presence so fast before. He was right though. My family had the highest ranking, and no one ever questioned our worth. I was guilty of not questioning my worth because of my father’s blood running through me. I never once thought about Declan and what he deserved. He was always worthy of my hand. I just never gave him the time of day. Now he was walking away from me with no intentions or reason to return.
“Please don’t go,” I said softly as the first tear fell down my cheek.
“Now you don’t want me to go,” he laughed, but I could hear the hurt in his voice as he tried to hide it. “I would’ve stood by you, Luna, but then you thought the worst of me as if I was your brother or your father. I deserve better than this.”
“Yes, you do,” I whispered, as he walked out the door. He didn’t slam the door like I would’ve. He watched me break as the space between the wall and the door closed and then he was gone.
I dropped to my knees the second I could no longer hear his footsteps. I couldn’t decide if I was angry or hurt. Both emotions were so strong that I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to hit something and scream and let all my tears fall. How did I get to this place? Was all of this really because my sisters and I snuck out of the castle with good intentions? I didn’t even care about the damn journal anymore. This was about Declan and I. I’d pushed him away again right after I told him we were in it together.
What have I done?
The longer I thought about it, the more my eyes burned. I dropped my face into my hands and screamed. I didn’t know if it could be heard out in the hallway, but I didn’t care. When I was able to breathe again, I noticed the tears that had rolled down my cheeks, feeling them on my skin for the first time. I couldn’t get them to stop.
I heard a small voice come from the other side of my door. My reaction was to yell at whoever it was, telling them to go away, but then I recognized the heartbeat. It was Ivy. I called for her to come in and the door pushed open slowly. She saw me on my knees and quickly shut the door, rushing to my si
de.
“Miss Luna, are you okay?” she asked as her hand landed softly on my back. She examined me to make sure there were no physical injuries, and when she determined that I was fine, she relaxed and waited patiently for me to answer her. “What can I do to help?”
“I fucked up, Ivy,” I told her. I pushed myself towards the couch so that I could lean up against it. She stood up and waited for me to speak again as if I was going to give her an order. “Please sit down with me.”
She hesitated, but eventually she was on the ground leaning up against the couch opposite of me. She didn’t know what to do or say next. She just waited, letting me tell her what happened in my own time.
“I never should’ve left the castle,” I told her. “If I would’ve stayed put, then my father wouldn’t be mad at me, my brother wouldn’t have fucked over his best friend, and I wouldn’t have lost the love of my life.”
I had never referred to Declan as that. It didn’t really feel that way until this moment, but I know those words are true.
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself, Miss Luna,” she assured me. “One decision cannot impact all of those things without other factors falling into place first.”
“I should’ve known you were smart, too.” I smiled at her, wiping away the tears. “I wrongly assumed that he was part of my father’s and brother’s plan. I thought the worst of him when he had never given me reason to think like that. I don’t know how I could be so stupid.”
“Miss Luna…” She cocked her head as she spoke, a small smile appearing as I caught her eye. “Do you really think that Mr. Declan is going to abandon you at a time like this? You both just need some time to cool down.”
I shook my head. “You didn’t hear how mean I was to him. I was selfish, believing it was me who had been betrayed when really it was him. I don’t understand how my brother can say Declan is his best friend and then go and trick him like that.”
“People do unspeakable things when they’re desperate, Miss Luna,” she said cautiously, not knowing how I would react to her speaking about my brother like that. “I think decisions were made with no communication and everyone involved had to read between the lines.”
“Do you know what happened today, Ivy?” I asked, wondering how she was able to be so right about everything.
“I do not,” she answered. “But I have work to do all around this castle and I hear things that are none of my business. It’s hard to just ignore something when it’s being spoken so loudly.”
“Ivy, if you’re trying to tell me that you overheard conversations within the castle, I’m not going to tattle on you,” I assured her.
“It just sounds like each person involved only has a small piece of the information, and if you could all trust each other and put those pieces together, no one would be angry or betrayed,” she said quickly, moving on to apologizing for eavesdropping even though I’d already told her that she was not in trouble.
“How am I going to fix things with Declan?” I asked her, trying to distract her from her constant apologizing. “I wouldn’t forgive me if I were him.”
“I think you’ll find that it’ll be easier than you think.” She smiled again. “While you were busy pretending there was nothing between you, everyone in the castle noticed how much he adored you. He’s not going to let you go over one fight.”
“Thank you, Ivy,” I said as I stood up. She tried to beat me to her feet so she could help, but I insisted that she had done more than enough for me.
“Dinner will be in just a few minutes,” she told me. “Can I help you get dressed?”
“I won’t be joining my family for dinner tonight, but thank you for offering,” I told her as I reached my arms out to her. She was uncomfortable, and not because she didn’t know how to hug, but because she didn’t know what the proper protocol for this was. I laughed and told her it was okay to hug me back, and before I could finish telling her, her arms wrapped around my back gently. She made me feel tall, and that was what I needed right now. “Thank you for being such a good friend.”
“I’ll bring up a plate for you when your family is done,” she told me before she curtsied and walked back towards the door. I didn’t know how I was so lucky to get her as my maid, but I was grateful for it. She really knew how to bring me back to reality and give me hope at a time when it seemed impossible.
I ran into my closet and put on a clean set of clothes. I slipped on some boots and then ran towards the door, where I listened for any heartbeats coming or going. When there was nothing but silence, I opened the door, peeking my head out into the hallway. Avoiding the staircase, I ran in the opposite direction, taking the long way down to the stables. I passed several maids, who walked right by me, intentionally avoiding my attention. It was unspoken that if I didn’t tell anyone I saw them, they wouldn’t tell anyone that they saw me. I didn’t know why the head maid got mad at them for using the hallways instead of the tunnels. Their job of keeping this place clean all day and all night was hard enough. Sure, let’s add walking in tunnels so that the alpha family doesn’t have to be inconvenienced by their presence. I’d heard the speech and I could honestly say that I didn’t find their presence an inconvenience and I’d told the head maid that several times.
I came to the end of the hallway where a door to one of the tunnels was hidden off to the side. I looked back to make sure no one was following me and then I disappeared through the door. I grabbed a torch and placed it inside the fire pit that sat just on the other side of the wall. It wasn’t a large pit, but it was big enough to light the torch. I went down the stairs to the bottom floor, where the maids and the butlers did most of their work. I grabbed one of the cloaks that was hanging by the door and draped it around me before anyone could recognize me.
I ran for the stables, hoping that Declan would still be there. I knew that was where he went when he needed a break from something, but I wasn’t sure if he would skip the stables and go straight home after our argument. Even if he wasn’t here, I could at least see Chloe and give her some attention.
The stable door was closed when I reached it. With the wind blowing, the door slammed open. There was a boy a little younger than me brushing Levi’s horse; seeming startled by my entrance. I quickly apologized while I tried to shut the door. The wind was growing stronger, so the boy came over to help me. As I caught my breath, I thanked him and then looked around the stables for Declan.
“Who are you looking for, Miss?” he asked me when he noticed I was looking for something in particular.
“Declan,” I answered. “Has he been here recently?”
“He just left,” the boy answered. “He said he was going to the tavern for some ale.”
“Why would he do that?” I wondered out loud. “We have ale at the castle.”
“He didn’t seem to want to be at the castle, Miss,” the boy observed. “I don’t know what happened, but he said he needed to get away for a little bit.”
“You said he was at the tavern?” I asked before making my next move.
“Yes, Miss,” the boy nodded. I looked down at the ground and notice the boy did not have any shoes on. It seemed odd since the ground was so dirty in the stables and the path out here was usually muddy.
“Where are your shoes?” I asked him, pointing down at his feet.
“Oh,” he hesitated. “They’re up there.”
I could tell he didn’t want to answer me, but when he pointed up towards the second floor of the stables, I suddenly remembered what I had found earlier this morning.
“What’s your name?” I asked, before asking him if he was the one who kept his belongings up top.
“Micah,” he answered softly.
“You’re Joel’s boy, aren’t you?”
I remember our old stable keeper who died during the last cold season. He left behind a wife and a young son who he would bring to the stables with him whenever his mother was in the village to stock up on supplies.
“
Yes, Miss,” Micah replied.
“What are you doing here at this time of day?” I inquired. “I’m sure your mother is worried sick about you.”
“My mother passed on, Miss,” he told me, his face still, his eyes full of pain. Her passing had to be recent.
“I don’t understand, Micah,” I told him. “We just saw her a month ago when she brought supplies to the castle. She seemed okay when we spoke to her.”
“She passed three weeks ago, Miss,” he informed me. “I don’t know what took her. She was fine one day and the next she was gone in her sleep.”
“Have you been staying here in the stables?” I asked, even though I was pretty sure of the answer.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” he said as he wiped his face. “I’ve been eating some of the carrots that we give the horses. I don’t take a lot. Just one a day. No one has noticed they’re missing but I’m sorry for stealing. It’s just, I get so hungry.”
“Micah,” I said as I took a few steps toward him, “I need you to grab your belongings and come with me to the castle. We’re going to get you a proper meal and then a bed to sleep in until we can figure all of this out.”
“Please don’t be mad at me, Miss,” he said just before he turned away from me to climb the ladder.
“You’re not in trouble, Micah,” I assured him. “There is nothing to be mad at.”
I’ll admit, this was not what I needed right now. I needed to find Declan and beg him for forgiveness, but this young boy needed help. I couldn’t let him stay in the stables one more night. I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing he was out here in the cold.
“Have you been brushing the horses?” I asked him when he came back down with his bag and shoes.
“Yes, Miss,” he answered. “My father taught me how to do it. The new stable keeper does it wrong.”
“Well, I thank you for taking such good care of them,” I said as I reached for his shoulder to show him some comfort. “Now let’s get you taken care of.”
I helped him get Levi’s horse back in his stall and then we left, ensuring the stable door would stay closed even with the wind hitting it. I wrapped my cloak around his shoulders and pulled him in close to me so that he wouldn’t be too cold on our walk back to the castle. I took him in through the door that I had come out of, thinking he would get the most help from the maids and the butlers.
Rise of the Assassin (Child of an Alpha Series Book 1) Page 15
