by Vikki Vaught
* * * *
After Matthew left, Helen quietly wept. She did not know what to do. While a thrill of hope had her heart jumping over his confession of love, it did not lessen the betrayal. Although he’d broken it off immediately, nonetheless, he should have done that before they wed.
He’d broken her trust, and the hurt was greater because she’d fallen for him. She’d need to forgive him because of the babe. Albeit, she must find a way to move beyond this, she would use caution. She would certainly never tell him she loved him.
At least, she knew he loved her, it would not hurt to let him suffer though. She would make him grovel a little before she told him she’d forgive him. She crawled into bed, but she had a hard time falling asleep. She kept picturing her husband with that hateful woman. It drove her mad. She tossed and turned but eventually went to sleep.
Upon rising the following morning, she pushed all thoughts of Matthew’s revelation from her mind. Helen sent for Mrs. Smith and Cook. When they appeared in the morning room, she informed them, “I want to give the tenants Christmas baskets.”
Mrs. Smith beamed. “The tenants will be thrilled. I would be happy to put them together, milady.”
Helen turned to Cook. “I want to include a goose and all the trimmings for a holiday meal. Can I count on you?”
“I’ll bake fruitcakes and cookies fer th’ children, and o’ course, plenty o’ puddin’. Oh milady, this is generous of ye. I’ll start workin’ on them right away.”
“Lord Collingswood and I want to deliver them the day before Christmas,” she explained. “Will this be a problem?”
“We’ll have them ready, ma’am.” Mrs. Smith and Cook bustled from the morning room, chattering to each other.
The housekeeper and Cook were certainly enthusiastic over the baskets. Helen liked the idea of the fruitcakes and cookies. She wished she’d thought of the baskets sooner so she could have had toys made for the children.
Although she had a busy morning, she found it hard to concentrate. She kept dwelling on her conversation with Matthew from the night before, but she was determined to accomplish everything she’d planned for the day. After the midday meal, she ordered the carriage for her outing to Cassandra’s. When she looked outside, the trees had icicles hanging from the branches and a thin layer of snow had fallen through the night. Unusual weather for Devonshire, but she needed to talk to Cassandra, so she donned her heavy cloak and marched outside.
Helen wanted her friend’s advice regarding Mrs. Arlington. She was so heart sore. Every time she thought of her husband with that woman, waves of hot anger raced through her veins. She was not so naïve as to believe he had remained celibate after his late wife’s death, but knowing who the woman was, tormented her.
Three quarters of the way there, she heard a loud crack and suddenly the carriage jerked and tilted. The carriage began to roll. She tried to grab the strap, but she did not have enough warning. As it lurched, her world turned on its side, and she wrapped her arms around her middle to protect her unborn child.
Please, God, don’t let anything happen to the baby.
After sliding across the ice, the carriage came to a halt. The vehicle was now on its side, and Helen’s shoulder took the brunt when it hit the door. The window had broken and glass dug into her back. Her shoulder throbbed.
The coachman threw the door open above her and tried to help her climb out, but without success. “I need t’ find someone t’ help, yer ladyship. Since we’re closer t’ Lord Ralston’s estate, I’ll go there.”
“Please, make haste.” The man nodded, then closed the door, but it did not keep out the drizzling, icy rain since the window was broken. Helen tried to remain calm. The cold seeped inside, and she began shivering and her teeth chattered. She struggled to sit, but she scraped her bottom and a piece of glass jabbed into it. By this time, she was thoroughly wet from the snow and ice under her and also coming in from above.
At last, Lord Ralston opened the door, and between him and the coachman, they managed to get her out. Sharp stabs of pain went through her shoulder as the marquess carried her to his carriage and placed her inside. He wrapped several heavy blankets around her, trying to help warm her. When they arrived at his home, he carried her to one of their guest bedchambers. Cassandra stayed with her while Lord Ralston sent for the doctor and her husband.
Her friend’s maid hurried into the room carrying a nightgown. The servant cleaned away the blood and picked out several shards of glass from her upper back and her buttocks before helping her into the gown.
Once Helen was in bed, Cassandra entered the room. “You poor thing, you’ll need to lie on your side. Your back must be terribly painful. My goodness, I can’t believe your carriage lost a wheel. Are you beginning to feel warm? It’s such a cold day you must have been freezing in that carriage.”
“I’m so s-scared I’ll l-lose the b-baby.” Her voice shook as icy fear for her child plagued her mind. “I h-hit the d-door hard. My s-shoulder and back hurt, but other than some bruises and cuts, I’m all right. I’ll feel better once the doctor examines me. It’s f-freezing out there.”
“Why don’t you rest? I’m sure the doctor will be here soon. I’ll go check.” Cassandra hurried from the room.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. She did not understand why such things kept happening to her. There was no way the carriage should have lost a wheel. Her husband kept their coaches in excellent condition. He was very particular about anything to do with his horses.
Could someone be deliberately trying to hurt me?
* * * *
Matthew arrived before the doctor, and the butler escorted him to his wife’s bedchamber. When he saw Helen, he rushed to her bedside. “Where are you hurt? Lady Ralston said you injured your shoulder and that you have cuts and scrapes on your back. Oh, my love, I can’t stand to see you cry. I wish I could hold you, but I might cause you pain.” She looked at him with tears streaming down her pale cheeks, and it brought him to his knees. His strong wife rarely cried.
She took a deep steadying breath. “I’m so…so scared. I don’t want to l-lose the b-baby. I hit the carriage door hard, and now my shoulder hurts so much. I have cuts on my back and my b-bottom. Oh, God, please don’t let me lose my babe!”
He sat down on the side of the bed and held her hand. As she quietly wept, he felt so powerless. If she lost their child, Helen would be devastated.
The door opened and the doctor entered the room. Dr. Moore examined Helen, and when he was through, he said, “While your shoulder is bruised, it isn’t dislocated again. Since you injured it before, I recommend you use a sling for a few days. I’ve applied ointment to your back. Fortunately, the cuts aren’t deep and don’t need stitches. You’re going to be sore for several days, though.”
“Doctor, what about the b-baby?” she asked, “Do you think…I’ll lose it?”
“Since you’re not cramping,” he stroked his chin, “I don’t believe so, but you must stay off your feet for the next week. If possible, you need to remain here instead of returning to Collingswood Hall.”
After leaving the doctor with Helen, Matthew sought out Lady Ralston and found her in the drawing room. “The doctor doesn’t want my wife moved. I hate to impose on you, especially at Christmas time, but may she stay here?”
“Oh, my,” she exclaimed, “of course she can stay. That shan’t be a problem. I’ll come with you now and let her know.”
When he returned to the room, Dr. Moore was giving Helen laudanum for the pain so she could rest. When the doctor finished administering the medicine, Matthew escorted the man from the room. “Are you sure she’ll be fine and won’t lose the babe?”
“I can’t tell that unequivocally, but since she’s not cramping that’s a good sign,” he assured him. “If she makes it through the next couple of days without any cramping or bleeding, then I’m confident she’ll be fine. Just keep her in bed so she can rest.”
By the time he returned, Helen had fal
len asleep. He looked at Cassandra. “May I stay with my wife? I hate to inconvenience you, but I don’t want to leave her.”
“Of course you can,” she assured him. “Your wife needs you here. She’s very concerned for the baby, and she needs your support.” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “I shall leave you now. I’ll have a tray sent to you.”
Matthew stayed by his wife’s side throughout the night, but she continued to sleep. The next day, she awoke and smiled when she saw him. “My goodness. Where did you sleep last night?”
He rubbed at the day’s growth of beard covering his jaw. “I was here. I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, Matthew, you didn’t need to stay here last night. I would have been fine.”
He clasped her hand. “I was frantic when I received the message telling me you’d been involved in an accident.”
“There’s no need to worry,” she told him. “I’m feeling much better this morning. Even my shoulder isn’t hurting as much. It just aches a little, although I do feel all the scrapes. I’m sure my back must be covered with bruises. I just don’t understand why I keep having these accidents.”
Matthew was puzzled by that as well, as he contemplated yet another near-fatal accident. “I’ve talked to the coachman, and he checked the carriage. He thinks someone tampered with it. I can’t imagine who would do this.”
Her eyes widen and fear shone in their depths. “Who would want to harm me?”
He grimly replied, “Do not be concerned. I shall find whoever is behind this dastardly deed. The Ralstons have invited us to stay this week while you recover. I’ve sent to Collingswood Hall for some of our clothes, so they should be here shortly. Sally is also coming to help. Let me ring for some breakfast.”
“I’m famished, so food would be wonderful. You don’t need to stay here with me. I’ll be fine as long as I follow the doctor’s orders. I’m not experiencing any cramping, and that’s what the doctor said would happen if I were going to lose the baby.”
“I want to stay. I love you and can’t imagine my life without you in it. I know you’re upset with me right now, and with good reason. Please remember I love you, and I’ll do anything for you. I pray that someday you can return my regard.”
“It will take me time to get over what you told me the other night, but we’re married, and I’ve grown fond of you. With time, I will move past this.” He heard the pain in her voice, and it ate at his soul knowing he’d caused it.
Someone knocked on the door, and Helen called out, “Come in.”
Cassandra entered. “Good morning. How are you today?”
“I’m much better this morning,” she replied.
She smiled. “I’m relieved to hear that. Now, since you’ll be here for Christmas, you must send for the children so Christina and Catherine won’t be alone for the holidays. My sons will enjoy their company.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “It’s so thoughtful of you to think of the children, but I hate to be so much trouble.”
Cassandra smiled. “It’s no imposition at all. We’ll enjoy the company, and the children will love having the girls to play with.”
“Thank you so much for your kindness. Are you sure about the children?” he asked. “We hate to impose on you any more than we already are.”
“It’s no problem at all,” the kind woman told them. “You would do the same thing if I’d had an accident and needed to stay with you. It will be fun.”
“Then we gratefully accept.” He stood. “Please excuse me. I shall go freshen up.”
As he went into the adjoining chamber, he sent a silent prayer to God. Once they returned home, he would guard her with his life.
CHAPTER 22
Winter 1821
Since Helen worried so over their plans to distribute the baskets, Matthew made sure Mrs. Smith had them ready. Margaret helped him deliver them the day before Christmas. His tenants were so appreciative that some of the wives teared up, and they wished his lady a speedy recovery. Lady Ralston invited Margaret and Peter to celebrate Christmas day with them since Helen was confined to their home.
On Christmas morning, he carried his wife downstairs to participate in the festivities planned for the day. Once he settled her on a sofa, he handed her a box wrapped in burgundy satin tied with a silver bow. She opened it, and the bracelet and necklace he’d purchased her tumbled onto her lap. She gasped. “Oh, Matthew, they’re simply gorgeous. Thank you, I love blue topaz. They shall match my new dinner gown perfectly.”
“I wanted to have something to compliment your lovely blue eyes.” Matthew accepted his present from her. He opened the box, and a new pair of black leather riding gloves were inside. “Thank you. I needed these. My old pair is coming apart at the seams.”
After the adults exchanged their gifts, the children entered with their nursemaids to open their presents. Christina and Catherine oohed and awed over their new dollhouse. It resembled a fairy castle, similar to the one painted on their bedroom wall. Their new dolls were dressed as medieval princesses, and they even had knights to go with them. Cassandra’s sons received knight costumes with small wooden swords, and they were swinging them around and having a jolly time with them.
The rest of the day went exceedingly well. The meal of roasted goose with all the trimmings, including a Christmas pudding, was delicious. Since the children joined them for the meal, the conversation around the table became lively.
After dinner, the youngsters returned to the nursery, and the adults went to the drawing room and took turns playing cards. Helen and Matthew played with Peter and Margaret first and won the set. They also played another game with Lord and Lady Ralston.
During the second game, Helen turned to Cassandra. “We want to thank you for including us in your celebrations. I hope we’re not taking away from your family time.”
“It’s been delightful having you here. I love to have company, and your children are so well-behaved. They’ve actually kept my sons entertained.” When they finished the game, Cassandra called for tea, and shortly after, Peter and Margaret departed, and everyone else retired to bed.
They were having such a good time, Cassandra asked them to stay through the New Year. By then, Helen’s shoulder no longer bothered her, and she told Matthew her back felt much better. Dr. Moore visited Helen the day after New Year’s and pronounced her recovered.
After thanking the Ralstons, Matthew brought her home. She was now more than five months along, and the babe moved more often. That evening after they retired to their sitting room, his wife cradled her growing belly. “Come here. The babe’s moving again and it’s much stronger.”
Matthew touched her abdomen, and a very faint flutter stirred under his hand. Awe touched his soul. “Although I do not deserve it, I appreciate you sharing the joys of your condition. I remember very little of my first wife’s confinement.”
Her eyes widened. “I would never deny you the chance to experience this. You’re the father, and even though I’m still hurt because you were not truthful regarding Mrs. Arlington, I still want you to participate.”
He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I suppose I should leave you to your rest.” After walking her to her door, he made his way to the other side of the sitting room and entered his bedchamber.
He stared at his empty bed, and loss grabbed him in the gut. Could his wife ever find forgiveness for his deplorable lack of judgement? He missed sleeping by her side as they had at their townhouse in London. He sighed, then shed his clothing and pulled on his banyan and crawled into his cold bed.
Shortly after the holidays, Peter received a message from his family asking him to return home immediately. His uncle had suffered an apoplexy. Matthew lent Margaret and her husband a coach so they could go to Viscount Hartford’s side.
Gregory arrived the day after Peter and Margaret departed. He had stayed with friends over the holidays, but the new term had started by now. Once his brother was inside, he as
ked, “Why are you here instead of school? Have you gotten in trouble again?”
He stared defiantly at him. “I’ve been expelled, and for good this time. I had an affair with the wife of one of my professors and got caught. I’m bored with school anyway, so I’m glad they shucked me out.”
Just what he needed. Gregory was surely ruining his life. He needed to take drastic measures. “I can no longer tolerate your reckless behavior. You must consider a career in the military. Perhaps they can teach you self-discipline. God knows I haven’t been successful. If you don’t want to join an army regiment, then the Royal navy will suffice.”
He crossed his arms. “This is my home. Why can’t I live here?”
Matthew glared at him. “That is no longer possible. If you do not join the military, you will leave today, and I will cut you off. Make up your mind. Which would you prefer?”
Gregory kicked the side of his chair, but looked resigned. “I suppose I would rather choose the navy.” His face lifted. “The idea of traveling to foreign places does appeal to me, and I’ve always loved the sea.”
Relief flooded his system at his easy acquiesce. “I have a friend who may be willing to offer you a position on his own ship. I’ll write him. Even though we aren’t involved in a war, there are still opportunities for a profitable seafaring career.”
Matthew wrote his friend. He prayed he would find his way in the navy. If he continued his nefarious ways, he would have no choice but to cut off his allowance and make him leave Collingswood Hall. Although it would pain him greatly, he refused to allow Gregory to continue traveling the destructive path he was presently on.
A week later, Captain Martin sent a reply stating he was willing to take Gregory on as an ensign. He needed to report to his ship in Plymouth by week end. His brother left the next day and actually seemed excited. He prayed the navy could turn his life in a better direction.
