“I’m glad he came,” she said, for something to fill the silence with. “That article was dreadful.”
“It’s just rags,” he said simply. “But I’m glad he came too.”
“And you.” She cleared her throat. “It’s … good to see you.” So insipid! So bland! She cringed inwardly and shook her head. “Come inside. I’ll make tea.”
His smile was a shadow. “No, thanks. I don’t have long.”
Lilah must have mis-heard. She lifted her face to his, scanning to see what she’d misunderstood.
“I’ve got a flight booked. I leave in an hour.”
“An hour?” She blinked and then shook her head. “Where are you going?”
“Home,” he said with a shrug. “New York.”
Lilah swallowed the pronouncement with a sense of doom. It was an almost out-of-body experience. “New York.” She nodded, urging herself to be calm. “For how long?”
Now it was Will’s turn to look confused. “For … indefinitely. It’s where I live, remember?”
“Right. Of course.” She swallowed.
“I only came over for the wedding.”
“Of course.” He was leaving. He hadn’t come to Delani for her. He was leaving. Going. Disappearing.
Will searched for something to say that would make some kind of sense out of their ill-fated relationship. But what was there he could offer?
“Do you need me to arrange a driver?” She heard herself ask, though inside she was screaming at him to stay longer.
“Kiral’s asked the chopper piot to take me.” He nodded towards the bird and Lilah realized the crew was still inside, staring straight ahead.
It was really happening. He was going. And without her, despite what he’d said.
“Will …”
He nodded, understanding that she too had no way of explaining what she was feeling. “I know.” He reached out and briefly put his hand on hers. The warmth and awareness flashed between them and Lilah had to bite down on her lip to stop from making a sound of surprise.
“Well,” a polite smile accompanied by a stepping away. “If you’re ever in New York …”
She nodded, incapable of smiling. “Sure,” she said softly. “I’ll look you up.”
He shook his head, frustrated beyond belief. “You do that.” Should he kiss her? Would it be appropriate? Lilah stepped backwards, away from him, and with one final, tight smile, she turned and began to walk slowly towards the door.
In his head, he imagined chasing after her and ripping her around to face him. He imagined kissing her long and hard until she stopped being such an idiot and admitted that they could find a way to make this work.
But those dreams were built from fantasy. In the real world, life didn’t always work out how you wanted it to. In the real world, there was heartbreak and indecision. Doubt and uncertainty.
And loss.
There was always, always loss.
Part Three
MANHATTAN, NEW YORK
TWO MONTHS LATER
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
One of the fluorescents bulbs overhead was flickering every few seconds, casting an almost ghostly glow over the yellow walls and grey linoleum floor. Lilah didn’t mind.
In her mind, that was what American restaurants always looked like. The fast food ones, at least.
She stuck out like a sore thumb in the little eatery, but she didn’t care.
Will had been right.
The food was amazing.
But that wasn’t why she’d come to Lin Lee Chu’s every Tuesday since arriving in New York a month ago.
She came because of him, though she hardly dared admit it to herself. “Number seventy four? Number seventy four?” The voice announced over the speakers and Lilah flicked her eyes to her pink ticket. The matching number winked back at her. She walked gracefully to the counter, unaware of the looks of appreciation and interest that were driven her way. After all, Lilah was used to being looked at.
In an effort to blend in, she had scaled down her couture suits and dresses and opted for the more American style of dressing. A pair of tailored black trousers and a cream sweater were perfectly ordinary, but when teamed with her stilettos, pearl choker and the ingrained elegance that accompanied her everywhere, Lilah was every bit the princess she’d always been.
She smiled at Lin Lee as she lifted her tray and cutlery from the counter. “Thank you. It smells delicious,” she said in Cantonese.
“You’re welcome. It’s a pleasure.”
She turned and walked back to her table by the window and settled herself as far along the booth as she could. She liked to sit there and watch the world pass her by. It was early in the evening; many of the people walking past the busy restaurant were obviously undertaking their journeys home from work. Some were heading out for the evening. A group of young women strolled past in high heels and mini-dresses despite the frigid night air.
Lilah smiled.
That was part of what she loved about this city.
It was a singularly unique part of the world; a true melting pot of cultures and beliefs. It fired her soul and warmed her spirit.
She snapped her chopsticks in two. Just as she stirred the steaming noodles, the door opened inwards, causing the little chime above to ring prettily. She almost didn’t look up; after all, the restaurant was busy and people were coming and going often.
But her eyes shifted reflexively, fixing to the door as though they knew what to expect.
And every single nerve-ending in Lilah’s body began to tremble.
There stood Will, but as she’d never seen him before. He was laughing, his handsome face lifted to the ceiling, his mouth open. Dressed casually, in jeans and a sweater, he had an arm equally casually slung around the shoulder of his companion. With dread and grief, Lilah blinked and then forced herself to look at the woman beside him.
She was beautiful. A much better fit for Will than Lilah could ever be. She looked as though she’d stepped out of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue, with her shining blonde hair pulled high into a pony tail, her carefree black shirt and skinny jeans, a bright scarf and comfortable running shoes. Lilah hated her on sight, though she was all too aware of how childish and undeserving the emotion was.
They were comfortable together.
And Will was happy.
Lilah felt sick.
She was powerless to look away. She watched as they walked deeper in the restaurant. Will lifted his hand as if to say, ‘here it is’, and Lilah ducked down in the booth, her heart firing in all directions.
She lifted up just enough to see the woman say something light-hearted and press a possessive finger into his chest.
How serious were they? Had they been dating long? Had they slept together?
Lilah couldn’t bear it.
She’d come to the restaurant for the past three Tuesdays and it had been all in the hope of seeing Will. Well, now she’d seen him.
At least she had the answer to the question that had plagued her. Did he miss her? Did he still think of her? Did he still want her?
She felt like the worst kind of fool in the world.
She pushed her tray across the table, unable to contemplate eating. How was she going to get out of the restaurant without being seen? It was agony. She had to sit and watch while they stood in line, all the while his arm was hooked around the blonde’s shoulders and her arm snaked around his waist. At one point Lilah thought she might have been able to make a break for the door, but just as she stood up, they spun around and she had to sit back down again quickly.
Her pulse was firing.
She slid into the booth and angled her entire body to the window, pretending fascination with the passing traffic.
A noise sounded to her left; that of something being dropped. She didn’t dare look around, and so didn’t see the blonde’s watch slip from her wrist and hit the floor. Nor did she see Will disentangle himself and crouch down right beside her booth.
> It wasn’t until she heard his voice say, “Lilah?” that she finally had to turn around and act surprised, as though she hadn’t been watching him for minutes.
“It is you.” He didn’t smile for her. He was completely shocked. And not the good kind of shocked, either.
“Will.” Lilah wondered absentmindedly if an Oscar winning actress could have affected such a note of casual disregard. “What a pleasant surprise.”
“What are you doing here?” He was far less-accomplished at masking his feelings, having not had the same life-long need as her.
“You raved about the noodles,” she said simply, shifting her eyes to encompass the Other Woman in her smile. Yes, yes, keep smiling, she told herself. This will soon be over.
“Did I?” He frowned, unable in that moment to recall having ever mentioned his favourite restaurant to the Delani princess. “I meant in New York.”
His eyes dropped lower, taking in the clothes that were, for Lilah, a departure from the usual protocols.
But Lilah didn’t want to tell him. Not like this. Not with the Blonde listening with undisguised interest. “I’m … on holiday,” she finished lamely, making up for the weak sentence with a megawatt smile. “And I was just leaving.”
“Leaving?” Will’s attention dropped to the noodles. “But you haven’t eaten.”
“No.” She slid along the booth, moving nearer to the edge, but also nearer to him. “I guess they weren’t for me after all. Excuse me.”
He shook his head and then stepped aside, closer to the other woman, allowing Lilah to move out of the seat. “Please, take my table. It is getting busy.”
She maintained the appearance of calm as she clipped out of the restaurant. But as soon as she was on the busy street, her face crumpled and she began to move quickly. She was too distressed to remember that the restaurant had windows overlooking the street and that she’d seated Will and his girlfriend in her own table with an excellent view.
Will saw her walk past and felt as though he’d been kicked in the gut. “Excuse me,” he said quickly, sending an apologetic look to his date. “I’ll just … I just need a sec.”
He strode quickly out of the restaurant and then began to jog after Lilah. She was easy to pick out of the crowd, but he could have spotted her anywhere.
“Hey.” He grabbed her elbow once he reached her and turned her around to face him.
Her face was lined with tears. He lifted his thumb and wiped them away, oblivious to the crowds swarming past them.
“Please don’t,” she begged quietly, though she couldn’t have said what she was asking or wanting.
“What are you doing here?”
Lilah swallowed and looked away. “It’s a long story.”
“Tell me,” he invited, reaching down and squeezing her hand.
Her laugh was without humour. “I don’t want to interrupt your night.”
A muscle jerked in his cheek. “Right. I’m on a date.”
Lilah felt as though he’d stabbed her. She nodded but spun away from him, unable to stop more tears from falling. Frustration gnawed at his gut as he moved to stand in front of her.
“What do you want me to say, Lilah? We were over months ago. I thought I’d never see you again.”
“You’ve moved on with your life. I get it.” She nodded jerkily. “And you should have. I’m not here for you. In the city, I mean.” It was a face-saving lie and she had no idea if he believed it or not.
“So why are you here? And how long are you here for?”
She dropped her head forward. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” He pressed his finger beneath her chin, lifting her to face him. “Your life is scheduled minutely. How do you not know what your plans are?”
“I told you. I’m on holiday.”
“Holiday?” He shook his head ruefully. “I don’t get what the hell is going on.”
“I know.” And because she was only human, she put her hands on his hips and stood on her tiptoes so that she could press a kiss briefly against his lips. Everything zinged in her body but she pulled away just as swiftly. “None of it is your problem.”
“I have never considered you a problem,” he promised, staring at her as though if he looked hard enough he could make sense of this sudden turn of events.
“Thank you.” She shook her head. “You should really get back.”
He nodded slowly and Lilah took it as the dismissal she had been waiting for. She turned and began to cut through the crowds once more, her eyes focused forward.
Looking back was where she came unstuck.
* * *
“Madam?”
Lilah pressed a finger into her book and then lifted her attention to the doorway.
“I beg your pardon, madam, but Mr Wright is here to see you.”
Lilah’s blood gushed through her veins so loudly she could hear it. “He is?” She put her book down and stood off the bed. She had indulged in a long bubble bath as soon as she’d come back from seeing him, and had changed into her pajamas.
“Please tell him I won’t be long.”
“Of course, madam.”
Lilah thought about getting changed but dismissed the idea. Her pajamas were perfectly acceptable and modest, but she added a robe to the top and brushed her hair until it hung soft and shining around her shoulders. She refused to put on cosmetics; that would be too obvious.
So when she padded into the lounge area of the penthouse a few minutes later, she looked incredibly beautiful and breathtakingly innocent.
Will had to cross his arms to stop from pulling her close and crushing her to his chest.
“Will?” She waved a hand towards the sofa before taking a seat in the same chair she’d sat in the first time they’d met. “What are you doing here?”
“I brought you some noodles.” He lifted a plastic bag and the unmistakable fragrance of mee goreng drifted across the room.
“Thank you.” She didn’t move towards him so he placed the noodles on an occasional table to his side.
“It’s not the only reason I’m here,” he said with a self-deprecating smile. “Actually, noodles are a pretty flimsy excuse.”
Lilah was as still as a stone. “Oh?”
“Lilah,” he groaned, ignoring the chair and crouching before her. “What are we doing?”
She cast her eyes downwards, not wanting to see and be seen in the unique way he had of comprehending her.
“We are doing nothing.” She lifted her head and fixed her attendant with a shaky smile. “A pot of Earl Grey, thank you.”
“Yes, madam.”
The servant disappeared and Lilah sent Will a look of caution. “Please take care. My staff are trustworthy but I do not wish to become a subject of gossip.”
“God, Lilah. When can we ever speak?”
She bit down on her lip and shook her head. She could tell him that it would never be possible, but that would be a lie. He was right, anyway. They did need to talk. She had thought of him unendingly and had come to believe that only conversation would bring closure.
“Now.” She sat back in the sofa and swallowed. “I’ll ask my attendants to leave us.”
“Thank you.” He pushed off the ground and took the seat opposite her. He stared at her, drinking her in, until the servant had appeared with a tray of tea and placed it on the table between them.
“Leave us now, and be sure we are not disturbed.”
“Yes, madam.”
They waited, breath held, until they were alone. And then, the silence seemed to swirl around them like a whirlpool.
“I owe you an apology,” he broke it by saying, reaching forward and pouring some tea into a cup and handing it to her.
“Thank you.” Lilah took it and then fixed him with a questioning stare. “What for?”
“That night at the palace.” He shook his head angrily. “I was such a bastard to you. I had no right to treat you like that.” He looked away, unable to look at her e
yes as he dealt with the feelings of guilt that had plagued him since then. “I was so angry with you. I was furious that you wouldn’t acknowledge how you felt about me. I took it out on you with sex.” He dragged a hand through his blonde hair. “I thought I could make you see how good we were together.”
Lilah sipped her tea purely to give her blood pressure time to drop back into a normal range. “You have an incredible ability to make everything seem easy. But it wasn’t. Nothing about what I wanted from you was easy to imagine as attainable.”
“I know. I get it. I’ve seen how you live. I’ve seen your life. I understand now as I didn’t then how beholden you are to your people and your palace.”
“Yes.” She stood unsteadily and crossed to the window. The city sparkled beneath her like gems in a jewel box.
“But I need you to know that I loved you. That I hate how I treated you that night. When you think of me, don’t think of that. Please. Remember the woods. Remember fishing with me and building fires with me and laughing with me. Not that night.”
“Will.” She turned to face him, her expression a mask of confusion. “There was nothing wrong with that night.” Her cheeks flamed but she forced herself to make the admission. “I like remembering that night.”
He stood up and paced across the room to stand in front of her. “I’ve never been more surprised in my life than I was just now.” He shook his head ruefully. “Walking into that restaurant and finding you just sitting there. I thought I’d imagined it.”
She nodded. “I felt the same. I saw you come through the door and couldn’t actually believe it was you.” Her eyes squeezed shut. “And that you were on a date.”
“Yeah. It was a date.” He could see the pain dancing on her features and it filled him with the kind of hope that he knew to be deadly. It showed that she cared and he began to dream and wonder if maybe he wasn’t too late. “But only a second date.”
Lilah licked her lower lip. “What does that mean? Is that significant in some way?”
“It’s not serious,” he clarified. “I went back and told her about you, and then came straight here. To see you.”
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