She takes out a twenty-euro note and rolls it into a tube, before leaning down and snorting a line as casually as if she were checking her lipstick in the mirror. I try to arrange my face to not look as shocked as I feel right now. I sneak a glance at Nick, but he is leaning forward, helping himself to a canapé, and I can’t see his face.
Is this OK? Most of these people are parents; at least one of them helps to run a country! No wonder Thea didn’t want me to bring Seb and Chloe along tonight. And thank God I didn’t try to bring the boys. I couldn’t have had them innocently sleeping upstairs while people take Class A drugs downstairs or – oh my God – what if they’d come downstairs and seen what’s happening?
Tristram pulls one of the bottles of champagne out of the silver bucket and says, ‘Shall I be mother?’ as he expertly rips off the foil and basket, pops the cork, fills the eight flutes and deposits the bottle upside down in the bucket. It looks like the butlers have been dismissed and I feel a tremor of alarm – they’re still going to drive us home, aren’t they? Nick and I have both drunk far too much to drive – so has everyone else, as far as I can tell.
Celia passes the twenty-euro note to Nick and I look on aghast as he takes a line. He doesn’t look at me as he sits up, dusts off his nose and takes a swig of champagne. I’m not surprised he won’t catch my eye – he knows I’ll be horrified. We don’t do drugs – never have done. Not even a bit of weed at university when we met. I thought we were still on the same page on this issue – clearly I was wrong.
I try to maintain a neutral expression as the note comes round the table towards me, and keep my voice light and steady as I say, ‘No thanks, not for me tonight.’ I look meaningfully at Nick, who is now talking to Celia and casting too many not-very-subtle glances at her fake cleavage for my liking. I pass the note on to Hervé, who takes a snort like all the others. To my relief, no one feels the need to comment on my refusal.
My face feels hot. I wonder what time it is but there are no clocks in here and I’m not wearing a watch. I want to go home. But I don’t know how to extricate myself without looking rude or a prude. Does it matter? Should I just say I’d like to go now? Or pretend there’s a problem with the boys? I’m not sure, so I don’t do anything, but I’m feeling more uncomfortable with every second that passes.
Tristram opens another bottle of champagne and tops everyone up. By the time he sits down again, Celia and Tiggy are openly kissing. What the fuck? Nick is staring at them and – oh my God – I can see a bulge in his trousers. Hervé puts his hand on the inside of my thigh and turns to look at me lasciviously.
I jump up in horror, spilling my champagne. Isn’t he with Thea? Why is he touching me? ‘I’m really sorry, we need to go, we have someone babysitting our sons,’ I blurt.
I push past Bertie to extricate myself from the group; it’s difficult as the table is too close to the sofa and I don’t want to knock anything over. Thea catches my hand in hers as I pass.
‘Aura,’ she says, her voice low and gentle. I turn to look at her. ‘I thought you might like to play with Hervé. I invited him with you in mind, I thought he might be your type, no?’
‘I thought he was your boyfriend,’ I say stupidly.
She waves her hand. ‘Oh no. We all share here. You can go to one of the bedrooms if you like? Your husband is welcome to watch, or join in if he prefers. Hervé is very flexible.’
I glance back at the sofas where Tristram now has his hand up Celia’s skirt and Bertie is watching the two women kissing, quite openly playing with himself. Nick is thankfully not touching anyone, but he’s not exactly averting his eyes either.
‘It’s … not my thing. But thank you,’ I say, even more stupidly, as if I’m refusing a cup of tea. Thea has now put her hand on my leg and I back away, no longer caring if I knock things over. ‘I really think we need to get back to the boys now. One of your … butlers said they could drive us so if …’
She shrugs. ‘OK. Entirely up to you. I thought you’d enjoy Hervé, but I guess I got it wrong. I apologize.’ She looks over to the other sofa. ‘Nick? Are you leaving too?’
‘Yes, he is!’ I snap before he can say anything.
She sighs. ‘Such a shame. I thought you’d enjoy tonight.’
‘I did, I just …’ I bluster.
She holds up a hand. ‘No problem. Absolutely the last thing I want is for anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. That’s the only rule during these evenings. Emilie!’ she calls.
Emilie appears in the doorway. Was she waiting out there all that time?
‘Could you get one of the boys to drive Nick and Aura home? They’d like to leave now.’
11
September, Mozène
Aura
I don’t utter a word in the near-silent Tesla we are driven home in as I’m aware the butler/driver might be listening. What the fuck was that? I stare out the window, silently fuming at Nick. Would he have stayed if I hadn’t made him leave? Would he have let me ‘play’, as Thea put it, with Hervé, had I wanted to? Would he have wanted to watch? Join in even? I can’t believe he took the cocaine. Do I even know him at all?
The butler pulls up outside our chateau and it’s only then I realize we didn’t need to tell him where to go – he already knew. ‘Would you like me to pick you up tomorrow so you can retrieve your car?’ he asks. ‘Or you can leave me your key and I can have someone bring it back for you?’
‘No, thank you,’ I say. ‘We wouldn’t want to disturb you any further. I’m sure we’ll be fine.’ We only have one car so I’m not sure why I say that, but I can’t bear the thought of being beholden to Thea and her minions in any way. Maybe Seb will give me a lift over. Whatever happens, I’m definitely not sending Nick there on his own.
We get out of the car and Nick walks away from me before the butler has driven off, probably to avoid me laying into him. I follow him inside to the living room, which looks like a hovel compared to the lavish surroundings we’ve just come from, even though I tidied up especially before Frank came over today. In spite of everything else which has happened this evening my heart sinks at the thought of the huge amount of work we have ahead of us – it’s hard to imagine that this could ever become anything vaguely approximating Thea’s place. And then there follows a wave of anger as I remember what she was suggesting. How dare she!
Frank switches off the TV and stands up. ‘Ah! Back early, I see. How was your night? Thea’s parties are quite something, aren’t they?’ he says.
Are all her parties like that? Does he know? He must do. Why didn’t he warn me? Does he think that’s the sort of people we are? ‘Yes, quite something,’ I say, frostily. ‘Not my thing, to be honest. Anyway, was everything OK here?’ I ask, wanting to avoid discussing what did or didn’t go on this evening. ‘Did the boys wake up again?’
‘All fine,’ he says, picking up his bag. ‘I enjoyed our little story time – it’s a long time since mine were that young. And they didn’t wake up again, no. Your camera crew people popped out for a while and came back about ten thirty, I think. Guess they found the village bar wasn’t very exciting.’
‘Well, thanks again, Frank. Are you sure I can’t offer you something for your time?’
He waves his hand. ‘No, no, it was my pleasure. Any time. I don’t get to see my grandchildren much so …’ His eyes get a little misty. I know I should be polite and ask him to stay for a drink as he’s put himself out for us like this but I simply can’t face it. All I want is for this evening to be over.
I don’t say anything and I guess he senses my mood. ‘Anyway. I’ll get out of your way now. Sleep well.’
‘Thanks, Frank. Safe journey.’
After he’s gone, I close the door behind me and turn to look at Nick, ready to give him two barrels. But the sight of him wide-eyed and buzzing makes me sick and I find I simply don’t want to speak to him at all.
‘You’d better find another room to sleep in tonight,’ I tell him. ‘There’s no way
you’re sharing a bed with me.’
12
September, Mozène
Aura
In the morning the boys are up too early as usual – going to bed past midnight is a very late night for us these days. I didn’t sleep well. Why did we come here, to France? Is everyone we meet here going to be like those people last night?
I make breakfast on autopilot; I am exhausted. Nick comes through, grabs some toast and mumbles something about getting on with pulling out an old bathroom. Fuck’s sake. I need to speak to him about last night, but I don’t want to do it in front of the film crew. I’ll have to try to find a way to corner him alone later.
The prospect of having to entertain the boys all day alone and with a crushing hangover looms ahead of me. I can’t wait for Helen to come back this evening.
Shortly after lunch when, amazingly, both of the boys have decided to take a nap at the same time, there’s a knock at the door.
It takes me a second to recognize her as she looks so different in jeans and a simple top with her hair in a ponytail, but it’s Tiggy from last night. She’s not wearing any make-up and the freshness of her face makes her look younger and much friendlier. Even the lip filler is less obvious than it was yesterday.
‘Hi, Aura? Sorry for calling in unannounced but I was passing and I thought I’d come in and say hello. I brought you a cake?’ She holds out an old Quality Street tin. ‘If I’m calling at a bad time, please say so, but I remember how lonely I felt when I first arrived here so … well, anyway.’
‘Not a bad time at all, please, come in.’ I’m grateful for the company. Nick is upstairs and the camera crew are currently with him, so we can chat in peace. ‘Thank you for the cake. Shall I make some tea for us to have with it?’
I flick the kettle on and Tiggy settles herself at the table. ‘How did you find the party last night?’ she asks.
I feel myself go crimson as I remember that, the last time I saw her, she was snorting coke and snogging another woman. I laugh. ‘Well, Thea has a beautiful place and dinner was amazing but the other stuff … a bit racy for my tastes, I’m afraid.’ I realize with annoyance that I didn’t say ‘our’. ‘We moved here for a quiet life,’ I add.
She pulls a face. ‘Yeah, I hear you. Thea’s parties are … quite something.’
‘Are all her parties like that?’
‘No, not all. She loves a party and likes to show off. She holds a couple a year which are much more inclusive and family-friendly but the dinner parties … yes they do tend to be like last night.’
She blushes. ‘I bet I know what you’re thinking. Me kissing Celia like that … must seem weird to you. But we don’t just do it for the men, if you know what I mean.’
I nod. ‘None of my business, I’m sure,’ I say, but actually, I haven’t a clue what she means.
She sighs. ‘You might as well know, it’s no secret among our friends here that Celia and I … spend time together when we can. We can’t be a proper couple because Bertie won’t get divorced – he thinks it would be bad for his career. Neither of us want to do that right now anyway because we still get on OK and because of our kids, but … well. That’s a big part of why I go to Thea’s parties, I find them … liberating. It’s about the only place I can be who I want to be in public, although I admit it is rather … voyeuristic. Or whatever the opposite of that is. Exhibitionistic? Is that a word?’
‘Gosh,’ I say, not knowing how to react.
‘Anyway, enough about me!’ She waves her hand dismissively as if she’s just told me she prefers apples to oranges rather than that she’s a closet lesbian who doesn’t mind a bit of light exhibitionism. ‘How about you? Did it all go OK with Frank babysitting? Your husband said you were worried about leaving the boys here.’
‘Oh yes it was fine! It’s kind of you to ask. It was only me being silly – we’re not used to leaving them with babysitters. And they’re not very good at staying asleep, sadly. But Frank seemed to have it all under control. Do you know him? He seems like a nice guy.’
‘Yes, I do. Everyone knows Frank. And he is a nice guy. But, strictly entre nous, I’d be careful if I were you. He helped me out a lot over the years, especially when we first arrived – Bertie is away most of the time, obviously.’
I pour the boiling water into a teapot and bring it over to the table with mugs, plates, forks, milk and sugar on a tray. I cut a couple of slices of Tiggy’s cake and put them on plates, hand one to her and sit down.
‘Really? How do you mean?’ I ask with a stab of panic. I should have followed my instincts and refused to go to the party. I knew it. I shouldn’t have left the boys with him.
Tiggy takes a forkful of cake and chews thoughtfully. She swallows. ‘Hmm. It’s difficult to describe. There’s nothing I can put my finger on exactly, but over time I started feeling slightly uneasy about Frank. He got a bit … clingy almost. He was always coming round, whether I wanted him to or not, day or night. He then did the same to Thea when she arrived, but she put a stop to it more quickly than me. She’s more forthright, for one thing, and also she can easily afford to pay if she ever needs help with anything. Frank was livid when she stopped inviting him to her parties because he used to get a little … over-enthusiastic, shall we say. Thea likes people to enjoy themselves and feel free at her parties, but she’s also very hot on consent. It appears the two of them have made up again now, but she still keeps him at arm’s length. As do I.’
She pauses.
‘I feel bad saying bad stuff about him though,’ she continues. ‘Ungrateful. I’d have struggled without his help in the beginning. But I was glad when Thea arrived and he latched on to her instead.’
But by now I am barely listening. ‘Should I not have trusted him with the children?’ I blurt.
‘Oh gosh, I didn’t mean that! He’s great with kids.’ I feel a whoosh of relief. ‘He babysat ours loads of times over the years,’ Tiggy continues, ‘and I was never worried about it. They’d have told me if there was anything they were … uncomfortable with. No, he’s not dodgy in that way, more … needy, I suppose. I dare say it’s because he’s lonely. But I’m sure he’s completely harmless. And now I feel like a complete bitch.’
I laugh. It feels like about the first time I’ve laughed genuinely since we arrived in France. ‘You’re not being a bitch. It’s helpful for me to hear about what other people are like here. We don’t know anyone.’
Tiggy rummages in her bag and hands me a card. ‘We’re not far away. Come and see me any time – you’re welcome to bring the boys too, if that’s easier – I miss having kids around. With Bertie and the girls away most of the time, I’m usually on my own. To be honest, I’d welcome the company.’
‘Thank you, I will.’ I’d never have thought so last night, but Tiggy is the first person I’ve met since we arrived who I feel I could actually become friends with.
Seb and Chloe come in with the camera, so Tiggy and I continue our chat on much safer ground. She asks why Nick and I decided to come out to France and our plans for the chateau. Obviously I don’t tell her the real reason behind coming here, not with the camera running, but I think in time, and in private, I probably will. Our conversation isn’t very exciting – I can almost feel Seb willing something interesting to happen. And then the boys wake up and the house descends into chaos again. I take Tiggy up on her offer to drop me back at the chateau to collect the car. I don’t want to see Thea and will send a text later to say sorry that I didn’t say hello when I was passing but I had to rush to pick up Helen from the station, which is sort of true. I very much doubt Thea would be bothered about seeing me anyway.
13
September, Mozène
Aura
By the time I get to talk to Nick alone, we are in bed. My fury has waned a little over the day, and I’m determined to be calm and reasonable and give him the benefit of the doubt. We came here, after all, to get over what happened, to give our marriage the best chance it could have. So that t
he boys could have the childhood they deserve.
I try to keep my voice light as he comes out of the bathroom. ‘What did you think of last night then?’ I ask.
He gets into bed next to me. ‘It was a bit full-on, wasn’t it? Although,’ he runs his hand lightly along my leg, ‘also just a little bit sexy, don’t you think?’
I try to shift away but he carries on stroking my leg. ‘A little,’ I say, not that I mean it at all. It was hideous and seedy. ‘I was surprised to see you taking the cocaine,’ I add, trying to make it sound like I haven’t been thinking about how to bring it up all day.
He stops stroking my leg, sighs and leans back so he is sitting up against the headboard. ‘Right. We’re going to do this, are we?’
‘Do what?’
‘You’re going to have a go at me for having some fun, for once. It was only a bit of chang among friends; it’s hardly the end of the world.’
Chang? Has he done this before?
Stay calm. Be nice. We need to make this marriage work. ‘Of course I don’t object to you having fun – I just thought we were both on the same page when it comes to drugs. I thought we agreed that nothing good ever comes from them.’
He takes my hand and sighs again. ‘I’m sorry. I know. We are. It’s all been so stressful lately what with everything back in London and with working these long days trying to get the house sorted – when it was there I kind of thought, “why not?” And it seemed easier than saying no, especially with everything else that was going on.’
‘OK. I understand. So long as you don’t make a habit of it.’ I pause. ‘And what about the rest of it? The sex stuff?’
He laughs. ‘I certainly wasn’t expecting that! I thought we’d come here for a simple life. I thought dinner parties around here would mean a beef stew and maybe a game of cards if everyone could stay awake long enough.’
The Chateau Page 6
