by LJ Evans
Her movement caught his eye, and he turned, wiping his hands on the towel he’d thrown over his shoulder. He picked up the cash. “What’s this?”
“Um. Money,” she responded, twisting her t-shirt because she was nervous about his response. He hadn’t asked for money, but she wasn’t going to move in with him and not pay her portion of the bills.
He stared at her. “Why are you putting it here?”
“It’s for rent, or utilities, or whatever.”
“I’m not taking money from you.”
“But I’m going to be living here.”
“Yes.”
“Well, then I’m going to pay my way.”
“I didn’t ask you to move in with me because I needed the cash.”
“I know that. I know you don’t need the money, but I need to give it to you.”
“No.”
“Then I’m not moving in.” She turned and headed for the door, but she didn’t make it very far before he’d stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“Bella!”
She turned and stared at him, his face unreadable except for his eyes flashing warning signs.
“Look. It’s simple. You either let me pay some of the bills so I can at least feel an ounce of self-respect, or I don’t move in.”
“This is ridiculous.”
But that just made her dig her heels in more. Because he’d called her ridiculous on top of his inability to accept her money, his inability to accept the fact that she had to do this in order to be able to like herself every day.
They stared at each other. Him silent, arms crossed against his chest. Her with her hand on her hip and fire in her cheeks. Neither willing to bend. The ties that bound them tightening and separating at the same time.
“God. Just take it. It’s called a compromise. Have you never heard of it before?” she said, trying to lighten the mood.
“I won’t compromise on taking care of you.”
“I don’t want you to take care of me. I just want you to…” she caught herself before she said love. Because she did want him to love her, and wanting that made her think of her torn up past when she’d wanted other boys to love her. And it made her hate everything about the moment they were having. “I just want you to care about me.”
“Aren’t those the same things?” he asked, frustrated, trying to reach for her only to have her push his hand away.
“You know they aren’t.”
They stood staring each other down. Each waiting for the other to give. She wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to take it, but she was surprised when he was the one to give in first.
“Fine.”
“Fine?”
“Put the damn money in the cookie jar. I’ll use it as the bills come in.”
She’d prefer to have a few bills in her own name, coming to her, but she wasn’t sure she could push him that hard today. When she didn’t respond, the corners of his mouth twisted up.
“It’s called a compromise, Bella. Have you never heard of it before?”
She wanted to laugh at him, teasing her in a way that she knew was foreign to him, but she didn’t. Instead, she pushed past him, shoved the money in the cookie jar, and went to leave. He caught her hand, pulling her to him. This time she didn’t resist, and he kissed her until she’d all but forgotten about money and compromises.
But he hadn’t really compromised because when she went to put more money in the cookie jar a few weeks later, he hadn’t taken any of the original pile out. It was still sitting there. All of it. She realized that he was never going to use it. That she’d lost this battle with him. But she kept adding to it anyway because she couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t.
♫ ♫ ♫
Money wasn’t the only thing they struggled with in the month before graduation.
After her critical review of The Green Room and the free-range hamburger joint that Seth had taken her to, her average blog kind of blew up locally. She had restaurants asking to advertise with her and even more asking her to come review their place.
It should have been a good thing, but it felt like yet another thing that had happened because someone else, Seth, had done it for her instead of her earning it herself. Especially when she felt the need to take Seth with her at first because he was surprisingly knowledgeable about the locally sourced, farm-to-market business. And she knew nothing.
After she’d done a few interviews with him at her side, and he’d scowled one too many times at the owners or chefs who he thought were being overly friendly, she knew it was time to be on her own.
“I’m going out to Newport Beach tomorrow afternoon to meet with the owner of The Green Turtle,” she told him one night on the phone.
“Okay. What time do you want me to pick you up?”
She didn’t respond. She was trying to think about how to tell him she was going on her own.
“Bella?”
“I don’t want you to come.” It just spilled out. She held her breath, waiting for a response.
But he was silent.
“I have to do this on my own, Seth. If I can’t, it might as well be your blog.”
More silence.
“Seth?”
“It’s your blog. You write it.”
“But you’ve been spoon-feeding me.”
“I’m just a source. Like any other research source.”
“It’s not the same, and you know it,” she told him.
Back to silence.
“Before I met you, I did things like this all the time on my own,” she snapped because his quiet was as unnerving as his words could be.
“You met strange men on your own?” His tone held more than disapproval. It was almost anxious, which made her think of her own anxiety over the texts from No Caller that had slowly been increasing as she approached graduation. Was No Caller someone she’d met through her blog? Someone she’d interviewed? Someone who’d smiled at her and shook her hand? She shivered.
“I’ll take Claire,” she relented.
“Fine.” He wasn’t happy about it, but she knew he saw it as a compromise. But just like he hadn’t really compromised over the money, she hadn’t really compromised over this. It was just easier to let him think she’d compromised because telling him the truth would send him off the rails.
The truth was she was only taking Claire because of the guy that was scaring her more than her feelings for Seth.
♫ ♫ ♫
The week before graduation, No Caller sent a text every day. Most of the time they were encouraging, as if whoever it was knew that she was under a lot of pressure. They were easy to ignore. But the day before her last final, he sent one that sucked all her breath out of her.
NO CALLER ID: You graduate this week. It’s a time to celebrate. But you also need to think about your next chapter. Will you start it as someone’s throw away toy or as someone’s most cherished possession? I will cherish you. I will lay you down and shower you with kisses. Don’t wait for the monster to toss you aside like all the others did. Get rid of him before I do.
She reread it several times because, at first, she thought she’d misunderstood. But she hadn’t. He’d crossed the line. There was nothing okay about his text. He was talking about having sex and getting rid of Seth.
Her hands shook holding the phone as she scrambled through all the people in her life in her mind. She couldn’t come up with even one person who was disturbing like this in person. Not one.
She was still trying to calm herself down when Claire got home from a shift at the bar. Claire sensed something was up and sank down on the couch with her before asking, “What’s up, Butterfly?”
PJ handed her the phone in response. Claire read it and then reread it.
“What the hell is this?”
“Creepy, right?”
“More than creepy, Peej. This is like serial killer stalker. How long have you been getting these?”<
br />
“A couple months.”
“And you haven’t said anything?”
“I blocked the caller at first, and I called the phone company, but they said all I can do is change it so I can only get calls from people in my contact list.”
“Um. Then do that.”
“But the person sending it won’t know that I’ve done that. They’ll just continue to send the texts. At least this way, I know what he’s saying,” PJ tried to reason.
“Then you need to tell the cops.”
PJ stared at her for a moment, stomach twisting.
“You think it’s that serious?”
“I think it’s that serious,” Claire said solemnly.
But she hadn’t called the cops. Partly because she’d been focused on her last final, her burgeoning blog, and her relationship with Seth, but also because, honestly, she’d been reluctant to do so. She felt like she was making a stink over something that was probably nothing. What would the police do anyway? They’d just tell her to change her number.
And she knew she should. But she didn’t.
She wasn’t stupid. It was more like she wasn’t going to lose another battle with a stubborn guy. Like she was tired of being the one to cave and give in and change. So she did nothing instead.
♫ ♫ ♫
After her last final, she’d gone to the gym to find it filled with balloons and banners. There was champagne and cake and even a handful of presents. Liv and Justice were all smiles, and when she thanked them, they told her that Michael had arranged it. Which felt strangely excessive for a co-worker, and it felt awkward for the first time with him. When she thanked him, he beamed a sweet, happy smile that made her regret her own awkwardness.
“So, how are you celebrating?” Michael asked as he handed her a piece of cake. It was her favorite, butterscotch caramel, from the bakery she adored across town. She wasn’t sure how he’d known, but Liv had made it clear that all the choices had been his.
“Dinner with the fam. A night out at Bulldog’s with Claire and my roommates,” she answered.
“No big guy?”
“What?”
“The He-Man that you’re dating.”
She looked at Michael. He was serious. No more smiles. It was weird. She was right back to that awkward feeling. Doubts settling in that she hated herself for having.
“Well, I’m moving in with him, but no, he won’t be at the girl’s night.”
Michael stopped, fork halfway to his mouth.
“You’re moving in with him?”
PJ nodded.
“That’s really stupid.”
She choked on her cake. “Wh-what?”
“You hardly know him.”
That pissed her off because even though she sometimes still had her own doubts about moving in with Seth, she didn’t want anyone telling she was stupid for how she lived her life.
She might have said something she would have regretted if Liv hadn’t come up and handed her Cole. “Can you please hold him so I can have a piece of this lovely cake without him grabbing at it?”
She let herself get sidetracked with the baby, but she hadn’t forgotten the disturbing feeling when she went to say goodbye to everyone. She tried to give Michael a loose hug with as much distance between them as possible, but instead of keeping the distance she set, he pulled her tighter. She would have had to force herself away if Justice hadn’t pulled at her to get his own hug.
It made PJ wonder about Michael in a way that she hated. It made her think of No Caller, and she didn't want to associate the two in her brain. She didn’t want sweet, nerdy Michael to be creepy, stalker dude.
So, she ignored it like she was ignoring all the red flags in her life.
♫ ♫ ♫
On graduation day, she got dressed in a little black dress, donned her cap and gown, and went to the stadium with Claire, Haley, and Mina. Seth found them before the ceremony and handed each of them a bouquet. Her friends were surprised, but she wasn’t. It was so typical of the Seth she’d come to know. The one that thought of others. The one that pulled at her heart and made her momentarily forget their arguments over her need for independence.
Locke, Justice, Liv, and baby Cole were in the stands with Seth that day, but every time she looked into the crowd and found them, it was Seth’s happy grin she saw. A grin that was rare, but when it shined, it was hard to look away from. He was so happy for her. That she had accomplished something that was important to her. But she knew he was also happy for them. Because graduating meant that she was finally moving in.
She still missed her parents being in the stands, but her heart was also full. She was lucky to have amazing people there cheering her on when Seth had had no one there for him.
PJ became a little melancholy while hugging Claire at the end of the ceremony. Even though she and Claire would still see each other, it wouldn’t be the same as sharing a room and whispering about their wishes and dreams in the dark. Claire hugged her tightly as if she felt it too.
Claire left with her exuberant family who’d made the short journey down from Thousand Oaks. The twins went off with their families. And PJ’s family journeyed to dinner at La Traviata like she’d asked. The girls planned to meet back at the apartment the next day for the all-nighter they’d promised each other.
At the restaurant, Seth seemed more relaxed than usual. When they’d eaten and had dessert, he handed her a gift bag. Inside was a beautiful metal box that he’d made. It had twisted vines knotted together almost like the ones in the shadow box that he’d shown her. Hidden in the vines was a fairy. Similar to the one in the dewdrop he’d given her an age ago at The Green Room.
“It’s gorgeous,” she breathed, running her hands along the twisted metal.
“You keep giving away your art, and I’m gonna be broke,” Locke teased.
“It really is lovely,” Liv said, transferring Cole to her other arm so she could take a closer look.
“Open it,” Seth said, and PJ looked up in surprise.
“There’s more?” He smiled so beautifully at her that it dug him deeper into her heart.
Inside the box was a Pandora bracelet, but instead of being covered with the typical beads, Seth had surrounded it with bits he had made. Inside them were sparkling gems and twisted pieces of gold and silver. It was exquisite and must have cost him a small fortune because he’d used precious metals and real stones.
“It’s too much,” she said looking up at him, shame filling her even as she knew it shouldn’t. Her tiny accomplishment faded in her own eyes. She’d just finished stupid college like a million other twenty-somethings did every year.
Seth took it from her hand, opened the lock, and placed it around her wrist. He kissed her palm, and she forgot her shame as they both forgot that there were other people at the table… or in the restaurant… or maybe in the world.
Justice cleared his throat. Baby Cole gurgled. And they were brought back to the smell of garlic and wine.
“I guess I need to get in touch with a jewelry designer now too? Jesus, kid, you’re gonna make my life a living hell.”
“You’ve made enough off my art to last you a couple years,” Seth said, but it wasn’t with as much bite as usual.
“How am I gonna live up to that now?” Justice said with a groan. “When Liv’s birthday comes around, I’m coming to you, and you better come up with something spectacular.”
“Better than spectacular,” Liv harassed.
Everyone laughed, and PJ felt happy and light. Like for a brief moment everything fit perfectly together.
The bill came and Seth wouldn’t let anyone pay. “She’s my kid sister,” Justice said. It was funny to see the men in her life bickering over something as simple as a meal.
“Just let him,” Locke said, waving at Seth. “He’s the one who just cashed in a cool million.”
Liv and Justice’s mouths hung open because they hadn’t kno
wn. Her momentary bubble of peace burst because it reminded her how uneven their relationship was. Seth wasn’t some struggling artist. He was a highly successful one. A millionaire. She was a semi-successful local blogger who relied on her boyfriend for assistance and had no other prospects. And even though she’d given him money, he hadn’t touched it. It still sat in the cookie jar where she’d put it. Because he didn’t need it. He wouldn’t need anything that she could give him.
As they left the restaurant, the marine layer made its way in, causing them all to shiver. Liv hugged her and took the baby off to the car. Locke kissed the top of her head and took off as well, leaving Justice to say his goodbyes.
Seth had his hand entwined in hers. Justice was taking it all in. PJ knew he was thinking about the gifts Seth had given her, and the million dollars, and maybe thinking that Seth wasn’t as bad for her as he’d originally thought. While she was glad that Justice was inching his way toward acceptance of Seth, it also irked her that money and gifts would be the reason.
“We’ll meet you at the apartment tomorrow at nine then?” Justice asked. He and Locke were helping them move her stuff from the apartment to Seth’s. Seth had protested at first, but he didn’t have a truck, and Justice did.
“Sounds good,” PJ responded. She let go of Seth and reached for Justice. “Love you from the top of my aorta to the bottom of my posterior vena cava.”
He squeezed her tight before giving his typical response, “Right back at you, S&M.”
Then he was gone, leaving her with Seth who tangled his fingers back with hers. He pulled her up against his chest, her new bracelet slipping down as her hands balanced against his muscular frame.
“You ready to go home?” He looked down at her with eyes smiling, with eyes that spoke of all the things he wanted to do to her when they got back to the house, and she shivered, this time from anticipation instead of the fog.
In response, she stood on her tiptoes and nipped at his bottom lip with her teeth. He kissed her long and hard before opening the door of the Porsche so that he could take her back to his place and shower her with his touch instead of presents, and she thought again that maybe it would all work out.
