Love and Truth

by FRANCES, KAREN

  “No, you didn’t, but I can’t stand back and watch you sink again. I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I know this; you love that woman and she might not have told you yet, but she does love you. I know what love and pain looks like and you both have the same look on your faces. The only difference is, you’ve turned to drink to block out the pain. Maria seems to be welcoming the pain she’s in as though she deserves it. And no woman deserves what was inflicted on her today.”

  I take another drink, because if I don’t, I’m scared I’ll tell him what she’s done and then any decision will be out of my control. Yes, I’m angry, but I’m not sure even I can send her to jail for what she’s done. She doesn’t deserve that.

  And he’s right, I do love her. That’s why her betrayal hurts so fucking much. If I had known, I could’ve dealt with it for her, and yes, I would’ve done that. Because, regardless of what she’s done, she did it for the right reasons. I believe, like her, there would’ve come a time when her life would’ve been on the line with Tony. And that part I can just about get my head around. That’s where I can justify what she’s done.

  It’s the fact that she lied to me.

  “Jack, go and sleep it off. I need you in the office tomorrow because we need to catch this bastard once and for all now.”

  Finishing off the beer in my hand, I put the bottle down. I don’t want to sleep this off. “I’m taking some time off.”

  Craig moves from the doorway, the broken glass crunching under his feet as he moves toward me. His eyes search my face. “You have to catch him. You need to be the one to bring him in.”

  “I don’t need to do shit. If bringing him in means so much to you, you do it.”

  He grabs my shoulders, shaking my body, and he’s starting to piss me off. If he isn’t careful, he’s going to find himself on the receiving end of my right fist. “She’s your fucking woman. You should be the one to get her justice.”

  “Whatever.” I push him away.

  “Sometimes, doing what’s right is wrong. If you love her as much as I think you do, do what’s right for you. No one else, not even the job.”

  “Craig, just go home to Beth,” I say, slumping over the back of the chair.

  “I’ll go, but I’ll be checking in, and you might want to lock the door so no one else can just walk in. I’ll cover for you. As far as the superintendent will know, you’re ill. But use this time to figure out what the fuck you want out of life, instead of wallowing in your own self-pity. Because that’s not the man you are.”

  He leaves the kitchen and I sigh when I hear the clicking of the front door behind him. I pull my phone from my pocket and type out a message, ignoring the several missed calls from Giovanni.

  Me: How is she doing?

  It flashes instantly.

  Joe: Not good. No one is here. You should come in.

  I shake my head.

  Me: No, that’s not a good idea. We both need space.

  Joe: I’m staying at the hospital until she’s released.

  He’s a good man and cares about her. I wonder how much he knows, or has he been in the dark all this time, like me?

  Grabbing a couple of bottles of beer from the fridge, I walk through the house, leaving the mess behind me. I lock the front door and take to the stairs with images of Maria walking up these before me.

  I’m fucked in every fucking way.

  Entering my bedroom, I glance around and a heaviness hits me. I’ve not even shared my bed with her, so why the hell do I feel as though a part of my life is missing? I cross the room and sit down on the edge of my bed, putting the bottles on the bedside cabinet. I stare at the picture before picking it up and holding it close to my chest. “Oh, Zoe. What I’d do to have you in my arms one last time.”

  With the picture still in my arms, I lie back, staring at the ceiling. Why can’t my life be simple? I thought Zoe would be in my life forever, but it wasn’t to be and I allowed myself to fall for Maria with the knowledge of my past firmly in my head.

  A tear rolls down my face. I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love, yet I have, and it’s true what they say. You can’t help who you fall for.

  Now, I need to decide if I can live without her, or if I can live with her knowing what she’s done.

  Chapter Three

  Maria

  “What have you forgotten?” I ask, opening the door, expecting to see Jack. But, he’s not who is standing in the doorway. All I want to do is slam the door closed, but I can’t; his dirty boot is wedged against the bottom of the door, stopping me.

  “Expecting someone else?” he says, smirking and pushing his way inside the flat. He knows. He knows about me and Jack. I watch as he moves into the living area.

  He can’t be here.

  Not now.

  I don’t close the door, but I do step away from it. He steps toward me. “Please go home,” I say as snakes his arm around my waist.

  “I’m not going home until you come with me to where you truly belong,” he says, pulling my body closer to his.

  “I don’t belong to you. Never have and I never will,” I tell him through gritted teeth.

  I’m not looking at him. I can’t. Although, maybe I should have when I feel the force of his hand slapping me across the face.

  “Now look what you’ve made me do.”

  I fight against him, using what strength I have, but it’s not enough. His grip tightens. “I love you. I don’t want to hurt you, but when you resist and fight against me, you leave me no choice.”

  I laugh, because this situation is so totally fucked up. “Love? You don’t know the meaning of the word.”

  “I do. I was prepared to wait. Give you time to grieve, but that bastard has been here every fucking night. You’re not grieving. You’re nothing but a fucking slapper.”

  I try again to pull out of his hold, but it’s pointless trying as he grips on tighter. I have no energy to fight against him.

  He leans forward and starts kissing his way around my neck. Bile rises in my throat and I have to force it to stay down. His dark eyes are watching me, waiting for me to make my move.

  I won’t make it yet. Not when he’s expecting it. I’ll let him think he’s won. I close my eyes as his mouth works its way slowly up my neck until I feel his lips on mine. This isn’t how I saw my day. All I saw was some painkillers and my bed.

  With his mouth on mine, I know I have to let him think he’s won, but it’s proving harder for me to allow. His tongue slides along my lips, trying to force them open. With a deep breath, I part my lips and reluctantly kiss him back.

  With my stomach churning and bile rising, I move my hands and glide them up his back. His grip loosens and I almost sigh with relief, but his kiss deepens and it’s the last thing I want.

  I open my eyes and he’s so lost, so consumed by the kiss. I gather all the strength I have, and with a deep breath, I push him away from me, breaking all contact. He stumbles backward and I do what I’ve wanted to do for so long; I lift my foot and kick him hard in the balls.

  He falls to the ground, moving the coffee table as he does, taking my phone farther away from me. I move quickly, but not fast enough because he grabs my ankles and pulls me to the floor. Trying to stop myself, I bang my head on the floor.

  Shit.

  Pain radiates through my head. Wriggling and still lashing out with my feet kicking against him, he doesn’t move. Instead, he laughs as he lunges himself at me, his body now on top of me. I push against his chest, but all I get for my troubles is another slap in the face and a punch in my stomach. Tears fill my eyes and the pain… nothing stops the pain that is shooting through me.

  No!

  I cry out in a blind panic. Opening my eyes, I take in my surroundings; I’m not in the flat alone waiting for help. Sweat is dripping from my shaking body. Fear grips me as my eyes focus on where I am; the hospital. Help found me. It was a dream…just a dream. I shiver and pull the bed sheets around my cold, aching body. Tears f
ill my eyes when I remember it wasn’t just a dream, it was real. So bloody real. I can still hear his voice in my head on repeat telling me he loves me. I’ve never felt as sick as I do now.

  I’m trying to think happy thoughts in an attempt to stop my body shaking. I need to remain calm. A baby. Tony’s baby. Bile rises. I cover my mouth as I sob, remembering the words the doctor spoke. A miscarriage. I lost a baby.

  Jack. He saved me. He was here and then he left me… alone. My tears fall harder for the man I love. For the man I hoped would be my future.

  I close my eyes and try to regain control of my breathing; deep breaths in and slow breaths out, over and over until my body slowly calms down.

  I hear the creak of the door and I open my eyes to see Joe entering the room, coffee cup in his hand and a deep sadness etched on his face when he realizes I’m awake. “Do you want me to get you anything,” he asks, approaching the bed.

  “No. But thanks. When can I leave?” I ask as he sits down in the seat to my right.

  “I’m not sure. The doctor hasn’t said anything.”

  “I can’t stay here. I want to leave.” I all but cry the words at him.

  “Maria… we need to make sure you’re okay. Make sure there are no complications.”

  I sigh heavily, wanting to be anywhere but here. “What about Jack?”

  He shrugs and stares at me. “I’ve not spoken to him.”

  I feel my lips tremble and I bite the inside of my mouth to stop them, but it doesn’t help. There’s a deep ache in my chest and a dry soreness in my throat. I can’t speak. Through my tear-filled eyes, I see Joe put his coffee cup down.

  He sits on the bed and wraps his arms around me. I lean into his hold and I cry for every damn mistake I’ve made in my life and everything I’ve lost and am about to lose.

  “Ssh. Everything will be okay. It will all work out,” he says softly.

  “It won’t. He hates me for what I’ve done.”

  “Let him process it. He’ll come around. I’m sure he will.”

  I stop and pull back but he keeps his arms around me. “You know?”

  “Maria, I’ve not been around all this time and learned nothing. I wish you had talked to me though, because all this mess could’ve been easily sorted out.” I gasp. “And before you ask anything from me, this won’t go any further.”

  “You’re a good man.”

  “I try to be, although I’m not so sure considering some of the things I’ve done during my lifetime. Maria, you and I, we’ve done things that neither of us are proud of, but we’re both trying to move on and be better people. Please don’t say anything else, this city is safer not having Tony Fraser in it. Now, no more tears. We need to get you well and strong again.”

  “I’m not sure there’s any strength left in me.”

  “Of course there is. Come on, you. I have it on good authority that Lou will be here soon. So, how about I go and grab a doctor and you can ask about the possibility of going home, or back to Lou’s house? Let’s face it, going back to the flat isn’t an option.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek and stands.

  “Joe, thank you for everything, especially when you could walk away.”

  “If you think I’m going anywhere while that fucker is still out there, then you are mistaken,” he says before leaving the room.

  * * *

  “Now, if you promise me you’re going home to rest and have someone take care of you, then I don’t see a reason to keep you in any longer than this afternoon. Although, I am still awaiting some blood results back,” the doctor says, bringing a smile to my face.

  “You don’t know how happy this makes me,” I say, trying not to look uncomfortable as I shift in the bed. Joe stands by the window, shaking his head at me.

  “Mrs Fraser, I mean what I say. You have to take it easy or your injuries will take longer to heal.”

  “I realise that. Thank you, Doctor,” I say, and he leaves the room.

  “Lou will be pleased,” Joe says, moving away from the window. “Now, just so you’re aware I’ll be staying at Lou’s house too.”

  “Joe, there’s no need.”

  “There’s every need.”

  I’m about to speak when the door opens again. I swear my hospital room should have a bloody revolving door. Lou stands there. Her eyes appear red and her face looks puffy. She’s obviously been crying. “Hey, you,” she says, entering.

  “Hi yourself. I’m allowed to get out of here today.”

  “Are you well enough?” She sits beside me and takes my hand.

  “Yes, and I hear Joe will be staying at yours too. God, you’ll have a full house.”

  She smiles warmly, and even though I can still see her sadness, she’s glad I’m not arguing over staying.

  “Okay, now you haven’t to leave until I’m back,” Joe says, straightening his jacket.

  “Where are you going?” I question him.

  “I have something I need to do, but I shouldn’t be long. An hour at most. Behave until I get back.”

  I cast my eyes over him, and I want to know more, but I know he won’t give me any more information. He smiles before leaving me alone with Lou.

  My eyes stay firmly on the door as it closes behind him.

  What does he mean he has something he needs to do?

  Chapter Four

  Jack

  I freeze, seeing her lifeless body. So much blood. She’s almost unrecognisable but I would still see her in a crowded and darkened room. Joe acts while all my years of training leave me, and suddenly, I don’t know what to do.

  “Jack, I need you to help me. She needs you. Snap out of it. She has a pulse,” Joe shouts at me, his eyes filled with tears.

  She’s alive.

  I rush toward. “Let me take her,” I say. “You call an ambulance and tell them I’m on the scene too.”

  He moves away and I take his place beside her on the floor. I take her in my arms and hold her, staring at her face that is now covered in bruises.

  “Maria, talk to me. I’m here. Everything will be okay.” Tears trickle slowly down my face. I need her to be okay. She has to be. I rock her gently in my arms, repeatedly telling her that she’ll be okay, that I’ll look after her.

  She groans. It’s only a little, but it gives me hope. Something to hold on to and focus on. “I’m staying with you, forever.”

  This beautiful woman in my arms has already been through so much in her life, she has to come through this. But when my eyes glance down her body and see where the blood is coming from, I’m not sure she will recover. Why is there so much blood there?

  “Jack, keep talking to her. I’m sure she can hear you. I’m going downstairs to let the paramedics up.” I nod without looking at him.

  Her skin is cold so I hold her a bit tighter, hoping that the warmth of my body will heat her. I bury my face against her and now I’m sobbing. She has to be okay. She’s only just come into my life. We have to have more time together. I press a kiss on her soft, cool lips and she groans again. “I love you,” I say quietly, and I’m slightly shocked by my admission.

  Footsteps and loud voices carry up the stairs and I know help is on the way.

  “Jack!” Joe places his hand on my shoulder. “Let them do their job. They’ll look after her,” he says, and he must sense my reluctance to leave her. But I stand and step back, watching them do what they have to do to save the life of the woman I love.

  Everything happens in slow motion as soon as the paramedics arrive and take control. Joe goes in his car and I choose to go in the ambulance with her. I won’t leave her. Not now when she needs me the most.

  Sirens are blaring and one of the paramedics is working on her. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. Tears blind me, but I wipe them away when the paramedic stops what he’s doing and sits back in his seat.

  “Why aren’t you doing anything? Help her!” I scream.

  “It’s too late. She’s gone.” He sneers, and now I see him. Pete.
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  “Fucking bastard!” I call out, sitting up and searching the room. Nothing. No-one. I rub my eyes and take a deep breath. A fucking dream. I wipe the sweat from my brow and take the picture that’s sitting beside me and not on the bedside cabinet. There’s bottles of beer where it should be. I put it back in place and stand, but I stagger so I sit back down.

  My head is banging. Thumping hard. Or maybe it’s someone banging around. My phone starts buzzing, but I can’t see it. I hear it all right as it seemingly echoes in my head. Pulling the covers from the bed, a thud on the floor makes me stop. Oh, there it is. It stops but starts again as I pick it up.

  Joe. “Open your fucking front door before I come through it,” he shouts, and I have to hold the phone away from my ear.

  “Give me a minute.”

  “I’m counting.”

  I put my phone down and try and pull myself together as I walk downstairs. I unlock the front door and he pushes it open. “Come on in,” I say, sarcasm heavy in my voice.

  He does and I don’t get a chance to step out of the way as his fist connects with my face.

  “What the fuck?”

  “I had you for a better man, Jack McKenzie. Someone I respected. But you lost my fucking respect walking out of the hospital door leaving her alone.”

  “Fuck you,” I say, rubbing my face.

  He pushes me against the wall in the hallway, punching me in the gut and I cough or choke, I’m not sure what the noise is coming from me. “And here I thought you’d at least fight back.” He hits me again and again.

  I’ll be his punch bag. I don’t care.

  “What for? You can’t inflict any more pain than I already feel.”

  “Drink! You think that’s the answer? You still have to find that bastard and make him pay for what he’s done to her.”

  “I don’t need to do anything.”

  “Jack, get a fucking grip. Pull yourself together and sort out that shitstorm in your head before it gets out of control.”

  I laugh and he takes a step back. “Out of control. I’ve not had any control since that very first fucking night. Don’t you dare stand there and preach to me. You’re just as bad as she is. How long have you known? Or was it you that she asked to take Tony out? That’s it, isn’t it?” I step into his space and I’m right in front of his face. “Was it you?”