I mustered up my best boarding school manners and said, “Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, let me just make a few things clear. We’re just here to spruce up this absolutely beautiful house. We won’t make noise after dark—”
“We won’t?” Jake said behind me, but I barreled on,
“And we’re not going to summon any spirits! We just want to make this place shine.”
The old people looked a little deflated.
“I mean, you could summon spirits, just not without permission,” one old woman said. I was going to guess she was Hepzibah because she was standing next to Al. She was wearing a black dress with a white collar that looked so much like the dress I was wearing that now I wouldn’t be able to wear it again, which sucked because I didn’t have that many clothes with me.
“Yes, we want to know who the spirits are first,” a tiny old lady with a long white braid said. “Maybe you could even invite us over.”
“You just shot me with a fireball a minute ago because I didn’t answer all your questions about summoning demons fast enough,” Graham said. “Now you want us to invite you over for a demon summoning party?”
“Well, I had to test you, young man.”
“It’s been a long time since any young people moved in,” the Hepzibah said. “Al and I were just wishing something would happen.”
Oh, it will, I thought. Be careful what you wish for and all…
“So many handsome men,” said a woman with thick black curls streaked heavily with gray and a lot of spangly jewelry as she emerged from the back of the group. “Are they all taken? I have granddaughters. For that matter…some of you look old enough.”
Old enough…? For her? Yikes.
“Yes,” Gaston said. I didn’t even realize he had snuck out here after we kicked him out back to smoke. “We are all taken. I’m with the little redhead.”
“And the rest of you are with the blonde then?”
When no one immediately denied it, Cougar Grandma said, “My my. Do you know, dear, that I, Zuzana, am the master of charms and seductions and all the spells of love. If you end up needing any help managing this madness, you know where to find me.”
I wanted to melt into the floor. Jake looked at me as if reminding me that if I wanted this, I had to be brave and own it. I was finding it very hard right now. So many old people eyes and all of them were locked on me.
“I’m just here to work,” I said, a little faintly.
“And then you’re all moving in?” Hepzibah called. “Or are you just going to tear up poor old Sam’s house before he’s cold in his grave!?”
“We’re giving it an update and we’ll find some new owners,” Graham said. “I am honored to inherit this house but I’m not a west coast guy. Maybe some of you have children looking for a house in your neighborhood.”
This idea sparked some interest but Zuzana was still eyeing me up.
“Four men is too many, girl. I don’t think you can handle that without magic or they’ll just fight over you all the time. But I have spells that will open up your sexual chakras,” she said.
“I’m good.”
I stepped inside the house, feeling very exposed. This was the first time anyone outside of my little circle knew I was in a bond relationship. Jake and Jasper came inside with me, flanking me with their reassuring presence.
“Hey,” Jake said. “Don’t let them get to you. They’ll all die before we even finish this remodel.”
“Some of those witches were looking at me like I was ruined as a person.”
“Maybe Helena von Hapsburg is ruined as a person,” Jake said. “But you could be reborn as a better person. Helena Sullivan.” He spread his hands like the name was going to be on a marquee. Or maybe, more likely, the side of a work van.
“Eye roll,” I said, but what I thought was, Aw, a shared van?
Graham escaped back into the house, looking pissed off. “You left me with them again!”
“Well, you’re a politician. You’re good at public speaking, right?” Jasper said.
“I was always prepared for my statements,” Graham said. “I am not prepared to answer their questions about what we’re doing with this house and whether I plan to live here forever and have babies and whether I know how to share and…”
“Well—let’s—let’s check out the rest of the house,” I stammered.
The bedrooms were fairly standard—one master suite, two guest rooms. They were small for modern day standards, a common problem with midcentury houses, and I hoped there was another bedroom downstairs. If so, I wanted to combine the two guest bedrooms into one grand master suite with a walk-in closet, because the current one just didn’t cut it for such a large house. There was also the pleasant surprise of no wood paneling. I totally expected wood paneling.
“Bets on the bathroom color,” Jake said, before we opened the door.
“Avocado,” I said.
“Pink,” Jasper said.
“I’m betting some shade of gold,” Jake said.
“Judging on the rest of the decor, I feel like Sam liked vivid greens,” Graham said. “I’m going with that.”
“One of you is close,” Byron said.
It was turquoise and white. Intensely so. Floor, tub, and shower, all the same bright tiles with white grout. “Point to Graham,” Jake said. “You get to shower with Helena in the remodel.”
“What!?” I cried.
“Never mind. She doesn’t want to.”
“I didn’t say that either, I just—!”
Graham chuckled. “All right, I’ll take the win.”
They’re all making a real effort to get along, I thought. Could this actually, really work? I was getting anxious just looking at the bedrooms while surrounded by the four of them. When you added them all up their presence was so overwhelming that I could hardly think. I swear I could smell their pheromones and I wasn’t even a wolf.
Then we went down the stairs. As we walked down, the air grew damp and cool, and I heard a plink-plink of water dripping. I would swear we were walking into a cave.
“Ohh…,” I breathed. I was hoping for bedrooms down here. Instead, I got an indoor pool, in an artificial rock grotto. It was lit gently with pink and blue lights. A strong sense of magic filled the room. There was also a second kitchen with no oven but a big fireplace, so this must be where Sam had worked on spells.
“This explains everything,” I said. “Upstairs is normal, downstairs is all about the magic. I like it. I wish I could get another bedroom in here, but…”
“I think making it a two bedroom is fine,” Jake said. “I’m going to make a bet right now that we sell this to a gay male couple over sixty. If they had kids, they’ll be grown. This whole space can work as an office, so one guest room is fine.”
“Only two bedrooms with a house this big?” Jasper said. “Are you nuts?”
“Hmm, he might be right,” I said. “I follow Kiersten and Caleb on social media and their market is so different from ours. The northeastern wizards are so stodgy that openly gay couples usually move to California. And since this is an expensive house with extremely old neighbors, I doubt a younger couple would buy it. So no kids to worry about. I feel like having a really large, upscale master suite will be more of a selling point than three bedrooms.”
Graham clearly had no opinion on housing markets so he was crouching at the edge of the pool. “Looks deep…” He touched the water.
“The map must be here somewhere,” I said.
A figure flew out of the water, grabbed him by the collar, and pulled him under clouded blue-green waters that even had plants growing within. The pool needed some work.
“Graham!” I shrieked. “Byron! Was that Maya?”
“That’s right,” Byron said. “I was just about to warn you that she’s been very lonely.”
“Where the hell is Graham?” I ran to the edge of the water but they had both disappeared. “Tell me about Maya now!”
“She’s an un
dine Sam summoned a long time ago to enchant the waters and keep the pool clean and the fountain running,” Byron said. “She’s usually harmless, but…”
“But?”
Byron glowered into the still blue-green water. “Well. she has the ability to kidnap men and drag them to her magical lair. I just haven’t seen her do it in a long time. However, in Sam’s later years he was getting senile. He didn’t remember her and he stopped visiting her, so she grew very sad and the fountain stopped running and the pool got murky.”
“Maybe you should have mentioned that before we came down here!”
“You probably need to release her from her bond to this body of water. But you’ll have to be gentle with her. She’s sensitive.”
“How do I get Graham back?”
“Might have to use one of the Sullivans as bait to get her to come back out. But you’ll need ear plugs. Her song is what enchants you.”
“I don’t want to be drowned by an undine…,” Jasper said dubiously.
“She doesn’t want to drown you,” Byron said. “She would want to seduce you in the hopes that you would marry her so she can gain a soul.”
“I’ll take one for the team. Jasper, get the ear plugs out of the van,” Jake said, taking off his shirt.
“Wait, waaait. Are we sure this is a good idea? I don’t want to lose any of you to a water spirit.”
“We know where your heart lies,” Jake said. “Despite all the embarrassment. If we never come back, you’ll still have Jasper.”
“Fuck,” Jasper said. “I should have volunteered to go. If I’d known you were going to make me your ear plug fetch boy while you make yourself into a hero…”
Jake shrugged. “It’s a risk, but if I die, you definitely seem like the smart brother.”
The water rippled.
“Jake, you’re standing too close to the—“
The watery female spirit leapt out of the water and wrapped her arms around Jake’s knees, pulling him into the water with her. She looked at me and gave me a fanged hiss as she dragged him down. Despite the fangs, I couldn’t help but notice that she was a very beautiful spirit with rippling waves of hair, huge blue eyes and pale blue skin that seemed to melt into the water farther down her body. Undines were just water nymphs, so appeal was their specialty.
“Shit!” Jasper tried to catch Jake’s hand while I fumbled for my wand.
“Abandonner!” I cried. “Release!”
Jake looked a little more freaked out than heroic as the undine sucked him deep into the pool and they seemed to disappear into a fathomless depth, a few bubbles coming to the surface and then he vanished before my eyes.
Billie walked down the stairs as I was on my hands and knees searching desperately for my last sight of him, wand at the ready.
“She won’t drown them,” Byron said. “She just wants to…play.” This was not reassuring to me at all.
“This basement is even groovier,” Billie said. “An indoor pool! Wow! Hey…are you okay?”
“We have a spirit problem,” I said, trying not to sound as upset as I felt. I wasn’t feeling worried so much as pissed off. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d dealt with a pesky house spirit, but…everything was different when I had other people to care about.
Let’s face it, girl. The biggest thing you’re worried about is that an undine might lay a finger on your men.
This must be what jealousy feels like.
CHAPTER THREE
Helena
I HAD LOST a lot of my enthusiasm for looking at the house until I knew Graham and Jake were safe, but Billie was poking around in the kitchen.
“This is nice,” she said. “So much storage. But I wonder where the map is…? That pool is radiating a lot of magic.”
“I noticed,” I said. “I certainly hope that Sam didn’t make the undine the keeper of the map.”
Billie and I both stared at the pool for a moment. I took out my wand and waved it over the water, feeling the pulse of magic like the water had a heart beat.
“Well, shit,” Billie said. “I hope Graham and Jake figure out something. You could also use that pool for scrying. This would be great for a seer.”
“Hel and Jake think the likely buyers would be a gay couple,” Jasper said, crossing his arms. Seers were usually female.
“I think it’d be great for an older lady,” Billie said. “A glamorous type. The sort of lady who has a lot of boyfriends but never settles down. Like Auntie Mame.”
“Well, that works,” Byron said. “Auntie Mame will have the same taste as the old gay couple, I expect. Helena…it’s no use brooding over the pool. I’m sure Jake and Graham can get out of it on their own.”
At what cost? I wondered. I guess it shouldn’t really matter. If she seduces them that’s coerced sex. Of course, they would probably enjoy it in the moment. Nymphs have that power. But afterward… Jake seems very loyal. Graham…well, Graham too. I knew Graham had slept with a ton of women already, but he’d stopped doing that when he met me and he seemed serious about it. I wasn’t sure if I should be jealous or just worried. What if I was dragged into the pool by a male spirit instead? They would save me, as they should.
“You can’t get to them,” Byron said. “Maya can choose who she wants to bring into her realm. Keep exploring.”
Byron seemed on edge. He wanted me to find something. Did the undine have the map or not? He couldn’t tell me.
I started circling the pool, inspecting the rocks. Then I noticed a small, dimly lit hall leading off from the pool area. The hall was cluttered with some dusty old boxes and folding chairs covered in cobwebs. Just a storage area. Two solid doors branched off from the hall. One of the doors had cold air radiating off of it. That’s weird.
I tried the doorknob and it was absolutely freezing. I could only rattle it for a second before I had to pull my hand back and warm it up.
I cast a heat spell on the knob and tried again. Still stuck. Either it was locked, or it was iced over on the other side. I kept the heat spell going for a few minutes and when I tried the door again, it flung open and a wave of frigid air swept out as the door opened to an ice cave with walls of crystalline ice. Some boxes with packaged meat and whole chickens were stored in here, and I was just thinking that this natural freezer was a very practical feature when I turned the corner and screamed my head off.
Byron’s body was frozen in a big block of ice like some primitive man archaeologists might discover on a mountaintop.
“Hel!” Jasper came running in, followed closely by Billie, and they both jumped too. Gaston meandered in from behind, carrying a frying pan. I guess he thought there might be some demon smashing to do.
“Thank the gods,” Byron said. “You made it here. Finally! Good lord!”
“G—guhh…” My teeth were chattering in the extremely frigid room. “You’ve just been chilling here for fifty years?” As if there was any question. Frozen Byron was wearing a 1970s suit with lapels to his shoulders and bell bottoms. The ice block that held him was propped against the wall but it looked like he had been laying down unconscious and then his friends froze him and stuck him in here. His skin looked bluish. It was a disconcerting sight.
“It’s just me,” Byron said. “Aren’t you glad you don’t have to find some way of reconstituting bones? That’s so much messier. You’d have to make animal sacrifices and all sorts of very unpleasant business. But there’s a reason my friends saved me down here instead of just consigning my body to the ground.” He looked pointedly at Gaston, who had suggested that the Sons of Pandora murdered Byron to stop Pandora’s Box from opening.
Gaston shrugged. “It was still suspicious. They did murder you, didn’t they? I think I was justified in warning the ladies about it.”
“Murder is a strong word,” Byron said. “Mainly, they grew so terrified of the consequences of opening Pandora’s Box that they decided they had a duty to stop me, and yet, almost immediately questioned their choice. And so, here I am.�
�
“I guess we’d better thaw him out,” Billie said.
“Then what? That still won’t bring him to life. We have to sacrifice something to bring him back,” Jasper said.
“If the Sons of Pandora truly wanted Graham to bring Byron back and open the Box, then…it’s possible they already make a sacrifice,” I said.
“You’re a smart woman,” Byron said.
“Oh, really?” I sucked in a breath. “So is that all I have to do? Thaw you out and cast a simple resurrection?”
“That’s not…all,” he said. “Helena…I would like to have a moment alone with you.”
His words held a particular weight, even more than usual. Byron always spoke in a way that let me know there was so much more he couldn’t say. But this was different.
Like the end of the road.
Jasper looked worried. “There’s something about this I don’t like,” he said. “Graham and Jake sucked out of the picture first, and then…”
“It’s all right, Jasper,” I said. “I can take care of myself.”
“I just hope you’re not putting her in danger.” Jasper looked at Byron like he didn’t really know what to think. He looked a little angry and then a little helpless. Whatever forces we were dealing with went far beyond a witch or a werewolf. Byron was something else entirely. And he was kept from explaining
“Jasper, do you trust me?” Byron asked, in a tone that was soft and serious…almost veering toward a plea.
“I—I guess I must, after all we’ve done,” Jasper said.
Byron gave me a look that made me tremble inside, and I wasn’t sure whether it was good or bad.
“Give us a minute,” I said.
Jasper, Billie and Gaston left, but a little reluctantly.
Up until now I had managed to compartmentalize all of this and tell myself it wasn’t really that big of a deal, despite the battles we’d had so far. I mean, my family wasn’t a stranger to some drama. Even Billie getting turned into a vampire was easy to dismiss because she was coping with it pretty well.
Phantom of the Library (Paranormal House Flippers Book 3) Page 2
