by LJ Evans
His lips left mine, and I opened my eyes to see a smile on his face. Relief flooded me. Serious Derek had gone away again. “I really, really want to stay and finish this conversation.”
God, his tone was back too, the playful lightheartedness making me ache almost as much as his kiss had.
“Just go,” I said.
“Do you want to come?”
I shook my head. I didn’t. I needed some space. I needed to figure out what my warring body and brain were going to do with all the new information it had gathered that day.
“I don’t know how late we’ll be.” He was apologizing again. “Knowing George, he’ll have us try a dozen different things before he’s satisfied that the set is right.”
“Don’t apologize. This is what you’re here for.”
“I know. It’s what I wanted. It’s what we planned.” His hand brushed through his locks. “God, I just didn’t plan on also wanting to be here with you.”
My heart leapt at his words. Words that wiped clean the ones I’d been carrying around for eighteen months and that had been torn to pieces in the Camaro.
“Moron.” I pushed away, trying to lighten the mood. Trying to summon my inner Cam who was so good at being flippant and sassy. “Go do your gig. I’m fine. I’ll see you when I see you.”
He stepped back with the grin back on his face. When he got to the adjoining door, he pointed at it. “I’m leaving this open.”
Oh my God. Was that a statement or a promise? My heart skipped wildly. I just nodded and made a shooing motion with my hands. He started to leave but then took two rapid strides back to me, kissed me quick, and then walked away without looking back. I heard his hotel door slam shut.
I sank down on the bed. My heart hammered in my chest. My lips felt happy. I think I was smiling. A smile I didn’t know I could still use. For once, I didn’t want the guilt and the doubts to overwhelm my happiness, and I knew if I just sat in the silence, it would overtake me until I was barely able to breathe.
So instead, I reached for my phone. I couldn’t text Mama, because she would just worry. And Cam would want to bust something.
I texted Wynn.
ME: I think I’m falling for a sexy musician.
Moments later.
WYNN: Cam told me you’d gone insane and are on some tour across country with the band guy from the fundraiser. Where are you?
ME: Oklahoma City. At the Renaissance Hotel. And tomorrow I’ll be at The Criterion watching him play. And the day after that I’ll be spelunking with him at Alabaster Caverns.
WYNN: Is this really Mia? Or has somebody stolen her phone?
I didn’t know if I should now be offended or relieved that so many people didn’t believe that this adventure was something I would normally do. I guess I really hadn’t done anything in my life that would shock anyone. The only noteworthy thing I had done was give a kidney when I wasn’t even eighteen. And look how that had ended.
ME: It’s me. What do I do?
WYNN: The word spelunking kinda gave you away actually. Do you really want my opinion? I can tell you what Cam would say, don’t give him one chance to look at anyone else. Do anything and everything to demand he looks at you.
ME: You’re funny. If I wanted to know what Cam would do, I would be texting Cam. Besides, we all know what she would do. Bust everything until he didn’t have a choice but to look at her.
WYNN: LOL. Are you really falling for him or just lusting want-to—have-sex after him?
I wanted to text that I just wanted to have sex with him. Even though that was not something Wynn would ever expect to hear from me. I wanted to say that I was just in this for three weeks of escape. But only a day into this adventure, I was suddenly unsure I could do that.
ME: ????
WYNN: Well, I’ll just say one thing then. GO FOR IT!
ME: Would you?
WYNN: Doesn’t matter. Just do it. *Wink emoji*
After we’d said goodbye, I lay thinking again which was never a good thing. I knew I’d go stir-crazy if I stayed in the hotel room staring at the walls.
I decided I would go do laundry. I’d already burned through a stack of my clothes; there wasn’t a lot more in the suitcase.
Just as I was getting ready to leave, Mama texted to ask if we’d arrived. My stomach turned unpleasantly because I hadn’t texted her, and I’d made her worry. I apologized for not letting her know that we were at the hotel. I told her that I was going out to do laundry. Mama surprised me by texting back that I should just go shopping instead. She told me she knew Daddy had put money in my account, and that I should go splurge.
It seemed so not Mama. Neither her nor Daddy were big spend thrifts. They were save-now-for-later kind of people. Not that we’d really been denied anything growing up. It was just that they saw the need to put aside for the future.
I did need clothes, though. Something different from my usual business apparel or my teenage leftovers. Even though I knew it was yet another thing I’d feel guilty about later, I Googled the nearest shopping mall and found one not too far where I could get regular clothes and some caving gear.
I didn’t want to take Jake’s—Derek’s—Camaro without his permission, so I took a Lyft. I hadn’t spent the day shopping by myself, ever. I’d always had Wynn, or Cam, or some member of my fraternity with me.
In this case, I had no one to run opinions against. That was also kind of good. I had to rely on my own opinion. I had to decide what I liked and didn’t like. I picked up some more summer dresses and a pair of skinny jeans that didn’t make my curved hips and small legs look too out of proportion. And a couple blousy tank tops that I could wear to the clubs the band would be playing at and not feel like a leper. I got a pair of wedge sandals to go with it all and felt almost like a normal twenty-two-year-old. Almost.
Then, I hit the sporting goods store. Once there, I had to ask for help, and one of the salesmen was really nice. He asked where I was going caving and what I liked about it. I had to be honest that I was new to it all, but my friends were more experienced. When I was done getting a neoprene backpack, elbow and shin pads, a helmet, and some slick gear, I felt almost like I knew what I was doing.
The guy wrote his number on the receipt.
I just stared at it as I walked out. That had never happened to me before. I’d been way more talkative with him than I normally was. For once, I almost felt like maybe I could be the firefly Cam had always been. That maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to shine in the brilliant sky, instead of fade into invisibility like normal.
That just made the guilt hit me as it always did hardest when I started to feel too good. Because I didn’t deserve to shine. I definitely didn’t deserve to shine brighter than Jake or Cam. I wanted him back so he could shine with her.
By the time I got back to the hotel, my mood had sobered back up. It was almost eight o’clock. I wasn’t really hungry, and even though my body was begging for sleep, my brain wouldn’t rest.
Derek was obviously not back yet. I changed into my leggings and t-shirt, shut off the light, and climbed into bed. Then I did what I normally did to escape my brain and the world, which was to immerse myself in a new book. I opened the Kindle app on my phone and read the newest Jessica Park novel until my eyes drooped shut of their own accord.
I don’t know how long I’d been asleep when something woke me. Maybe it was the hotel’s air conditioning kicking in or laughter in the hallway. I glanced at the clock to see it was midnight.
I rolled over and screamed as a dark shadow moved at the edge of the room.
Just as I’d screamed, I realized it was Derek. He was leaning on the adjoining doorway, staring at me. Maybe my echolocation device had woken me up instead of a noise.
I sat up. “You scared me to death.”
He didn’t move. “I’m sorry. I was trying not to wake you.”
His voice was gravelly. Tired. I realized that not only had he r
ead the whole time in the car, but then he’d sang all afternoon. I hoped he wasn’t going to be hoarse for the show.
“You sound tired,” I said quietly.
“Beyond belief.”
What my body wanted to do was scoot over, and pull the sheet back, and invite him into my bed. Not for sex. I mean, that would have been awesome too, but just so that he could rest and I could make sure he did. But even though my boundaries had started to crumble, there was no way I was capable of inviting a guy into my bed of my own accord.
He seemed to be waiting for my invitation. Or for something. I wasn’t sure.
“You should get some rest,” was all I could offer out in a breathy voice that sounded way sexier than I could have made it if I’d tried.
“I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do that with you in here and me in there.” He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets.
My breath hitched. I nodded in agreement. Because I wasn’t sure I’d go back to sleep knowing he was in the next room either. With the door open. With the possibilities swirling between us like mist that might turn to rain.
He eased toward me and the bed, not backing down as he had the day before from my uncertainty. He looked down at me. “I’m really tired, Little Bird.”
Finally, I couldn’t not offer it up, because really, it would be rude to deny the man his rest, right? So, I pulled back the covers, scooted backwards, and offered up the space where I had just been.
He yanked his t-shirt over his head, and I stared in wonder at abs so beautifully contoured that I was sure he’d already been an underwear model. He stared at me as I stared at him. I wasn’t entirely sure that I wasn’t drooling. Embarrassingly. Then, he popped open his jeans and slid them down over lean hips and a rear end that would have looked brilliant in a football uniform.
I gulped air.
He slid into the covers, still watching me. We both lay down, staring at each other, eyes open, with a good twelve inches between us. He yawned. “This is not at all how I envisioned our first night in the same bed going,” he mumbled, eyes drooping.
“You envisioned us in bed together?” I asked quietly, and his eyes flashed back open.
“God, Little Bird, since the moment I saw you in that hideous pantsuit at the dealership.”
I smacked him, hand to bare chest, and he caught it up against him, eyes already shutting again. “But I’m no good tonight. Completely wiped.”
“Go to sleep, moron,” I said quietly.
He already was, with my hand still wrapped in his, held tightly against his chest. I stared for a long time, wondering again what the words wrapped around his wrists said, but it was too dark to see. I wanted to reach out and kiss them. And kiss the small tattoo on his neck. Instead, I found my own eyes drooping closed just as his had done.
I felt more relaxed than I had in so very long. Like I had come home. Or maybe like he had come home after a long haul. Like a sailor on a journey coming home to port. Ed was singing about a little bird in my head. Singing about coming inside and lying down with him, and staying there to kiss and read the truth in his lips. About holding each other, but also about not diving in too soon because that would only lead to heartache.
And for the first time in a long time, I was still smiling when I entered my dreams.
The Criterion
FALL
“And I will fall for you.
If I fall for you,
Would you fall too?”
-Ed Sheeran
A phone was ringing. I smacked at mine on the bedside table, but it did nothing to stop the song that I couldn’t quite place, but sounded oddly like Ed’s “Little Bird.” Definitely not my blues ringtone. I hated mornings. I wasn’t kidding. Really hated them.
When I moved and kicked another body, I squeaked in shock before the night came rushing back into my head. I rolled over to find Derek there, eyes still shut against the daylight that filtered in through the dark hotel curtains.
The noise was coming from his phone tucked in his jeans on the other side of the bed. How it didn’t wake him up was beyond me. I leaned over him and searched the floor, eventually coming up with his phone and hitting the home button to stop the sound. When I went to pull away, his arm snaked around me and kept me there. Half on top of him.
I looked down to find his groggy eyes open, and his impish smile stretching his cleft. I couldn’t resist any longer; my finger touched it before I could stop, like I’d been dying to do since the first day I’d met him. He caught my finger and pulled it to his mouth where he first nibbled on it and then sucked on it gently.
Oh my God, I was just a rolling blob of bubbling butter. I was toast. He moved from my finger to my wrist, kissing, nibbling, sucking, his eyes watching me the whole time. Curious. Waiting for me to fly, or stop him, or… I don’t know. Maybe he wanted me to surprise him. Shock him. I couldn’t. Not even when I was trying to be this Other Mia. There was only so much unexpected in my repertoire, whether he liked that or not.
“You look good in the morning, Little Bird.” His voice was scratchy and sexy as hell.
“You’re beautiful,” is what slipped out of me. I immediately wanted to thunk myself. Ridiculous. I wanted to wave my wand and make it go away.
He smiled. “I am, aren’t I?”
I went to pull away, but he caught me tighter around the waist and moved his lips to my inner elbow. Who would have thought that my inner elbow could be an erogenous zone? Not me, but my body was quickly liquefying. Pretty soon he’d have to have someone come scoop me into a bowl to move me.
His phone started again. This time I knew it was “Little Bird.” I wondered how long it had been his ringtone. He groaned and reached for the phone I’d placed on the side table, but his other arm still held me tightly against him. He wasn’t letting me fly. Not yet. I wasn’t ready to move, because I’d only be able to pour myself onto the floor.
“What?” he groused. “Shit. It is?” He pulled the phone away to look at it, and I realized he was probably late. We hadn’t set any alarms. Daylight was obvious through the curtain strands. How late was it? I couldn’t check. I was wrapped in a grip so tight that I thought I’d be a permanent member of his chest at any moment.
“Damn. Give me five.” He clicked off with another groan.
“You’re late?”
He nodded, but his eyes had returned to mine, searching them for something, and I still wasn’t sure what he hoped to find.
“I’m sorry.”
“You do that a lot,” he said, still taking me in.
“What?”
“Apologize for things that are out of your control. You have nothing to apologize for. I should have set the alarm.”
“You were too tired to remember.”
“Mia.”
“Yes?”
“Just kiss me.”
I stared at him for a moment, and then I did. I kissed him! Good Girl Mia kissed him first. True, he’d asked for it, but my lips met his, not the other way around. I wanted to applaud, but as soon as my lips hit his, his hand went to the back of my head and pulled me even closer. His tongue that had turned my insides to liquid butter moved inside my mouth in a way that made me crumble all over again.
My hands went to his hair and his face of their own accord while his hands snuck under my t-shirt to graze the bottom of my braless breast. My breath faltered, and my eyes flew back open to meet his.
He pulled back ever so slightly, removing his tongue from my mouth but leaving his hands where they twirled against the tender skin on the curve of my breast near my side.
“God… you kill me,” he said, and I could feel how much he wanted me. The push against his briefs that made my whole body tingle.
“I think it’s been five minutes,” I told him.
“Who cares?”
“George.”
A pounding on his door from the other room made him grimace. “That’s probably Lonnie.
He’s the only one stupid enough to come get me.”
Sure enough, we heard Lonnie’s laughing voice on the other side. “Derek, man, you gotta come on. George is about ready to piss his pants.”
“I’m coming!” Derek yelled back, but he hadn’t moved. He hadn’t loosened his hold on my waist.
“You don’t look like you’re coming,” I said and then instantly regretted it when his smile turned all sexy Puck again.
“I could very easily be coming. But it wouldn’t be right or fair to either of us.”
I tugged myself away, and he let me go with a sigh.
He raised himself out of the bed, tugging on his jeans, and I got a good look at the tattoo on the back of his neck. It was an eagle. Not huge, but with wings spread out, one pointing toward his ear, the other toward his shoulder blade. It was intricately made, even though it was only a couple inches long. An eagle. Just like I’d thought he was at the fundraiser. An eagle swooping down to capture me, the mouse. I wanted to touch it, but he’d already moved away.
“Shut the door behind me,” he said, and I wasn’t sure if it was to keep Lonnie out or to keep himself from returning to me. Or maybe to keep me out. I laughed inwardly, the smile reaching my face, and he groaned again.
He came back and kissed me quick like he had the night before, and then slipped out the door without looking back. I got up on shaky legs and shut and bolted the door just as I heard him let Lonnie in on the other side.
“Dude, you’re never late. You better get your ass in the shower before George bans Phillips from traveling with us,” I heard Lonnie’s loud mouth boom out.
“Like to see him try,” was Derek’s muffled response, and then the shower kicked in.
I looked down at the clock, surprised to see it was ten o’clock. We’d slept so soundly. I texted a good morning to Mama so she wouldn’t worry, then headed to the shower myself. When I came out, I had two texts. A return from Mama, and one from Derek saying they’d be at the venue until the show, but that he’d leave tickets and a backstage pass for me at the ticket window. He said to come early.
