“Detective, for a smart man, you’re way off the mark. But, come on, she’s done you a huge fucking favour. She got him off the streets and that’s what you wanted. Oh, I know you’ve been investigating him for months. Now, you have choices to make.”
“I don’t think I do,” I say, walking away from him and into the kitchen. I rub my head and frown, seeing all the broken glass on the floor. A reminder of yesterday. Craig was here too. Shit, someone else trying to tell me what to do. I wander over to the fridge, and when I open it, I find myself staring at bottles of water and beer.
Joe’s footsteps stop behind me. Fuck it. Beer it is. I don’t have anyone to answer to.
“Jack…” I hear his voice as I bang the fridge door closed. I grab the bottle opener, open my beer, and take a long drink.
“Joe, go away. Go back to Maria. She’ll need someone to protect her, and that someone isn’t me.”
“I don’t think you mean that.”
“No?”
“No, I don’t believe you and I think, deep down, you don’t believe that either. Your words say one thing, but your eyes tell me you’re hurting. Wake up and smell the fucking roses. She loves you and you love her. She’s protected herself. Is that so bad? If Tony was still alive, I truly believe you would’ve ended up investigating Maria’s murder. I’ll leave you to think about that. It was always going to come down to one of them and I’m glad he’s dead. Think about what you want.”
I take another drink as he walks away.
There’s no question that I love Maria, but she’s lied to me and all I can think about is what happened the last time a woman lied to me. She’s hurt me and I know it’s up to me to find a way past how I feel.
Joe has a point, and I hate admitting it, but if things were as bad as I believe they were between Tony and Maria, I have no doubts that I’d be investigating her murder.
I need time to get my head around everything that has happened. With my beer in my hand, I wander through the house and upstairs to where I left my phone and type out a text.
Me: Can I keep in touch?
Joe: Yes, but sort yourself out.
Me: I can’t make promises.
Joe: She’s being released today. I’ll be staying at Lou’s house.
I don’t type out a reply. Instead, my eyes fall to the picture. “What the hell do I do? I love her but can I trust her after she’s lied to me?”
I just don’t know.
Chapter Five
Maria
Leaving the comfort of my car, I stand in the pouring rain, looking ahead, barely making out the building before me for my flowing tears. And I’ve no idea where they’ve come from. I felt fine when I left Lou’s house.
The night sky darkens, and it doesn’t bother me; it’s almost comforting given my mood. I jump, seeing the first flash of lightning and hearing the loud roar of thunder.
I’ve barely had the strength to pull myself from my bed each day, yet tonight, I’ve gathered every ounce of strength I could muster just so I could escape. It’s been many years since I’ve sought comfort, so why now? What has brought me here tonight?
I still feel as lost now as I did when he left me alone in that hospital bed nearly two weeks ago. I feel so empty without him. So much happened that night. Not only did I lose a baby, a baby I wouldn’t have kept because it was Tony’s, but I’ve lost Jack. A man who entered my life and gave me hope. I’ve been unable to sleep or eat. When I do fall asleep, all I see is the pained look on his face that night. It will haunt me forever. And I’ve no one to blame but myself. This was always going to be the outcome. I should’ve expected it.
What I didn’t expect was the pain. The heaviness and tightness in my chest all the time. The lack of energy. The loss I feel not having him beside me is worse than grief. My need to be alone. I’ve shut everyone out of my life through fear. Especially Lou. It terrifies me that I’m going to lose the only friend I have in the world, all because of my actions.
Everyone has tiptoed around me at her house. Lou has been persistent. She’s tried every damn day to pull me from the dark hole I’ve allowed myself to be swallowed up in. It’s only a matter of time before she gives up, and who can blame her? I’ve not exactly been the perfect house guest.
I should’ve expected to feel this way, because I’ve brought it all on myself and others. I never wanted to hurt Lou. Not intentionally. And as for Jack, he’d have worked it out eventually for himself.
I love him, more than I’ve ever loved anyone else. I never expected to have feelings so deep for him when he all but fell into my life. But now… now that I’ve lost him, all I want to do is escape the sadness that fills my soul.
I was so fucking stupid to think there could ever be anything more between us. Foolish. For what I’ve done, I don’t deserve a happy-ever-after. I’m a firm believer in the punishment fitting the crime. An eye for an eye.
And I’ve committed the ultimate crime.
There’s no going back.
As the rain falls harder and another flash fills the dark sky, I glance around, making sure I’m alone. With my clothes and hair soaking wet and clinging to my body, I lock my car and walk toward the entrance, still unsure about why I’ve ended up here.
Entering the building, I pause, dip my fingers in the Holy water, and bless myself. Not that it’s going to help me now; I’ll be going to hell for what I’ve done. I stare ahead at the altar and know that I need to be here.
Will it bring me any sort of comfort? I’m not sure. I don’t even think it will help clear my thoughts, but I do need help.
As I walk through the church, the only sound I can hear is my own footsteps on the wooden floor. There’s no one sitting or kneeling and praying. I’m completely alone, and for that tiny fact, I’m grateful.
With a quick bow of my head, I enter the first row down at the front with the statues in front of me. Chills run through my body as I sit down. My eyes dart around the vast space, but I’m still alone.
How did my life become like this? What will happen to me now that he knows?
I should’ve known that, with the death of Tony, nothing would ever be the same in my life. I was stupid to think I’d be able to move on.
Why did I think everything for me would change? I was powerless in my life with Tony, and now I face a future filled with uncertainty. Even if I could, I wouldn’t go back and change anything. In my heart, I know I’ve done the right thing, not just for myself, but for others too.
Although, I’m sure there would’ve come a point in my life with Tony where I might have been the one no longer here. It was always going to be one of us dead and I just made sure it wasn’t me.
But now… now I don’t understand any of my feelings.
Clasping my hands together, I let out a long breath.
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” I say with my hands tight in prayer and eyes closed. “I need your help. Your guidance to see me through this difficult time. It should never have come to this, but it has. I can’t change what I’ve done and, if I’m truthful, I wouldn’t want to. No one deserves to die. But no man or woman should live in fear of their lives either. I made a decision to keep not only myself safe, but others too. It might not have been the right thing to do, but I’ll accept the punishment I’m given.”
I lift my head and open my eyes, a flickering light catching my attention, but when I look around, I don’t see anyone or anything. I stare ahead at the cross before me, looking for the answers.
I don’t turn around when I hear the door at the back of the church creak open. I just sit in silence, staring ahead. I flinch when I hear footsteps walking toward me, the noise getting closer and closer. My heart starts racing, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I press my hands tighter together, and when I glance down, my knuckles are white.
The footsteps stop right beside me.
I turn and sigh, seeing Father Thomas looking at me. “Maria DeLuca, you look so much like your beautiful
mother, except for the bruising. May I?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for me to answer before sitting down. Of course, he would notice the faded bruises that are still on my face. “It’s been too many years since I’ve seen you here. Are you okay, child?”
I look at Father Thomas, taking note that he looks so much older, but also hearing the sincerity behind his question. I’m not sure how to answer him.
“Bella, bella. You don’t have to answer. I already know you’re not okay, because that is what has brought you here on this cold and wet night. We all seek comfort at some point in our lives.”
“Doesn’t that bother you, Father?” I ask.
“What, that you’ve come to my house in your hour of need? Of course not. My door is always open for anyone seeking comfort and forgiveness.”
My eyes widen at his words. “Why do you think I’ve come for forgiveness?”
“Maria DeLuca.”
“Father, you do remember marrying me?”
“Of course, but in my eyes you’ll always be the sweet little girl I remember that was so full of life and energy.”
“It’s easy to forget that you’ve known me since I was…what? Thirteen?” I say with a smile.
“Yes, I have, and even though I may not have seen you much over the last few years, I’ve always kept an interest in your life.”
“I’ve failed.”
“No, you’ve not. Think back. Think back over everything you’ve been through, over everything you have witnessed. You’ve not failed. You even managed to give your husband a burial which is more than he deserved.”
There’s not much I remember from that day and the lead up to it. Although, I know it was here and that Father Thomas took care of everything. But back then, everything was done on auto-pilot.
“I may be an old man now, but I still have all my wits about me. I see and hear things, and nothing surprises me anymore.”
“I believe the punishment should fit the crime,” I say without thinking, tears filling my eyes once more.
“Yes, you could be right. But, think about this; what if someone has been punished long before the crime takes place?”
“What do you mean?”
He takes my hands in his and closes his eyes. “Dear child, we all look for forgiveness in our darkest of times, and the Lord always forgives those who know they have committed a sin.” I bow my head and close my tear-filled eyes as he continues to pray, his words filling the air around us. “Amen.”
“Amen.”
“Maria.” I open my eyes and see his smile filled with sadness. We both turn as the door at the back of the church opens again, and I gasp when I see who is filling the doorway. He’s a sight for sore eyes. I want to smile at him, but there’s not much in my life to smile about at the moment.
“Maria DeLuca, listen to me.” I turn my attention back to Father Thomas. “You have great strength for the next chapter of your life. Your parents would be so proud of you. And I’m here whenever you need help and guidance. Dear Lord, please keep Maria safe in her travels.”
“Thank you, Father,” I say, standing. With a final blessing to the altar, I walk slowly to the back of the church, already accepting the fate that waits for me beyond the doors.
Chapter Six
Jack
“She’s gone and I have no idea where the hell she is,” he shouts as I answer his call.
“Don’t worry…”
“Don’t worry? That bastard is still out there and you’re calmly telling me not to worry?”
“Joe, I know exactly where she is, and she’ll be with me in a few minutes. I’m sitting outside the church and she’s inside, no doubt confessing her sins to the priest.”
“You’d better keep her safe, because as much as I like you, I won’t hesitate in hurting you. So, you’d better sort this out between you because I can’t sit back and watch her suffering, and that’s what she’s been doing since she left the hospital.”
“I won’t hurt her. I love her too much to do that.”
“Good. Now, make sure she calls me.”
“I will,” I say and end our call.
Who would’ve thought Joe and Craig would be the voices of reason? Or maybe I finally just listened to what my heart wants.
I sit in the car with the rain lashing down, and I think about how much I’ve let her down. Craig made me see that. His little outburst at my house got me thinking even in my drunken state.
I love her and I hope that she loves me.
And, as for Joe, after he left my house and I managed to pull myself together he’s kept me informed on how she’s doing, which hasn’t been great. But I needed to see her for myself, and that’s why I’m here. My stalker tendencies could cause me problems, but I don’t care. I gasped with surprise, seeing her leaving Lou’s house as I sat in my parked car.
She looked so lost and alone.
The rain slows and I get out of the car. I need to see her, to touch her. To hold her in my arms and hope that she’ll forgive me for walking out on her when she needed me the most. I take the stairs quickly and step inside out of the rain.
I open the door and I see her. She and the priest turn at the same time. I think he says a prayer before she slowly stands and faces me.
She shrugs her shoulders back and holds her head high as she walks in even steps. Nothing is rushed, nor is she taking her time. She’s walking toward me with an air of confidence about her. Something that has been missing in the last few months. There’s no mask in place and she’s not scared.
The woman I see before me is very real and all fucking mine.
She stops right in front of me and her eyes stay on mine, even though mine leisurely drift over her body, drinking her in. “Detective.” Her voice sounds so formal, so cold. It’s not what I want to hear, but given the circumstances, it’s what I expected. The bruising on her face is fading, but it’s still a reminder to me of what she went through at that bastard’s hands.
I turn away because all I want to do is take her in my arms, and I open the door. I catch her glance back at the priest from the corner of my eye. He walked slowly behind her. He smiles and nods his head before she steps out of the door in front of me.
It’s still pouring with rain. I watch as she slowly walks down the stairs. Her head moves from side-to-side as she looks around, although I’m not sure what she’s expecting to find.
She turns to face me. “Jack, why are you here?” she asks, her voice uneven and shaky.
“For you. To bring you back into my life,” I say, walking down the steps.
Standing right in front of her, I see the confusion on her face, and it hits me. She thought I was here to take her in. To charge her with murder. I pull her wet-clothed body to mine, pushing her hair back from her face. “Maria DeLuca, I love you. I want you in my life, no matter what it costs me.”
“But…”
“This isn’t up for discussion. Get in the car. We need to talk.”
She still looks confused, but hesitantly steps out of my hold, and with another glance around, she opens the passenger door and gets in. I hear footsteps and turn to see the priest standing in the doorway of the church, watching us. I’m hoping he has no connections or loyalty to Pete, because I don’t want him to know Maria is with me. Or that I know what she’s done. Although, I’m now wondering if Pete knows it was Maria who was responsible for Tony’s death.
That’s a problem for another day. I have more than enough to deal with tonight.
Getting in the car, I start the engine. “Everything will be okay,” I say.
“What about my car?”
“We’ll get it later or tomorrow. There’s no rush.” She nods and settles in the seat, her head turned toward the window, not looking at me. That’s okay with me. We’ll talk when I get her home.
Home with me.
That’s where I want her. In my home. In my bed. Or we can make a new home together, I’m not fussed.
“I need my bag,” she says softly. I g
et out, hurry toward her car, and grab her bag and put it in the back seat. Starting my car, I look at her, but she looks so fucking lost. I hope I can sort things out between us.
Our journey is quiet. Every time I glance at her, she’s still staring blankly out the window into space. I hate seeing her like this. It takes me back to the first time I saw her in that hospital room. The only difference is, this time, everything will be okay. I hope. Back then, I saw her vulnerability, and now I see that and confusion. Gone is all the confidence that she walked out of the church with.
“Where are we going?” she asks, still staring out the window.
“My house. It’s probably safer there than your flat.” At least I hope it is. I’ve not had any other problems since I was broken into all those weeks ago, early into my investigation into Tony’s death.
“Oh!” She turns to face me briefly, and it’s safe to say she’s a little taken aback. I pull into the street and park the car outside the house. I wait.
“Are you ready?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says, although her eyes tell me she’s not. I get out and walk around to open her door, but ever the independent woman, she’s already out of the car. I smile, shaking my head. “Which house is yours?” she asks, looking at the row of terraced houses before us.
“This one,” I say, taking her hand and leading her up the few steps to my front door. I let go of her hand to open the door and reset the alarm as we enter. “Come on through. I’ll put the kettle on then I’ll show you to the bathroom where you can grab a shower or run a bath.”
“Getting me naked might not be such a good idea.” She’s standing in the middle of the kitchen, having a look around.
“If I only wanted you naked, believe me, I’d have you undressed by now. You’ve been out in the rain, and if you haven’t noticed, your clothes are wet through. I don’t want you getting ill. You’ve already been through too much.”
Love and Truth Page 3
