by Leah Fleming
Ewan knew what he was doing. He would rescue the child while she must run and do his bidding. For a second she lost concentration and shifted her balance, losing her grip so she began to slip, grasping at the rough slime, plunging backwards on to the sand.
Winded and shocked by the fall she knew she was stranded. Her ankle was suddenly numb. It wasn’t working. Trying to stand only made it worse. Just when she was needed most she busted her ankle and would have to hobble up the shingle to the path, crawl if needs be, but she knew where there was the one telephone on the counter of Balenottar post office.
If she had to crawl on hands and knees she would make that village and raise the alarm. Tying her scarf tightly round her ankle she forced herself to stand, and hobbled, wincing with pain and frustration. Where was the island girl who once could race barefoot over rocks? Where was Minn Macfee in this feeble useless body, and where the hell was Harry?
Then she saw the black saloon heading down the bumpy track and knew the cavalry was arriving in the nick of time. Now everything would be all right. She sat down on a boulder, waving furiously. Harry jumped out of the car.
‘Is she with you? I’ve been searching with Sandy here. The blighter darted off while my back was turned.’
‘Where’s Hew?’ she cried, trying to hobble forward.
‘He’s fine, in the bar fast asleep. Where’s the young madam, scaring me half to death…?’ Harry saw the look on Minn’s face as she pointed to the rocks.
‘What’s happened? Oh my God! She’s stuck on the rock and the tide’s nearly covering it…’
‘Ewan’s swimming up to hold her. We’ve got to do something and quick or we’ll lose them both to the tide,’ she screamed. ‘And it’s all my fault.’
Harry was running and Sandy was running and she was stuck with only an old umbrella to lean on as she jumped into the car. She would drive for help, drag out every man she could find and summon the villagers before it was too late.
*
Ewan was climbing, gripping on to the tiny crevices, shinning up, edge by edge, to where the girl sat shivering. ‘Lie flat,’ he ordered her. ‘Cling on to the rock and it will hold you,’ he added, trying to coax her to move, but she was terrified. All he was thinking about was getting up there before the tidal waves washed over her, sweeping them both out to sea.
Minn would be running for help, gathering nets and lines and men in boats who would risk themselves on the swell for a child.
He looked up at her face, the dark frightened eyes and the frown. She didn’t look like Harry or Minn with that sodden black hair. Anna was little more than a baby with long legs, a fearless madam to get herself out into such danger. She began to whimper and shiver, eyeing him with a fierce curious gaze.
‘Stay down flat. I won’t be long. Mummy’s gone for help,’ he panted, for the exertion was tiring his limbs. It was years since he had tried himself against the rocks with the SBS.
You’re unfit, man, gone flabby with all that sitting, he thought, but his will of steel would give strength to his muscles. He knew this coastline only too well, and this time the sea mustn’t take this child as it had taken Agnes.
He looked up and for a flash of a second he thought he saw his sister lying flattened on the rock, her face looking down at him. For a second it unnerved his concentration to be seeing a ghost. Was this all a bad dream? Was he swimming out again after his sister who had died on these very rocks?
The wind biting his fingers, whipping his face was no apparition. This was real and he was losing his grip with such fantasies, but if he could save Anna it would be one back from the dead, a life saved, a fresh start, a debt repaid. No more hankerings after the past and possession of Minn. He would be free of the guilt for ever. This was his plea bargaining to himself as he clambered the last few feet.
One more lift and he would have her within his grasp. There was barely enough room for the two of them but once he grabbed her he was not going to let Anna go. He edged himself slowly on to the tiny island and smiled at her.
‘I’m Ewan, a friend of your Mummy, come to get you back home, but first you must do everything I say.’ He smiled, holding her into his body, rubbing her arms to keep her warm.
‘Why is the sea hurting us?’ She looked up at him in all seriousness.
‘The sea is the sea, Anna, it does what it always does. It takes its orders from the wind and the moon,’ he replied, looking up with relief to see a line of men edging towards them slowly, dodging the crashing spray as best they could.
‘Look who’s coming! There’s Sandy and Archie Kinnoch.’ He pointed. He could see Harry Lennox following behind, carrying what looked like a net. There was a crowd gathering on the beach. Word would have got back to Johanna on the island bush wires and she would be worrying.
How could he ever think of betraying her trust? How could he ever snatch at his own happiness without ruining hers?
Yes, there was still the Minn of his dreams but she was changed by motherhood and other experiences he would never want to share. We were never meant to be together, he thought, as he held her daughter tight.
This obsession to possess her again would be an all-consuming drive if he gave into it. He knew that from his art. It was enough to have one demanding mistress in his life, not two, and where would that leave Johanna?
Pursuing his old love meant hurting good people and innocent children. How could he have ever have dreamt of betraying his wife? All that mattered now was saving this child and getting off this damned uncomfortable rock and back to his studio. This was all his doing. His timing was always out of kilter when it came to Minn Macfee. Now timing was of the utmost if they were to get off the rocks safely.
‘What took you so long!’ he shouted to Sandy. ‘Can we fix up a line? I can’t risk her in the sea.’
‘I can swim.’ Anna was coming to life as she saw Harry Lennox hovering anxiously. ‘Daddy!’
‘Not in this tide you can’t, young lady. Is there another rope and a buoy? Tie the rope round the buoy and throw it,’ Ewan ordered, thinking on his feet. If he could loop it through the other rope and make a swing he could carry the weight of this little girl, sitting on the buoy while she was thrown across the flooded gully to safety.
‘Is there no other way?’ shouted Harry. ‘She’ll need coaxing. We’ve brought some nets.’
‘There’s no time to scramble the nets, just let’s try it before the waves push me forward.’
‘What about you, Ewan? They’ve called out the lifeboat, but with this sea…’ Sandy shouted.
‘Just get on with it, now,’ he screeched as he secured the buoy to the rope. He turned to Anna. ‘Now we’re going to play a special game of swing the boats. I want you to sit in the buoy and hold on tight.’ He smiled, edging her towards the lifebuoy. ‘Then I’ll lift you up and slide you across the little sea to your daddy, very slowly. Don’t look down, look across to your daddy and cling on tight, promise me?’ He was mouthing the words above the roar of the water crashing on the rock.
‘Are you coming too?’ she asked.
‘When you’re safely across I’ll come across on the rope,’ he replied, hoping there would be enough time to jump on the rope and abseil his way back down. ‘Let’s do it now.’ He wrapped the rope round his body. Never had he needed to be grounded into these rocks as he did now. It was going to take strength, luck and cunning to outwit the treacherous seas.
Slowly, with her eyes clenched shut, Anna clung astride the lifebuoy at an angle as they winched it across the raging water, swinging.
Ewan was straining every muscle to hold her against the wind and the slippery surface, while arms were flung out waiting to grab the child as she slid ever closer to the next slab of rock. For a second the rope slid into a grint of rock, dangling her out of the edge, stuck rigid, but Archie Kinnoch was already dangling down, unhooking the rope.
Ewan could feel his strength giving out. ‘For God’s sake grab her now. I can’t hold on much longer!’
He was kneeling, bruised and battered, when he felt the sling on the move again. He thought he saw her red coat bundled on to the rock but he wasn’t sure for a huge wave crashed over his head and he was flung over the edge into the raging sea.
Exhausted, stunned by the cold water, thrashing blindly as the water rose over his head, he bounced up towards the surface where for a brief second he bobbed and thrashed his way in the direction of the shore.
So it’s come at last, the final challenge. Even in extremis he was arguing with himself. You can’t fight this, forwards or backwards. You’re trapped by the force. You can’t last five minutes in this chill. You’re doomed. You’re doomed if you give in to defeat, he argued with himself, floundering to gain some control. You’re a sailor with a few tricks up your sleeve, fight to the end. Don’t let the sea cailleachs drag you under, make a fight of it to the end. You don’t want all your past life to float before your eyes.
Lifted and thrown, sucked in and out, he was running out of steam. Damn the mighty swell. He was not giving in yet. Ride it like a horse, whispered a voice in his head. Ride the waves, Ewan, but then the sea would have the last word. The sea would decide his fate. Agnes, Normandy, Ken Broddick and now this. Let the sea decide.
*
‘What’s happening?’ yelled Minn, hobbling as best she could back towards the beach, where the villagers were gathered. She had driven from Balenottar like a mad woman to the Crannog. Someone had to tell Johanna. She didn’t feel the pain in her ankle, only the terror of being away from the scene a second more than she had to.
Johanna was already tearing down the lanes on her bike. She had thrown the bike down in the hedge, jumped into the car and driven while Minn tried to explain about Anna and Ewan and the rescue attempts.
‘The wee girl’s saved, dragged over on a rope. The lifeboat’s out on the water. They’re doing what they can,’ said her neighbour, Hector Sinclair, coming up the shingle to meet them.
‘Is Ewan with them?’ Johanna was searching the rescuers.
‘He got washed off the rock, Mistress Mackinnon. The boat’s out looking for him the now.’ Hector was straining to catch a glimpse of the lifeboat chugging over the waves from Kilphetrish harbour.
Minn felt sick, grabbing Johanna’s arm to steady herself. ‘He knows the sea and its tricks. All those years as a commando, he’ll know what to do,’ she said, trying to be hopeful.
‘He’s not dressed for the sea or hadn’t you noticed? He was out to impress an old flame,’ Jo snapped. ‘Why did you have to come back?’
‘I’m sorry.’ Minn fled from her anger. ‘I must go to my daughter.’ She limped as best she could across to where Anna lay swaddled in blankets. She could not see for tears of relief and fear.
She scanned the waves for any sign of life but there was nothing visible. The men were hanging off the rocks, dangling ropes and throwing lifebuoys into the water, fishing nets, anything to give Ewan a fighting chance of survival.
‘Live, Ewan, live. You don’t deserve to die. You don’t deserve this after what you have done for Anna, for your child and mine, a child of love and promise. Live and we’ll never bother you again, live and I’ll make no claim on you. Live and I’ll let you go for ever, set you free to love Jo and the children that will surely come from you both. Live, Ewan,’ she willed him. ‘Surely there’s some old training you can use to ride the waves. The tide is coming in not out, ride the tide back to us. Come back to us now. Come back to your wife and your daughter and the woman who will love you for the rest of her life. Come back to us, Ewan!’
Every fibre of her being screamed the silent prayer as she hugged her baby and Harry and all the rescuers. ‘Live, Ewan, oh live.’
*
The fight was over. For what seemed like hours Ewan had thrashed against his fate but his limbs were numb with cold and he was tired, so tired. It was time to admit defeat and let the sea have its wicked way with his battered body, time to launch himself forth to the Tir nan og, land over the horizon, land of the ever young, time to lose his grip on life and see all the deeds of his life before his eyes, but the voice was still ringing his ears, ‘Ride on, ride on, you’re not dead yet. Live, Ewan, Live, live, live…’
*
‘We can see him!’ shouted Sandy. ‘Out there, look, by the reef. How the hell has he got that far out?’ The policeman was jumping up and down, waving to the lifeboat chugging inland, signalling for them to turn round. Someone set off a flare to warn them. The boat chugged up and down, ploughing the sea like a furrow, throwing lines to the body floating aimlessly now on the water. Then they gathered him in their net like a huge seal, scrambled him over the side.
There was silence on the rocks, a dull sickening silence as they waited and waited. Johanna was wrapped in blankets. Minn sat with her back to the sea. She could not bear the suspense.
They are trying to pump the water out of him and life back into him but it’s all too late, she thought, knowing the procedures. There was still danger, for the lifeboat was being thrown by the waves ever closer to the rocks.
Then the flare went up and everyone cheered.
‘What’s going on?’ whispered Harry as Minn tried to scramble to her feet. ‘He’s alive. Thank God, he’s alive. He’s breathing not drowned. Oh, Harry,’ she said flinging her arms round him with relief. ‘Ewan lives! How can we ever thank him?’
Suddenly the pain in her ankle shot through her body and she was frozen to the spot. This was the moment she had been dreading, for the bargain she had struck must be fulfilled.
Johanna must have the hugs and kisses and the tender nursing of him. Johanna must have Ewan to herself from now on and they must quit Phetray without any fuss. No second chances, no regrets, no hankerings after lost love. It must be over.
‘Did you tell him about Anna?’ Harry asked, suddenly looking weary and worried and aged.
‘No, I tried but he didn’t hear. What’s the point of raking it all up again? You were right, but I’ll tell Anna in my own time when she’s old enough to understand.’ She sighed. There was no going back on her word.
‘The sooner we’re off this island the better. We’ve stayed far too long,’ Harry said, his businesslike briskness covering the emotions they were both feeling.
She looked at her husband. The strain of the past weeks was beginning to show, his hair was thinning, his body thickening. She had chosen him for better or worse. Their children needed him and in a strange way she was going to need his protection and his arms for comfort. How could she think of ever abandoning them all?
‘Let’s go back on the ferry, over the water for old time’s sake, slowly with dignity so I can get used to the leaving of Phetray for good.’ She sighed.
‘You’ll be back.’ Harry smiled, putting his arms round her shoulders, but she shook her head.
‘I don’t think so, not for a long time,’ she said, watching the lifeboat making its way to safety with its precious cargo aboard. Half her heart was in that boat but no one must know. The happiness she would find now was in making her family contented, but would it be enough for a lifetime?
The airplane was too quick a leaving, she needed time to think, to hang over the side and say farewell to her lost dreams.
Six
SS The Pride of Argyll
So this is how it’s going to be? I must get used to this empty numbness. She gulped, watching the island disappear until it was a long flat line on the horizon. Reaching out over the rails for that very last glimpse, standing with one leg strapped to the knee and a pair of crutches for support, Minn was determined not to miss a second of her leave-taking.
This is how grief felt when there was no hope.
For once Harry was sensitive to her need to be alone on deck, for once he was not trying to fuss over her. He was taking charge of the children below deck.
She was grateful that he had taken Anna to the little makeshift hospital next to Doctor Murray’s stone house to be checked over again. She was shocked bu
t unharmed, being made of sturdy island stock
Minn had hung back, afraid, for Ewan was being kept under observation there, still unconscious, suffering from chill. He had been so close to drowning, but the signs were good, and what he needed now was rest and peace.
How do you say thank you to the man who has saved your child’s life? How could she tell him he had repaid the debt they owed to Agnes tenfold in saving his own daughter without creating a fuss?
In the end Harry took both the children in to see Johanna, who had not left Ewan’s side all night, while Minn was examined and strapped up for the journey home. It was better to stay out of sight.
There were no bones broken but the real agony she was feeling would respond to no pill but time. The pain in her ankle would pass but now she could hardly breathe for the ache in her ribs, a wave of gratitude, anger, frustration and loss flooding over her. Not to be able to say farewell, not to be able to explain why she must never see his dear face again. So many things were to be left unsaid. How could she risk a scene by his bedside or harm his progress? The vows she had made were sacred. She would go quietly.
Ewan was her crime and Ewan was her punishment. He was out of reach now.
In the purple twilight between the daylight and darkness of this autumn afternoon she stood on deck, a lone figure staring out to sea with eyes wide, dazed, bewildered and hurt like a frightened child, an exile watching the island waters roll into the sea as it beat on to the side of the ship, eyes searching for something that was no longer there.
It came to her in the silence that this was the best it could ever be. What comes round must go round and in coming back to Phetray she had rounded the circle, but why had it taken half a lifetime for them to pitch up at the right place at the same time?
