What did he say about Salvation Station? I shook my head as that wasn’t what was important. “You still have it.”
He shrugged. “I’d toss it except it wouldn’t matter. You always want to see the worst in people. In me at least. I can’t win.”
“Then it’s time for me to go.” I gave up on the panties. Maybe it would make Erica jealous if she found them when it was her turn in Ryder’s bed. I walked past him and to the guest room. The country kitsch charm had worn off and now I was back to thinking his home represented a lack of attention to detail, maintenance, or personal pride in his home.
“There’s one more day,” he said from the doorway. “We win officially tomorrow.”
“I don’t care about the bet.”
“So, when Sinclair puts you up on the stage in front of all Salvation to make a speech, you won’t wish you’d been able to tolerate me one more day?”
Ugh. He was probably right. On the other hand, life wasn’t fun and games, or bets. Under the circumstances, if Sinclair made me pay off the bet, she wasn’t a friend worth having. I was pregnant, Goddammit, and my baby daddy had a woman in the wings.
“This just shows how unready for real life you are.” I snapped. “We have more important things to consider than a stupid bet.”
He sighed. “So let’s consider them.”
I shook my head. “I’ve got to go home. I can’t do this right now.” I got most of my things shoved into my bag and zipped it up. I’d worry about the other stuff later.
I turned to look at him. What the hell had I let happen? I was goaded into a bet. I let my hormones take over. And now, I was pregnant with a man who didn’t take life seriously. Inwardly I was kicking myself for being so stupid. The worst part of it was that I loved him. God help me, I was in love with a man who slid through life without a care.
I couldn’t afford to be entangled with someone like that before, but now, with a baby on the way, I definitely couldn’t allow myself to be distracted. I had plans to plot. I needed to make a doctor’s appointment and start researching pregnancy and birthing options. I needed to check my will and financial situation. Could I open a college savings account before the baby was born? I needed to clear out a room in my house and get baby gear. No, there was too much to do and think about to let love get in the way. Besides, he already had one foot away from me, towards Erica.
I moved the door and for a minute it looked like he’d block my exit, but then he bowed his head and stepped aside. See, I didn’t mean that much to him. He wasn’t even going to try and stop me.
21
Ryder
Maybe I should have tried harder to make Trina stay, I thought as I sat down to eat leftover lasagna for lunch a few days later. Not that it would have mattered. I could see in her eyes that she’d made her decision. In her opinion, I was a horndog ready to move on from her. I laughed derisively. If she knew the truth, that I loved her and had been thinking about a life with her, she’d have probably still left. It would have been too much change for her to manage.
Why did cupid have to be so mean to make me want a woman that wouldn’t love me back no matter what I did? Maybe Trina was right and there was something wrong with me. I mean, a regular person wouldn’t put up with the shit she delved out, right? So why did I?
Probably because I knew for all her thorns and bluster, she was a woman who wanted to love and be loved. When her claws were down, she was smart and funny. Many times, over the course of the last month, I felt like I’d finally reached the real her. Not that I’d told her that, because I knew it would make her guard go up. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? After a month of loving her, she still didn’t trust me enough to let her wall down.
I looked at the business card that had gotten me into this fix. I’d tossed it on the table when Trina left and there it had stayed, taunting me for the last couple of days. Maybe it was time to bring it to Sinclair. Of course, I couldn’t take it to her at work because Trina was there. I wanted desperately to see her, but she’d see my showing up at the mayor’s office as some sort of nefarious plan. So instead I drove out to Sinclair’s home to see Wyatt. I could leave the card with him.
When I got to the farm, his mother let me in telling me Wyatt was eating lunch. “Can I get you something too, Ryder?” she asked me.
“No thank you, Mrs. Jones,” I said as I followed her to the kitchen.
“Hey, Ry,” Wyatt said as he stood, wiping his face and tossing his napkin on his plate.
“Let me get that.” His mother reached for his empty plate.
“I can do it, Mom.”
“I know it. But you and Ryder go talk. I’ll take care of it.”
Wyatt rolled his eyes, but did what she said. “Come on.” He walked me out to the living room. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just wanted to leave this with Sinclair and let her know that Stark is looking at investing in or buying the Salvation Station.”
“Fucker.”
I nodded.
Wyatt cocked his head. “Why not take this to her at work. It’s closer to you.”
I rolled my shoulders not wanting to give away how bothered I was about Trina. “She’s busy.”
“And Trina is there,” he said arching a brow.
“Right.”
“How about a ride? I need to check on a fence and you can tell me what’s going on.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that and at the same time, maybe an outside perspective could help.
“I can’t remember the last time I rode,” I said. “It might have been in high school. The last time I rode with you.”
He patted me on the back. “It’s like riding a bike. Your ass will hurt tomorrow, but you’ll survive.”
I laughed. “I’ll take your word for it.”
Twenty minutes later I was saddled up and riding a horse next to Wyatt as we made our way out to fix a fence on his cattle ranch.
“So, this bet. You won and yet you look miserable. By the way, remind me to give you the guitar before you go.”
It felt wrong to take the guitar since technically, we didn’t win. We ended it one day short. With that said, I didn’t want to out Trina either.
“Keep it,” I said. “It was just a game.”
He looked at me from under the brim of his cowboy hat. “So why are you miserable?”
I sighed as I looked out over the vast Nebraska cattle land. “Trina. She’s pregnant.”
“Sinclair told me. I want to congratulate you but I’m not sure you’re happy about it.”
“It’s a surprise for sure, but I’m not unhappy about it.”
“So why the long face?”
“Trina thinks I’ll be a terrible father.”
“Terrible?” Wyatt asked.
“She says I’m not ready. My house isn’t ready. But I know what she’s really saying is that I’m not dad material.”
“That’s not what Sinclair says. In fact, based on all you did to help her with Alyssa, I owe you a big thank you. You were there for both of them when I wasn’t.”
I shrugged. “It’s not like it was hard.”
“But it makes Trina wrong. At least about you. The house, well, she might have a point there. It works for a bachelor, but a child needs all sorts of safety features.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You saying my house is unsafe?”
He laughed. “For a kid, maybe. Your porch looks like it could fall at any moment. There’s probably exposed lead paint. If your grandparents saw how you let it go, they’d probably take it back.”
Okay, so I wasn’t good on maintenance. I could change. “They’d have to buy it back.”
Wyatt looked at me. “You bought it?”
I nodded.
“I thought they gave it to you.”
“They let me live there when they first moved into the retirement community but then they wanted to sell it, so I bought it. They financed it, but still, I make payments. Pay interest. All that same stuff a
bank would do.”
“Does Trina know that?”
“I don’t know. We never talked about finances specifically. Although it’s another area I’m lacking in. Apparently, restaurant manager and part-time musician doesn’t cut it as a parent.”
“It’s a bit rich of her. It’s not like she’s a doctor or lawyer.”
“No, but I’m sure she has benefits and retirement. I don’t have that. I have to pay for my own health insurance.”
“You know, Ryder, I’ve always liked Trina. She and Sinclair are two women I wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of.”
There was a “but” followed by something negative about Trina, I was sure. “But?”
“But you and Trina…I have a hard time seeing that. At least as a long-term thing.”
“Because I’m not serious in life?”
“Fuck no,” he said frowning at me. “Because she’s too serious. She has such a tight grip on life that no one around her can breathe. And that mouth of hers…sometimes I wonder how she has friends at all.”
“It’s a defense mechanism,” I said, feeling defensive of Trina even though Wyatt was right.
“Dr. Freud.” Wyatt chuckled.
“I’m a bartender. I know people. Her mother walked out without a glance back. You know her father couldn’t be counted on for anything. I think if my life had been that chaotic and unpredictable, I’d want to control everything around me too.”
He seemed to think on that. “Okay. But she doesn’t need to be so judgmental. Plus, now she has people she can count on except she does everything she can to push them away. That doesn’t make sense.”
“I guess she doesn’t think she can count on them.”
“Well then, she’s going to have a hard, lonely life. Unless you can convince her otherwise.” He glanced at me again and I realized he was suggesting I find a way to convince her. “Lord knows you’re the only one with the patience to try.”
I wiped the sweat that built on my brow under the hot afternoon sun as I contemplated what he said. “I’m willing to do that, but I’m not sure what to do or if it will matter. She seems to find fault in everything where I’m concerned.”
“You could start by making your home livable for a child. I’ll help you.
“What if she still doesn’t accept me?” I asked.
“Then she’s an idiot.”
“But she might keep the baby from me.” It was hard to think that Trina would be that callous, and at the same time, I could definitely see her griping at me that something I was doing or not doing would hurt the baby. It both angered and hurt me that she’d think that. Why couldn’t she see the man I really was instead of the loser slacker she thought I was?
Wyatt stiffened. “That won’t happen. You have responsibilities that I have no doubt you’ll see to. But you have rights too and you can bet that your family will support you if it comes to some sort of custody battle.”
I swallowed hard, hating the idea of living the next eighteen years fighting with Trina over custody or visits.
“I can’t tell you how sick I still feel at not knowing Sinclair had been pregnant. I know it’s my own damn fault, but when I think of how much I missed…” He swore under his breath. “It kills me. I don’t want that for you, Ryder. You might have an easy way of going through life, but I have no doubt you’d crawl over broken glass for your child.”
He was right about that. “I guess I need to show Trina that. I think I’ll take you up on the offer of helping me with the house.” That would be a start at least. I knew it wouldn’t be enough though. Maybe Trina was right in that my financial situation wasn’t as stable as it should be, especially if Stark was planning to buy the Salvation Station. The idea of him being my boss wasn’t something I could bear. And there weren’t other good job prospects for me in town.
Maybe it was time to talk to Mr. Coffey again about buying in so I’d be part owner. But I didn’t have the money saved yet.
Stark’s offer for me to play a gig for him popped into my head. I could do the gig and use the money to buy into the restaurant and hopefully keep Stark out. I immediately dismissed that thought. I couldn’t play for him no matter what. Not after what he’d done to Sinclair and Wyatt.
My options rattled around in my brain as I helped Wyatt with the fence and then we rode back. At the barn, Alyssa ran up to greet us as we dismounted.
“Daddy I want to ride.”
“Hey pumpkin, when did you get home?”
“Grandma Simms dropped me off a few minutes ago. Hi Uncle Ryder.”
“Hey sweetie, how are you?” I’d been with Sinclair all through her pregnancy and as she raised Alyssa as a single mom. Granted, I hadn’t been a 24/7 parent, but I’d spent enough time to know I had what it took to care for a baby and child. I couldn’t take credit for Alyssa being such a great kid. That was mostly on Sinclair, but I’d helped.
“Good.” She looked at Wyatt with such love and adulation. I wondered if my child would look at me that way. “Can I ride, daddy?”
“Go saddle up Lilibud,” Wyatt said with the same love in his eyes.
I realized that this was what I wanted. A family. A wife I could love and a child to spoil. But I didn’t want just any wife. As crazy it was, I wanted Trina. Yes, she was difficult, but I liked her fire and spirit. I like how when she wasn’t busy keeping the world in order or away, she’d open up to me. If she could ever trust me, we could be happy. I might be carefree in life, but I was solid and steadfast. If she could look past her perceived notions of me and really see me, she’d know that she didn’t need to feel alone in the world. She could rely on me. I just needed to figure out how to make her see that life with me wouldn’t be chaotic and unpredictable like it had been for her growing up.
My last plan hadn’t worked fully, but we’d had a glimpse of how we could be together. I just needed a new plan now to get us across the finish line.
22
Trina
I’d have liked to say that pregnancy put me in a foul mood, but I knew it wasn’t true. No one else would buy it either. I had the ability to be irritatingly grumpy even without hormones raging in my body. I was antsy, uncomfortable, and scared to death due to my life being in a complete upheaval. I imagined Ryder didn’t feel any of those things, which annoyed me even more. Did anything ever get that man going?
At one time, my work was the one place where I could be stern, direct, and sometimes bossy, and feel confident, but that had been waning as well. Now when I tried to give a direction or provide my opinion, I felt dismissed.
Today, I couldn’t find the information I needed to put together the agenda and report for the upcoming public works meeting for Sinclair. I was reviewing my emails to see if I missed something about it when Brooke came up to my desk.
“Trina, would you mind going over this agenda and report the mayor asked me to put together for him?” Brooke set a folder on my desk.
I wasn’t in the mood and didn’t have the time, but I’d vowed that morning to try and be more civil to Brooke. It was a vow I’d made every morning for the last week. For the most part, I thought I was failing.
I opened the folder and my brain about exploded. My gaze shot to hers. “What is this?” I demanded.
Before, when I’d use that tone, her eyes would widen and she’d shift uncomfortably. Now, she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin like she was ready for whatever I’d deliver. I’d admire this change in her if I didn’t dislike her so much.
“It’s for the upcoming public works meeting for the deputy mayor,” she said tersely.
“That’s my job.” Did the mayor really give away another of my jobs?
“The mayor has felt like you’ve been distracted lately, and of course with the baby, he wants to relieve you of too much stress. So, he asked me to do it. It would give me experience while taking a little off your plate. Win-win.”
It didn’t feel like winning. It felt like another ploy to slowly hand over my j
ob to his kid. “I don’t need items off my plate.” I ground out. At least I wasn’t yelling. “I need my job. I know you’re trying to take it from me—”
“I am not. I’m just doing what the mayor asks.”
I stood, my hands fisting at my sides. “I’m about to become a single mom. That last thing I need is for some silly child trying to take my job.”
Brooke stiffened. “And I don’t need a hostile workplace.”
“No, you don’t. I have the resignation paperwork if you want it.” In the back of my mind, I knew I was treading on thin ice. She was close to the mayor. Chances were, I’d be the one forced to leave.
She shook her head and turned to leave.
I sank into my chair as all the air left my body. I was exhausted. Worse, I was sure I’d overreacted but hadn’t been able to control it. Even at my worst before, I’d usually been able to hold on to some semblance of control, but now I felt completely unstable.
Inside, I was a kid again, wondering what was going to happen to me now that my mother was gone and my father couldn’t seem to cope with life. Now I was the one not coping. I pressed my hand over my belly as a new terror struck me; what if I was as bad of a parent as mine had been? This baby’s back up was Ryder, who while sweet and well-meaning, didn’t have his life all together either.
I rose and went to Sinclair’s office wondering if she’d see me. She was busy with her work, plus planning for her run for mayor. She had Wyatt and Alyssa. Plus, a supportive family. She didn’t need my drama. But she was all I had.
I knocked on her door. “You got a minute?”
She looked up at me. Her eyes were wary, a sure sign she was still mad at me for what I’d said about Ryder. Of course, it had been days since I walked away and he hadn’t once contacted me. I could understand that he wouldn’t want to see me, but we had a baby to think about. It was a reminder that I couldn’t count on him. I couldn’t count on anyone. Maybe not even Sinclair.
She inhaled a breath as if to calm herself. “What’s up?”
Fake Marriage (Contemporary Romance Box Set) Page 34
