by Meg Rosoff
1.
School’s Out!
2.
The Peacheys Choose a Vacation
3.
Going Camping
4.
The Peacheys Set Off
5.
Faraway Campsite
6.
“Do Your Ears Hang Low?”
7.
Damp Camp
8.
McTavish Leads the Peacheys Astray
9.
Follow That Dog!
10.
Going Home
Betty Peachey opened her eyes.
She could hear birds singing. She could see the sun shining. The air felt warm. Outside her window, bees buzzed and flowers nodded in the breeze.
She listened carefully. There was no shouting and no rushing around. No one was pounding on the bathroom door or stomping down the stairs. There was no smell of burning toast from the kitchen.
In the next room, her brother was still asleep.
In the room next to that, her sister was reading the works of a German philosopher whose name no one could spell.
Downstairs, Betty’s parents ate breakfast and read the newspaper.
The house was quiet except for the sound of turning pages and munching.
Summer! Betty thought. The first day of summer vacation is the happiest day of the year. Even happier than Christmas.
Lying in her bed, with the sun streaming in through the window, Betty sighed. I must be the happiest girl in the world, she thought.
Lying on his bed under the stairs, McTavish sighed. I must be the happiest dog in the world, McTavish thought. For there is nothing a dog likes more than to have his entire pack gathered together peacefully in one place.
McTavish had made a great deal of progress with the Peachey family since he’d decided to rescue them, but they still required hard work and patience.
Pa Peachey could be extremely stubborn. Ollie Peachey could be argumentative. Ava Peachey tended to read too much German philosophy and come up with too many theories.
Only Betty Peachey and her mother were the sort of calm, sensible, well-behaved humans that dogs prefer to share a home with.
Training the Peachey family had been slow and difficult, but he was an intelligent dog and was up to the job. He understood that a family with an uncertain and chaotic past could not be fixed overnight. With a combination of love, patience, and consistent handling, he had helped the Peacheys become far more organized and relaxed than when he had first decided to rescue them.
But there was still a long way to go.
“Well,” said Pa Peachey, when everyone had finally come down to breakfast. “Summer is upon us, and it is time we chose a destination for our family vacation.”
“I would like to go to a place with loud dance clubs so I can meet many beautiful girls who will want to be my girlfriend,” said Ollie.
“I would like to visit the birthplace of the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche in Germany,” said Ava. “There, I will think about philosophy night and day.”
“A yoga retreat in India would be perfect,” mused Ma Peachey. “There, I might finally achieve my dream of striking a one-handed tree pose.”
Betty Peachey was silent.
Everybody looked at her.
At last she took a deep breath.
“I,” she said, “would like to go camping.”
“CAMPING?” The Peacheys were aghast.
“Camping? With horrible creeping crawling biting bugs?” said Ava.
“Camping? In the freezing rain? On the cold, hard ground?” said Ollie. “With no Wi-Fi and nowhere to charge your phone?”
“Camping? With poisonous snakes and rats and killer moles?” said Pa Peachey.
There was a long silence, during which the Peacheys gaped at Betty.
“Yes,” said Betty. “Camping.”
McTavish pricked up his ears to listen.
“For one thing,” Betty said, “camping is educational. You pitch your own tent and cook your own food. Camping builds camaraderie and cooperation. It requires skills, like making fires and reading maps. You learn new things and live side by side with nature.”
“I don’t want to live side by side with nature,” said Ollie. “I want a girlfriend.”
“I don’t want camaraderie,” said Ava, glaring at Ollie, “especially if it’s with him.”
“Nature?” said Pa Peachey. “Nature is full of bears and Tasmanian devils. Nature is just another word for swamps and getting struck by lightning. Nature is falling out of a canoe and drowning. Or getting malaria from mosquitoes. Nature is having to eat crickets or starve to death. I hate nature.”
Everyone looked at Pa Peachey.
“Nature,” said Betty, “is the wind blowing gently through the trees. It is the sun warming your face. It is the smell of damp earth and the sound of blackbirds singing. Nature is green shoots and new buds. It is daffodils and buttercups. I love nature.”
For a long moment, none of the Peacheys said a word.
At last, Ma Peachey spoke. “I think camping is an excellent idea. For one thing, it is not expensive. For another, it does not require cell phones or laptops. And for a third thing, if we went camping, we would not have to put McTavish in a kennel. We could take him with us.”
Everyone looked at McTavish, who wagged his tail. In his opinion, this was the best argument in favor of camping.
He walked over to Betty and lay at her feet. Well, not actually at her feet but on her feet.
Pa Peachey shook his head. “This flirtation with nature is a travesty,” he said. “It will all end in tears.” But nobody paid much attention, because that is what Pa Peachey always said, about practically everything.
Betty and Ma Peachey borrowed a tent from Ma Peachey’s brother, who was a great camping enthusiast and loved the outdoors. “You will have the most wonderful time camping,” he said. “You will become closer to nature and closer to one another. You will feel healthier and happier. There is nothing so healthy and happy as camping.”
As they carried the tent home in the car, Betty and Ma Peachey discussed where they should go on their vacation.
“Perhaps we should go to the beach,” Betty said.
“Or to the mountains,” Ma Peachey said.
As they entered the house, Ollie emerged from his bedroom. “I have been checking the Internet,” he called down. “I have found a campground with its own dance club.”
“I think I’ll just stay home,” said Ava, “and begin my study of Immanuel Kant. I know lamentably little about metaphysics.” No one understood what Ava was talking about, as usual.
Pa Peachey came in from mowing the lawn. “I hope you have abandoned this absurd notion of camping.”
Ma Peachey and Betty put the tent down on the floor. “We have a tent,” said Betty. “All we need now is a place to pitch it.”
“Well,” said Pa Peachey, “there are infinite possibilities. We could pitch it in a field full of angry bulls. We could pitch it on a hornets’ nest. We could pitch it next to a river filled with man-eating piranhas. The world is crammed with places to pitch a tent.”
Ma Peachey had a thoughtful look on her face. “I have an idea,” she said, and disappeared up to her office.
Everyone waited.
Ma Peachey returned with a map.
“This is it!” said Ma Peachey, opening the map on the kitchen table.
All the Peacheys leaned in to look.
“Before Pa Peachey and I were married, I went camping on a faraway farm in a beautiful meadow next to a sparkling river beside a majestic mountain. We had the most wonderful time.” Ma Peachey’s face looked dreamy all of a sudden.
Pa Peachey’s eyes narrowed. “We? Who was we?”
“That is not correct grammar,” Ma Peachey said, snapping back to reality. “It was right” — she searched, and then pointed — “here.”
“ ‘Faraway Campsite,’ ” read Ollie.
Pa Peachey frowned. “But . . .”
“It looks perfect!” said Betty.
“Is there a dance club?” asked Ollie.
“There is no dance club,” Ma Peachey said, “but we can camp in the meadow and climb the mountain and swim in the river. And dogs are very welcome when accompanied by humans.”
Betty knelt and hugged McTavish. “If dogs are welcome, then it must be a good place.”
McTavish was glad to be accompanying the Peacheys on vacation. But he was also wondering what it would be like to have five wild Peacheys running this way and that in a meadow at the edge of a river beside a mountain.
It might be fun, he thought. Or it might be chaos.
He would have to wait and see.
“Sleeping bags?”
“Check.”
“Socks?”
“Check.”
“Frying pan?”
“Check.”
“Map?”
“Check.”
“Chocolate?”
“Check.”
“Toothpaste?”
Betty looked surprised. “I didn’t know we needed to take toothpaste. I thought we’d make our own toothpaste out of . . .” She paused. “Out of bark and sand.”
“Bark and sand would make very unpleasant toothpaste,” Ma Peachey said. “I think it might be easier just to bring our own.”
Betty added toothpaste to her backpack.
“Well,” said Ma Peachey, “I think we’re set. Is everybody set?”
“Yes,” said Ava. “I have two volumes of Immanuel Kant, one of Jean-Paul Sartre, a slim volume of Descartes and a book called The Problems of Philosophy.”
“The problem of philosophy,” Ollie said, “is that it is far too boring.”
“No, it’s not,” said Ava.
“Yes, it is,” said Ollie.
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it’s n —”
“That’s quite enough,” said Ma Peachey. “If Ava wants to take books, she may take books. Ollie, are you packed?”
“I am packed,” Ollie said. “I have my best shirt, deodorant, cologne, hair dryer, styling gel —”
“Ollie thinks he will meet a beautiful farmer’s daughter,” Ava crowed. “And that she will want to be his girlfriend.”
“I do not,” Ollie said.
“You do, too,” Ava said.
“I do not,” Ollie said.
“You do, too,” Ava said.
“Enough!” Ma Peachey said. “Pa Peachey? What have you packed?”
Pa Peachey dragged a very heavy suitcase into the room. “I have insect repellent for tsetse flies and shark repellent for sharks. I have bottles of aspirin and splints for broken bones. I have bandages and slings, and flares for emergency rescue. I have water purification tablets and whistles. I have face masks in case of hazardous waste, a bullhorn, foil blankets, and sterile gauze. I have enough freeze-dried meals for a month in case we get snowed in.”
Ma Peachey closed her eyes.
“I also have a foldable ladder, pepper spray for defense against bears, and five thermal survival bags that will keep us warm at temperatures down to fifty below,” Pa Peachey continued.
“It is summer,” Ma Peachey said, opening her eyes at last. “I feel certain that temperatures will not sink to fifty below. Betty?”
“I have the food, the map, the tent, the tarp, the sleeping bags, the air mattresses, and the directions,” Betty replied.
“Thank you, Betty. It’s nice to know there is at least one other member of the family who is not completely insane,” said Ma Peachey.
“Also,” Betty said, “I have a bed, bowl, and leash for McTavish.”
“And a pup tent,” Pa Peachey said.
All the Peacheys looked at him.
“McTavish does not need a pup tent,” Betty said. “He will sleep in our tent.”
“A pup in our tent? In our tent? Now that is the last straw. I suppose on this camping trip you will also expect us to sleep on the ground, eat from bowls, and pee against trees like dogs?” Pa Peachey shook his head sadly. “That it should come to this.”
Everyone pretended he had not spoken.
“OK,” Ma Peachey said. “If everyone is ready, let’s go.”
They drove and they drove. And they drove and they drove some more.
The drive was not peaceful.
Ava wanted to talk about philosophy, but nobody wanted to listen.
Ollie was hungry.
Betty needed to go to the bathroom.
Ollie punched Betty when she fell asleep on him.
Betty complained to Ma Peachey.
Ma Peachey complained about Pa Peachey’s driving. Pa Peachey complained about Ma Peachey’s driving.
McTavish sighed. What a badly behaved family, he thought. He sat on Betty’s lap and looked out the window.
Sometimes Betty opened the window so McTavish could stick out his head and let his ears blow in the wind. All dogs like to feel their ears blowing in the wind, though nobody knows why.
After a while, they turned off the interstate onto a highway.
After another while, they turned off the highway onto a road.
After another while, they turned off the road onto a very narrow lane with a line of grass down the middle.
At the end of the very narrow lane, a sign read FARAWAY CAMPSITE ½ MILE.
“We’re almost there,” said Ma Peachey, turning onto an even narrower lane. (It wasn’t even a real lane — it was a dirt path.)
At the end of the dirt path, Ma Peachey stopped the car. A small sign read PARK HERE. No other cars were parked there.
They parked. In front of them was a beautiful meadow full of wildflowers. On one side was a cool rushing river, not so big that you couldn’t cross it and not so small that you couldn’t swim in it. On the other side was a dark-green mountain rising up behind the river. The mountain was small enough to climb.
“Oh,” said Betty in a soft voice. “I have never seen a place so beautiful.”
Ma Peachey sighed. “It is just as I remember it from last time, before I met your father.”
Pa Peachey frowned. “Who did you say you came here with?”
Ma Peachey smiled a faraway smile.
Ollie looked around. “Well,” he said, “considering there is no dance club, this is not so bad.”
Ava was staring into space. “I think Jean-Paul Sartre would like it here,” she said. “It is very existential.” As usual, nobody had any idea what she was talking about.
McTavish stood for a moment looking out at the meadow. It was the most dog-friendly meadow he had ever seen. It had no fence. It had no sign reading KEEP OFF THE GRASS or ALL DOGS MUST BE KEPT ON A LEASH. It had no cars rushing past. It had no broken glass or chunks of concrete. McTavish stood for one moment just sniffing. And then he began to run.
He ran from one end of the meadow to the other. He ran around in happy circles. He leaped and he jumped for joy. Then he ran down to the river, put his front paws in the water, and had a drink. The water in the river tasted delicious. It tasted so delicious that he decided to wade in, deeper and deeper, until his feet left the ground and he found he was swimming.
“McTavish can swim!” shouted Betty. “Good dog, McTavish!”
McTavish swam and swam while the Peacheys unpacked the car. They unpacked the tent and the sleeping bags and Ava’s philosophy books and Pa Peachey’s emergency supplies. They unpacked Ollie’s hair dryer, even though there was no place to plug it in. They finished unpacking just as McTavish finished swimming.
McTavish ran out of the river, bounded up to the family, and shook the water out of his coat.
“Bad dog, McTavish!” shouted everyone at once.
McT
avish looked much smaller and skinnier with a wet coat. But he still looked wise and sensible. He also looked very happy.
Meanwhile, Pa Peachey began to put up the tent. It was a large tent with three rooms. It had many pegs and many poles and many ropes. Pa Peachey had no idea how to put up a tent. He tried for some time to figure out which rope went with which peg, but in the end he claimed the tent was broken and walked away.
Ma Peachey took over. She knew how to put up a tent. She attached the proper ropes to the proper pegs. She spread the tarp and connected the poles. She hooked the poles through the proper loops and pushed the ends through the proper holes. With a bit of help from Ollie and Ava and Betty, Ma Peachey had the tent up in no time at all.
It was a lovely tent. You could stand up in all three rooms. Ma and Pa Peachey took possession of the largest room. The smallest room went to Ollie. And the middle-size room went to Ava, Betty, and McTavish.
Each room had a window made of mesh. Betty blew up her air mattress and spread her sleeping bag on top of it, under the window. At the foot of her bed, she arranged McTavish’s bed. He came and lay down just to test it. Betty and McTavish agreed that their beds were very comfortable indeed.
Ava was already lying on her bed reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Ollie was dozing in his tiny room. Ma Peachey was changing out of her clothes and into her swimsuit.
“Come for a swim!” she called as she headed down to the river.
McTavish followed close behind. For although most dogs are natural swimmers, he had no idea whether any of the Peacheys could do more than flounder in a helpless and hazardous manner.
McTavish took his job as rescue dog very seriously, and he wondered if the Peacheys might have to be rescued.
Betty changed into her swimsuit and ran after Ma Peachey. Pa Peachey hurried down to the river carrying a life jacket and a can of shark repellent.
“There are five true species of river shark,” Pa Peachey explained. “They may be rare, but even a rare shark can bite off your arm.”
“This river does not have sharks,” said Ma Peachey to her husband.
McTavish sympathized with Pa Peachey just the tiniest bit. Most rivers did not have sharks — this much was true. But they did have dangerous currents, entangling weeds, and hidden depths. McTavish knew such dangers were uncommon, but he felt he should keep an eye on the Peacheys, just in case they did something silly.
