“It reminds me of the waves on the sea, and since we’re on a boat I don’t need one.”
“I know a lot about you too, Alicia Seguin. You don’t like vegetables, especially lettuce. Your favorite color is black because you wear a lot of it, and your car is also black. You have compassion for the underdog because whenever you were made captain for kickball in elementary school you always picked the worst player first. You have a lot of patience because…well, your grandma. When you’re thinking hard about something you frown and bite your bottom lip. You don’t like darkness, because the night I stayed in your old room you opened the blinds a little to let the light in from the outside security light. You thought I was sleeping then, but I was watching you for a while too, so I know you have a lava lamp hidden in this room.”
“You’re wrong…it’s in the bathroom cabinet, but I do hate lettuce.”
Chapter Five
“That’s why y’all keep that old piece of shit boat on a trailer in the backyard, isn’t it?” Nicki asked with a grin. “That’s the first place y’all did it.”
“It was part of our first date, so it’s sentimental,” Alicia replied dryly.
“Actually, it’s where we had all of our dates,” Zoe added. “Unlike you who popped out of the closet and no one cared, we didn’t have that luxury. A lot of changes have occurred over the last twenty years.”
Alicia smiled at Zoe and took her hand. “We had some fun making everybody believe we still hated each other though.”
“Yeah, we did,” Zoe said with a laugh.
“So, when did y’all officially come out?” Nicki asked.
“The night your dad found out your mom was pregnant with you. We didn’t come out either, we were outed at Jack’s.” Alicia sighed. “A month and a half of absolute sex and joy came to a screeching halt. Well, the sex halted for a few days, and joy was intermittent for a while.”
“Who did it—Liz! She found out about y’all and was jealous.” Nicki nodded. “Right?”
“Nope,” Alicia replied.
“We didn’t go to the marina until around ten at night,” Zoe began, “nobody was around then. Some nights we’d go to Jack’s and put on our hate show, and then one of us would leave first. Later the other would follow. We thought we were being smart by keeping with usual patterns. So, that night at Jack’s we were there scowling at each other and your dad was getting hammered as he coped with the shock Kristen had given him. Alicia was shooting pool with him, and I was at a table hanging out with some friends.”
“Daryl Cray’s wife had kicked him out of their house because he was drinking too much, and he was sleeping on a friend’s boat at the marina,” Alicia interjected. “We didn’t know that until he publicly confronted us. Zoe and I can remember just about every detail because the stress imprinted them on our brains. Daryl was sitting at the bar, and yelled ‘so, Zoe, did you buy a boat?’ I tried to keep the surprise I felt from showing. When one of the bartenders switched the music off I realized that half the people in the bar were staring at me and the rest were staring at Zoe. No one said a word, but your dad who was staring into space chanting ‘I’m pregnant, oh shit I’m pregnant.’ Nicki, let me just point out after he got over his shock and the zombie stare went away he was thrilled.’ Okay Zoe, back to the story.”
“I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just stared at Daryl and said ‘maybe.’” Zoe smiled sardonically. “Then he said something like ‘you must’ve bought Alicia’s boat because I see you on it all the time. The weird thing is she’s always on it with you.’ I looked at Alicia and I felt as though I could hear ‘oh fuck, this is it’ going through her mind. Then your dad tried to come to our rescue and told Daryl that Alicia was selling me her boat and part of the deal was that she had to teach me how to operate it.”
Alicia shook her head. “Daryl was just intent on screwing with us that night. He started asking me questions like why did I only teach Zoe at night, and why did the boat stay dark some nights and didn’t leave the harbor when we were on it. The funny thing is, I didn’t know Daryl very well, but he’d always been nice to me. I think he was drunk and thought he was being funny by making a scene. I forced myself to laugh and told him his fantasies were getting out of control, but your dad was furious. When he went for Daryl a few people had to restrain him and Jack told me to take him home. I asked Zoe to go with us and I think that pretty much confirmed for everyone there that what Daryl was insinuating was true. She came to my house that night and we agreed that by the following day everybody in town would know.”
“Including my parents. I felt a heart attack coming on and I wasn’t even thirty years old,” Zoe said with a laugh. “Your dad told your great-grandma what had happened, and Grace showed up. She looked furious, and I thought we were about to be royally chewed out. Instead, she offered to go with me to tell my parents because she didn’t think it was a good idea to bring Alicia to that showdown. I’m so glad I didn’t bring her or Alicia to my parents’ house. That chat did not go well. First, they blamed Alicia for corrupting me even though I told them I’d known I was gay since I was a kid. Then Mom told me my feelings for Alicia weren’t legitimate and gave me an ultimatum and, that was dump Alicia or leave the family. That’s when I realized the depth of my feelings for Alicia. I loved my parents dearly and it broke my heart to say goodbye, but that’s what I did.”
Nicki was floored. “I can’t believe that. They’re so sweet to Alicia and me.”
“Not that night,” Alicia said wryly. “Not for a long time after either. Zoe and I had talked some about eventually coming out. I knew she dreaded telling her parents because it would upset them. They were very traditional and Zoe knew her news would hurt and disappoint them. When she left my place that night to talk to them, I was so afraid I’d get a call and she’d tell me she couldn’t see me anymore. I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life. I think I stood in one place for hours staring at the phone, and then I heard a knock. When I opened the door and saw Zoe standing there holding a cat with suitcases sitting next to her feet, I broke down and cried. Zoe thought I was upset because she was, but I was crying tears of relief. I threw my arms around her and what I eventually learned was the meanest cat on earth, and promised I’d hold her forever.”
“That’s when y’all knew you were in love,” Nicki said with a smile.
“I did, but I didn’t admit it then,” Zoe said and gazed at Alicia. “We talked about being together forever, but that was usually after we’d found another spot on the boat to christen. We didn’t have a lot of serious talks about the future. The house I was living in had belonged to my grandma and when she died it became Dad’s. I’d just walked out on my family, and I didn’t have a place to live. I was feeling really vulnerable and I needed Alicia to tell me how she felt first, but I couldn’t come out and say that. Ms. Romantic here had an elaborate plan to reveal her feelings, so she wasn’t saying a word and—”
“You were distraught and you had a headache from crying, and the ring I wanted to give you wasn’t ready. I did give you something for your headache, tucked you into my bed and rubbed your back until you fell asleep while your cat growled at me.” Alicia met Nicki’s gaze. “Don’t let her make you think I left her hanging for a long time. The very next weekend, I took her to New Orleans and I had it all planned out. I was going to give her a ring that was inscribed Love from A to Z. It wasn’t just about our initials. I was gonna use every letter in the alphabet to express my love for her, but she ruined it,” Alicia said wryly.
Nicki laughed. “I had no idea you were such a mushy dork. What happened, did she find the ring first?”
Alicia shook her head. “No. We got there on a sunny Saturday morning and there was an art festival going on in the Quarter. We had a great time walking around looking at everything. We had lunch, we got a hurricane and we were sharing it as we continued to look at all of the exhibits. There was a booth and it had pictures of dogs, cats, rabbits, all kinds of animals, so n
aturally Zoe wanted to see what it was all about. This company made headstones and coffins for pet burial. A guy was placing an order and he was really emotional while he talked to the saleswoman. My heart was breaking for him because he would stop speaking and just sob over the loss of his dog. I wasn’t being nosy, there was such a big crowd at that booth and I got stuck next to him. My eyes were welling with tears and there were other people consoling this guy, so I wanted to get away before I started wailing and snotting up.” Alicia jerked a thumb at Zoe. “I turn around and this one is behind me crying with the gum she was chewing somehow stuck in her hair and she was spilling our drink down the front of her clothes while she was trying to pull the gum out of her hair. I looked at that crazy mess and my heart just exploded. I blurted out, “I’m so in love with you.’”
“She did, right in front of all of those people. Of course, that drew their attention to the complete mess I was.” Zoe sighed. “I knew better than to blow a bubble on a windy day, but I wasn’t thinking right since I’d been drinking most of the hurricane. I said ‘I’m in love with you too, baby, please help me.”’
“We went back to our hotel, but I didn’t give her the ring then. We had to find peanut butter to get the gum that was really tangled in her hair by then. She had to shower, and while she was doing that I fell asleep because the hurricane made me droopy.” Alicia laughed. “When I woke up with her beside me it was almost midnight.”
“She gave me the ring and did her ABC’s of love on the boat, which is another reason why we still have it,” Zoe added.
“Y’all are so weird and cute,” Nicki said with a laugh and then sobered. “Y’all are soul mates.”
Zoe nodded. “We are. We’ve been bound to each other since the third grade, but I think we had to grow and have experiences before we could accept that.”
“See she’s just as mushy and dorky as I am,” Alicia said with a satisfied smile.
“No, I’m not.” Zoe folded her arms and refused to look at Alicia who laughed at her.
“I thought Megan was my soul mate too. We were kind like y’all, we fell in love in high school, but at least, we had the sense to not pretend we hated each other. I knew she loved me like I loved her because whenever she saw me, she’d smile…it was like a light shining. I never see that light anymore,” Nicki said somberly. “Everything changed when we moved in together. I don’t know how to get that light back.”
“Pick up after yourself,” Alicia exclaimed. “The other day when I was at your apartment you dropped a pizza crust on the couch and just left it there until Megan picked it up. No wonder her light is off. I’m not saying everything is your fault but you can’t expect to be treated like a queen when you treat her like a maid.”
Zoe leaned close to Alicia and whispered, “Remember that when it’s your turn to clean the toilets.”
“Noted,” Alicia replied and clamped her lips together tightly. “Listen Nicki, Zoe and I have been through some shit together. When everybody in town found out about us we faced ridicule. Kids painted some anti-gay crap on the boat. Zoe lost some clients at her clinic, and her parents were sending messages through her sister urging us to go through gay conversion therapy. For a while, everything pissed us off and sometimes it caused some ugly fights between us. I remember thinking if we can get through this shit nothing will ever tear us apart. It felt like Zoe and I were at war with just about everyone, and we hunkered down and fought to stay together. After all of that, Zoe and I have to battle the trivial stuff between us and that’s really the biggest threat to a relationship.”
“I get it.” Nicki nodded emphatically. “We need a big shit storm to hit us and draw us together again.”
Alicia’s jaw sagged. “That’s the dumbest—”
“Your inner grandma is coming out.” Zoe smiled at Alicia. “You have to handle this Gracelessly. Let me try. Nicki, what Alicia is saying is it’s the little things that ruin a relationship if you let them. You have no idea how many fights we’ve gotten into over her lava lamp. I don’t care what she says, I measured that damn thing and it’s four feet tall. I hate it, but I’m not about to give up on her over a lamp because the light from it peels my eyelids open when I’m trying to sleep. Although, I wish Alicia would adopt the healthier diet I—”
“I think she gets the point now,” Alicia said. “Right Nic?”
“Yeah,” Nicki replied drolly.
“When you go home, you clean up the house and do it right. Don’t shove everything into closets or under your bed like you did when you were a kid. Then sit down with Megan, and tell her you’re willing to do your part to keep the house clean. I bet she’ll agree to work on things that’ll make you happy. If y’all work on compromising her light might come back on,” Alicia suggested.
“All right. I’ll do that if you go get your lava lamp and toss it into the trash,” Nicki said with a grin.
Zoe grinned too, but pursed her lips when Alicia glanced at her. “My lava lamp doesn’t have anything to do with your relationship,” Alicia said coolly.
“It does with yours.” Nicki tilted her head toward Zoe. “She might give you a break on the healthy eating thing.”
Alicia nodded with an acerbic smile. “Time for you to go home, smug shit.”
“It is,” Nicki said as she stood. “I’ve got cleaning to do. See, I know how to take good advice.”
“You’re not moving fast enough.” Alicia pointed toward the door. “Make the wind whistle through the holes in those shoes.”
Zoe got up and walked Nicki to the door. “I wish you luck, and let us know how things went when you can.”
“Thanks, and I will,” Nicki said as Zoe hugged her.
“Love you, brat,” Alicia called out.
“Love you too, mushy dork,” Nicki replied.
When Nicki left, Zoe closed the door and turned to Alicia. “I will buy the frozen biscuits you love when I go to the grocery store if you’ll consider Nicki’s suggestion.”
“Are you trying to tell me you think I’m overweight?”
“No, I think you’re perfect. I just want you to eat healthier.” Zoe smiled as she rejoined Alicia on the sofa. “Believe it or not, I’m trying to keep you around for a long time.”
Alicia took Zoe’s hand and kissed it. “The whole time we were sharing our history I was reliving it. I fell in love with you all over again. I will try to eat more healthy things, because I do want to keep my promise to hold you forever.”
“Oh, you’ve got me feeling romantic now,” Zoe said with a grin. “I want to do love from A to Z with you. A is for always because I will always love you.”
“B is for better as in you better always love me.” Alicia laughed. “Every day of my life is better because I share it with you.”
“C is for cuddle because I love the way you cuddle me.”
“D is for…”Alicia looked up as she thought. “D is for…damn it, I can’t think of anything.”
“E is for everything, you are my everything.”
“F is for friend because you are my very best friend,” Alicia said sincerely.
“G is for girl, you are my favorite and most bestest girl.”
“H is for happy because you make me happy even in bad times.”
“I is for incredible, after all the years we’ve been together I still think you’re incredible.” Zoe smiled and gave Alicia a kiss. “J is for jump, you still make my heart jump for joy when you walk into a room.”
“Aw shit.” Alicia stared at Zoe for a moment with a frown. “K is for killing. It’s killing me that you tricked me out of L by doing two letters at one time. I know what you’re gonna do with it.”
Zoe burst out laughing. “You’re right! L is for lava lamp, as in you’re going stuff that fucking thing in the trash.”
“Oh, I should’ve known you were setting me up when you wanted to do ABC’s with me. M is for Mmm, N is for No. Mmm No!”
“Baby, if you put that lamp in a closet I’ll light you up mor
e than it ever could. I’m talking the sporty stuff you loved back when I was really limber.” Zoe grinned. “I have been doing a lot of yoga, you know.”
“Oh,” Alicia said softly as her eyes grew wider. “Well…the lava in the lamp hasn’t been moving as smoothly as it used to, the heating element is probably going out. Maybe it’s time to retire it. O is for Oh, as in ‘Oh, you manipulate me so easily’ so I’m gonna steal the P. It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s for pizza, as in I want pizza tonight because I haven’t had any for months.”
“Q is for I’ll quit my diet for tonight only and we can have biscuits and pizza if you take care of L.” Zoe gave Alicia a seductive smile. “How about it baby?”
“Going back to the letter D that I didn’t have anything for,” Alicia said with a sigh and a smile. “D is for deal.”
Zoe pushed Alicia down on the couch and climbed on top of her. “I will now demonstrate the rest of the alphabet of love on you. You’re gonna love what I have planned for X.”
“Well then, I have Y covered. Y is for Yippee.”
About the Author
Robin Alexander is the author of the Goldie Award-winning Gloria’s Secret and other novels, including Gloria’s Inn, Gift of Time, The Taking of Eden, Love’s Someday, Pitifully Ugly, Undeniable, A Devil in Disguise, Half to Death, Gloria’s Legacy, A Kiss Doesn’t Lie, The Secret of St. Claire, Magnetic, The Lure of White Oak Lake, The Summer of Our Discontent, Just Jorie, Scaredy Cat, The Magic of White Oak Lake, Always Alex, The Fall, Ticket 1207, Next Time, The Trip, Rusty Logic, Dear Me, The Last of the Loudens, Patty’s Potent Potion, Fearless, Kellen’s Moment, Temporary Girl and Blissfully Blindsided.
She was also a 2013 winner of the Alice B Readers Appreciation Award.
You can email her at [email protected], and find her on Facebook. Follow her on Amazon for information on new releases.
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