Amelia's chest clenched. "I will not thank you for not violating me. Nor will I give myself to you out of gratitude because you could have raped me and didn't."
"I am not asking you to." Naatos closed his eyes as if searching for the words. "My point is that I do want more from this. I want you as a person, not just a body. I want your mind, your soul, your heart. All of you."
"So that you can subjugate me entirely? That would make you even happier, wouldn't it? Not simply forcing yourself on the Third Nalenth and Salanca's daughter but gaining her on your side so that she gives you pleasure and children as well as her allegiance. What better way to rub it in Elonumato's and Salanca's faces." The stream of words flowed out, despite Amelia's wish to put them down. She needed to go back with him, but the unpalatableness soured her. "I imagine that all of that would delight you a great deal."
Naatos scoffed. "I would rather humiliate, torment, and destroy my enemy than give her joy of any kind. For such a plan to work, Amelia, I would have to make you love me and then reveal the truth so that the weight of your own betrayal and failure crushed you and you killed yourself, or I locked you away some place to pine in agony over the life that might have been, hating yourself and longing for me."
"That sounds like a fairly horrific but well-thought out plan," Amelia said. She slid back on the rock, crossing her arms. "So why should I love you? Dying because I killed you sounds far more appealing than dying because you're alive."
"Because…" Naatos put his hand to his forehead and sat on the boulder beside her. "That can never be. I can never kill you." He turned over his right wrist. Long angry veins ran along the underside of his arm. "After a Vawtrian locks, a chemical dependency forms between the two, increasing during an adaptation period. He cannot be separated from her for any period beyond two days, or else it becomes…painful. It's what I was telling you before. With each passing day, sometimes with each passing hour, the desire worsens. And unless he is particularly strong, he will lose his ability to shift and eventually even to heal himself. A Vawtrian separated from his mate is subjected to a lifetime of torment far beyond what any other could imagine."
"Even if she dies?"
"There is some minor relief, but the longing never leaves. I have known Vawtrians whose viskaros died centuries before, and they still mourn their loss."
"Then why did you lock with me!" Amelia couldn't take her eyes off him. "Why did you do this?"
Naatos chuckled weakly. He stared past the mountain range. "I didn't know that kiss would start the locking. Among weaker Vawtrians it's sometimes enough. But usually it takes more. I've kissed women before. This is not my first time at seduction though it would seem to be my worst. If there is potential between a couple, then there is a flickering. A connection that starts. More must be done to complete the locking. Most of the time. And most of the time, the other must also be willing. With you…all it took was one taste, and everything changed. Even without touching you again." Naatos shook his head. "I had so many plans, Amelia. Had I known what that kiss would bring, I never would have taken it."
"Too bad for you and me, I suppose," Amelia said.
"So much the better for you." Naatos turned to look at her. "I did not ever want to kill you. Nor did either of my brothers. The Neyeb are gone except for you. But you infuriated me so much, despite my patience and my desire to find a way to work with you, that I was willing to kill you. Then…when I learned who you were…I wanted that connection, but I needed leverage."
"Leverage?" Amelia repeated.
"When you returned with AaQar, I intended to have your left hand severed and your friends executed before you if you did not agree to do precisely as I demanded."
Amelia covered her hand instinctively. Why was he confessing this? And why did it feel so important that she understand?
Naatos continued, his tone even and uninhibited. "I knew you would be stubborn. Technically you still haven't confessed to being Inale. And I knew AaQar was right. I needed to be free to sever my connection with you as my wife in the event you would not cooperate."
Amelia shifted her weight uneasily. "So you needed to be free to execute me."
"Not right away. I'd have cut off your left hand. Then your arm. Your feet. Your legs. Your ears. Probably all in smaller pieces."
This didn't surprise her. Amelia cleared her throat. The need to understand pressed hard within her, making her listen closely despite her interruptions. "Just so we're clear, I am neither wooed nor aroused by descriptions of my torture or death."
"That's not my purpose at the moment." Naatos continued to meet her gaze. "I need you to listen because I need you to understand."
Amelia's eyes widened. Oh, so that was coming from him. Their connection was stronger than she expected, even if it was somewhat inconsistent.
"I would have cut anything off you that you could have lived without and still restored the Tue-Rah. It wasn't like when you were just an annoying Neyeb."
Amelia grimaced. She barely suppressed the shudder that ran up her spine. "What do you want me to understand about this?"
"I can be exceptionally cruel, Amelia. It is my gift. You know this. But…" He reached for her hand. Turning it over, he pressed his thumb against her palm. His voice softened. "Everything changed after I kissed you, Amelia. I forgot those plans until later. I want your love and I want you. And it is not entirely pure. I want you to love me because if you love me, you will not want to leave me. And if you do not leave me, then this suffering I endure now will end. And I want you to love me because I have cursed myself to love you, and with each hour I find myself wanting you, wishing that things would have been as I originally planned. Hoping that perhaps you will find something you can love about me, even if it is only the depths of my feelings for you."
Naatos gripped her hand tighter and leaned close. "That is the one thing I can give you that no Awdawm or Shivennan or Bealorn or Tiablo or even a Machat ever could. Until the day you die, I will desire no one but you. And if you should die before me, I will mourn your loss and my heart will never be filled again. There will never be another. I cannot hurt you, and I have no desire to actually hurt you. And that angers me because I have nothing to hold over you except actions that would drive you away and make my suffering all the greater."
Amelia stared at him. The intensity and sincerity of his words startled her. For all that she had expected, this wasn't it. It was all changing so fast. And some twinge of sympathy pulsed within her, but she steeled herself. Clearing her throat, she looked down at the boulder, focusing on the fine cracks and patterns. "So you expect me to just throw myself into your arms and say, 'skip the negotiations. Let's make love.'"
Naatos smiled slightly. "That would be nice…but you are harder than that." He lowered his voice, caressing her arm. "I can offer you so much, Amelia. The conquest of the worlds and the restoration of the Tue-Rahs cannot be changed. But other than that, I will give you whatever you desire." His gaze dropped to her lips. "Whatever that may be."
27
Dawn
It was hard not to be moved by what he said. Amelia tried to meet his gaze. "I will not change my mind, Naatos. I know that Elonumato's will is best in this."
"It is not. I have proof. It is in the temple, and I will reveal it to you along with everything else." Naatos brushed his fingers over her cheek. He lingered for a moment, his eyes traveling once more to her cloak.
Amelia shook her head. "I won't let you turn me. If I am your wife, you have to accept that I am not going to help you conquer the worlds. I believe in freedom just as much as I believe in Elonumato. And so that means that I will be…I will still be your enemy."
"Perhaps." His hand trailed down to the ties of her cloak. "But that will not make you any less my wife, nor will it dim my feelings for you. What you must accept is that I must still respond. Those who plot and scheme with you may be executed if I capture them. But you will be safe with me. I will not strike you or beat you or humiliate you.
But you must not humiliate me or defy me in public. If you do I will have to form some harsh response, but I do not want to consider it. Do you understand? I am the Para and soon to be a ruler of many worlds. My warriors must know that my viskaro respects me."
Amelia shrugged back and slid off the boulder. "I suppose, but—"
Naatos followed her. "Amelia, nothing has gone as I intended. But I would not change this now even if I could if it meant I had to cast you aside. If I could change the harm I did to you, I would do that. But, in that regard, I am helpless. That's what I want you to understand. My feelings for you have changed. You are my viskaro, and I love you. Let me show you that."
Amelia folded her arms. "I know I'm your wife. And I know that that involves certain things." She tugged at her cloak, pulling it back over her shoulder. "But I have spent all of my life despising you. I tormented and beat myself to be what I thought I was supposed to be. I spent my life preparing. And now I'm just supposed to ride off with you into the sunrise?"
"Perhaps the difficulty lies in your decision to look at it all as one piece. That was my error. You are an error I would make again and again as I am your contradiction. For now, forget the Tue-Rah. Forget the worlds. Forget everything but us."
"I can't do that, Naatos!" Amelia clenched her fists. She winced inside. She needed to go back with him, and yet she couldn't stop talking. "I can't forget, and neither can you. But—" She closed her eyes, groaning. "This was so much simpler when I was just supposed to kill you, and you were going to torture or kill me. I prepared for that! You didn't even see the half of what I did to myself. Until Shon, I didn't even think about getting married or even having a relationship. It wasn't going to happen. I am going to die, Naatos. There is no way around that."
"You don't have to." Naatos grabbed her by the hand, turning her to face him. "Viskaro, that is one thing that I can give you. I can give you a life beyond the Tue-Rah and beyond this destiny you cling to. I will make you happy, Amelia."
"You aren't responsible for my happiness any more than I'm responsible for yours. " Amelia stared past him, not wanting to look him in the eye. A knot lodged in her throat. "This is what I need from you. You cannot harm any of my family and friends. That includes Joseph, my guardian, as well as Shon and Matthu and Kepsalon."
"Kepsalon and the Machat are under WroOth's jurisdiction," Naatos said. "You will have to speak with him."
"My parents, Josiah, Shon, and Matthu are also under WroOth's jurisdiction." Amelia ran her hand through her hair, loose strands snagging on the edges of her gloves. "I feel like a terrible person for even singling them out. But—"
"The conquest cannot be negotiated. I can guarantee your friends' and family's safety though. Those whom you know personally. The Machat may be an exception. They are dangerous in ways that the Awdawms are not. Awdawms are rarely a true threat. And I will even allow Shon to live. I will not harm him unless you ask me to or unless your life or well-being is at stake." Naatos curled his fingers around hers. "Is that all you want?"
"No. I want you to answer my questions—the ones in that letter—and I need time."
"Time?" Naatos lifted an eyebrow. "Time for what?"
"Before we…" Amelia flushed. This was humiliating. So much for the ground she had gained from winning. "I will come back with you, but I want the rest of the eight weeks before we consummate this marriage."
"Viskaro, I explained it to you. I cannot wait that long. And you would not want me to. If you are with me each day, you will begin to feel what I feel. You will feel my pain." Naatos caressed her cheek. His fingers lingered at her lips. "I do not wish for you to suffer. But I will offer you this compromise. You have felt violated and disrespected. And I have done nothing to change that. Until now. I cannot give you the eight weeks, but what I can give you is two days. Based on our discoveries this night, we will restore the Tue-Rah even sooner than we hoped. And after the first Tue-Rah's restoration, I will take you to Ecekom where I will give you a full wedding, a blend of Vawtrian and whatever other traditions you desire."
"So…we are already married, and you're going to give me a wedding?" Amelia wasn't sure how to interpret this new offer. It did give her some breathing space while also providing some safety. At the same time, she couldn't help but feel surprised. He was sincere in wooing her.
"Awdawms have the most elaborate and varied of joining ceremonies. You grew up in an Awdawm world. I would have given you a wedding had things gone as I hoped, and that is one thing that I can still give you. Provided it is prepared within the next two days, you may have whatever you wish in the ceremony." Naatos cupped his hand beneath her chin. "And you should know that I will not be repulsed by you."
"What?" Amelia drew back, startled. She covered her arm again, glancing down. But the scars weren't visible.
"I know what hook-fanged spiders do, viskaro. I treated your wounds. And I know you're hiding them from me." Naatos pressed back her cloak.
Amelia smacked his hand and pulled the soft leather closer. Her cheeks burned. "I'm not that insecure. And I'm not hiding from you only." She brushed her hair back again. "I don't—don't talk about them, all right?"
"Will you let me see you? You told me you weren't wearing this corset simply because it was comfortable. So…I assumed…I hoped that perhaps you wore it because you thought it would please me. But it would please me even more if you were to let me see it." He slid his hand along her waist, looking into her eyes. "I think some part of you wants me or else you would not fear my rejection."
Amelia shook her head, laughing thinly. She pulled back from his touch. It wasn't that it felt bad, but guilt bit into her. What if Shon didn't understand what she was doing? And what did it matter if he did or didn't? This was no one's business but her own. "It's your acceptance that troubles me." When she glanced up, she realized he was still watching her, hoping. She could feel that pressing hope and desire. Her conscience pricked. He was her husband, and she needed to find a way to make this work and save all the worlds. This was part of it. "Fine. Just don't grab me." It was much easier planning to be tantalizing than it was to actually be tantalizing. At the moment, she felt awkward and uncertain.
Stepping back, she looked around, just to make sure no one else was watching. She then released a deep breath, pulled the ties off, and let the cloak fall away. The leather rustled as it collapsed on the ground.
Naatos drew in a sharp breath. Silence followed.
Amelia pressed her palms against her hips, not wanting any additional mindreading or input from them to tell her what Naatos's response was. It was too bad she had to leave the ones on her forehead exposed.
It was strange. In Indiana, she often swam in bright bathing suits with low backs and scoop necks. And sometimes she trained in halter tops and yoga capris. When Jacinda had her model her latest fashion designs, she had worn outfits that exposed far more than this hunting gown. There were slits in this skirt, but because of the leggings no skin on her legs was visible. And while the corset emphasized her waist and bust, there wasn't even a hint of bare cleavage. The only bare skin was the edges of her shoulders, neck, and a portion of her upper arms. Yet at the moment, she felt more naked than ever.
She bit the inside of her lip, steadying herself. It was easy to be playful with WroOth. For that matter, it was easy to be bold and brazen with Naatos when it didn't involve sex. Somehow she felt vulnerable right now.
Was he still staring?
Amelia's skin prickled. Nothing he could say next would make her feel better. Saying she was ugly would wound her, but saying she was beautiful would discomfort her.
"Even with what I hoped…" Naatos spoke softly. "You are unlike anything I have ever beheld."
Amelia hinged a glance at him. He continued to take her in, his gaze drifting up and down her body. His hand clenched at his side as if he resisted touching her.
"That's good…I guess." Amelia tried to settle herself in the moment. It didn't matter what he thought of her. The
re was no reason to feel uncomfortable. But as he kept looking, her unease increased. "All right. That's enough looking." She snatched the cloak up and fastened the ties as quickly as she could.
"You know that I could see you no other way." Naatos covered her hand with his and brushed his lips over her forehead. He turned her palm over, pressing it between his own. "You are beauty to me, Amelia. It should be no surprise how much I want you, nor should you be afraid because I enjoy looking at you or that I love you. It's all right for you to feel the same. If you would like, you can look at me. I will show you whatever you want."
"You're the last person I need telling me what's right or wrong," Amelia said. Yet her words lacked anger. Warmth and desire flowed through her. Not all of it was from her. His thoughts were strong as were his emotions. Her heart ached. "You won't change me, Naatos," she said again, softer this time. Tugging her hand free, she fiddled with the ties on her cloak. "I will always be me."
"And I will always be me."
"And what a perfectly hellish couple we'll be."
"Perhaps." Naatos cupped her chin and tilted her head up.
His mind tugged at hers, pressing in again with that same almost overwhelming sensation. He wanted to kiss her. A deep ache spread through her chest. She felt what he felt, and it was…terrible. Sympathy flared again. He was her husband, after all. This wasn't wrong, was it? Leonas had said that neither course was wrong, and—
Enemy Known Page 24
