by C C Roth
6- Cold and Alone
It was late April and our garden was growing. We had planned all our crops for the rest of the year and things were going well so far. We started and ended every day in that garden so I felt really proud as I walked through the rows of little green plants starting to take shape. I ran my fingers over the little pea pod blooms and wondered if Dad would be proud too. You’d never had known to look at us that we were spoiled city kids a few months ago. My hands had callouses now and there was dirt under my nails that never seemed to go away no matter how much I scrubbed. I spent my nights reading gardening books and Dad’s plans in his notebook. I was memorizing everything I could about soil ph, which plants were best to grow together and which needed to be separated. It was really lame but pretty fascinating to see it all work out. The simplicity of it was nice too. Tomatoes grow well with basil but not with onions and if I cut a potato in half and bury it under ten inches of soil it will grow more potatoes. Simple. And through the simplicity I was finding something close to peace. Almost.
“Sam! Let’s go,” Mike yelled from up the hill.
I stood up. “Go where? I’m busy.”
“Snare practice. C’mon, you can talk to the plants later.”
I rolled my eyes. I hated setting snares. It seemed like such a waste of time. “Seriously?”
He smiled. “Yes, seriously. Some day you might not have that big gun of yours. How will you eat?”
“Order out?”
He didn’t laugh so I complied with a huge dramatic sigh and walked over to the house to grab my rifle.
“Leave it!” he yelled. “You won’t need it.”
I hesitated and looked longingly at the door.
“C’mon, Sam. You carry that thing around like it’s your blankie or something. Let’s go.”
He lifted up his own rifle for me to see. Geez he was getting bossy. I threw my hands up in surrender and we went off into the north side of the woods. The gravel road wound around from the north end of the cabin and back to the west side where it met the main road out. It was all still camouflaged well to deter intruders and we had done a good job maintaining it. We kept north and slowly the road and sight of the cabin faded through the trees behind us. It was easy to get lost out there if you didn’t know where you were and you weren’t paying attention. On a few of our first trips out with Dad I’ll admit I got a little spooked not having any landmarks. I mean, nothing but trees all around and they all looked the same. But now, everything was a landmark. I knew our woods so well I could run through there for a mile with my eyes closed if I had to. Spring was everywhere I turned and the trees were heavy with life. Squirrels were chattering at us and there was so much undergrowth you really had to watch your step at times not to get tangled in everything.
We found a small game trail and set our first snare.
“Tell me again why we’re doing this?” I griped.
Mike smiled, looking so much like Dad it hurt to face him. “Because, you’re a good shot but you need to be good at everything.”
“Then maybe you should go do some target practice,” I snapped back.
“Yeah, probably. But I’ve got you for that,” he said as he shoved my shoulder. “Stop being a baby and find the next spot. Where do you see signs of animal traffic?”
I mimicked his words in a sing-song taunt earning myself another punch in the arm.
“Ugh, fine.” I looked around, surveying the ground, and picked a direction. “This way.”
We walked for several minutes until we reached an area where the trees grew closer together and then seemed to open up a bit in a small circle of low growth. I searched for the signs and saw where a small animal had cleared a circular, tunnel-like path through the bushes and vines. I could tell it was used regularly and a perfect spot to set a snare. We crouched down and just started to set up when we heard something. There were voices and movement in the trees ahead of us maybe only 30 feet away. Mike raised his finger to his lips and signaled for us to stay down. If we got up right then, they would probably see us and they would for sure hear us. Maybe if we stayed low, they would pass by or head in the other direction.
No such luck. Their footfalls were coming closer to us. It sounded like there were a few of them stomping around and chatting. Then it fell silent. Too silent. Even the bugs nearby had stopped chirping. We were both holding our breath and I felt a little comical, like a kid playing hide ‘n seek.
“Come on out. We can see you,” a man yelled.
Mike gestured for me to stay down as he slowly stood with his hands spread out in front of him.
“Well that’s better,” the man said. His tone was slow but biting somehow. “Now we can be friends. What are you doing out here, son?”
“Just setting some snares. Trying to catch a meal. You?”
The man laughed a little at his bravado and I could hear others, at least four behind him, chuckling in kind.
“Oh, about the same. You live around here?”
“No. Nothing permanent. Just wandering around.” He’d answered quickly, maybe too quickly.
The man was silent again, perhaps trying to decide if he should believe him or not. All I could see from my vantage point was Mike’s Winchester 70 resting on the ground by his shoe. I wanted to sneak a peek at these guys but I was too scared to move. They hadn’t spotted me yet so staying still was my best chance.
“I’m Scott, these idiots are my crew. We’re just out here doing our part to keep our zone clean.”
“Clean?” Mike asked.
“Yeah, of undesireables. Sickos. Or just anybody we don’t like the look of. You alone out here, kid?”
“Yeah, just me. I lost everyone else.”
“Well it’s your lucky day then. It just so happens we’re recruiting.” This earned another round of chuckling from his crew. “Some of our buddies got themselves shot recently so we’re a few men short. What do ya say? You want to join up and help the cause?”
It was silent for three heartbeats. I know because I counted each violent thud pounding against my chest so loudly I thought for sure they’d hear it too. Then Mike spoke.
“I don’t think so. Sounds dangerous and I’m not much with a gun really.”
The men chuckled again. “That’s okay. We’ve got a hell of a training program. Besides I wasn’t really asking.” Scott’s voice turned sinister.
I heard two guns being cocked and Mike shifted his weight, nudging the Winchester toward me with his toe.
“Go ahead guys,” Scott said, “let’s help our new friend. He looks a little shy.”
Slowly I grabbed the Winchester as I heard the men start moving toward us. I stayed crouched behind the bushes and took aim on the first man I saw. He was lurking behind Scott, pointing a rifle at Mike. I breathed in quickly and time stood still for the briefest of moments as my body responded to the rifle and we became one, moving effortlessly. A sharp blast punched through the woods as my trigger finger set itself free. He hit the ground, and all hell broke loose. There were six of them, five now. Mike jumped behind a tree to our right and I rolled near him, taking aim on the other gunman. He was looking for me, confused about what had just happened. Scott was yelling orders as he hid behind a large sycamore tree but no one seemed to be listening. The other man fired and dirt blew up from the ground to my left. Too close. I shot again and my bullet landed in his chest, knocking him backwards.
Buh-bye.
Two down. I couldn’t see Scott from where I was but the others had all taken cover to my left. I’d have to move in to get them but I was still outnumbered and one round short. Something my cold friend didn’t seem to think was a problem because an icy hand from within shoved me to my feet and in a flash I was flanking their position. I still had the element of surprise on my side. They weren’t expecting someone to pop out at them the way I had and they certainly weren’t expecting a small girl bearing down on them with a rifle.
I dove behind a skinny tree trunk covered with u
ndergrowth and took aim on the man nearest me, maybe 10 feet away. His eyes started to widen with surprise as he saw me but it was too late for him. He slid to the ground, still looking shocked. I was steadying my aim on the next man when I thought I heard Mike’s voice through all the commotion. The icy fog lifted for a moment and I heard it again.
“Sam! Sam, stop!”
I turned back to where I’d left him and saw Scott was standing behind Mike holding a pistol to his head.
Mike probably outweighed him a bit but there wasn’t much he could do in his position. Scott obviously had the same idea as me and had flanked Mike as I was moving in on his men. How could I make such a stupid mistake? I’d left Mike unprotected. I had the only gun and I’d left him. I’d listened only to my cold friend pushing me on, telling to me to go for the kill.
Scott was pissed. His face was red and a vein was sticking out on his forehead as he held the barrel of his gun up against Mike’s ear.
“Guys, why don’t you come on out and take that big gun away from this little girl before she hurts herself.” He was practically spitting venom.
The three remaining men came out with guns drawn on me, looking equally pissed. I still held tight to Mike’s Winchester and my cold friend wasn’t ready to let go. I registered Mike’s face and he was silently pleading with me. I could easily take out Douche-Bag-Scott but I’d be dead in an instant. Between the three of these morons one was sure to be able to hit me at such close range. So with no other choice, I begrudgingly dropped the rifle at my feet and one of the men quickly grabbed both of my arms from behind, twisting them harshly.
“Look, we didn’t want any trouble.” Mike started. “We’re just defending ourselves. We’re sorry. Just let us go, okay?”
Scott glared at me as he pushed the gun harder into Mike’s ear.
“Well, it’s not okay because now I’m down another three men. I was already short and now you’ve taken another three of my guys. What are we going to do about that?”
I didn’t speak. I couldn’t. There was no winning this, no talking our way out of it and I knew it. We were screwed and it was my fault. Mike stared at me. His face was calm but I could see he was scared for me. His eyes filled with rage as he looked at the man standing behind me, holding my arms.
“Look, we’ll come with you,” he said. “You told us you need some more guys, we’ll come with you.”
Scott sneered a little. “Now there’s an idea. We could use a big guy like you. Not much use for the girl though. Well, not much use but one.”
The men all chuckled, and a stabbing pain of panic rose in my throat.
I could see the anger in Mike’s eyes growing but he tried to stay calm. “I wouldn’t misjudge her. She’s a good shot, better than I am. You saw it yourself.”
“We got plenty of good shots. Not enough pretty girls though.” Scott said with a sneer.
The man holding me tightened his grip on my arms. I knew what was coming if I went with them and there was no way I was going to go willingly. There was no way they were taking me alive. I could hear my dad’s voice telling me to fight. Don’t be a victim, Sam. Promise me you’ll fight.
“C’mon guys. Let’s show our new friends the way back to the truck. You idiots take…what’s your name buddy?” Scott asked as he tapped Mike with his gun.
“Mike.”
“Why don’t you guys take Mike. I want to have a talk with this little she-devil.”
Scott shoved Mike towards the men, holding his gun on him the whole time. He then pointed the barrel at my face and gestured for me to start walking in front of him.
“Let’s go. We’ve got a ways to get back to the truck.”
The three men were leading Mike ahead of us, Scott and I followed. I would have to make a move soon but how would we both get away? I didn’t have a gun and I was certainly no match for four grown men. Mike could take down a couple but not before the others shot us. I could feel the panic trying to take over. Where was my fearless cold friend when I needed it?
We’d walked only a few minutes and Mike kept turning back constantly to see me. His face was stern and I knew what he wanted me to do. I just didn’t know if I could do it. The three men behind Mike were chatting and getting distracted. Laughing with each other about Mike’s “training program”, whatever that meant. Teasing him in a sarcastic tone about everything he was going to learn. It was all a big joke to them. I didn’t know what they had planned for him but it certainly wasn’t training of any sort.
Scott still had his gun raised and pointed at my back but walking through such dense woods it was difficult to keep it trained on me the whole time. If we timed it right we’d have a chance. Much longer and we’d be back to the road, their truck, and our fate would be set. I kept my eyes on my big brother and waited.
“Ya’ know, Mike. You’re going to really be doing your country a service by volunteering like this,” Scott said. “It’s hard to find healthy young guys like you these days and that’s what your country needs right now to help the cause. Sacrifice for the greater good, ya’ know?”
He was starting to ramble. Scott was obviously a talker who enjoyed the sound of his own voice. He kept going on about patriotic duty and chucking to himself. I could see he had lowered his gun slightly while trying to navigate the logs and debris on the ground. Then Mike turned again slightly and nodded. His eyes were intense. It was time.
I stopped short and dropped to the ground, pretending to tie my shoe lace. The sudden movement startled Scott out of his rambling and he shouted at me.
“Hey. Get up.”
I ignored him and stayed crouched down over my shoe which pissed him off.
“Dammit, I said get up!”
He reached down to grab the back of my shirt and give me a yank, just as I’d hoped he would. Slowly I curled my left hand around my right fist for a stronger delivery then I braced my feet and shot up as quickly as I could, throwing all of my weight into his face with my right elbow. I felt bone connect and heard the crunch of his nose. He grabbed his face and yelled in pain as blood streamed through his hands.
That was all the distraction Mike needed. The other men turned to see what Scott was screaming about and Mike was all over them in an instant. They were clumsy and no match for his athletic grade. He’d already knocked two down before the third knew what was happening. My brother, the wrestling champ.
“Run, Sam! Now!” Mike yelled.
I paused for only a second to look at him standing over our captors, so strong and brave, sacrificing himself for me. He punched the third guy in the face just as one of the others jumped on him from behind. He was going to give them one hell of a fight. I bolted in the direction we’d come from moving quickly and easily through the trees. All our months of being out here had made me agile and strong. I was smaller than these guys but I was faster too. I could hear Scott yelling at his crew and barking orders.
“Get him dammit!”
I didn’t stop. I knew I had to get away. Logic told me they weren’t going to kill Mike or they would’ve done it already. They obviously wanted him alive for something. I, on the other hand, was apparently disposable and they had made it perfectly clear what they intended to do with me before throwing me away. Anger and fear fueled my every movement. My lungs were burning but I kept going. My face was covered in sweat and scratches from the tree branches but I kept going. Every inch of me wanted to turn around and run back to my brother but I kept going. I don’t know how much time passed, it must’ve only been minutes but it felt like hours. The woods had grown familiar again and I knew I was moments away from reaching the hill that lead to the cabin. Stopping short near an oak tree to catch my breath, I listened for any sound behind me making sure our attackers hadn’t followed but all I could hear was blood pounding through my veins, threatening to explode through the tiny vessels that carried it.
No other sound. I was alone. Completely alone. The adrenaline was starting to wear off and I must have been in shock.
My hands were shaking and I stared helplessly down at them wondering vaguely how to make them be still. I braced them on my knees and breathed as deeply and deliberately as I could, trying to force my heart to slow. Think… I needed to think.
Just get to the cabin, Sam, I told myself. Move it.
Seconds later I dropped to my knees as I made it to the cabin door. My legs were like jelly from running so hard and I was covered in dirt from scrambling up the hilly terrain. My clothes were soaked with sweat and a chill was making me shiver despite being overheated. I wanted to scream but I didn’t have the wind. Instead I collapsed on the ground and sobbed like a baby. This was the third time I’d broken my promise to Mike about never crying again but it didn’t matter, he wasn’t there to see it. No one was. No one was there because of me. My parents were dead because of me. My brother was gone because I abandoned him. I was alone and I deserved it. I was an awful person who got her family murdered and taken away. The vastness of solitude wrapped heavily around me like a lead blanket and I sobbed until I had nothing left. I felt as if I could stay there forever. Just crumpled on the ground in despair, discarded like an empty bag. Maybe if I stayed that way I would just fall asleep and never wake up. I could be done with everything and there would be no more pain and no more tears. After all, what would be the point of going on? I had no one anymore. Mike’s smiling face flashed in my mind and another wave of sadness crashed over me. Where were those men taking him? What were they going to do to him? Who would take care of me? It wasn’t fair, none of it. I wanted my big brother back.
Then why don’t you go and get him? It hissed.
Just like that, I wasn’t alone anymore. My cold friend was back. It startled me so much I sat up suddenly, looking around for who had spoken to me. What was this voice? It was different than before, louder now, as if it were my own voice and not that of a stranger. Go and get him? But how? I was alone and how would I even find him? They were miles away by now. But even as I was doubting the possibility, a plan started forming in the back of my mind.
