At the knock on the door, I was up in a flash, ready to apologize to Tucker and have that talk he said we needed to have.
I jerked the door open. My heart sank. “Rick.” I wanted to slam the door in his face.
“Before you kick me out, please listen.”
“You have nothing to say that I want to hear,” I said, starting to close the door.
“Please. I know I don’t deserve it, but please. First, I’m sorry about what happened at Mrs. Reynolds. To be honest, I thought I was helping you.”
“Oh please.” I rolled my eyes.
“I thought that man was taking advantage of you. Leading you on. Making you think he loved you—”
“Because no one could ever really love me, right.”
He sighed and closed his eyes. “No. That’s not what I’m saying. I loved you. I do love you. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I came back.”
“I don’t believe you.” Tucker was right. There was something fishy about Rick being with Stark.
“I know I messed things up for you. I was thinking...we could go to Omaha together. Leave this small-minded town. You’ve done so much for it, and how does it repay you? Let me make things up to you by taking you away.”
The going away part sounded appealing. Going with him, didn’t.
“I’m not making any decisions right now. Tonight, I’m going to lick my wounds and—”
“Let me stay with you. Let me support and comfort you. Please. It’s the least I can do.” He stepped inside my house.
“I don’t want your pity.” Too tired to fight, I went back to the couch and picked up my wine.
“It’s not pity, Holly.” He went to the kitchen and got a glass. He reached for my bottle but I pulled it close.
“Get your own.”
He laughed. “I like this new spirit in you.”
I didn’t respond as he went to the kitchen and got another bottle of wine, pouring himself a glass.
“I’m sorry if your fake man hurt you,” he said. “He was quite crude.”
“Don’t go there, Rick.”
He shrugged as he sat down. “I just…he seems young. A man who was more interested in satisfying his baser instincts. You deserve someone more intellectual.”
If only he knew about my baser instincts.
“Clearly he was using you to get access to Mrs. Reynolds. You deserve so much better than that.”
“Did you always do that?” I asked, taking another long swig of my wine.
“Do what?”
“Say something that on the surface should be a compliment, but underneath is a put down?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You just inferred that Tucker was using me. That he couldn’t possibly be interested in me. Or sexually attracted to me.”
“Holly—”
“No. You listen. He told me he cared for me. And in bed…holy shit, Rick, I had no idea sex could be like. You could learn a thing or two or hundred from him.” The wine was getting to me, which was the only reason I was able to talk like this.
“I can see his lowbrow ways have rubbed off,” he said with a distasteful tone.
At first, I was irked, but then I laughed. “You’re jealous.”
“Well of course I am. You’re my fiancé—”
“No. No I’m not. In fact,” I jumped up and rushed to my room. I got the engagement ring he’d given me out of the bottom of my jewelry box. I re-entered the living room. “I was going to hock this, but since you’re here.” I tossed the ring to him. “Now it’s official. We’re done.”
“Holly, don’t. Please.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know why you’re here, but you don’t love me. Maybe you did or maybe we just were comfortable. But I know we never had passion—”
“Sex isn’t love.”
“Passion isn’t just about sex. I think you should go now.” I looked at my wine bottle and saw it was nearly empty. The good thing about Rick showing up was that he’d opened another one that I’d drink when he left.
He stood and held the ring out. “I’m going to hold on to this. I plan to give it to you again once I prove myself.”
I wanted to tell him not to bother, but I didn’t want to say anything that might stop his progress toward leaving my home.
“I’ll call on you tomorrow. I meant what I said about going to Omaha. We could build a good life there.”
“Bye, Rick.”
He sighed and left my house. I didn’t like being alone, but it was better than being with him.
29
Tucker
I arrived at my apartment complex, but sat in my car. A part of me felt like I should have stayed at Holly’s. I should have been with her to comfort her tonight. But another part of me knew she saw me as the problem and that it would only upset her to have me there. And still a third part was pissed at her for how easily she could brush me aside and kick me out. I should have insisted on getting my stuff.
I pulled out of the parking lot. I drove back to her place, my three parts fighting over what I should do and how I should feel. I was a mess.
As I pulled up in front of her house, I saw a car in the driveway. I looked to the door and saw Rick. The fucker. All my parts morphed into one wish to pummel that man. But then he stepped inside her home and the door shut. And with it, my heart broke into a zillion pieces. She kicked me out but let him in. I’d tried to help her, and he exposed her, and still she chose to let him in.
I banged my hand on the steering wheel feeling like such a fucking fool. I wanted to hate her, and yet, the signs had all been there. All the times she pushed me away. She’d told me, more than once, that she didn’t want a relationship. And still I pushed. I remembered her saying that sex wasn’t love. So, she was sexually attracted to me, that’s all it was. Just sex.
Well, I hoped she was happy. I gave her a few stellar orgasms, fed her few good meals, and I fixed up her home. Now Rick was back and she could go back to her boring, safe life.
I pulled away from the curb and returned to my apartment. It was cold because the temperature had changed in the week’s I’d been gone. Fall had turned to winter. I went to the thermostat and turned it up but the warm air didn’t take away from the cold, stark emptiness I felt.
My phone rang. Looking at it, I saw that I’d had several missed calls and notifications.
“Hello.”
“Tucker. Oh, thank God. I’ve been calling and texting,” Brooke’s frantic voice came over the phone. “Are you okay? What happened?”
I sank down into a chair. “She kicked me out.”
“What?”
“She said the ruse is over and so I’m not needed.”
She was quiet for a minute. “I’m sorry.”
“You know what’s really fucked up? Her ex is there now. I don’t know, Brooke. I think I totally misjudged Holly.”
“I can’t speak to that. I mean, everyone here thinks she’s great, but maybe she’s not. Not if she can’t see how great you are. Maybe that’s why her ex left her at the altar.”
My instinct was to defend her, but I stopped myself. “She had me drop her off. My stuff is still there.”
“God. She is a bitch.”
I scraped my hand over my face, once again, fighting the need to defend Holly. “Do you think you could go by and get it sometime? It’s not too much. A box of kitchen things. One bag of clothes. Oh, and a picture of me and my mom.”
“Yeah, sure. Do you want me to come over to your place now? We can get drunk.”
I laughed. “I’m sure your husband would like that.”
“He’s helping Sinclair with her campaign.”
“Maybe I should sign up to help with that. I need a new project. As it turns out, I have lots of time on my hands now.”
“I love you Tucker. I love how you find your sense of humor even as your heart is breaking.”
“Yeah, well…”
They say time heals, but the
y never say how much time. Two days? Five? A week later, I wasn’t feeling any better. When I wasn’t preoccupied by teaching or working with Brooke on Sinclair’s campaign, my mind was in a continuous loop of replaying what happened, from the moment I first texted Holly until the shit-show at Meredith’s, wondering at what point could I have done something different. I could have left Holly alone when she told me in her classroom that we couldn’t date, but then I’d have missed all the fun and yes, sex, that came from my persistence. I could have left my heart out of it, but I didn’t know how to do that. In the end, there was no avoiding my heart break and so I had to accept it.
There were a few moments, when I debated going to see Holly in her classroom or at her home, but Brooke advised me to let it go.
“I know it hurts, honey. But you said it yourself, she told you she wasn’t ready for a relationship and her feelings didn’t change even while you were with her.”
“Maybe they’ve changed now,” I argued.
She’d give me that pitying look I hated. “If so, she’d be here. I just don’t want you to get more hurt than you already are.”
It was inconceivable that I could be more hurt than I was, but in case it was possible, and since it was almost too difficult to bear now, I didn’t want to risk it. Chances were Rick would be there anyway. So I filled my time with work and volunteering to help Sinclair.
Once weekend, after doing some door knocking for Sinclair’s campaign, I reached a small convenience store in the neighborhood. Feeling thirsty, I decided to buy a drink. As I was walking toward it, Rick exited the store.
Rage immediately rose to the surface. Every neuron fired and tensed in my muscles at once. Without thinking or having a plan, I jogged up to him. I had nothing to lose.
Rick stopped short, his beady eyes taking me in. I guess he saw my menace as he stepped back.
“I don’t want any trouble,” he said, holding his hands up.
“Really? Because that’s all you seemed to want when you blew Holly’s life out of the water. Is that your goal in life? To make her miserable. Now that you’re with her, what’s your next plan to break her? Promise her children and then get a vasectomy?”
“I don’t know anything about—”
“I know you left a smart, beautiful, kind woman at the alter because you’re too much of a fucking coward to call off the wedding beforehand. I know you ruined the most important project that would have helped all children in Salvation. What am I missing?” I stepped closer. “What fucked up other ways are you cooking up in your peon brain to hurt her next, huh?”
He stepped back. “Look, I’m not interested in Holly. You can have her.”
What the hell? “Just like that? An amazing woman like that and you just walk away?”
“I only came back because Stark paid me a shitload to win her back. I needed the money.”
I gaped. “You came back and told her you loved her and wanted her back because Stark paid you?” Jesus.
He swallowed and nodded. “I wasn’t able to find work in Omaha—”
“I don’t care if you were living under a bridge and had nothing to eat, you don’t fuck with people’s emotions. Seriously, what did she ever see in you?” My need to hit him dissipated because he wasn’t worth the effort. He was lower than pond scum as far as I was concerned.
“Like I said, I don’t want trouble.”
“Then you need to take your blood money and get the fuck out of town. If I see you again, especially around Holly, I will kick your ass.”
Rick scurried off like the rat he was. I stood there pissed off at him, and at the same time wondering why I gave a shit. I mean, yeah, I felt bad for Holly, and yet, if things were reversed, would she feel bad for me? She didn’t seem to care much when I was fucking her and helping her with her plan. Now, she’d avoided me at school, which wasn’t hard for her to do, because I avoided her too.
Still, what was Stark’s interest in messing with Holly? Why would he pay that weasel money to ruin her? Or was it me he was after? Was this done to get back at me for calling him out at the PTA meeting?
I stood in the parking lot for a moment, trying to decide if I needed to let Holly know any of this. Then I decided, she didn’t need to know about Rick’s deal with Stark. I was angry and hurt, but I wasn’t going to hurt her back. Whatever Stark was after, he got it the night of Meredith’s party. I started for the store, but stopped again as I wondered if the library was what Stark was after. If so, that was fucked up because the real injured party were the children of Salvation. Unless Stark had an idea for the library that his candidate would support. Had he ruined Holly’s efforts simply to gain a political edge for his candidate?
I bought a water and then headed to my car and drove out to Meredith Reynolds home. It didn’t sit right that she’d be a pawn in this too. I owed it to the kids to at least talk with her and tell her what really happened and urge her to support the library for the kids.
The maid let me in and told me to wait in the parlor. I rolled my shoulders and reviewed the main points I wanted to make.
“You have some nerve, Tucker,” Meredith said as she entered the room. She didn’t seem angry as much as she appeared intrigued at my visit.
“Yes, ma’am. I know, but I needed to talk to you.”
She nodded to the sofa so I sat. “If you’re here to ask for money—”
“I’m here to ask you if you’re going to let the children suffer because of Holly and my stupid ploy.”
Her brow arched. “You really do have some nerve.”
I shrugged. “The thing is, the marriage idea was mine. Holly really wants this library for the kids. She needed your support.”
Meredith sat in a chair. “I’m not sure how a pretend marriage fits in all that.”
“She said that you erroneously believed she was married—”
“Her engagement announcement was in the paper.”
“Yes, well, she got the impression that you’d think less of her if she wasn’t married and so I offered to help with that.”
“This isn’t my fault.”
“No. I’m not blaming you. We were wrong. I’m just trying to explain why it happened. It was my idea and she didn’t want to do it. It was wrong to lie to you, but her heart was in the right place. She did it for the kids.”
“How noble,” she quipped. “It proves that I’m right though. Marriage offers stability and morality, which you two are clearly lacking.”
“That’s harsh, even from you,” I said.
She looked at me in shock and then laughed. “Not many people would talk to me like that.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not from here and at this point, I have nothing to lose.” Then realizing my goal was to get her support for the library, I said, “Holly’s ex left her, which was a pretty lousy thing to do. She’s a wonderful woman who’s given a great deal to Salvation. And, no disrespect, but she doesn’t do it by writing a check. She gives her time and all her effort. She’s married to this town and the children here are her kids. All I’m asking is that you reconsider donating to the library project.”
“You’re extremely helpful to her considering she kicked you out.”
I sat back. “Who told you that?”
“I have my ways. I guess I should have used those resources to vet you before I got involved with the project.”
“Holly and I may be done, but the fact remains that the library here is lacking. You can help with that.”
“What was your relationship with Holly?” she asked.
“I’m not sure that’s relevant.”
“Humor me.”
“I cared for her. Deeply.”
“And she didn’t feel the same or was she just angry about how it all turned out?”
Jesus. I could hand her knife and have her stab me and it wouldn’t hurt as much. “She didn’t feel the same.”
She nodded. “That’s too bad. You seem like a nice young man, fake marriage notwithstanding.” She stood
and I took that to mean my time was up.
“Will you think about it?” I asked.
“I’ve been talking to Mr. Stark about it already. It seems his candidate has some ideas of his own about the schools and community resources.”
Fuck. I knew it. “So, he won after all. He got us all.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
I gave her a “you know what I’m talking about” look. “Stark set that whole scene up to expose Holly and me so you’d abandon our project and look at his.”
“He didn’t lie to me.”
I shrugged. “That remains to be seen. Thank you for your time, Meredith. I appreciate it.” I walked out feeling like I’d wasted my time, and yet, I at least knew for sure what Stark had been after.
30
Holly
My life was the same as it had been before I met Tucker. I woke up and showered. I had breakfast and drove to work and taught all day. And that was where the sameness ended. I stopped going to the various school and committee meetings because I couldn’t face the looks of shock or pity that I’d get. But worse than that, I felt even more alone than ever before. And, while I’d always thought myself to be a good person, I truly felt like I’d failed everyone, from the children, to Meredith, to Tucker.
The hole in my chest was immeasurable. I couldn’t believe how much I missed Tucker. When Rick had left me at the altar, I’d felt shock and pain, but I realized now, it wasn’t true heart ache. The one lesson I’d learned was that all those feelings I had for Tucker were real. I love him. I loved him and I hurt him.
But even now, in all this pain, and fully recognizing my love for him, I still knew we weren’t meant to be. Even before all this craziness, I knew we couldn’t last. If I’d been honest and told him I cared for him but felt the age difference as a problem, he’d probably have dismissed it. But what if he wanted kids? I was almost too old for that. What would happen when he was thirty and I was forty-three? Or when he was forty and I was fifty-three? Would he want me still then when I was old and he was in the prime of life? My heart was crushed now, how would it feel if he left then?
Fake Marriage (Contemporary Romance Box Set) Page 78
