“Don’t. Don’t make this my fault. I’ll own the fact that I missed nine years because I was young and scared. I left, but I never lied. I never kept secrets.” He inhaled a deep breath. “I can’t decide what hurts more. That you never wanted to tell me about Alyssa or that you think I’m the kind of man that’s unworthy to know his child.” He turned and headed back to the house.
I stood alone, lost in emotion. There had to be a way to salvage this, and yet, I knew it was impossible. I destroyed him emotionally. I betrayed him. He’d never forgive me for that. From now on, he’d look at me and see the woman who lied to him and kept his daughter from him. I deserved this pain.
I wiped my tears away and considered sneaking through the front door to go to my room…or another room because I couldn’t face him or Peggy. But Alyssa had a family, and she deserved to have us together, even if it was just for this one night.
I stepped into the kitchen and saw them all eating together.
“Oh, Sinclair, I hope you don’t mind, Alyssa and I were too hungry to wait,” Peggy said. For someone who knew I lied about her grandchild, she seemed friendly.
“Not at all.” I took my seat next to Alyssa.
“Grandma…Miss Peggy says I can call her grandma. She says I looked like my daddy when I was a baby.”
“Prettiest baby ever.” Peggy handed me the mashed potatoes.
I wasn’t hungry. I couldn’t imagine ever eating again. But I knew I owed Peggy an apology too.
“Peggy, I’m sorry.”
She pursed her lips and looked over at Wyatt. “We all make mistakes, honey. I know I made a few in my time.”
“Still…I should have told you sooner. She’s your granddaughter. I should have told you.”
“I appreciate your saying that, Sinclair, but maybe it’s better you didn’t. I don’t think Frank would have made a good grandfather.”
Wyatt flinched and glared at his mother.
“My parents don’t know either. I…I need to tell them,” I said. I wondered if they’d be angry. Surprised for sure.
“Well, goodness, Sinclair, does anyone know?” Peggy asked.
“My brother. When I found out about Alyssa, I asked him to help me find Wyatt.”
“There, you see, she did want to tell you,” she said to Wyatt.
He scowled.
After dinner, I left Alyssa with Peggy and Wyatt and drove over to my parents’ house. As if God decided to cut me a break, Ryder was there too. I told them everything. My parents were stunned, and Ryder was relieved although sad that Wyatt wasn’t going to forgive me.
“Give him time, sis’. He’s been clobbered on a lot in life, but he’ll come around.”
I shook my head. “Not this time.”
“So, this marriage is real or what?” my father asked.
“Right now? It’s back to fake.”
My mother put her arm around me. “Wyatt Jones. I had no idea you and he were an item in high school.”
“It was just the summer after.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” All the decisions I’d made since finding out I was pregnant didn’t make sense to me anymore.
“How’s Alyssa taking it?” my father asked.
“She’s stoked. She was already hoping he’d be her father. He asked me about adopting her.” I burst out crying again because I couldn’t bear the guilt and shame. I’d hurt two of the most important people in my life.
“Oh, honey,” my mother pulled me close. “Maybe he’ll come around.”
I had no faith that he’d change his mind, but I was committed to our arrangement. We were now going to be co-parenting, and so we’d have to find some way to be civil.
That evening, when I got back, the house was quiet. I crept up to Alyssa’s room and checked on her.
“Mama?”
“Hey, baby, I thought you were asleep.” I went in and sat on the edge of her bed.
“Are you and Daddy mad at each other?”
“Your dad is angry for good reason. I lied to him.”
“But he’ll forgive you, right?”
I pushed her hair back, wishing I could give her the family she wanted. “I don’t think so, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have a family. He and I love you so much and that won’t change. Okay?”
“’K.”
“Did you have fun tonight with him and Miss…Grandma?” I wanted her to focus on what she gained, not what I lost.
“Yes. He told me he didn’t know about me. He says if he did, he’d have stayed. Just like you said.”
“Your dad is a good man.”
“How come you didn’t tell him when he came back?” she asked. There was no anger or pain behind it. I supposed she wondered why I’d lie when I was always telling her to tell the truth.
I sighed. “I don’t have a good reason for that except I thought it was best for you.”
“You should have told him. The truth is always best. That’s what you always tell me.”
“You’re right.” I leaned over and kissed her forehead. “You get some sleep now, baby, okay?”
“Okay.”
I left her room, turning out the light and closing the door. I stood in the hall for a moment, wondering what to do. A part of me wanted to go to Wyatt and fight for our family. Another part of me wanted to leave the house because the weight of my deception was crushing me.
I looked over at his door and saw a note. I moved closer.
“You can stay here. I’ve changed rooms.”
My heart ached knowing I wouldn’t be next to him. I got ready for bed and climbed in. It was then I realized why he’d moved rooms. I could smell him on the sheets. Chances were, my scent was on the sheets and he couldn’t stand to be around it so he moved to another bed.
I pulled his pillow into my arms and inhaled. And then I cried at my own stupidity and selfishness.
31
Wyatt
I was a fucking mess. Weeks after learning I was Alyssa’s father I still felt like I’d been sucker punched. Worse yet, just because Sinclair had completely destroyed me, didn’t mean my longing for her ended. If only it did, because it was driving me crazy to both love and loathe the mother of my child.
My child. How had I not figured it out earlier? What did it say about me as a father that I didn’t know instantaneously that I was Alyssa’s father? Wasn’t there some sort of built-in DNA detector? Shouldn’t I have known my own child instinctively?
If not that, how about common sense and math? I left ten years ago and Alyssa was nine. Nine years plus nine-months gestation, made nearly ten years. I was a fucking idiot to have not even considered it. And Sinclair was happy to keep me in the dark.
Jesus, that hurt. I rubbed my hand over my heart as I rode with my men herding the cattle to another area of the pasture to feed. I knew physical pain from my father’s fists and even from the horrors of war. I’d take that type of hurt over heartache any day.
I tried to turn my thoughts to the fact that I was a father. I was fucking psyched about that, and it helped that Alyssa seemed happy about it too.
“Can I learn to cattle ranch too, Daddy?” Alyssa asked me last night as I took her out for a short ride.
“If you want to. Someday this will all be yours, if you want it.”
“Really? The horses too?”
“All of it. But only if you want it.” My child was going to pursue her dreams no matter what they were. If she wanted to be an astronaut or fashion designer, I didn’t care. I’d help her achieve it.
The days rolled on as they always had in this short fake marriage: Me up before dawn to take care of the ranch, Sinclair and Alyssa out before I got back, supper together because my mother insisted.
“Studies show that families that eat together have kids who do better in school and life,” she said when I tried to get out of having to eat with Sinclair. It always felt like the knife twisted in my chest when I saw her now. It was so ha
rd to sit at the table with Sinclair and pretend that everything was normal. That first night after I learned the truth, I nearly threw up my food as all the hurt and anger built, churning in my stomach.
My mother also insisted, quite rightly, that I needed to get along with Sinclair at least in front of Alyssa. So, I sucked up the anger and pain and did my best to be civil, even as I died a little bit inside each time I thought about her betrayal.
My mother, of course, forgave Sinclair. “Maybe it’s something only a mother understands,” my mother said that first night when Sinclair was at her parents’ and we’d put Alyssa to bed.
I glared at her.
“What would you do for that little girl, Wyatt? Anything? Everything?” she asked me.
“I’d give my life,” I growled at her.
“What would you sacrifice? Love? Sinclair?”
“What’s your point?” I hated that my mother sided with Sinclair.
“My point is, Sinclair was thinking of doing what was best for Alyssa.”
“Because I’m such an asshole that Alyssa would be better off without me.” God, does my mother think I’m not good father material too?
My mother rolled her eyes. “It has nothing to do with you, Wyatt. That’s the point. I’m sure Sinclair didn’t like not telling you, but in her mind, she had to be sure Alyssa would be okay. You’d do the same. You’re lying to yourself if you think otherwise.”
“I’d never have kept her from her mother. She wasn’t going to tell me. She’s living under our roof, sleeping in my bed, and she wasn’t going to tell me.”
My mother’s expression turned sympathetic. “You have exactly what you wanted, Wyatt. Sinclair and a family. You need to forgive her or you’re going to lose it all.”
She was right. But I didn’t care.
And so it went. I did my best to be civil, but I couldn’t look at Sinclair and not see her betrayal. To feel it deep in my soul. I wished Stark or his goons would show up because I’d have enjoyed pummeling someone to deal with all this anger.
Two weeks later, Alyssa and Sinclair were spending the weekend at her folks’ house. I was looking forward to the respite from the tension. My mother was in her granny unit watching TV, so I had the house to myself. But as the night wore on, I still felt agitated. The house was too quiet.
I grabbed my keys, deciding to take my truck and not the SUV because it made me think of Sinclair and our family. I headed out to Salvation Station. I hesitated as I entered, not sure I was ready to see Ryder. Luckily, he wasn’t at the bar.
“Hey, handsome,” the female bartender said. She wasn’t someone I remembered from growing up here. She was young and pretty, maybe early twenties.
“Whisky,” I ordered.
“Sure thing.” She grabbed a shot glass and poured.
“Two more with that,” I said, eyeing the little shot of liquid and knowing it wasn’t enough.
She quirked a brow. “Tough day on the ranch?”
“How’d you know I had a ranch?”
“You’re Wyatt Jones, aren’t you? I’m Samantha.” She gave me a smile that I suspected appeared in Salvation’s young single men’s wet dreams.
I held up my glass. “Cheers, Sam.” I downed my whisky.
“You know, I’m off in ten, if you want to go somewhere and talk. You look like you could use a friend.” She crossed her arms across her diaphragm and leaned them on the bar, which pushed her tits up. They were impressive and there was a time and place that I might have taken her up on her offer. But that time and place was long gone.
“I’m married.” I downed the next two glasses and wished the fire in my gut would burn away the pain.
“So?”
I looked at her. Did she really not care that she was hitting on a married man? I wondered how many men took her up on her offer.
“So, he’s married to my sister, Sam. Back off.” Ryder stepped up to the bar beside her.
The booze must have kicked in because I stood, leaned over the bar and grabbed Ryder by the front of his shirt.
“You knew, you fucking bastard, and didn’t tell me,” I roared at him.
“Whoa.” Samantha jumped back.
A few men around the bar stood and came over to me. “You need help, Ry?”
“No. It’s okay.” Ryder put his hand over mine, gripping his shirt. “It wasn’t my news to tell, man.”
I released him with a slight push. “Always with the excuses.” I hated him. I hated them both.
“She messed up, Wyatt. I agree, but so did you.” He straightened his shirt.
I glared at him, tapping my glass for another shot. He poured me another.
“You knocked up my sister and then abandoned her,” he said, putting the bottle away.
“I didn’t know she was pregnant.” Jesus, that was the whole point of all this. I didn’t know she was pregnant. I was being judged for not being there, but how could I be there when I didn’t know?
“You would have if you stuck around or told us where you were. Jesus, she was eighteen, scared shitless, and where were you? Nowhere that we could find you, and we looked, Wyatt. Every weekend she’d come home from school and we’d talk to your mom, or drive to other cities to see if you’d moved there. We even went to a recruiting center, but they hadn’t seen you.”
I couldn’t deny running off the way I did was shitty. I’d live with that regret forever. I’d already apologized to Alyssa for it. Thank fuck she was forgiving.
“I fucked up,” I said. “I know it’s my fault I wasn’t there for Alyssa’s birth or her first steps. Sinclair needed me and I wasn’t there. I get that and regret it.”
“Do you?” Ryder looked at me with disappointment.
“What about the last few months? We’re married for fuck’s sake, and she didn’t tell me. I asked her if I could adopt Alyssa.” God, that burned. “You all probably had a good laugh at that.” I gulped down the next shot.
“No one is laughing, Wyatt.”
“She fucking broke me.” I felt like a pussy admitting that. But I was so tired of feeling like I was in a million pieces.
“The answer is to let her fix it. You’re making a mistake if you let this ruin your relationship with Sinclair. As sure as I’m standing here, you’ll regret it if you do.”
“She betrayed me.”
“You need to forgive her. You’re quite the hypocrite if you want everyone to forgive you for abandoning her, but you won’t forgive her for this.”
I shook my head. “It’s not the same.”
“You’re a fucking bastard, Wyatt. You left her pregnant and alone, and yet she still married you. She helped you with your farm. Jesus, you betrayed me. You fucked my sister. Knocked her up. Do you see me holding a grudge? No. Because she told me she loved you and you loved her. Was that a lie or were you just using her to get your rocks off?”
“No.” Why was I becoming the bad guy in this scenario? “I wanted to marry her.”
“Right, so you left without a word. That doesn’t sound like love to me.” He shook his head dismissively and moved off to take an order from someone at the other end of the bar.
When he came back, he said, “I forgave you for fucking my sister because I cared for you both and that was more important to me than some bro’ code. I forgave you for knocking her up because Alyssa is a great kid. We all forgave you for leaving without a word because we understood about your dad. You fucked up several times, Wyatt, and yet we forgave you. But you can’t find it inside you to forgive Sinclair? Yes, it was wrong, but she was thinking of Alyssa.”
Her betrayal felt too big.
He leaned toward me over the bar. “Consider this: When Mayor Valentine leaves office and is free to pursue Sinclair, are you going to be okay with that? With him touching her? Making more babies with her? Him being Alyssa’s step-father?”
“You’re a prick.” Jesus, the image of that burned the back of my eyes.
“I’ll take that as a no. And if that’s th
e case, why are you here being a whiner when you could be making up with your wife and being the husband and father you should be?”
I sat staring at my empty shot glasses.
“Do you love her, man?” Ryder asked, taking the glasses away and giving me a bottle of water.
I dug the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. That was the worst thing about all this. I was angry and hurt, but I loved her. God help me, I love her so much.
“Yes.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I’ve been cruel to her. She probably won’t forgive me.”
Ryder rolled his eyes. “Jesus, you pussy. She loves you. She knows she fucked up. If you forgive her, you’ll be one happy family again.”
I nodded and pulled out my wallet to pay.
“On the house. You make things right with my sister.”
“Thanks, man.” I slid off the barstool and shoved my wallet back in my pocket. I gave him a nod and headed toward the door.
“Wyatt.”
“Hmm?” I looked over my shoulder at him.
“Name your next kid after me.”
“That will be up to Sinclair.” I gave him a nod again and then strode out into the night air. I sucked in a breath, working to clear my head. I knew Ryder was right. I was a hypocrite if I expected her forgiveness for leaving how I did, but didn’t forgive her. My action was what started all this. My leaving was the first step in my not knowing about Alyssa.
I wouldn’t have left if I knew about the baby, but because she couldn’t find me, she couldn’t tell me. It was my fault I missed all those years. Alyssa forgave me for that in an instant. Perhaps I needed to learn from her.
I knew from war that life was too short not to savor every moment. And what had I done? I’d lost another two weeks because I was bitter and resentful. If I could let that go, would we finally have the real family I’d been working so hard to have? Or would my recent behavior make Sinclair resistant to me again?
I supposed there was only one way to find out. I climbed into my truck and headed out along the highway toward Sinclair’s parents’ house.
As I pulled into the drive, I had this feeling like my entire future was riding on this moment. If I didn’t do this right, I could lose everything. I looked toward the back of the property at the oak tree where we’d made plans. Hell, we’d probably made Alyssa there.
Fake Marriage (Contemporary Romance Box Set) Page 19
