Brittany bristled at his lack of regard for the two women but concentrated on her job and held the reins of the napping horses. “We’ll be on our way as soon as you’re ready.” She tried to smile as she made sure her passengers were seated, but anger at her recent memories refused to allow it. She’d be respectful and efficient. That’s all that was required. She remained quiet the whole trip back to the hotel.
“Thank you for the ride today, Brittany.” Erika spoke over her shoulder as she moved past her toward the hotel entrance.
“You’re welcome, Ms. James.” She quickly led the horses away from the hotel to the stables.
“Welcome back. How’d your first photo shoot with the rich and famous go?” George guided one of the carriage horses into its stall as he spoke.
She shook off the residual pain of the disturbing memories and concentrated on the lessons her therapist had taught her to ground herself. Keep breathing and stay in the present. She was in the stables with George and the horses. She was safe. “It was interesting, for sure. Ms. James is an excellent model, and the photographer is a hard worker. She must’ve taken hundreds of pictures in the short time we were there.” She cleared her throat, relieved her voice sounded strong.
“So, your assignment for the next two weeks might not be so bad?”
Brittany gently stroked the neck of one of the horses to calm herself while she considered her reply. “I’m not sure. They pretty much ignored me the whole time.”
“Good. I was hoping it wouldn’t be uncomfortable for you. Let’s clean up and go home for the day.” George grabbed a broom and moved away.
* * *
Brittany decided to cut across the Grand Hotel porch on her way home. She glanced into the windows as she passed the few couples seated in the lounge chairs enjoying the peaceful view. Groups of hotel guests sat at tables inside having a meal or drinks. She spotted Erika seated at one of the tables engaged in what looked like a heated conversation with her agent. Erika had changed into a pair of skinny jeans and a T-shirt. She looked beautiful, but the lines on her forehead and the tightness in her jaw gave away her tension. She had her arm draped over the back of her chair, maybe in an attempt to feign calm, but Brittany could tell something was wrong. She shook off the desire to run inside, confused as to why she’d consider rescuing Erika. She’d done nothing to rescue her from the mean girls’ torment years ago. She took several deep breaths to push aside the terrible memories. Erika was an adult. She’d have to deal with whatever was going on.
She turned away from the scene inside and continued to the path to her apartment realizing she wanted to do for Erika exactly what Erika had refused to do for her twenty-three years ago. Protect her. Well, it wasn’t happening. She took a few minutes to admire the sunset before she unlocked her door and went inside, her shoulders releasing as she entered her safe space. She made herself a cup of tea and settled into one of her Amish rockers. She took a sip and leaned her head back while memories came back of when they’d been children together. When they were close. It was a lifetime ago. No reason to hang on to childhood crushes or the heartache they brought. She was an adult now with a job and a comfortable life. She made herself a cup of soup and a grilled cheese sandwich before she returned to her living room and turned on her TV. She was happy, and no ghost from her past was going to mess with that, no matter how attractive that ghost might be.
Chapter Six
“I’m not doing it, Peter. I told you years ago when we first started working together I wouldn’t take my clothes off even for Playboy. They don’t even do nudes anymore. I won’t do it.” Erika clenched her fists in her lap but held Peter’s stare. She tried to ignore the attention they were attracting and lowered her voice.
“Need I remind you of your upcoming birthday, my dear?” He leaned back in his chair and crossed one foot over the opposite knee as he steepled his fingers. “Two of your scheduled magazine covers canceled. I’m trying to convince Vogue to use you for this fall’s issue, but they’re looking at younger models. I’m sorry, Erika. I’ve done my best. You’re a beautiful woman. You might as well use it to your advantage while you still can.”
“Peter.” Erika paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “We’ve been together for years, and I trust you’re looking out for my best interests. But I can’t believe you’d ask me to do this when you know how I feel about it. I want to be known as a fashion model wearing the latest designs. It just feels desperate and degrading.” Her hands shook in her lap, and she struggled to breathe. She sipped more water, scrambling for answers. Her self-worth was tied to her work. What would her parents say if she took her clothes off for the camera? She shivered, feeling faint.
Peter stood and helped support her as she walked back to her room. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked as he sat across from her in the chairs by the window.
She sighed heavily. “I suppose I knew this day was coming, but I’m not ready to give up yet. I have name and face recognition in the industry. Can we just keep trying?” She hated pleading, but she didn’t know what else to do.
“All right, Erika. I didn’t mean to sound like a jerk earlier. I’ll make a few calls, and we’ll talk again tomorrow. We’ll be taking pictures at the fort in the morning. You get some rest.” He squeezed her hand and softly closed the door behind him.
Erika poured a glass of wine from her wet bar and settled back into her seat by the window. She watched the moonlight sparkle on the water in the distance as if displaying a path through the surrounding darkness. She contemplated Peter’s words. But she refused to consider doing nude shots for her last years as a top model. She admitted the constant traveling and pressure to be “on” seemed a little less exciting than it had years ago, but she knew she was good at her job and still had a lot to offer. Fully clothed. She sighed and swallowed some wine before changing into her nightshirt and spending a few minutes in meditation before going to bed. She’d find a way to stay on top. She had to.
* * *
Erika took twenty minutes to do some yoga after she woke from a restless sleep. Kathy was due to prepare her for the first shoot soon, so she took a sip of dark roast coffee and carried her cup into the bathroom. She adjusted the water temperature in the shower and stepped under the spray, hoping it would rinse away the gloom that had overtaken her after her conversation with Peter. She closed her eyes and allowed the water to cascade over her head and shoulders. She squirted body wash onto her hands and gently kneaded her breasts. They were nice breasts. Still full and firm and just the right size for a model. She was proud of them, and she knew they could still hold their own against those of the younger women. Her nipples hardened, and she slid slippery fingers down her taut belly and into her soft curls. Her intention had been to wash and quickly rinse, but she hadn’t been this aroused by her own touch in a long time. Any touch, she realized. She closed her eyes, surprised when Brittany’s pale blue eyes twinkled behind her closed lids. She continued her exploration, squeezing her clit between her thumbs and stroking her inner thighs with her fingers. Her breath caught, and she leaned back against the shower wall as her orgasm surged through her.
She stepped out of the shower and took a few settling breaths to push aside the bewildering residual pleasure at her Brittany fantasy. She took a few minutes to collect herself before she dried off and put on her undergarments and robe to wait for Kathy. She sipped her coffee and wondered about her sensual response, one that was so unlike her. She attributed it to the relaxed atmosphere of the location and her lack of sexual activity for what seemed like forever.
* * *
Erika watched from the hotel exit as Brittany directed the carriage toward her. She smiled and waved, but Brittany turned away toward the direction she turned the horses and stopped. She noticed the carriage was larger than the one they’d used the day before. She watched as the magazine crew loaded a few props onto the back of the carriage and two men with cameras took the back seat. She settled her sunglasses on her fa
ce and slid into the seat directly behind Brittany. “Good morning, Brittany.”
“Good morning, Ms. James. Looks like you’ve got a large group this morning.”
“It’s going to be a longer shoot today so Kathy is along to touch up my hair and makeup if necessary and help with clothing changes. Joe and Phil are from the magazine to observe and change venues if necessary,” Erika said.
Peter shielded his eyes from the sun and looked up at Erika. “You don’t need me today, so I’m going to try to make some phone calls. I’ll see you later tonight.”
Peter walked away, and Erika hoped his mentioned phone calls would turn into real work for her, because she wouldn’t change her mind about the nudie magazine. She faced forward and caught Brittany’s pale blue eyes. They reminded her of a hazy summer day. She smiled and a fleeting flash of recognition took her breath away. It’s impossible.
“If you’re all ready, we’ll get going.” Brittany turned toward the horses and gently shook the reins.
“Do you live on the island?” Erika hoped Brittany would turn toward her again, but she stayed facing forward.
“Yes. I’ve lived here for most of my adult life.” Brittany clucked at the horses urging them up the hill.
“This is a lovely place. How long have you worked for the Grand Hotel?” She wanted more personal information, but Brittany’s demeanor was a little more closed off than it had been the day before, and Erika hoped she could change that.
“The whole time I’ve lived here. I love the horses.”
Erika settled into her seat and gave up trying to extract any more information. Clearly, Brittany wasn’t in a talkative mood, and Erika felt her face heat at the memory of her sensual shower this morning, where Brittany had been the main player. Perhaps it was better to keep some distance. They arrived at the fort, and she had work to do. She prepared to pose for the camera, ready to lose herself in the fantasy of her life once again.
Chapter Seven
The photo shoot at the fort took much longer than the first one Brittany had witnessed, so she secured the horses in the shade, stretched out on the front bench seat, and closed her eyes. She dozed for about ten minutes before being startled awake by loud laughter as Erika’s group filed out of the fort and began loading their equipment into the carriage. She shook off her drowsiness and rushed to help them board. “Did everything go well today?” She directed her question to the group, but no one but Erika paid attention to her.
“Yes.” Erika chuckled. “It was fun. I found the fort fascinating. I learned that the British built it during the revolutionary war and relinquished it to us around 1798. I love the history on this island.”
Most people were impressed with Fort Mackinac, so Brittany wasn’t surprised by Erika’s enthusiasm. “I’m glad you had time to enjoy it.” She watched until the crew finished loading their equipment before she climbed aboard to settle on her seat. “Is everyone ready to head back to the hotel?”
She started when Erika grabbed her arm. “Could we take a little tour after we drop everyone off?”
“Sure, as soon as the equipment is unloaded,” Brittany replied automatically, then squirmed in her seat. Professionally, her response was the right one. Personally, it was the last thing she wanted to do. She concentrated on her therapist’s voice in her head. The memories and disturbing feelings were a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. She had a right to her anger, but she didn’t want it to rule her life. If she couldn’t let it go, it would define who she was forever. Erika’s reemergence in her life was an opportunity to test her resolve to heal and forgive. “How ’bout I pick you up in an hour? After lunch.” Everyone but Erika ignored her as they filed out of the carriage and into the hotel. Erika smiled and lightly touched her arm before going in, and Brittany hoped she didn’t notice that she’d flinched slightly at her touch.
She made her way to the stable feeling out of sorts and frustrated. “Hey, George. I’m going to take Erika on a tour after lunch. I’ll take care of hitching the horses back up.” Brittany secured the horses and watered them before she retreated to the restroom. Her short nap while waiting for the magazine group had refreshed her, but she still finished a cup of coffee while applying sunscreen on her face. The burned skin was sensitive to the sun, and based on the heat of the morning, she expected the afternoon sun to be intense. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Can I pick you up anything from the Gate House?” Brittany spoke over her shoulder as she stopped at the barn door and waited for his answer.
“No, thanks. I brown bagged my lunch today.” George waved and turned toward the tack room.
Brittany took her time walking to the small casual restaurant a short distance from the hotel where she picked up a sandwich and lemonade. She continued to a secluded spot behind the stables and settled on a fallen log. She’d just finished her sandwich and was sipping her drink when she startled at rustling behind her.
“Hey, Brittany. I didn’t mean to startle you. Mind if I join you?” Erika grinned as she stepped over the log and sat.
Brittany blinked away her surprise, unsure what was odder, Erika sitting on a log next to her, or looking comfortable doing it. She’d changed into the skinny jeans she’d been wearing the night before and a soft looking polo shirt with an unfamiliar designer’s logo. She tore her gaze away from Erika’s breasts filling out the expensive shirt before speaking. “What are you doing here? I mean, were you looking for me? I’d have been back to get you as soon as I finished my lemonade.” Brittany shifted on her seat and considered walking away, but Erika was a guest at the hotel, and she was an employee. She took another sip of her drink and waited for Erika to answer.
Erika stretched her legs out in front of her and then folded forward, holding the position for a long moment. She was about to speak again when Erika sat up and spoke. “Sorry. I’m missing my usual workout routine, and I felt like taking a walk. Finding you on this log was a nice surprise. This is a lovely spot.” She scanned the area around them.
“It’s one of my favorites, but it won’t be so quiet next month. The Gate House is a popular place for lunch, and the crowds spill out all over the place.” She slid a few inches away from Erika as she spoke. Erika didn’t avert her eyes like most people did when they spoke to her. Her gaze caressed and unnerved her. She’d either recognized her, or she looked past her disfigurement. She doubted the latter was the case, but if she had recognized her, it could be an awkward upcoming week. Surely, though, if she’d recognized her she would have said something? Unless she was waiting for the right moment to bring it up. The constant questions and doubts were making her crazy. “Are you ready to take the tour?” She stood and turned toward the hotel. She’d do her job and let the personal aspects take care of themselves.
* * *
Brittany steered the horses toward the Surrey Hills Museum and Butterfly Conservatory before turning toward the Fort Mackinac Avenue of Flags. She focused on the history of the area and asked if Erika wanted to go inside. Erika looked relaxed seated behind her and to the left. She’d lean forward occasionally to listen and smile but chose to remain in the carriage. Too bad. Brittany could have used the breathing space. She kept her voice neutral and tried to make sure none of the hurt from the past made its way into her tone. Erika was just another passenger taking a tour. That was it. Nothing more. She repeated it to herself like a mantra.
Erika spoke first when they came to a stop in front of the hotel. “Thank you for the tour, Brittany. You sure know this island, and I can tell you love it.”
Brittany turned to face Erika, but words stuck in her throat when their eyes met. She spoke past the lump of emotion. “I do love it here.” She turned away to focus on securing the horses and helping Erika out of the carriage, but she surprised her by hopping out easily and gracefully. “You’re in good shape.”
Erika sighed, looking sad. “I have to be. I have twenty-two-year-olds for competition.” She tipped her head to one side and grinned. “Thanks for noticin
g.” She turned and headed into the hotel with a little wave over her shoulder.
Brittany parked the carriage and settled the horses in their stalls for the night before she waved good night to George and headed home. It had been an emotionally draining afternoon, and she resolved to push aside all thoughts of Erika. At least for one night.
Chapter Eight
“It is her,” Erika whispered to herself and flopped backward onto the bed. She couldn’t believe that in all her worldly travels, she’d only now come across the girl she hoped never to have to face again. Brittany. Of course. Memories of her cowering and whimpering in the hallway, covering her scarred face with her hands, tears trickling between her fingers, engulfed Erika. She sat up and shook her head to dispel the images. Brittany’d grown into an attractive woman, and it hadn’t taken long listening to her voice and watching her smile for the scars on her face to become unnoticeable.
Erika stood and stretched before pouring a glass of wine and settling into a parlor chair. She should tell Brittany she recognized her, but guilt tore at her gut and squeezed the air from her lungs. What would she say to her? How could she explain the despicable behavior of an insecure fifteen-year-old needing to fit in and gain acceptance from her peers? To belong to the group? Brittany had to have recognized her, and she couldn’t understand why she hadn’t confronted her. She tipped her head back and groaned. Why would she? She probably hoped to never see her again. Having to cart her around the island every day must be awful for her. Tomorrow. She’d talk to her tomorrow and try to come up with words of apology. She rinsed her glass and went to the dining room for dinner.
The room was crowded, and she noticed quite a few people look her way as she settled at a corner table. She smiled at them in the hopes of seeming approachable in case they wanted to speak to her or get an autograph. She took it as a sign she was still recognized, even on this tourist island. She ordered a salad and a bowl of soup and sipped a glass of iced tea as she waited. The thought crossed her mind that many here knew Erika James, but only one besides Peter knew Amy Jansons. Alone, she finished her soup and picked at her salad as unwelcomed memories and feelings surfaced. Erika James eradicated Amy Jansons years ago after the halls of high school. She became a fashion model recognized and defined by her beauty. It was all people had noticed when they’d looked at her for years, and there was no sense in expecting them to look deeper now. The young and innocent Amy no longer existed, and mourning her loss was pointless. Erika returned to her room to get ready for bed. Hopefully, this shoot would finish quickly and she could move on, back to the life she’d carefully cultivated. Even if it was a little lonely sometimes.
Through Love's Eyes Page 3
