“It’s not you. I promise.” She turned to rest a hand on his chest.
“You aren’t ready.”
“You hate me.”
Declan turned his head to look into her eyes for an eternity. After a while, he pushed to his elbow and cradled the side of her face. “No. You aren’t ready and that’s okay. It’s your body and it’s trying to tell you something. You wouldn’t be very bright if you didn’t listen to it.”
“I don’t know what it’s telling me.”
“You will.”
“But—I don’t want you to find someone else.”
“Kitten, if a man can’t wait until you’re ready, you kick his ass—got that?”
Zahrah nodded.
“Never forget—this is your body. You have all the control over it.” Declan explained. “Remember that.”
She leaned in and pressed her face to his chest. Declan wrapped his arms around her and drew her backward unto the bed. Zahrah felt like an idiot. The evil Gulzar brought into her world still overshadow it. No matter how strong she’d gotten. No matter how desperately she wanted to think he had no more control over her. Declan wasn’t Gulzar. He’d treated Zahrah with more care, more consideration than any other man in her life. Yet the moment he towered over her in the dark, all she wanted to do was crawl into a hole.
Somehow, she managed to get some sleep but woke up alone. Zahrah pressed her lips into a thin line, crawled out of bed, gathered her dwindling toiletries and tiptoed into the bathroom. For a long moment she sat on the toilet, wondering how she would face the day, face Declan. Maybe she should apologize for last night. Maybe she should tell him something—anything to make up for being the way she was. He said he understood.
He means that.
She sighed and dragged a hand over her face. When she finally got around to brushing her teeth, she was out of toothpaste. Declan’s bag was on the counter and she went through it and found a condom packet. It surprised her, then she turned it over and checked the expiry date. It had long since expired. Putting it back, she found his toothpaste, squirted some on her toothbrush and set Declan’s bag back on the counter.
Zahrah took a lot longer in the bathroom than normal. Deep down she didn’t know when she’d get another shower like this and she would enjoy it. When she made an appearance in the living area, everyone was there except Declan.
“Um…” She said.
“Morning, Sunshine.” Thunder was the first to see her. When he greeted her, Ronin and Zero turned to face her.
Zahrah waved. “Where’s Declan?”
“He went on a little bit of a mission.” Zero explained. “He’ll be back.”
“You guys let him go on his own?” She asked.
“Some missions are solo ones.” Ronin told her. “If he needs help, we go running. But for right now, maybe have some breakfast and wait with us.”
Zahrah ignored the offer and walked to the back window to stare out. “I’m getting so fed up with all of this.” She muttered. “Hadeel better hope one of you get to him before I do because right now, I could strangle him with my bare hands.”
“I know what that means,” Zero said.
“Yeah. It means I’m pissed off.” Zahrah grumbled.
“And it means you’ve fallen in love with our lovable monster.” Ronin added.
She whirled to face him. “What?”
The others smirked at her.
“We’re all friends here, aren’t we?” Thunder asked. “There are no secrets with this bunch.”
“I mean…” Zahrah hurried over to sit with the others. “Is it that obvious?”
“When his safety comes ahead of your own?” Zero asked. “When you will burn the world to the ground to make sure he’s safe?”
“And you’ve been sleeping in his arms of late.” Ronin pointed out. “I know you wouldn’t have done all that if there weren’t feelings there.”
“Plus, he saw your hair—didn’t he?” Thunder asked.
Zahrah slumped backward in the chair. Their reasoning made sense. She felt something very strong and powerful for Declan. But she couldn’t focus on that and she told them so. Declan said she should face one catastrophe at a time. “One storm at a time,” Zahrah said. “We deal with this garbage with my brother first. We make him tell us where Farhad is, then we focus on how I feel for Declan. Deal?”
The others looked among themselves then smiled at her. “We can live with that,” Zero said.
It took about another hour for Declan to come back. He had a cut above his eye that wasn’t there before. Zahrah grabbed the first aid kit from Thunder’s bag and cleaned it while Declan explained what was happening. He was following one of Hadeel’s top generals. They reached a warehouse, and someone jumped Declan from behind.
Zahrah was pretty sure that idiot paid for his mistake with his life and she felt no ways about it. In that moment, as she checked the wound, it dawned on her—if the choice was between one of them going home or Declan, she’d pick Declan every time.
“Is this a new property we haven’t checked yet?” Zero asked.
“Yes.” Declan patted Zahrah on the bum and leaned away from her prodding fingers. “It’s actually not in Hadeel’s name. It’s an old government weapons bunker.”
“Are we thinking we have authorities involved?” Ronin asked.
“How else does one get their hands on a government property for illegal activities?” Thunder questioned. “Shit. We need to end this before it gets worse.”
Declan nodded. “We go into that warehouse tonight,” he said.
They spent most of the day working out a plan from what Declan could remember of the set up of the warehouse. He hadn’t seen all of it, but the entrances and exits were super important to what they were about to attempt. Declan, Zero, Ronin and Zahrah would go in. Thunder would remain unseen to cover them.
“There aren’t any windows,” Declan said. “Which means, Thunder won’t be able to get eyes on us once we go in.”
“So, we’re on our own.” Ronin pointed out.
“Unfortunately, yes.” Declan replied. “Any trouble we can’t handle on our own, we draw them outside, duck for cover and Thunder will take care of the rest. Other than that, we watch each other’s backs and make sure we all go home, got it?”
“Got it.” Zero nodded.
“The first floor is open.” Declan continued. “There are four doors to either go in or out. Once we make it in, we’re going to have to clear that area quickly and quietly. I have no idea how many souls they have inside because I didn’t get to see all the levels. There are two staircases—one on the east side of the building, one on the west side and they both lead to the second floor. I’m assuming the other two floors are the same.”
“Bottom line,” Ronin said. “We need to be super careful on this one.”
Once we had a plan set, Declan headed outside to check over the rides. Zahrah went out with a glass of juice and sat in the dirt watching him. Declan glanced at her and smiled then went back to peering into the hood.
“I brought you this.” Zahrah told him.
Declan closed the hood and sat with her. He accepted the drink and turned it to his head. Zahrah watched his Adam’s apple as a streak of sweat trailed down to die in his shirt at his neck. Once the glass was empty, he set it beside his bum and sighed. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She turned to look at the SUV. “I wanted to, you know?”
“I know.”
“But Gulzar is in my head. And I’m not saying you are Gulzar or you’re like him.” Zahrah sighed.
“I know what you mean.” Declan assured her. “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you my body isn’t disappointed. I was looking forward to feeling your hands on me in places no woman has touched in years. But—Kitten, you’ve been through something traumatic. It’s going to be in the back of your mind.”
“Shouldn’t I be over it by now? I mean, I have zero prospects of getting justice for what happened
to me at this point.”
“I’m not a woman, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.” Declan turned to face her fully. “Just because people think you should be over it doesn’t mean you have to be. What he’s taken from you is something no one should have stolen. So, be mad if you need to be. But don’t bury your feelings about it because society thinks you should forget about it.”
She smiled.
“Have you thought of seeing someone—a professional?”
“I have—seen someone.”
“Craig doesn’t count.”
Zahrah tilted her head. “Craig has been helping. But he’s—are you jealous, Declan?”
He looked away.
“You know Craig and I are just friends, right?” She asked. “Besides, you’d have more of a chance with him than I would.”
He looked at her. “He’s…oh.”
“Yeah.” She chuckled. “Anyway, I have seen a therapist. Over the past few years I’ve dated but none of the men came this close. I never had to worry about it. I figured I was fine. With you I want everything, but he just won’t go away.”
Declan said nothing. He lifted a hand to caress her cheek but let his hand fall again. Zahrah sighed and bowed her head. “Now, you won’t touch me again.”
“I’m hesitant.”
Zahrah gripped his hand and pressed his palm to her cheek. “I love your touch.” She told him. “I love the rough warmth of your fingertips against my skin, your lips against mine. I will work on getting over Gulzar, on remembering he can never hurt me again.”
“Yeah?”
“I have an army at my back now.” She lifted her chin proudly. “Declan?”
“Yes, Kitten?”
“Can you kiss me now? I would really like a kiss.”
Declan smiled and kissed her. She held the back of his neck so he couldn’t move away until she was ready. Zahrah savoured his lips and sighed when she had to lean away to breathe.
“I’ll get better.” She promised around a few more kisses. “I have to.”
Chapter 17
Tex called us later that day. He wasn’t impressed. Apparently, someone had been trying to hack into his system. It had been a while since someone was brazen enough to try. The person had been looking for Cyclops. So far, Tex kept them at bay, give them the run around, sending out some ghosts and forcing the hacker to chase them.
“I need to know if you have an idea who this could be,” Tex said. His voice was stoic, measured. It was a new mood for the Texan who had always been playful, funny. “If they are a friend of yours then I will grant them mercy once and only once. If you don’t know who it is, I will burn their fuckin’ house in a hail of brimstone and misery. Understand?”
Cyclops glanced over at Ronin and Thunder. “I think I might know who it is.” He looked back at Tex on the phone screen. “Route them here.”
“Are you sure that’s wise?” Tex asked. “What if you’re wrong?”
“You said they are looking for me, right?” Cyclops asked. “We need to figure this out.”
“Cyclops…”
“We don’t have a choice.” Cyclops explained.
It didn’t take any time at all for the phone to ring after Tex hung up. The others stood out of view and when Zahrah moved to rush to his side, Thunder grabbed her arm. Cyclops swallowed and answered the video call. He answered it and wasn’t at all surprised by the face that popped up. Her stark dark eyes and black hair always gave her such an exotic look. But Cyclops was no fool—her beauty didn’t take away from the fact she was deadly.
“Do you think I wouldn’t find you?” Lotsee “Coyote” Daven asked. “You and the others have been avoiding me.”
“What do you want, Coyote?” Cyclops asked. “Why are you digging through my friend’s system?”
“To find you!” She snapped. “Haven’t you been listening? What is going on with you and the others? I’ve been trying for weeks to find traces of you.”
“And still you keep looking.” Cyclops muttered.
“Of course! You think I’d give up on you guys?”
“You expect me to believe you still have my back after what happened to 4Guardians?” Cyclops thundered. “You’re still a part of them, Coyote. I’m tired of looking over my shoulders—so back off. I’m warning you.”
She quirked a brow. “You’ve never spoken to me like that before…”
“That’s because people I called my friends hadn’t stabbed me in the back before.” Cyclops swallowed. “Stay away from my friends.”
“I told you and Kraken. I had nothing to do with that.” Coyote leaned forward. “As far as I knew, we were still friends—I get it. You blame me.”
“I don’t know who to blame. But I know it wasn’t Kraken’s fault. Then again, I think they’ve proven it didn’t matter who was at fault. As long as they had a fall guy.”
“Cyclops—”
“We were soldiers.” He interrupted her. “The bottom line is this—there were only a handful of people who knew where we were going and why. You were one of those people and until someone can show me who is responsible—I can’t trust you. I can’t take the risk because my brother is involved in this and if he gets hurt, I will kill you.”
“Shit.” Coyote frowned. “Don’t stop there. Tell me how you really feel.”
“I don’t have the time. And believe me, you’re not ready. I’m going to hang up now.”
“Cyclops!”
He sighed and met her gaze through the screen.
“I had nothing to do with what happened in Nigeria.” Coyote stressed the words. “You and your guys saved my life on more than one occasion. I owe you everything. I wouldn’t put you guys in danger like that. Please…”
Cyclops looked over to where the others were standing. He didn’t know what to think. In moments like those, he often wondered what Kraken would do. But the leader of the 4Guardians had long since vanished. He’d taken the weight of the sideways mission on his shoulders, took the dishonourable discharge and was gone. It had been almost a year since they last heard from him.
The only message was for them not to look for him. He hadn’t even signed his name, just drawn a turtle at the bottom of the sort note.
He rubbed his eyes. “I’ll talk to the others,” Cyclops told her. “If they want to take your word for it then we’ll see. If not, we’re done.”
“I have no one else.” Coyote told him. “You guys were my family. I would never do you like that.”
He nodded. “Give me some time to talk to the others. When we have a decision, we’ll find you.”
“Cy…”
But he hung up the phone and shook his head.
“Who was that?” Zahrah asked.
“We used to work with her,” Thunder said.
“What we’re about to talk about doesn’t leave this room.” Cyclops stared at Zahrah. “Do you understand?”
Zahrah nodded.
“Ronin, Thunder, myself and our leader, Kraken were put in a group called the 4Guardians for a couple of missions.” Cyclops set the phone to charge and leaned heavily into his seat. “We weren’t a permanent thing considering Thunder is from the Japanese special forces. But since they are allies, his team sent him to help us. The first mission was tough, but we got through it. The second—didn’t end well.”
“Someone in our group sold us out.” Thunder continued. “They knew we were coming.”
“The hostage we were sent to rescue was killed and the pollical ramifications—well, it wasn’t pretty. They blamed us,” Ronin said. “Because, of course, since we were on the mission it had to be our fault. Kraken sacrificed himself. After years of service, they threw him out like garbage. We couldn’t fight for him—he made us promise not to.”
“We would have done it anyway.” Cyclops paused a moment to clear his throat. “But out of respect for him, we let it go.”
“Who did it?” Zahrah asked.
“We don’t know.” Ronin fell into the chair b
eside his brother. “And since we don’t know, we can’t trust anyone but the people in this room—”
“And Kraken.” Zahrah finished.
Cyclops nodded. “And it breaks my heart to say this—but, we can’t trust Coyote.”
“Thunder?” Zahrah asked.
“I agree with them.” Thunder spoke. “People say things all the time. But when we were in Nigeria taking heavy fire and trying to stay alive, no one came for us—not Coyote, not our handler, no one. We were in deep, in serious trouble but we realized something. They just left us there to die.”
“Because it was cleaner than having to explain.” Ronin added.
“Where was she?” Zahrah wanted to know. “Coyote, I mean.”
“That’s a good question.” Cyclops replied. “We can’t be worried about this right now. We need to be clear for tonight.”
“It’s obviously bothering you.” Zahrah cradled his face.
“Yes, it is. But I can’t let it cloud my senses.” He kissed the left corner of her lips. “If I can’t focus, my heart will die here. Right now, you, Ronin and Thunder are my world and I refuse to lose that. When it comes to later, I’ll be ready.”
“What you told her,” Thunder said. “About getting back to her…”
“She’ll have to wait.” Cyclops told them.
The others didn’t ask any further questions. Instead, they took the remainder of the day to themselves. Thunder napped, Ronin worked out and Cyclops led Zahrah into their room.
When she returned from the bathroom, he had his back to her and for the first time she noticed the dragon tattooed close to this left shoulder. Zahrah smiled, made sure their door was locked and approached him from behind. She trailed a fingertip along the raised bits of ink, and he hissed softly.
“I didn’t know you had tattoos.”
“Just the one.” His voice cracked. “The story of the Four Guardians of the planet—the planet is protected by four guardians—a dragon, a vermillion bird, a tiger and a turtle. Each of the four of us—Ronin, Kraken, myself and Thunder, has one. I’m the dragon. Kraken is the turtle. Ronin is the Tiger and Thunder is the vermillion bird. We believed in our taskforce so much we had them inked into our skin. Then it bit us. Now they’re a painful reminder that even though the military is supposed to be a family, they’re those who wouldn’t even piss on you if you’re on fire.”
Defending Zahrah Page 15
