by Ella Miles
“No,” Beckett says. “I won’t put you or the babies at risk.”
I stroke his face. “I don’t think giving a little of my blood would be putting me or the babies at risk.”
Beckett frowns though, not liking it. “Let’s get through the worst part first; then we will see if I need blood.”
“What’s your blood type?” Enzo asks.
“A negative,” Beckett says.
“I can give him blood. I’m the same blood type,” Enzo says.
My eyes flicker back and forth between the two men. Still, neither of them has admitted out loud that they know the other is his brother. Now probably isn’t the best time.
“I’m going to give you some morphine to help with the pain,” Enzo says.
Beckett nods and doesn’t even flinch as Enzo inserts the needle into his arm and pushes the drug in.
“The drug will probably take a few minutes to kick in, but…” Enzo can’t finish his sentence.
Beckett chuckles. “But you can’t wait, or I’ll bleed out and die. I know. Don’t act like you aren’t going to enjoy this.” Beckett picks up the saw and hands it to Enzo.
I can’t hide my horror. I know if we leave Beckett’s arm attached he will bleed out and die. Or it will get infected, and he’ll die slowly, even if we can stop the bleeding. I’m not sure how amputating his arm will reduce the blood loss, but I know his arm either needs a very skilled surgeon to try and stitch it back together, or it needs to be amputated. But I can’t imagine the pain he will feel. And not just the physical pain, the emotional loss of an arm.
Enzo grabs a tourniquet and wraps it around the undamaged upper part of Beckett’s arm.
I can’t watch. I’m not strong enough.
But I can’t leave. I’m not selfish enough.
“What would the woman of your dreams do in a situation like this?” I ask Beckett, mirroring how he behaved when I was in the hospital, and Enzo wasn’t there.
“She’d flash me her boobs and give me a lap dance.”
I laugh, and we both look up at Enzo, who is barely keeping his anger under control. He’s stiff, red, and practically chewing his bottom lip off.
I smirk at Beckett, knowing he just said that to get a rise out of Enzo. But to Enzo’s credit, he doesn’t say anything to Beckett.
“Seriously, though?” I ask, needing to be here for Beckett. He is my brother-in-law, after all. And he risked his life to save mine and Enzo’s. I owe him everything.
He sighs. “Hold my hand. Tell me how much she loves me. Distract me.”
I nod and grab the hand that isn’t about to get chopped off as I stroke his face.
“Are you sure?” Enzo asks, his voice strong and steady. There is no hesitation or resistance. He’s strong enough to do this.
If it were Beckett’s life rested in my hands and required being able to drive the saw into his arm, I don’t think I could do it.
“Get it over with, man,” Beckett says.
I grab Beckett’s head and turn it toward me and away from Enzo, while I silently pray the morphine or adrenaline has kicked in, and Beckett won’t feel this.
Enzo drives the saw into his arm, and the scream from Beckett is something I’ve never heard before. It’s guttural, torturous, and all consuming.
I wince and blink back my tears as Beckett continues to scream and twist his head, but tries to remain still on the table.
I grab Beckett’s head again and turn him toward me. Doing what he asked of doing what the love of his life would do if she were here.
“I love you, Beckett. You are so strong. You saved my life. You saved Enzo’s life. You saved my future. I can never repay you.”
He calms a little as I speak. But tears run down his face in floods. And I know every time Enzo goes to work again, because Beckett's screams return.
“Do you hear me, Beckett? You are so loved. I owe you everything. And I’ll spend my life trying to pay you back. You are so loved,” I say, but Beckett’s screaming gets worse.
“Kiss him,” Enzo says suddenly.
“What?” I ask, so confused.
“Kiss him,” Enzo growls.
The situation is so intense. But I grab Beckett’s lips and kiss him hard on the lips. Beckett doesn’t know how to respond. His lips don’t part. He doesn’t welcome me in with his tongue like Enzo would. Our lips are just pressed together. But Beckett is no longer screaming in pain. I don’t know if it’s the shock of the kiss that halted the screaming or if he can’t get enough oxygen to scream. Or maybe the endorphins from the kiss are helping with the pain. Whatever it is, it seems to help. So I keep my lips pressed against his.
“You can stop, stingray,” I hear Enzo’s weak voice.
I lift my lips and realize that Beckett has passed out.
I look up at Enzo. Both of us have tear-stained eyes.
“You wanted me to kiss him so he would pass out?” I ask.
Enzo’s eyes water more. “Yes, I thought if you made it harder for him to breathe, he would pass out on his own. The drugs were taking too long to kick in, and if I gave him more, I could kill him. But I thought depriving him of oxygen for a few minutes would calm his system down enough to go unconscious.”
“But I could have just covered his mouth and nose for a few seconds; I didn’t have to kiss him.”
Enzo tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “That seemed too cruel. This seemed kinder.”
I smile through my tears. “You are a good brother.”
“Don’t say that. It killed me watching you kiss him even though I knew it meant nothing.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I need to finish.”
I nod, and we fall silent as Enzo finishes sawing through tendon and bones.
When the arm is separated, he applies pressure, flushes out the wound, then stitches him up, stopping the bleeding.
But when I look on the floor under the table and see the amount of blood, I’m not sure Beckett is going to make.
“He’s going to make it, he just needs my blood,” Enzo says.
I nod. I race over and grab the needle and tubbing, happy to help in some way. Then I place the needle into Beckett’s vein carefully before going over to Enzo. I don’t like hurting him, even with a needle.
Enzo smiles. “I can handle a needle poke.”
I nod. “Right, sorry.” I wipe my face and then insert the needle into his arm as I’d watch the doctor do before when I was giving blood to Enzo.
I watch carefully, not able to breathe until I see the blood flowing from Enzo to Beckett.
Now, all we can do is wait, and pray that Beckett wakes up. We’ve done everything we can for him. He just has to find a way back—a way to wake up. Beckett has to choose to live.
19
Enzo
Waiting sucks.
I fucking hate waiting. But that’s what we’ve been doing for hours—waiting.
Kai and I have taken turns cruising the yacht further out to sea. Zigging and zagging our path, hoping Felix won’t be able to find us. We both secretly wish we could stay right next to Beckett’s side and wait for him to wake up.
Beckett is strong. I know that. There is no way he should have survived the explosion. He shouldn’t have survived floating in the water. He shouldn’t have survived the amputation. But he did.
Now we just have to wait for him to wake up.
“You should eat,” I say to Kai, who is sitting in a chair next to Beckett’s bed while I pace.
“Yea, I will.”
I would offer to go make her food, but I hate leaving Beckett’s side. This is my fault. If he had just tried to save Kai, they would both be alive and healthy, while I would be dead or at least severely injured. It should be the other way around. I should be in Beckett’s position, and him in mine.
But he saved my life. And now I can’t leave his fucking side.
“Enzo,” Kai says cautiously, looking at Beckett.
I race to the other
side of the bed as Beckett opens his eyes.
“How are you feeling?” Kai asks.
“Like you have one deadly kiss there, woman. Your kiss was so strong you knocked me out,” Beckett teases.
Kai grins. “Sorry about that, but glad to see you still have your humor. I didn’t think you would remember that kiss.”
“I would never forget a kiss like that,” Beckett says, winking at her. But I know he’s teasing me as much as reassuring her.
This time, I don’t care. I don’t get angry or jealous. I don’t even tense up. I’m just happy he’s fucking alive to rib me like this.
“And you, we need to work on your sawing skills. If it were me, I could have had your arm off in five seconds flat.”
I smile.
“I’ll hold you to that if I’m ever in a situation that calls for needing my arm sawed off. But unlike you, I won’t do something stupid like jump on a bomb about to explode.”
He grins. “Next time you are about to die from a bomb, I promise I won’t jump on it.”
“Good.”
Kai looks from me to Beckett. “I’m going to go fix you some tea and food.”
“Think you could make it something stronger than tea?” Beckett asks.
Kai smiles and nods then leaves Beckett and me alone.
“Thank you,” we both say at the same time.
Beckett is silent, letting me talk first.
“Thank you for saving my life. You shouldn’t have. You could have just saved Kai. I owe you everything,” I say, holding the tears back but just barely. It probably helps that I’ve spent the last two days crying so I have nothing left.
“You would have done the same for me.”
I nod. “I will do the same thing for you.” I wouldn’t have before, but I would now.
Beckett stares at the nub left of his arm. “Thank you for saving my life. Not many men are strong enough to saw off an arm.”
“It wasn't my first time.”
He grins. “I figured that. But you also didn’t have to tell Kai to kiss me.”
I shrug. “You needed to pass out. And I knew Kai didn’t have any feelings for you. That kiss served two purposes. To get you to pass out and prove to you that Kai is mine, you never stood a chance with her.”
Beckett raises an eyebrow. “I never tried to have a chance with her. I knew from the moment I saw her with you, she would never be anyone else’s but yours. I didn’t need her to kiss me to know that.”
I nod. “Then, why did you save us?”
“Because I care about her. I love her like a sister. And when I saw what the two of you have, I knew it deserves to be protected. The love you share is rare. I couldn’t just let it fail. And I knew if I had only saved her, she would never survive without you. She was only holding on for the babies before. But once they were born, she would have struggled to survive to live. She needs you.”
“There is a reason you and I share a connection. A reason Felix and Kai’s father both sought you out, out of all the people with your skillset in the world,” I say.
“I’d like to think I’m the only one with my skill set.”
I shake my head. “When you are healthy, we will see who has more skills.”
“Sure, wait until I lose an arm to challenge me,” Beckett says with a broad grin, lightening the mood before I turn it serious.
“Is Beckett your first or last name?” I ask.
“Last name, why?”
“Beckett was my mother’s maiden name.”
“Julia Beckett?” he asks, realization on his face.
“Yes.”
He swallows hard. “She put me up for adoption when I was little. I never knew her. My father was listed as Leone Rinaldi.”
I nod. “He also goes by Leone Black.”
Tears tickle the corner of both of our eyes. “You're my brother,” I say.
“Wow,” Beckett finally says after a pause. “That means Felix…”
“Is also your half-brother. Welcome to the family,” I chuckle.
“Jesus, my half-brother tried to kill me,” he says.
“He’s tried to kill me too. I’m sure he figured it out and thought he could either turn you against me or use you as bait to get me to come to him and fight for your freedom.”
Beckett frowns. “Brothers.”
I nod. “Brothers.”
“I always wanted a sibling growing up. I had good, caring parents when I was adopted, but they didn’t want another child. That’s why I joined the army and eventually, the FBI. I wanted to feel that bond with someone else. That protect others at all costs thing you only get when it comes to family.”
“Our mother did the right thing giving you up. Our father would have only turned us against each other. He would have made us fight daily to prove to him who is stronger to enter the games to become Black. We wouldn’t have had the chance to be real brothers. It’s better this way. Because now we can be real brothers.”
“I’m the better looking one,” Beckett says.
I smirk. “You wish.”
Beckett is blonde, with fair skin, and a big heart. He’s light where I’m dark. But watching him, I realize just because you were born into the Black family doesn’t mean you are destined to be bad. You can fight to live in the light. Beckett is proof of that.
“So what’s your first name?” I ask.
“Eli.”
I hold out my left hand. He takes it with his left hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Eli.”
“You too, brother. Does this mean you no longer think I’m working with Felix?’
I laugh. “Yes, Kai was right. You are on our side. One of the good ones. I trust you with my life.”
“Good, I trust you with my life too.”
I nod. “Sorry about your arm, though.”
He shrugs. “Chicks will dig the saving my pregnant sister’s life story.”
“They probably will.”
His smile drops. “Speaking of my sister-in-law, what are we going to do to protect her?”
I sigh and run my hand through my hair. “Everything we can.”
He nods.
“We are going to sail away, never staying in one place to make it impossible for Felix to find us. We will fly a doctor out when she gives birth. And then once she and the babies are stable, we will hide them away with someone I trust to protect them. And you and I will go kill our half-brother and every other man that follows him. You and I will end this together.”
Beckett grins. “Good, because I’m ready for a fight.”
20
Kai
Beckett’s recovery is both easy and hard. He never once loses his humor throughout the entire process, which helps keep the emotional toll of losing his arm from overpowering him. But physically, his journey isn’t easy, especially when recovering without medical help and limited drugs to help him deal with the pain.
It also doesn’t help that every day we spend on the sea running from Felix is another day of anxiety, worrying he will eventually find us. The fear creeps in every day. But every day we outrun it.
I spot Beckett sitting on the edge of his bed, trying to tie his black boots. He tries again and again and then grabs the shoe off his foot and throws it at the door, barely missing hitting me.
So maybe he isn’t dealing with the loss of his arm so well after all.
“Sorry, I wasn’t aiming for you,” he says, hanging his head between his legs.
“At least you were able to zip and button your jeans today,” I say, hoping it will make him smile.
“Yep, sign me up for the Olympics, today I buttoned my own pants!”
I laugh, but I can feel the sadness in his eyes. I pick up the shoe he tossed and give it back to him.
“You want to talk about it?” I ask.
He shrugs. “There is nothing to talk about. I don’t regret what I did. I would do it a thousand times over. It just sucks. You never knew how much you depend on something until it’s gone.”
/> I sit on the edge of the bed next to him. “I understand. I felt the same way after Enzo was taken from me. I always knew I loved him, but not how much it would impact my life until he was gone. I know it’s not the same thing. The pain you must be experiencing is…”
He wraps his arm around me. “The pain is worth it. Every time I see you and Enzo together, I’m reminded just how worth it is. And I didn’t just do it for you. I got a brother and sister out of the deal. Giving up an arm seems like a small sacrifice in comparison.”
I lean my head against his chest. “I understand. I would give up an arm for you too.”
He kisses the top of my head. “I know you would, but I’m glad you don’t have to.”
I wipe a small tear away that had fallen from my eye. Then I sit up. “But enough of the pity party. You are healing every day. I’m here to help you get stronger and make sure you can tie your own damn shoes. I’m getting too big to tie your shoes for you.” I lean down to try to tie his shoes, but my oversized stomach gets in the way.
He laughs, watching me struggle. He lifts his other shoe off and hands it to me.
“Thanks,” I say.
“I can’t believe you still have another month left. I don’t know how you are going to manage walking much longer.”
I give him a dirty look. “You’re not helping. I’m going to leave you to figure out how to tie your own damn shoes if you comment one more time about looking like I’m ready to pop.”
He chuckles, but I’m not really upset even though I give him a dirty look. He of all people is allowed to make fun of the size of my belly. He gave an arm to make sure I’m still here.
“Anyway, back to shoe tying. I did some research and figured out how to tie a shoe with one hand. First, you cross the laces; then you use your foot to hold tension on one of the laces while your hand makes a loop with the other. Then you push that loop under the other lace. Let go of that lace with your foot. Use your fingers to wrap the lace around the loop and push it through with your thumb.” I demonstrate on my lap, pretending my second hand is my foot since I can’t bend over right now. I mess up three times before I finally get it right.
